I’m in the mood for philosophy and associations today. And you thought I’m just making gifs? Nah, I’m a pretentious fucker who loves adding the subtext and layers of meaning to everything.
Ressler is always pictured as someone who is essentially good, and whose strength comes from resisting the temptations.
“And lead us not to temptation but deliver us from evil…”
fits pre-Reddington Ress, and, well, Ress in general. Since that AA meeting in a church, I’ve headcanoned Ress as a strong believer in God (he never actually openly mentions it, so as I see it, his faith is a personal matter to him which is something I also relate to).
Ressler’s relationships with Reddington and Henry/Mitchell are two turning points at which Ressler has been broken and reborn again to navigate through the gray world he’s living in.
Oh! So lovely, and so true! I love Ress as Christian, it just suits him so well, something he can hold onto when he becomes a little shaken at the foundation.
I offer you my 2,300+ worded thoughts on the matter with episodes included. There's going to be lots and lots of talk about abuse so you're going to want to steer clear of that if that's something you're not cool with but for those of you interested... I give you all the proof I could think of:
Natural Born Killer.
In the eighth episode of the first season, “Natural Born Killer”, we meet Vincent Perrotta. His father was abusive but from the outside looking in, no one knew a thing. Perrotta started drinking at fourteen and committed petty crimes, as well as assault, for pleasure. Going as far as to kill his own father not too long after. But Perrotta is a monster and a psychopath so it’s clear we’re not supposed to sympathize which makes his interaction with Hotch so peculiar.
Hotch is our “Captain America”. A true neutral with an infinity for doing what’s right so it’s inconceivable to compare him to Perrotta and yet Hotch gives us some rather conflicting lines to dissect.
Before Gideon hands the interview over to Hotch, he spends a moment talking with the others out in the bullpen. The whole time he’s leaned back and he’s watching Morgan and Hotch. Now, at this point, we don’t know about the sexual abuse Derek Morgan faced at the hands of Carl Buford but there’s something about the way that Gideon spends the entirety of the conversation only looking at the two of them. Waiting for them to put together what he clearly already has and when Hotch does…
Hotch jumps straight into Perrotta’s profile, asking: “You grew up in a house that looked normal and happy, didn’t you Vincent?”, “But your father beat you every chance he got”
Perrotta excuses it with a shrug, “he smacked me around some, didn’t everybody’s old man?”
Abuse is a complicated thing and, often, abused children just don’t know what their parents are doing to them is abuse. It can be a subtle and outright thing but there’s an element of normalcy to it. The parent’s abuse is as habitual, as minimal as biting your nails to the child. Adults often can’t identify their parent’s past abuse.
With Hotch you learn that his lack of expression is often as telling as his expressions and as Hotch looks back at Perrotta, there’s something so sad about his eyes. His voice goes from loud, assertive to his whispered answer to Perrotta’s question. “No.” As if, well, maybe that’s a question he’d raised once too.
Perrotta doesn’t care about that though and he taunts “well, maybe if yours had you would have learned to fight”. But is it not more telling that Hotch didn’t make a sound? Perrotta got in several hits and the only sound Hotch made was when the wind was literally punched out of him. Not even when Gideon called to him and at that point, Perrotta did not the garrote around Hotch’s throat. That’s another thing mentioned before in the profile and something Hotch mentions to Perrotta directly. You learn to take the beatings, smile even. So, it’s just a little odd how little Hotch responded…
But that’s all nothing, you can take that how you want
Which leads us to the fateful, not everyone comment.
"You were just responding to what you learned, Vincent. When you grow up in an environment like that, an extremely abusive and violent household... it's not surprising that some people grow up to become killers"
That can’t mean NOTHING, there’s so much there but there’s something about Hotch’s subtle wording. The way he’s unconsciously slipped himself in there (a very real thing that people do) and he hasn’t even realized it. Doesn’t even know he’s done it until Perrotta pushes and he pauses, asks what Perrotta means. And the subtly of it, the way he doesn’t even mean to that says more than anything else.
“And some people grow up to catch them.”
It’s a super-specific comment to make. He can’t possibly be talking about Derek because he doesn’t even know about Carl Buford yet not to mention saying that about him would be incredibly rude if he were talking about Reid (and again, he doesn’t know about Reid’s childhood yet). So… that really only leaves him because JJ, Garcia, and Elle were not abused.
“P911”
In season two, episode two “P911” the team is hunting down a man trying to sell a young boy, Peter, on the black market. Kevin Rose is an underage boy “selling” himself on the internet while his abusive father has been in prison. I’ll let you just guess who it is that leads the team on finding out more about Kevin.
Your guess is more than likely right-- Morgan and Hotch. Now, we know about Morgan but come on. Nothing to say about it being Hotch who makes the emotional appeal?
The camera even follows his gaze, he’s crouched down (to appear non-threatening because he’s so close) and we watch his eyes take in the scars on Kevin’s chest. You can also note that while Gideon remarks that Kevin’s father was “always drunk, you never knew why he was hurting you, why he was so angry” both Kevin and Hotch look away from him.
AND FUCKING TRY AND TELL ME THE “some grow up to catch them” LINE WAS NOTHING TRY BECAUSE GUESS WHAT GIDEON SAYS? NO, NO GUESS--
Gideon: “At night you’d cry yourself to sleep hoping someone would come and save you”
And it’s HOTCH, HOTCH IS THE ONE TO SAY: “You have the chance to be the one who saves someone, Kevin. You can be the one who answers him, the one who stops his pain.”
PARALLELS PEOPLE THE PARALLELS
“Profiler, Profiled”
I bet you weren’t expecting this one, huh? But there’s something about people who faced trauma that makes it so perceptible to other traumatized people-- they sniff it out like coke to a drug hound. And, just guess, who it is that spends the majority of his time fighting with Morgan? Who knows (like I said about the bloodhound) immediately there is something Morgan’s hiding.
Hotch is angry, he’s upset that Morgan would hide anything. Mumbling about there being “larger implications” and how the team can’t have secrets. With the knowledge of exactly what that secret is it makes Gideon’s eye roll a little telling. Because it’s like they both know but neither will say. Driven home by Gideon turning the attention to Hotch, asking “would you want us profiling you?”
And again Hotch is the one to leap onto the abuse. The one to put the pieces together. Hotch’s anger makes no sense. He says he’s angry that Derek’s keeping a secret but the team has many, way too many. Over the years the team unwraps all kinds of secrets, he’s never angry then. So, it’s not about the implication of a secret at all. It’s what the secret is, like misplaced anger. Anger with himself may be leftover from his own abuse. But still…
Hotch lets Morgan escape. Knows exactly who and what Carl Buford is but all he tells the team is that “he won’t even speak about him”. He always knows how to find the abuse… like I said, a bloodhound.
George Foyet
I know you’re going to find this so fucking surprising but guess who also was abused? George Foyet was beaten by his biological father and his mother didn’t save him so he hates women (bleh, men are disgusting what’s knew).
Now, blah, blah, blah Hannah, I know you’re not about to say Foyet and Hotch are a lot alike-- no of course not. Don’t be silly. What I’m going to say is that they’re foil characters? They accent one another in an opposites sort of way. Foyet is a manipulative narcissist who doesn’t work well with others. Hotch is a guilt-ridden team leader who can’t let The Reaper’s case go. There are meant to be comparisons drawn between them. A good villain does that. George Foyet shows us that Hotch is not at all this removed, cool guy that we’ve previously assumed him to be. He cries in an alley because he blames himself when The Reaper kills a busload of people.
We see he has a rather compulsive nature. He never let The Reaper case go and has very personal ties in this case. Not even after Foyet attacks him, if anything it’s worse. He brings the case file home.
But it’s certainly interesting to see yet another “villain” with that same tragic abusive father and submissive mother come into play with Hotch. We’re nearing a point where it’s getting hard to call it coincidence (and according to David Rossi, there simply is not such thing).
Haunted.
In the second episode of the fifth season, “Haunted”, Hotch voice’s over a Dickinson quote: “One need not be a chamber to be haunted, One need not be a house; The brain has corridors surpassing. Material place.” These quotes are often cheesy, if not a little cliché, but given the premise of this episode is in exploring the ways in which a man’s traumatic childhood has left him now grappling for a truth he can not define… well, maybe we can say the writers were onto something here.
Darrin Call, debatably the Unsub of “Haunted”, was abused by an alcoholic father. We see several signs of it throughout the episode-- Darrin’s delayed speech & severe neglect that leaves Darrin in dirty, hole-riddled clothing. If what we see is not enough, the reports that the team is given on Darrin explicitly state that he was extremely physically abused. It is this abuse that leads to the PTSD that he’s diagnosed with.
As sad and disheartening as Darrin Call’s life is, overall it’s the sort of episode that is forgotten over time. When it’s placed right after the episode that viewers have to watch Hotch say goodbye to Haley and Jack then, who is Darrin Call when compared to the agony of watching Hotch show genuine weakness? After watching Hotch lay in a hospital bed, tears in his eyes wondering if his son will remember him? His fears become our own and after watching George Foyet disarm and mutilate the one guy we’ve been led to believe for five seasons is infallibly, unflinchingly never going to break… well, Darrin Call has it bad but our focus is elsewhere.
It’s on Hotch, right?
The guy who is coming back to the job after only a month (and a day) off to recover. Who Morgan worries might have PTSD but he knows they can’t easily measure because Hotch wrote the questionnaire, he knows all the right answers. Who we see has had new locks installed since the attack and has Foyet’s file sitting open on a table for easy access. Who hears Darrin Call’s life (worked the same job without promotion for years before getting fired, no wife, no kids, a hermit) and bluntly asks why Darrin hasn’t just killed himself.
And let’s just take a moment to break down that comment. Hotch, who in the episode previously lost his wife and child, wants to know why a man who is steadily starting to sound a lot like him hasn’t just killed himself.
And I don’t say “sounds a lot like him” lightly.
Darrin Call has PTSD. Hotch, more than likely, has PTSD
Here are some signs just from that episode: hostility (he yelled at Garcia over something very small), self-destructive behavior (he ran into Darrin Call’s father’s house without a vest, back-up, or telling the other’s what he was doing), and guilt (blamed himself for missing the eye twitching Darrin exhibited because of his years of antipsychotic use)
Darrin Call was abused… this marks the second HEAVILY implied time that Hotch has been compared to another man abused by his father
Vincent Perrotta was the first with that hard to forget the exchange
George Foyet and his notably exactly the same past as Perrotta
“Haunted” feels like it’s supposed to prove to the audience that Hotch is losing it. He distances himself from Morgan, leaving every room that Morgan is in. He doesn’t pick up Garcia’s calls after Darrin Call attacks his therapist. The only glimpse we see of the old Hotch is with Emily, pulled to the side, but his guilt burns and he even brushes her off. Shaking his head and turning his back to her because somehow he should have seen something no one else did.
Throw in Reid’s comment about Call “victims are often drawn to the scene of their first trauma” and we’re painfully reminded of Hotch’s apartment. A place you’d think he’d want to escape but didn’t. The man was stabbed nine times in his own apartment and stayed in that same place. Almost sounds like that statement could be applied to Hotch too.
A dash of Hotch’s own comment about where Call would go to in his confusion and he says “to what he knows”, even the importance of how that orphanage is “where he became Darrin Call”. Where does Hotch go? What does Hotch know? The job.
So… we tally now three total Unsubs that Hotch has this direct relationship with. Three Unsubs with abusive fathers and mothers who couldn’t protect them. Hmm… coincidence?
Brothers Hotchner
Supervisor Special Agent Hotchner is a master of hiding, that is undeniable. It’s hard to see anything behind those furrowed brows and impersonal suits and that’s likely for a reason. However, anyone with a little sibling can tell you that no one on this Earth can and will annoy the ever-loving shit out of you like a sibling.
But that’s not really important. Sean and Hotch don’t talk about their parents. At all. Ever.
Hotch says that when Sean was in the first grade he got sent off to boarding school. “I was the screw-up making bad choices”. Interesting enough of a statement to make but you throw in the rough ages of Sean and Hotch at that time and it’s a little more than just “interesting”. You have Hotch at roughly 14-15 getting into trouble just like Morgan did at that same age (coincidence???).
(now you can certainly look at Hotch’s parentification vs. Sean’s immaturity doubled with substance abuse problems but we’d be stretching. “The Tribe” touches on the parentification but Sean just calls it “the big brother” thing and tells Hotch that he’s not Sean’s father and it’s fine it’s whatever. Hotch is a bit pushy. That’s not new. Substance abuse can just be a problem, it doesn’t have to be bc they were abused but again… a little coincidental)
So... was Aaron Hotchner abused as a child? I certainly think so
AN I absolutely took inspiration from @skiesfallithurts for this idea of being drawn to each other through darkness instead of shared interests. Thank you for always being an inspiration!
This story is a sequel to “Worth more than that”
Couldn’t get the idea out of my head, so I hope you all enjoy!
Also, it’s very rough - not beta’d
___
He understands their relationship better now.
It is woven from misery, their broken, fractured parts slotting together to make a twisted jigsaw. They have so little in common. He cannot bond over philosophy, and Red has no interest in WWI tactics. But their chains tighten from their shared darkness, dipping them into something akin to affection. They both understand loss, and the perpetual push to stay above the enticement of corruption looming around them like a stalking panther.
He settles. It’s the best way to describe it. He accepts his role in Red’s life, and somehow, he makes peace with it. He is there for sex and comfort, some part of him takes a bit of pride in that – that Red sought him out and no one else. Somehow, he at least matters.
And there is nothing better than to be pushed down, held there and taken apart over and over again. In the dim light of their room, he sometimes thinks he can make out Red’s emotions flickering behind guarded eyes.
Just enough to convince him that Red gains something from this. It’s enough.
Ten o’clock on a Thursday he makes his way to Red’s new apartment. He’d been out of town for a few days and he’s now eager to be with Red. It’s the correct time (anytime between 8-12) and day, so he has every right to visit.
He slots the key into the door and walks in. Part of him still hanging in shock over the small personal gift only a few weeks ago. But he has it, and this would mark only the second time he’s used the key.
They spot him before he sees them - scrambling up from the sofa where they were entwined. It’s not impossible to guess at what they were doing. Her lipstick is staining Red’s mouth, his collar is askew, a beautiful flush still painted across his cheeks.
“Donald,” Red sounds fine, he always sounds fine, but Donald can easily spot the nervous tick in his curled hand, and a smile that seems a little too bright, “I thought you’d only be back on Sunday.”
Behind Red the lady is righting her skirt, looking all the world a little drunk, possibly high. But she is gorgeous. All legs and raven blond hair with eyes as green as Donald’s.
“This is Mia,” Red keeps talking, but the tension is fading, as it always does, he’s never nervous for very long, “She agreed to dine with me tonight.”
“Hello!” she says, clearly high, not drunk. Red never uses drugs on Donald, it’s one of the few rules Donald has.
Donald nods along, feeling his sea of calm slowly consumed by the storm. “Pleased to meet you,” he walks over and Mia holds out her hand to shake, but he instead grabs her arm, “I’m Donald, Red’s usual fuck toy –“ he drags her to the door, her protests completely ignored “I’ll take it from here, now get out!” she barely has time to grab her purse before the door is slammed in her face.
When he turns back it is to the gratifying sight of a completely shocked Red. Donald walks closer and this seems to pull Red back onto his footing, “That really isn’t the way to –“
Donald kisses him hard. Pushing him back and back until they hit the wall. Red grips his shoulders, completely floored by the intense passion. Donald can taste her on his mouth and skin, it angers him, pushes him over that lip into violence. He slams both of Red’s hands above his head biting and sucking on his neck, forcing wonderful sounds out of him.
“So,” Red says, voice thick with lust, “You’re my fuck toy?”
Fuck, he thinks even as he bites Red hard causing him to jump, I’m not going to live that one down – at the same time, he’s not sure he wants to. Donald opts not to answer and grinds into Red, wishing to abolish that damned scent of perfume.
Red arcs into him, “Donald, bedroom.”
With a final nip he pulls back, and drags Red to the bedroom.
_____
Later, completely sated and contented, they lie curled up next to each other. Donald with his head on Red’s chest and Red running his fingers through his hair. They hadn’t had such intense sex in a while. Donald doubts he’ll be able to walk properly tomorrow.
“I shall have to make a note to procure an exotic woman every once in a while,” Red whispers into the cool darkness, “If this is the end result.”
Donald doesn’t answer, but he frowns in the dark, feeling the bite of jealousy clamp down on him.
Red’s fingers still, “Only to entice you, Donald.” A light kiss is pressed into his hair and Donald relaxes under him completely. “You are after all, my fuck toy.”
Donald rolls his eyes, and tries not to examine the thrill that statements sends down his spine. Glancing at the blinking clock, he sighs softly. “I should get going,” he says, “It’s past midnight.”
But Red doesn’t let go, just continues to stroke his hair, keeping him wrapped up close to his chest. Donald breathes slowly, and finally falls asleep.
I think another problem with the mindset of kudos/comments on AO3 is part of the “stalking” culture on instagram. If you like a picture that is months old on instagram, its “insta-stalking” because you had to scroll through that person’s profile in order to find those months-old pictures.
That is NOT how AO3 works. It’s not cringe or embarrassing to find a fic that was posted in 2012 and like it. It is there to read.
Sure, maybe some of us have some old works that aren’t up to our current standards of writing. But I, personally, am never going to look at a kudos email and think “ew omg I can’t believe someone found this fic from 2016 why are they liking it”. In fact, I am entirely going to go “nice! people are still reading some of my older works too, I’m glad they enjoyed it”. It’s an archive, it is meant to be a collection of transformative works, old and new, and you are meant to find them.
In fact, if you find a work that is from five years ago and you really liked it? I bet the author would love a comment even then.
The Fanfiction culture can be so bizarre sometimes. On the one hand they are desperate for validation, on the other they are specific on the type of validation they would like:
“Thou shalt give me comments that shall be longer than 10 words in length!”
“Thou shalt give comments only on my newest tales I have written!”
“Thou shalt not leave a word of negativity upon the stories I enjoyed writing!”
“Thou shalt not tell me what I have doneth wrong!’
“Thou shalt leaves kudos! On my newest stories, older stories and all my stories even if thou did not like it or else I shall call thou a man of the hateness!”
