tired of being the one always waiting. tired of being the one made to feel stupid, when in truth, the stupidity was all around. ignorance. fucking money thrown around to distract as a substitute for love.
i love you so much i’ll spend xxxx on you !
when, though it is thousands for me, is dollars to you.
so i get a false sense of love. when was the last time you actually did anything for the relationship ? I can remember mine. When I planned our trip to San Francisco together. I wanted you to meet my grandfather.
But yours? Let’s think..... Probably my birthday, last year ? 10 months ago? Because as far as I can tell, I’ve been bending over backwards for you ever since. Meeting your kids, entertaining your kids, planning our trips, seducing you regularly, writing you letters, figuring out thoughtful gifts. The last trip you planned was my birthday, last year. And it wasn’t even much of a plan. You advertised to me so much more than you were willing to deliver.
And yes, I get it, I’m not your wife who bore two children for you. Of course I’m not going to get the K-Pop star treatment. But..... I mean for our first ? Just booking a restaurant ? I know it’s fancy, but I’d love to hear some nice words, rather than you telling me about the bartender you know and constantly checking your phone.
I let it all slide. Because I knew that you had a demanding job and kids. And who wouldn’t love a father who put his kids first?
But what if you’re never first. You’re not even second. Or third. Or fourth. Or maybe even fifth. When you dedicate your life to someone who considers you fifth priority in a “who to save in a fire” situation, it’s not crazy to feel.... Unenthusiastic. You understand..... But goddamn what are you supposed to do? It’s so uneven, yet the money plays a role ? I’m sick of feeling guilty and weird about the money. I don’t know how else to say it.
