He listened, for all that he wanted to interrupt her. He knew how to love. It wasn’t broken. It was just… it had been put away for a long time. Love could be wrathful, dangerous. “‘For God so loved the world that he sent his one begotten son…’ to be tortured and hung from a cross and then thrown in a cave. Maybe love by your definition is just as wrathful.” And Lucifer was afraid. Hell had enough pain. Humanity was supposed to bring beauty back to his grey life. He was supposed to escape the cynicism of being a torturer and punisher of the nastiest and blackest sins. He had needed to find the good in humanity here. He didn’t want to hurt. Lucifer was so tired of that.
“He didn’t leave. Teddy left!” So much for Redacted. “He went off to some bloody vacuum in the sky to be something else. Billy moved on. He was supposed to have moved on to me. But Inbred Space Cockblock was never supposed to come back. When I met Billy, he had a picture from an engagement shoot on his bloody corkboard. He still loved Teddy when I met him. So you’re telling me that he has enough love to love this other man and me at the same time? I never thought i would so vehemently reject polyamory, but Billy makes me absolutely fucking mad.” His hands pressed into his hair. “If Teddy hadn’t left, they’d be married. Who knows, maybe they’d have a” gag “child.” Something Lucifer could never have and didn’t want. Aside from Eva, infants were disgusting little beasts and he would never be a good father. Not with his role model.
Her question drew a bitter scoff from him as he sat back, resting his ankle on his knee. He didn’t answer, but his brow knitted together and he pressed his knuckle against his mouth. “Wouldn’t you?” He asked after a moment? “You left LA because of me, didn’t you? Because of everything I put you through by proxy. People die around me. Demons thrive around me, I’m the root of most people in the Western World’s perception of evil, I tortured for billions of years, and I only own one bloody t-shirt!” He set his jaw hard, looking away again. “I don’t know how to love anymore even thought I’m an Angel,” he finished quietly. “I’m so much demon that it bites at my stomach, and it could always get worse.”
Giving another scoff, this one sad, he finished, “I’d leave me.”
“Lucifer, I know I’m just a mortal, but I think I know quite a lot about love. Love an inspire wrath and, going by my biblical knowledge, God’s love isn’t free.” she paused a moment, “Not, unconditional. He had a man go to sacrifice his son to prove he was loved. That isn’t something I would consider love. That’s a somewhat twisted form of worship. Love as most people try and understand it, means you put another person’s needs above your own because you care about their wellbeing more than yours.” Crazy as it was to think she’d have several things to say to God if he ever graced her door, about love and about parenting.
She really hoped he never turned up. Talk about asking for a smiting.
“So his name’s Teddy.” That worked well, “Remember, Lucifer, different kinds of love. I still love Reese in some way but I’d have nothing good to say to him and I wouldn’t want to be with him. “Teddy chose to leave. He understood what, who, he was giving up to do so and he still made that choice, maybe with Billy’s blessing, maybe without but he made the choice. From the sounds of things Billy struggled to move but then, he found you.” she gestured at him, “Is that picture still on his chalkboard?” she asked. Linda couldn’t help but snort softly, “It still gets me how many sects, movies and texts go on about the Devil wanting a child when you seem so against them.” But she quickly became serious once more, “That doesn’t matter. He did leave. Dwelling on ‘what-ifs’ is never a good thing. In fact, if you dwell on this so negatively, Lucifer, I can all but guarantee Billy will struggle.”
“I left LA because your dear Momma gutted and burned me to a crisp.” she informed him primly, “I needed a change of space, not people, we still kept in touch. And here we are now.” And her life was still just as mad as it had been back then. “I never blamed you for what your mother did, Lucifer. You do know that? You’re my friend, I want to be in your life knowing everything about you that I do. Billy knows as much or if not more than me and he still also wants you in his life. Maybe you think you don’t know how to love but I think differently.” she smiled at him, “Do you remember, after your mother left, when you came to visit me in hospital? Do you remember what you said? What you did?” She did. And she’d never forget it.
“Well you’re not dating you. So that’s not your call to make. In fact, you’re making calls you don’t have a right to right now. By deciding Billy’s going to leave you you’re already pushing him away. You’re taking his choice away. Doesn’t he deserve a chance to prove that he loves you?”