I wake up so I can sleep with you @thepansexualphenomenon - Tumblr Blog

“Do dishes” and “take out trash” both require the use of a spell slot, vs “use phone” is a cantrip, and brother, I am a level one wizard

spicymochi

choose your fav puppy

dogpuppy

theconcealedweapon

"LGBT people are sinners and need to repent or God will send them to hell where they'll burn for all of eternity."

So, what you're saying is that God is an evil dictator and hell is the concentration camp where he tortures his undesirables? What you're saying is that if you imagine the evilest dictator that can possibly exist, God is eviler?

Well, history has shown over and over again that when you try to appease an evil dictator by obeying their every command in hopes that they'll spare you, it only emboldens them and you suffer along with the rest of the undesirables. If an evil dictator sees you as lesser than them, they'll still see you as lesser no matter how much you try to win their approval and no matter how much you do their dirty work for them.

Instead of imagining an evil dictator who likes torturing people, guessing at how to lick his boots, and hoping you're one of the people he spares when all the evidence in the world shows that he's going to torture you anyway, wouldn't it be better to just enjoy life and allow others to enjoy theirs? Then, if there actually is an evil dictator who tortures you for not obeying him, you can just join whatever uprising there is. When a very large number of people are being tortured by the evilest dictator imaginable and they have nothing to lose, surely there'd have to be an uprising.

pronouncingitwang

at some point in your life you will be boiling fruit, water, sugar, and lemon juice in a pot to make a syrup or jam. the instructions will tell you to simmer for a certain amt of time. your timer will go off and you will look at the pot and go, "hm, this doesn't look thick enough. maybe i'll let it go for another 10 minutes." this is the devil speaking. it's only so liquid right now because it is at boiling point. it will thicken when it cools down. learn from the follies of my youth and do not let this happen to you

yokowan

at some point in your life you will be making a sauce or a stew in which you need to add cornstarch to thicken it. and you will prepare a slurry of starch in cold water and think "this looks like way too little starch to thicken this amount of liquid." this is the devil speaking. cornstarch instantly polymerizes at 95°C and if you add too much it will turn into an impossibly thick goop.

le-jardin-inculte

at some point in your life you will be making some sort of cream based dessert that requires gelatin to thicken it. and you will soak some gelatin sheets in water and think "this is too few gelatin sheets for this amount of cream." this is the devil speaking. it will thicken in the fridge and if you add too much you will end up with milk jelly

shithowdy

at some point in your life you will be baking cookies. you will take the sheet out after twelve minutes as the recipe instructs and the cookies will still be glistening and soft. "these don't seem cooked enough," you will think to yourself, "i should place them back into the oven until their edges are nice and golden." this is the devil talking. this is how you get dry, overdone cookies. the cookies will continue to bake on the warm sheet for several more minutes and then harden up after sitting on a rack for a while. trust the process. trust the process.

whitachi

at some point in your life you will be adding a small pasta to a soup and you will think "that is not enough small pasta." this is the devil talking. the pasta will absorb the stock and expand. this is how you end up with a soup that is a solid mass of soggy ditalini.

araceil

At some point in your life you will be adding garlic to a dish and you will think "that is not enough garlic." These are angels speaking. They are correct. Add more garlic.

dogpuppy

depsidase

murdershegoat

i’d like to draw everyone’s attention to this portrait of a dog that’s in bella swans bedroom

kvitoya-deactivated20210415

i’d like to remind everyone that this dog portrait also appears in the music video for chandelier

twilightisgaynow

assignedmale

15 July 1944

depsidase

dubiousculturalartifact

The new Odyssey adaptation has inevitably gotten people talking about a Muppet version of it, and they’re frequently suggesting Kermit as Odysseus, Miss Piggy as Penelope.

I’m sorry but that’s thinking way too small, hear me out:

We need to have Miss Piggy as Odysseus, and Kermit as Penelope.

Think about it… who’s the more fickle, prideful, warlike one in that relationship? Who is absolutely ready to go ham, at a moment’s notice?

It ain’t Kermit

tariah23

Seated

Stuff like this always makes me remember how sensationalized the “hide your kids, hide your wife” video was, also known as the “bedroom intruder meme” 🗿.

The guy was clearly one of the earliest memes of a black person expressing frustration publicly (it was a news report of the man explaining how he’d run off a predator trying to rape his sister by the way) but in a “funny way” (the way that nbs and whites find entertaining at least because they don’t see black trauma as something that should be given grace, and shown empathy right from the very start over their own intial enjoyment because that’s no fun), and something like this became a huge joke. Like, this meme was literally everywhere in the early 2000’s, and I think people forgot that his sister was almost raped 🧍🏾‍♀️…………………………..!

tariah23

Forgot to mention just in case people start acting stupid oh this post if it randomly blows up (I’m not popular here so I might be free 🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀) but the bedroom intruder meme was turned into music, merch, the brother was even on tv shows, and tbh, I personally never cared if poor black folks decide to capitalize off of a meme that made them viral to change their situation. It’s better they get something out of it because whites and nbs are laughing anyway, while making their money off of black trauma. That’s how it always is with these memes. It’s awful.