The Naked Gardener

Be real in your life. Be authentic. Be naked in everything you do, and everything you are.

[therealnakedgardener]

Is it really Distance Learning that’s failing your children?

Everyday there’s new stories about how Distance Learning is failing, and how kids are missing out on so much, and how our children are going to be psychologically crippled forever because they can’t be at recess with their friends. I would like to help change the narrative on this, if I may. 

Shouting from the rooftops, and any media source willing to broadcast or publish your opinion (yes, I get the irony here) about how “distance learning is failing” only creates a narrative that schools are failing our children; that teachers are failing your children. And I am pleading for this to stop! Distance learning is not what is failing your children right now – poor management of an out of control pandemic is what has created the situation that is failing your children right now. Unfortunately, when this pandemic was approached as political agenda issue – instead of a sneaky, resilient, always-looking-for-it’s-next-host virus – the institutions your tax dollars pay for (like schools, medicare, emergency services, etc) were maxed out immediately. This is why March 13, 2020 will stand out as a “where were you” moment for generations to come; because for many of us it marked the end of a “normal” we may never see again.

On March 13, I was in my office at the local high school, working furiously and desperately with the other counselors to make a plan. We had until 3pm on Friday the 13th to take what we thought we might need for the next few weeks (which is what we all imagined quarantine would be at the time.) Yes, there was some sitting and staring, “What will I need? What should I bring with me to work from home?” We grabbed files from our drawers, forms that we might need, we downloaded a bunch of files from our hard drives, grabbed brochures for community resources, and crisis resource information. We created shared drives and converted hard copies of forms to digital formats we could access from home. We took handouts and materials related to our seniors who were already behind in credit and working double time to graduate on time. In short, there was a lot to process. Everyone did the best they could with the information we were given. School districts all over the State, and later – in the entire nation, were building a band-aid to bridge the gap from March 13 to late April….as that was the initial announcement.

But then the information changed. We weren’t returning end of April, and would continue Distance Learning for the remainder of the 2020 school year. Graduation Ceremony? No one knows. Mind you, the life of a high school counselor from the months of April-June include regular phone calls from parents who have kids who “might not make it” for various reasons – usually related to it just not being a priority for the student. Parents want to know if they should plan graduation parties, or if they should be planning to fly grandma in – and she doesn’t travel well. They want a guarantee from me before they invest time and money into a celebration. And if you are asking yourself “No way, do parents really call and ask that?” I would say what we always say in this business, “You can’t make this shit up.” Which should also explain why the latest, and most persistent, slogan of the pandemic is that “Distance Learning is failing your children.” 

Fast forward to July, and we are experiencing a second wave of Rona – she’s surging from 4th of July weekend and summer vacations with friends and family. Because we’re entitled Americans and you can’t tell us “No BBQs on the 4th of July” – hell, this is what makes us Americans, right? Lots of beer, fireworks, and 911 calls…which, again, overtaxes a system that is already maxed out (as stated above.) But it was the height of summer – and people were tired of being in quarantine for 5 months. I am not saying I agree, or was partaking in anything other “we need to go to the store” – just replaying the facts. 

Thus, schools had to scramble to put together Distance Learning 2.0 for the Fall. The expectation was that it would be less of the band-aid that was built in the Spring, and more of a comprehensive digital platform. Mind you there was no extra funding for this, and districts had to make tough decisions – like using money from transportation or food services, since those departments were not as active during the school closures. Our district chose a 3 period day, as a response to the “too many emails” and “too much to manage remotely” concerns from our community. All totally legit – I believe our district has the best plan around, and I don’t get paid to say that. I truly believe it. 

Again, as high school counselors, we had to answer questions like “how do we make this work for students?” For example, for those who don’t know, Advanced Placement (AP) courses have testing in May. And since periods 4-6 didn’t start until Feb 2, we needed to offer all of our AP courses in periods 1-3 – which happens Sept-Jan.  This means students could only take 3 AP courses this year. And yes, three college level classes for a high school student may sound like more than enough, but you’d be surprised. I could bore you with more details, and the play-by-play of difficult conversations and impossible decisions, but just know that trying to figure how and when to offer classes for the children was like riding a rollercoaster that never stops. And yes, twists, turns, upside down, makes you want to puke…all of it. But we got there. And the school year began! 

Then news reports and articles about how Distance Learning is failing our students began to appear. And it makes my heart ache for the teachers who spent their summer break watching webinars and instructional videos so that they were familiar with the various digital formats our district selected. Teachers, who are running on fumes – because no one ever stopped working after March 13 happened. No one has had the opportunity to totally unplug, or make the incessant thoughts about how we can do better stop from keeping us awake at night. Teachers just have to keep….teaching. They create lessons for both synchronous and asynchronous learning, they stretch out of comfort zones to be fun and exciting on camera. They sacrifice time with their family – because work/home lines are so blurred right now, and it’s too easy to get tunnel vision. Especially when all you hear on the news is how Distance Learning is failing our children. 

So they work harder. Districts tell principals there needs to be more accountability as to how teachers are spending their time. Did you know that if a teacher wants to give a student an F, they have to fill out a packet of paperwork – documenting “multiple and varied attempts” to contact the student and parent. And then they have to collect ALL the work the student chose to not do, and put it in a file – so that the student has the opportunity to make the work up later, and replace their F with a passing grade. If the voice in your head is saying “wait, if a kid fails, don’t they just get an F and have to make it up in summer school?” Thirty years ago, yes. Today? No way. In today’s world of litigious parents, high stakes testing, and accountability to the federal government which is linked to funding – things have changed a smidge. So, as the proverbial poop rolls downhill, teachers get squeezed more and more. Do more. Help more. Be more. 

Has anyone read statistics about how many children are participating in remote learning? Consider that in a school setting, they are a captive audience and “have to be there.” And yes, they are more likely to engage when the socially acceptable thing to do is attend class when the bell rings. And, for the most part, pay attention. Maybe learn something. Maybe even participate and turn stuff in! But at home, when your existence is a picture of your face in a box, that motivation and structure isn’t there automatically. 

Distance Learning has required that students want to learn. They now get to make a choice each day to login, or play video games. Imagine you’re fifteen years old, and your parents went to work for the day, what would you choose? Or imagine you’re ten years old, and your parents are out of work – and the climate at home isn’t great. Everyone is having to pitch in more, or maybe the arguing has turned to fighting, or worse. How important is it to login for class? 

More and more teachers are reporting that, even when students do login for class – they block video. So all of these “fun and exciting” lessons they have prepared, and summoned the courage to do on camera from an empty classroom at school, is done to a screen of avatars instead of live humans. Anecdotal reports indicate that “turning your camera on isn’t cool.” Which makes it even harder on teachers, who are working harder than they ever have in their careers. School employees are living in a world where we are working double-time with all of the parts of the job that are impersonal, and not fun; and the part that makes this job worth doing – the student interaction, and the amusing randomness of a school day – doesn’t really exist right now. 

So is it really Distance Learning that isn’t working? Maybe. Or maybe it’s just the most convenient way to measure how bad things have gotten since March 13. Perhaps it’s easier to make education the scapegoat when people have to make sacrifices and forgo holidays with extended family and friends, or listen to their children complain about missing out on “everything.”  This is the United States of America, and outside these borders, we’re known for our entitlement – it’s kind of our thing. But inside the borders, instead of acknowledging an inherent entitlement that is part of the fabric of American culture, we’ll just say Distance Learning is failing our children. 

[therealnakedgardener]

Remaining Mindful Amidst Chaos

After a week of glorious staycation, and intentional self care, I am now sitting and feeling the first sprinkles of confetti as the pity party threatens to begin. Tomorrow promises large doses of reality – and I can’t even fathom having to deal with that. What would mindfulness think of pity parties? Given that pity parties celebrate what has happened already, or what will surely happen next, I’m thinking that mindfulness has nothing to do with them. Because it’s all about living in the here and now.

We are in the here and now, EVERY MOMENT, so how hard would it be to NOT find an opportunity to practice some mindfulness? My staycations are usually about practicing self-care (in addition to the many cooking, cleaning and outside chores that have piled up) and I like to seize the opportunity to be more kind to myself. Workout more often, and for twice as long; take time to cook fabulous food; go for more walks and breathe in the fresh air. These are the things that rejuvenate my soul.

But how do we keep the healthy and mindful rhythms of vacation humming after we return to work? I don’t know about you, but it usually only takes a day or two before my vacation is nothing but a distant memory; and suddenly I’m back at the grind, knee deep in the drama, trauma and incessant needs of my daily work life as a counselor. Wouldn’t it be great to be able to take that magical and peaceful hum back to work with you – and actually keep it going? Well, by practicing mindfulness you can. But, like any life change, we have to recommit everyday.

Research tells us it takes about thirty days to start a new habit or routine. Imagine your life as a timeline, each point marking a day of your life. How many days would that be so far? How many days are left, as long as things go well (it’s okay to guess here – dream big!) Now ask yourself how much thirty days REALLY is in the grand scheme of things? Especially if the payoff is a calm, peaceful, more mindful way of living? What if thirty days could make your life better?

Join me on the path to mindfulness today with this simple exercise. This one is for those of us who have obsessive thoughts; when the “thought hamster” is spinning his wheel in your brain – and you can’t shut it down. Next time you find yourself in an obsessive thought cycle – remind yourself that you are not your thought. First of all, thoughts are not truths – just as feelings are not facts. Right? Learning to observe your thoughts, instead of experiencing them, is the cornerstone of mindfulness. The goal is to stop evaluating the thought (i.e. obsessing, judging, analyzing, etc) and ask yourself a few questions that put your mindset into a more neutral mode; one in which you can safely observe the thought, and then let it pass. Too often we waste our energy telling ourselves to ignore our obsessive thoughts. Hands up, everyone who has ever exhausted themselves with obsessive thinking – anyone?? Well, it stops now. Or, at least, the work to stop it starts now😉

So how do we observe our thoughts? It feels weird at first. You almost have to go into a “3rd person space” in your mind. We begin observing our thoughts by considering them in a non-judgemental, neutral way. For example, I say and do stupid shit all the time. ALL. THE. TIME. And then I come home and I replay my “stupid shit” moments over and over in my head until I am JUST SURE no one likes me anymore, I am going to get fired, I need to find a new career, and on and on goes the crazy thought train. What if I were able to stop that obsessive thought cycle by acknowledging those thoughts – “Hmm, I seem to be having obsessive thoughts about not being good enough again.” By naming this observation, I can arrest the freefall into insanity and panic attack. The next thing I might do, to continue observing my thought, is take the observation deeper – “I seem to have these thoughts a lot after I say stupid shit. And then I come home and have this panic experience. But, so far, nothing bad has happened. I still have friends. I am damn good at my job. And everyone does stupid shit once in a while.” Granted, I may do it more often than the average bear😉 Running through this brief observation adds rational perspective, which results in diffusing the thought bomb. Try this strategy next time you get stuck in a downward spiral. Yes, it may feel weird at first, but keep doing it. I promise you will feel better after trying this ONE time. I am not saying you will never have an anxious or obsessive thought again, I just have faith that you will AT LEAST feel differently about your thoughts. After all, they are only thoughts. They aren’t even real! If we can remember these skills when life starts to get all “spin cycle” on us, we can remain in a more neutral mindset – despite the chaos around us. And a more neutral mindset results in peace, kinda like a vacation for your brain. How does it get better than that?

[therealnakedgardener]

Mindfulness is the Answer

Mindfulness is my new jam. I believe that being present in each moment must be the answer to everything. There is a certain sense of calmness when you can create a space for your mind to be still and silent, and breathe into the present moment. Too often we find ourselves living in the future – what’s about to happen, are we prepared for it, what if this or that. I have found that mindfulness is a great antidote to the anxious brain. Not sure what I mean by “anxious brain?” Have you ever been to a busy train station? Multiple tracks running on multiple levels, people rushing to and fro, various announcements over the loud speaker, and a cornucopia of smells – everything from coffee to curry, and exhaust to exhaustion. Even if you took away all of the noise and smells, there is still a tangible energy in the air and the chaos-in-motion as people move quickly with purpose toward their destinations. I read an article that compared the anxious mind to a busy train station; and having anxiety was like running from train to train, jumping on board and checking to be sure everyone had their tickets – and was on the right train. Living in state of frantic rushing from thought to thought, trying to keep track of everything that needs to happen, rarely getting a moment of peace? Sounds about right to me. Maybe you don’t struggle with anxiety, or maybe you just call it something else to avoid the diagnosis de jour. Either way, in any given moment we – as humans – have a lot going on. We have a ton of flashing billboards in our heads – don’t forget this, remember to do that, etc etc, ad nauseum. Ad infinitum. Knowing which ones to read first, or do first, can be enough to make you blow a fuse. Maybe set a few of those flashing billboards on fire – that’ll make them stop! Or maybe stop and try something like mindfulness; because resorting to arson and violence would be wrong😉

The article I read talked about mindfulness as a way to combat anxiety. Mindfulness is the most simple thing in the world – it’s about being aware of each moment, in the moment. A mindful person recognizes that the brain is not “driving” the thought train – the brain is merely the steering wheel. And practicing mindfulness is learning to be the one who does the steering. Mindfulness is acknowledging that we have a lot of different thoughts, instead of trying to ignore them. But it’s also about choosing which ones to pay attention to – and which ones to let pass on through. For instance, instead of jumping on board with every thought that pops into your head, instead of giving your attention to every flashing billboard in your head – just get off the train. And stand on the platform as it pulls out of the station without you. Buh-bye crazy train – see you again never! Okay, I know this is WAY easier said than done. But it’s a beautiful idea, right? Certainly one worth exploring. There are various tools and techniques to help you gain control over your busy brain – things like meditation, yoga, belly breathing, checking in with each of your senses. All of these exercises can assist you in creating a better relationship between mind and body, which can help us get back in touch with the stillness inside of us. And within that stillness, is mindfulness. Wouldn’t it be great if you could control your mind, and tell it to stop replaying all the conversations you had that day? Or what about those 3am thoughts that wake you up, or keep you awake half the night – what if you could shut that down? The power to do all that, and more, is within each of us. We just have to work hard, be intentional, and have patience. We have to be willing to put the effort in if we want to create change in our lives.

My yoga teacher always validates the forgetting we do each day, we can’t help it – he says we all have built-in forgetters inside of us. I think he’s right. But the message is when you finally remember what you forgot in the first place, just begin again. I forget to choose mindfulness all the time. And while I have faith that someday mindfulness will just be my automatic response, today I am still having to remind myself. This mostly happens at work, when a situation gets heated – and the heat of my reaction is just as intense. I still manage to get 50%-75% through a tantrum before I remember I was supposed to choose mindfulness; and that’s when I stop, take a few cleansing breaths, and imagine all of that heat and conflict being loaded onto a train, and I watch the train pull out of the station.

There’s more work to be done than creative imagery in a stressful situation. This is just what I choose, as I began my own journey toward mindfulness. For some reason, the analogy in that article resonated with me – I even laughed out loud in spite of myself because the description totally nailed it. I know that I don’t need to jump on board with every thought, assessing and evaluating, checking and filing. And I am tired of emotional responses and feeling angry all the time. I can choose something else, I can choose mindfulness. And maybe if I remember that choice often enough, it will become my natural reaction.

[therealnakedgardener]

Star Wars for the Agoraphobic...or something like that.

Today is Star Wars day, which means we are finally going to leave the house and go…well, anywhere. I’m pretty sure the last time I was in a movie theater was when the last Star Wars movie came out- and JJ Abrams became my new hero. I’m also pretty sure the last time I left my house was about a week ago, before I went on vacation, and the snow came. As I check movie times, and make my list of errands to run while we are in town, I can’t help but consider the bigger picture of a day in town. Maybe that’s just how I mentally prepare to breach our property lines and enter the larger world. For me, leaving our happy little homestead is like jumping into a fast moving river, and learning to swim in the current. But that’s neither here nor there today, because Star Wars isn’t streaming anytime soon – and it really does need to be seen on the big screen. And we do have a growing list of errands to run in town.

Star Wars may not be my religion, but one could certainly live a meaningful life by using lines from the movie as guidance. How many times have you wished someone well with a simple “May the force be with you, always”? And who hasn’t tried to wave their hand and declare “these are not the droids you are looking for” and have people leave you alone? Yoda said it best, “Do or do not. There is no try,” words to live by in any situation. Which brings me to the passage I read this morning about the need to risk, in order to have a full life.

There was a time when taking risks was like breathing. It was involuntary. My everyday behavior could have been considered “risky” but, to me, it was just my life; it was just how I rolled. Now that I am “middle aged” the choices and decisions of my 20s often seem like something out of a Tom Robbins book. Still, there are the days when I wish I could get my Sissy Hankshaw on again, and follow my whims – live life through a more short-sighted lens😉  I guess, for today, that means putting on a bra, driving my car, and spending the day running errands all over town – with the bonus of lunch and a movie. Why does that seem so hard? For me, spending an afternoon in town running errands, is like eating glass. I couldn’t tell you why, because I don’t really understand it myself. I just know I have to plan ahead, psyche myself up, and be sure there is some kind of reward when I get back. It’s nuts. And before you judge, ask yourself how you’re nutty in your own way. We all have our issues.

As I spend the morning psyching myself up to go see a movie I have been waiting ALL year to see, I came upon the following quote - -

“To try is to risk failure. But risk must be taken because the greatest hazard of life is to risk nothing. The person who risks nothing does nothing. Has nothing, is nothing. He may avoid suffering and sorrow, but he simply cannot learn, feel, change, grow, live and love.”   Leo Buscaglia

Do you think Princess Leia knew what she was doing when she lead the Rebel Forces against the Empire? No, she didn’t. She took a risk, a leap of faith, and believed in herself and the people on her team. How about Luke Skywalker? How did a whiny little bitch from Tatooine end up becoming the hero Jedi stud of the galaxy? He risked failure, that’s how. He wanted his life to be more than just learning the ways of moisture farming from his Uncle Owen. Today I will risk spending the day in the small, conservative, rural town of “We will always vote for Trump, because at least he isn’t Hillary.” Not that this needs to be a political story, but I find that statement captures the flavor, culture and propaganda of the town better than any other – hence the eating glass feeling. But, they have the movie theater and all the shops.

As I approach the ETD for risking epic failure, because I don’t want my life to be an epic hazard, I am reminded that we are also approaching the ETD for 2017 – and I think we can all agree that it’s been quite a year. I feel the natural urge to stop and take stock of my life; count my blessings and reflect on my shortcomings. And yes, one of my shortcomings is that I hate leaving the hacienda. For any reason. But I know that I want my life to be more than just feeding the dogs, watering the garden, maintaining the property and keeping my household in order. I also need my life to be a place where I can grow and change – and treat myself to the occasional movie in a real theater. As long as I can come home safely to my dogs, my land, and…maybe a piece of cake for my troubles😊

[therealnakedgardener]

Reconciliation with the self - work worth doing!

Sometimes I wonder what it’s like to learn English. We have so many words that sound alike, or are spelled alike, but have totally different meanings. We also have words that, alone, have many different meanings and nuances. Reconciliation is such a word. We’ve heard it before, we know what it means, but do we ever practice it? I was raised Catholic so, for me, reconciliation was a sacrament, a way to seek God’s forgiveness and learn to forgive others. As I grew up, and joined the working world, the word took on other meanings as I would “reconcile” my till at the end of my shift. Ultimately, we are talking about the same thing; we are talking about making something “right” or “true” again.

What about reconciliation, or forgiveness, with the self? We talk so much about forgiving others, or letting go of hurt and pain – songs have been written, movies have been made, there is an entire greeting card section for I’m Sorry. Our culture practices forgiveness as something we do for others, but what we really need to do is extend that courtesy to ourselves. Every night when your head hits the pillow, do you start reviewing all the things you didn’t do, should have done or completely forgot altogether? Do we lie awake at night berating ourselves for not being better partners, parents, siblings, employees? Reconciliation with the self needs to happen in those moments. I wonder what would happen if we started to change the message from “I can’t believe I said that?” or “How did I let that happen??” to something like, “Today I did the best I could, and I’m human, and it’s okay if I don’t get it right all the time. Tomorrow is another opportunity to try again.” Imagine the possibilities when you send yourself that message instead.

Reconcile your till. Take inventory of the baggage in your life. Do you even recognize it as baggage anymore, or has it become so familiar that you see it as part of yourself? I am guilty of saying things I shouldn’t, lashing out when I don’t mean it, and being overly defensive when someone wants to blame me for something. And when I behave this way, what follows is a deep sense of regret, self-loathing, horrible self-talk and a staggering combination of depression and anxiety. I say it’s time to trim the emotional fat, instead of hauling it around as a cross to bear. When I look at my own “stuff” that I’ve been hauling around – baggage from old relationships, emotional scabs from old wounds – I can see where most of it is just that, “stuff.” When it’s time to let it go – I draw a picture in my mind of all my baggage and scabs, tie it to a raft, and send it out to sea! This is not always easy; but it is necessary if we are to restore friendly relations with ourselves. One of the great benefits of practicing self-forgiveness is that it can help to build trust with our emotional self; making it easier to let go when life throws you a curve ball, or things don’t go your way. We start to believe the “it’s going to be okay” message.

I have been trying to be more mindful in these moments, and process the thoughts, feelings and beliefs that lead me to the place of regret and self-loathing. Usually it’s something stupid or trivial – and I have allowed my brain to run wild with ideas about what the “stupid” or “trivial” thing means. Why spend time dwelling on something that already happened, and can’t be changed, when I could be focusing my energy on how to be better next time? That feels a lot closer to forgiveness than continuing to chastise myself for a wrongdoing.

I know there are some events in life where the pain or regret feels like something that we will always carry because letting go would be asking too much of ourselves. Sometimes the hurt is too entwined with the love, and to try and separate them would mean unraveling the whole thing. I still believe forgiveness is possible in those situations, even if it takes us our whole life to get there. But instead of being able to eventually let go, we must keep remembering that we chose reconciliation over condemnation in those tougher moments. Don Henley sings about getting down to the Heart of the Matter, and learning about forgiveness; and he is so right. Morbid as it may seem, I often weigh my thoughts and decisions against how I would feel about them on my death bed. Will it matter then? Because if it won’t, then it doesn’t get to matter now. Or, at the very least, I should endeavor to try and make it matter less. Most days that’s easier said than done, but still work worth doing. As Don said, “Ah, trust and self-assurance that lead to happiness, they’re the very things we kill, I guess.” I challenge us all to trust ourselves a little bit more and, with that trust, take the risk of forgiving ourselves, and letting go. Make your life right and true again.

[therealnakedgardener]

The Age of Wisdom, and the Age of Foolishness.

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. Boy, ain't that the truth? I’m not sure I appreciated Dickens when I was in high school, but I sure am seeing shades of the darker side of history these days. He knew how to create complex characters, hard to love and hard to hate. I feel that way about most members of Congress. I have been wondering, more and more, what people will write of this time; the one we are in right now. What will future generations read in their history books about our current government? Because I can look back at the time of A Tale of Two Cities, and draw some striking parallels to what is happening today; and that was over 200 years ago. It was the rise of the French Revolution. France was like “Hey, we’re getting screwed, our government is denying us basic rights! We should revolt like the American’s did!” And for the next 10 years, the people fought to overthrow the monarchy – which represented only the wealthiest people in the country. Sounds like our last election cycle. Sure, we don’t recognize our government as a monarchy, or maybe you do. In the United States of America, our monarchy looks like “pay to play.” We may not demand royal blood in your veins, but we’re sure as hell going to demand that your stock portfolio is up to snuff. And you have enough cash flowing through your veins to wield the kind of power we need to keep this country moving forward. Think of “progress” in this sense the way the Koch brothers do; or Pharmaceuticals, the NRA, Monsanto, etc….These are the components that makeup our American Monarchy.

 Back to France - naturally, all revolutions must come to an end. This one did when Napoleon managed to crown himself the new Emperor of France. Yay!! Revolution over. And for the next 15 years he led various war efforts to conquer much of Europe. He did a lot of good things for the people along the way, like setting up banks, schools, a tax system, judicial system, art museums and the like. But he was a power monger. And eventually the people of the world got tired of him wanting to conquer everything and everyone (perhaps wanting to put his name on buildings, hotels and golf courses?) so they exiled him. Banished to a remote island. Raise your hand if you would like to exile our current leaders to a remote island – anyone? The key difference, in my humble opinion, between what happened then and what is happening now, is evolution. As a society, we have evolved the way we obtain and share information. We have become more educated than people were back in the 19th century; or, at the very least, more literate. We have the ability to stay informed of government activities in a way that was not possible back in the 1800’s.

 But we have also become complacent. The uprising happening all over our country these last few months has been nothing short of amazing. A new revolution is starting, and I think one of the very things we are revolting against is complacency. Our government has been allowed to run amuck without any oversight from the citizenry, and that’s not how democracy is supposed to work. That is why we don’t have a healthy democracy anymore – if we ever did. If it’s even possible. That is why our government is now more like a monarchy of Fortune 500 companies with Wall Street values, with our “elected” representatives doing their bidding. So what do we do? How can we reform democracy in our country? I think the first step is to stop and ask ourselves how we let it slip away in the first place; and start there. Complacency. Luckily, there is an easy antidote: stay informed. And not just with sources that validate your opinions – we must challenge ourselves and read news with a different slant. Being informed also means knowing what the “other” message is, the one you don’t agree with. I saw this article when it came out, and it stuck with me – http://www.marketwatch.com/story/how-does-your-favorite-news-source-rate-on-the-truthiness-scale-consult-this-chart-2016-12-15 - take a moment to see how your favorite news source measures up. Add some new ones to your social media feeds, get all sides of an argument, and then make up your own mind.

But your involvement can’t stop there. With awareness, comes action. Write and call your legislators, go to city council meetings, VOTE. It’s time to act - consciously, verbally, visibly, and with persistence. Don’t let the Napoleons win. Don’t allow our democracy to completely disappear into a weird fusion of capitalist monarchy. We have to stay informed, and keep resisting. Our story is still being written; let’s make sure we end up on the right side of history.

[therealnakedgardener]

Butterflies and Bleeding Hearts

Sometimes the contrasts in life are nothing short of profound. Finding beauty in the opposite, or “other,” can be a revelation if you are willing to look for it. These days I’m finding myself working harder and harder to find beauty in what’s happening in our country; to find beauty in the opposite of what I think should be. Which is why it’s so serendipitous that I found myself drawn to clearing the old, tangled bramble of the butterfly garden on our property. A therapist would say that clearing out an overgrown garden is something I can control; and so much of the world is out of control right now. I can put some sweat equity into an old garden for a couple days, and recover something that has been lost to me for the last few years. Maybe that may heal my soul a little bit, restore some hope. In fact soul healing and hope was what built the garden in the first place.

A handful of years ago, I lost my mind. Just a little bit – but enough that I had to stop and acknowledge that I couldn’t fix things by myself. To lose your grip on reality can be a terrifying experience; not unlike a bad acid trip, actually. Except it doesn’t go away after a day or so – and you still have to function in real life while it’s happening. No bueno. Part of my personal recovery, which inevitably became a metaphor for the whole deal, was to clear out an overgrown garden on our property. This had previously been a vegetable garden, but we had built a new one closer to the house, leaving the old one to get buried under ivy, fireweed and blackberry and what-have-you. The area was so overgrown that you couldn’t see inside, let alone get in. So my husband and I started at opposite sides, and clipped, snipped and pulled our way toward the middle. Surprisingly, we found the raised beds still intact, and some purple tulips and strawberries still growing! How could something that, at first glance seemed so tangled and destroyed, be thriving underneath a canopy of chaos? These are the moments in nature that I cherish – the moments when you realize how strong and resilient a tender little plant can be. And if that tender little plant can manage to thrive in that mess, maybe I can also learn to thrive in my own. In the end, the garden was a success, and attracted lots of butterflies and birds; and also provided a quiet place to sit and soak up the charm of it all.

Unfortunately, with other projects happening around the hacienda, I have let the butterfly garden become an overgrown mess again for the last few years. But it started calling to me last month as the headlines started to get darker and scarier. I pride myself on doing everything I can to resist what is happening, and stay informed. But sometimes I start to feel like those little purple tulips I found all those years ago, growing under the impossible mess of ivy, fireweed and blackberry and what-have-you. Just staring up at the tangled mess, wondering when someone is going to clear that shit out and let the light back in. Again, focusing on the things I can control, I went back out to the butterfly garden – shears and pruners in hand, shame in my heart for letting it go again – and started attacking the mess. And once again, I could see that the flowers had survived. In fact, the bleeding hearts I planted had spread all over – as I had hoped – and were all coming up. One of them was already blooming, reminding me how the flower got it’s name. And I found myself thinking of the contrast of it all. Such a pretty little flower, such a terrible name. Or not? I built that garden from a bleeding heart, and it was a bleeding heart that brought me back to restore it again, so why shouldn’t the garden be full of them? A reminder that healing is possible, for all things in life. We just have to be willing to look for the beauty in the opposite.

The yin and yang (and Wikipedia) tell us that opposing or contrary forces are actually interdependent, and complimentary. Maybe I need to let that garden go every few years so that I have something to help me heal when the next big setback in life happens. Maybe our country needs to be as divided and as extremist as it can get, before it can cycle back around to compromise and moderation. Who knows what will happen in the meantime, or if compromise is even possible anymore. I’m still fighting the good fight, but I’m also doing my best to attract the butterflies, and make sure the light gets in.

[therealnakedgardener]

Find the constant - and hold on!

Spring has sprung! This year it snuck up on me. My life has been consumed with struggle lately; whether it’s helping clients at work fight their way toward mental health, or just me playing my role in resisting the current administration’s agenda. But, in truth, there hasn’t been much else. Acknowledging the lack of balance in my life, I determined to find some. I took myself to one of the great “thinking spots” on our property, stood (note to self – build a bench this summer), and meditated on the idea of balance and my place in the world. Who couldn’t use more perspective and balance in their lives anyway? Everyday. With each news alert. Because it seems like the world changes every day, and there is nothing securely fastened to anything – and no way to hold on. Too many times, I feel like I can just resign myself to this truth, and surrender my fight. But that’s not who I want to be. And if I’m going to spout wisdom about “living authentically” and “being genuine in your approach to life” – I damned well better be walking the walk.

So I stood at my thinking spot and stared at the trees and the sun; I watched the clouds migrate across the sky and listened to the breeze rustle the dead leaves and branches in the woods. Then the “a-ha moment” came. I realized that my focus has been so narrowed on what I can do to help others – whether it’s my clients at work or phone calls, emails and postcards when I get home – I forgot to “zoom out” and see the world through a wider lens. I forgot that that the world will keep spinning, and day will continue to turn to night no matter what I do or don’t do; no matter what kind of day I have, or no matter what the latest headline is about our failing government. Winter will always, eventually, turn to Spring.

The more I started to see life through the wider lens, the more I started to relax and feel a sense of calm and reassurance wash over me. And then the other “a-ha moment” hit me. Each year, usually around February, I turn my attention to the garden. This means creating timelines, notes and lists. What do I plant, how much, when? Then there are compost and bed rotations to consider, greenhouse maintenance and larger projects. I revel in garden thoughts, budding trees, singing birds and the brilliant awakening of Spring. This is the rhythm of my life each year. Not emails to Members of Congress, phone calls to the House Speaker, and tweets to @POTUS. But this is where I am right now – and I must find a way to gain perspective and balance with both passions, because red-lining on intensity each day is not sustainable.        

Finding perspective means finding my place in this grander scheme. I talk to clients a lot about the things we can control, and the things we can’t; and the constant things we can hang on to, especially when it feels like the ground beneath us is always shifting and changing. God, grant me the serenity….you know how it goes. I have one client in particular who has rearranged his life to care for a dying parent. This isn’t the way it’s supposed to be for a young person, and we have been doing a lot of work together to come to a place of acceptance with all of that. One of the things we discuss is the importance of perspective and balance. Perspective, because right now he just can’t see that – as big as this moment is in his young life, and it’s pretty big – it’s still a moment; and, in time, this experience will find it’s place. Every tough period in our lives, with time and healing, finds it’s place as part of a larger whole. We also talk about balance – because life can’t always be about chaos. There also has to be order. We can’t constantly give of ourselves until there is nothing left. No one can be their optimal self when they are depleted. We have to take time to replenish and recharge – or what good are we to the people, or causes, we serve?

Most days we have no other choice but to find something bolted down to the universe, and hold on with all our might. Now is the time to ask yourself what you hold on to, and then seek that out and make it present in your life. Everyday. I choose to hold on to the changing seasons. I choose to surrender to the higher power of universal energy. The one that keeps the earth spinning round, and the sun coming up everyday – whether we can see it or not.

[therealnakedgardener]

Cultivate Kindness

I have been thinking a lot about kindness lately. Pretty safe to say it might be my new coping skill; or at least I would like it to be my new coping skill. I truly believe love will be the thing that saves us. But we have to be the ones to cultivate the kindness and love, and spread it around. Make kindness contagious. I was thinking about random acts of kindness, and considering a personal challenge to do one thing every day for a perfect stranger. And I thought, maybe it won’t change anything in the larger world – but it might change everything in my world. Plus, there’s the added bonus that an act of kindness also makes someone else feel good. Has anyone ever done something for you, unexpected and in the moment? Makes you feel pretty special, right? Like someone noticed you – and acknowledged your worth or your struggle. We need to do that more often.

Yesterday I was in the grocery store, and I hate shopping for groceries. Especially on a Friday afternoon while the rain is beating down in sheets. One of the lessons I have learned over the years though, is that I actually hate going out to shop on a weekend more. So Friday, after work, I mustered the will to run some errands, and it took a LOT of mustering after this long, busy week. Maybe I was filled with glee because I really didn’t believe it would happen – yet there I was, moving up and down the aisles with my list and my cart – getting happier and happier at the realization that I didn’t have to go anywhere this weekend. What a gift! And then I hit that ONE aisle, and there’s always one, with the Mom, and the cart, and the kids, and the stroller. ROAD BLOCK! And as we were trying to get passed each other, she apologized and shared that this was the first time out with all the kids. I thought for a moment about what it must have taken for her to load up all the kids and the stroller – in the pouring rain – and go to the store. She must have needed to go REALLY BADLY. So I smiled over my mild annoyance, and told her “You’re doing great!” And the rush of goodness from that interaction got me through the rest of my shopping.

As I was leaving, and parking my cart at the front of the store, a woman came jogging in, all wet from the rain, intense energy and looking around in the cart area, which had just been reloaded with wet carts. So I called out to her, “here, take this one, it’s dry.” She smiled, and sort of came into the present moment, and was on her way. Out in the parking lot, as I was loading my bags in the back, I heard a loud, scraping BANG of the little coup next to jumping the cement block at the front of the parking spaces. I’ve been there before, haven’t we all? You think it’s okay to pull forward and drive out through the empty space in front of you. Only to find out too late that it’s not. Then your front wheels are stuck between your parking block, and the block from the space in front of you. I have 4-wheel drive, it’s not hard for me to slowly pull back over the block and reverse out of my space when this happens (yes, plural.) But this little coup, not so easy. I saw her try to gently pull back, with no luck, while I was getting into my car. As I was putting my keys in the ignition, rain pouring down on the roof of my car, I looked over and saw the woman drop her head into her hands. So I got out, went over and asked if I could help her. Her whole face brightened. I told her I would keep watch behind her so she could gun it and reverse back over the block. And that’s what happened, then we were both on our way. I drove off thinking, “Damn! I laid some goodness down at the Safeway today!” Felt pretty good. After all, it was a Friday afternoon, and the rain was oppressive. We all just wanted to getter done and get home.

On the drive home, I started thinking about how easy it was to open up my mouth and offer kindness to a stranger. I mean, why not? Don’t most of us think the kind thought anyway? To the mothers out there, wouldn’t you see that Mom in the aisle and think “Oh ya, I’ve been there before.” We need to start opening our mouths and saying these things to the strangers around us. Don’t just let kindness live in our hearts or our thoughts. Share it with others. Remember the Butterfly Effect? Chaos theory – the idea that a butterfly can flap it’s wings, and eventually there is a hurricane in Florida. Not really, but that’s the gist. Wwhat if kindness works the same way? What if those three women and the children I connected with ALSO pay it forward to someone else? What if the kindness they feel in that moment is great enough that it spills over onto someone else, and so forth? That is the world I want to live in. I hope that’s the world you want to live in, too. Let’s cultivate some kindness in our lives and see what grows from it. This is how we truly change our lives, and the world around us.

[therealnakedgardener]

Wisdom or Bullshit?

I sent the message below to a friend, who in return asked that I publish it. Maybe I was pretending to be wise. Perhaps we all pretend to be wise. We pretend to be brave. We put on our strong faces and fake it till we make it. I don’t know where you stand on things as they are right now, or how you feel about things that seem certain to come. All I know is I woke up one day to find the rules changed - seemingly overnight. The rules about who we are as Americans and as humans with empathy and compassion for others. Rules about decency and integrity and forthrightness - is that even a word? 

As I try to find my place in this new world with new rules, I am continually caught between what was, what is, and what I think should be. So the only thing I can do is start stripping life down to the basics -- getting back to the naked self. Because I think it all starts there. How can we begin to re-evaluate the world around us without first re-evaluating ourselves? During my recent trip to D.C., I got a chance to visit the Jefferson Memorial. Actually, it was right after the Inauguration Ceremony. Here is where things changed for me:

I stood there, dumbfounded by what I was reading - and when it was written. And I started to find perspective. So, to a friend who is feeling bewildered and overwhelmed by what is happening all over our country, I wrote the following. And while she asked me to share my words with all of you, it felt unnatural and self-absorbed. But then, one could argue that having a blog is also self-absorbed. So, here it is. Wisdom or bullshit - it’s what I’ve got. And all I know is now -more than ever before - we need to share love, and share encouragement, and lift each other up. No matter who you voted or didn’t vote for. I really don’t even care anymore, because at the end of the day we are ALL in this together.

“So I choose to believe we are witnessing the fracture of a nation. And the chasm is deep. But what we know about rips, tears and scars - is that they make us stronger in the long run. Once we stitch ourselves back together - and we will - we will be better for it. Look at the civic involvement - it's an interesting time to be alive. I'm just grateful that Trump won, and it's mostly democrats who are revolting and protesting. Because a Hillary win, with Trumpsters revolting and protesting (which would have happened, either way) would be a lot bloodier and aggressive. Heading to a legislative precinct meeting on Saturday, then my Indivisible Group meets next month. We got this. Will be a long, hard road - just hang in there for the 2018 election. I'm hanging my hope there for turning the tide....will send some music your way this weekend. Keep your head up;)”

[therealnakedgardener]

Activism is not politics!

There’s a lot going on in our country, and the world, right now. And while I try to keep this blog about healthy living and mental wellness – I can’t ignore the fact that, in maintaining authenticity and being “naked” in my approach to this life, I need to write about everything. Not just safe or uncontroversial things. A lot of people around me, on social media and in real life (my god, we really have to differentiate now) are turning away from all of this. “I am not as into politics as you are,” they say. And whether they are comfortable with that declaration, or whatever feelings or beliefs they have about where our country is headed, they remain quiet. That’s cool. I get it. I just need to be clear that this is not about politics. My pleas to call and email our elected officials are not because my side lost, or your side won, they are to spread the word that WE THE PEOPLE have the real power in this country. We just haven’t exercised it in a really long time. If you are not interested in this fight, then don’t fight. Just, please, for the sake of where our country is headed, and out of respect to those of us who are fighting for you  – STOP CALLING IT POLITICS.

I looked at several definitions of the word “politics” and actually surprised myself with what I found. Wikipedia defines the word as “the process of making decisions applying to all members of each group.” Merriam-Webster says it’s more about the art and science of government, and goes on to add concerns with guiding, influencing or holding control over a government. There is absolutely NO QUESTION that politics are happening in Washington D.C., and have been the core problem in our country for…well, for at least my lifetime, that I can attest to. Pretty sure politics have been around forever.

The protests and marches I know of have been for Women’s Rights, Immigrant Rights, Climate Change, and the right for Science to be recognized as a legitimate place for facts to live. I have concerns with who will be in charge of things that I care about – education, health care, labor and industry, energy, our public lands, and our country’s relationship with the rest of the world. The phone calls, emails and postcard campaigns I read about online are not about politics either. They are about citizens – more importantly, CONSTITUENTS – who care that these important issues have become politicized, and partisan issues. And we are finally organizing and speaking up. This uprising we are all witnessing right now is about people; the people on the ground, you and me, who make this country what it is. It’s about being able to take your family camping, without having to set your tent up next to an oil rig. It’s about needing a mammogram or pre-natal care – and having access to it. This fight is so we don’t find ourselves living through, or dying in, World War III. This is not conspiracy propaganda, or fear-control tactics. This is happening. Right now. What must the rest of the world think of us? These are not political issues – not when they effect all of us. These are human issues, which concern life, death and livelihood.  You don’t think so? Imagine our country without a public education system.

You see, we have become a lazy electorate. We created the very problem we are fighting against today. Allowing our government to devolve over the decades has left us with nothing but politics. We check the box on election day, gloat about voting and participating in democracy, and then we go quietly back to our lives. We don’t check up on the people we elected, to see what kind of job they are doing. We don’t question when they make a decision we don’t agree with. We don’t contact them and let them know the things we care about. In our space of our silence and complacency, the political machine was created. Somewhere along the way, we forgot that these people work for US. We elected them, and we can un-elect them if they suck at their job. The only job they have is to BE OUR VOICE. This is why we refer to them as “representatives.” Without an active, involved electorate to represent, they have become representatives for special interests; most of them now represent themselves, and the power teat from which they suckle.

And now we have finally reached the tipping point. We have arrived to the place where people have said “ENOUGH ALREADY!” And we are speaking up. But we can’t do it alone. You live in this country too, and I know you care about what happens. You can shrug your shoulders and say “I’m just not into politics,” and you can chuckle and tell us “I don’t know man, I’m starting to think you’re all crazy!” Just, please, be open to the idea that this is really not about politics. Actually, this is about taking politics OUT of the real issues we all care about. What could be more important than that? Go ahead, don’t be into politics – you can still call your representatives anyway.

*** It’s not political – they work for you. You are their employer, so be responsible and check up on your employees once in a while! Go to this website, and type in your zip code. It really is that easy! http://www.house.gov/representatives/find/

[therealnakedgardener]

The Naked Truth about Inauguration Day

My last article was about the coming inauguration, and how I was going to get through being there, and witnessing something I feel so strongly against. Well, the good news is, I didn’t get arrested. Or beaten up. But there were a LOT of dirty looks sent in my direction. I have never been to an inauguration before, so I have nothing to compare it to. I have seen them on tv, but that pales in comparison to being THERE. Standing on the ground, staring at the most beautiful building in the whole world – and everything it represents – I wanted to feel patriotic. This didn’t seem like an unreasonable request. The traditions and ceremony of a Presidential Inauguration are cornerstones of the democracy our nation was built upon. The idea of a “peaceful transfer of power” is a pretty amazing thing, if you think about it.

As the day grew closer, I tried to be more mindful of that idea. This was an educational trip, American History and Inauguration, or something like that. We spent the first 3 days in D.C. visiting all the sights, and taking all the tours. ALL of them. I was so primed for this Inauguration by the time Friday came, I was bursting with patriotic fever. “Do it for democracy!” I repeated in my head. Over and over, like a mantra “Democracy is NOT dead!” and “This is what our forefathers fought and died for!”

And so we prepared for hours of standing in line for security, and left our hotel at 5:45am. As it turned out, tour buses weren’t allowed to park or drop off within about 5 miles of the National Mall, so our driver took us to the metro station near our hotel instead. It was a quiet morning. Just our small group, and the larger group from CA whom we had been touring with all week. We got off the metro at L’Enfant Plaza, and were immediately greeted by US National Guard, who were posted about every thirty feet on the platforms – keeping the crowds moving and maintaining order. Our group thanked each of them as we made our way to the escalators. Spread love, spread joy, be grateful. Trip mottoJ

Arriving onto the streets was something else. It was a dark morning, even though the sun was trying to come up. The clouds were low and heavy, the air was thick with the promise of rain later that morning – everything about the air we stepped into felt pregnant with……what? Something. That was the crackle underneath the heavy mist. Something was brewing. I could feel it. Now, I’m not psychic, but I can tend toward the “sensitive” with different energies. And there was some funky energy in the air on Friday morning. As we walked the couple blocks to our entrance we passed barricades, aid cars, TONS of military police and capitol police. Large military personnel vehicles were being used as barricades to streets and parking lots. All the blue mailboxes you often see on street corners had bright red locks on them – not for use today. Helicopters were circling overhead – constantly. And as we approached the Silver Gate, we started to notice snipers on the rooftops of nearby buildings.

Obviously, most of this is probably normal for such an event. But it was pretty overwhelming. We had been in the city every day during the week, and saw the progression of the setup and preparations. But now all of the “preparations” were staffed – heavily. And they were all armed – heavily. And that became the word of the day: heavy. As people started to arrive in our section, and fill in, I watched them. There seemed to be two groups of people – those were appeared and presented themselves as well-dressed, well-heeled, well-behavoed; and those who were wearing the bright red trucker hats, and came to rally. I guess that put us in a third group – those who were there as part of an educational experience, which was planned before the election happened. And from a VERY blue State.

As the spectators were arriving, the jumbotrons played/re-played videos of interviews and historical scenes about Inaugural history. This was entertaining for about 5 minutes. It was cold. And starting to get damp. Having anticipated long security lines, we skipped bags and put snacks and water bottles in our pockets. We watched the flag go up over the House of Representatives, then later the flag rose above the Senate House. We all knew that meant cabinet confirmations had started – and gave each other knowing looks of potential doom. Then our elected officials began to arrive, and be announced as they came out of the capitol building, and walked down the steps to be seated. Being from a VERY blue State, we cheered for our officials – and those we had voted for or who are leading the charge against atrocities. And we got the stink-eye and stares from the red trucker hats. Even a few fur coats, with scarves that said “Trump” on them. When the Obamas arrived, the jumbotrons showed footage, and we cheered – but it didn’t overpower the “boos” from those around us. When Michelle Obama and Jill Biden were announced and walked down the steps to their seats – we cheered and screamed “We love you!!” and “Thank you!!” Again, the stares and squinted stink-eye from the people surrounding us. Luckily, it wasn’t very crowded – our section was only about ½ full, and even then, it was a loose crowd. Not packed in. Either way, you’d THINK it would be okay to cheer for our First Lady of the last 8 years? Maybe?? Isn’t that allowed today?

Finally, the ceremony started, and we all sang patriotic songs with the choir. Common ground. Maybe this will go okay. Maybe we’ve seen the worst of the poor behavior and creepy vibes. When they announced President Barack Obama, and Vice-President Joe Biden, we cheered and screamed. And the red trucker hats booed and screamed ugly things – frequently turning to us while doing so, and making sure we knew their BOOOO was louder than our YAAAAY. I was floored at the disrespect for an outgoing President. And then Chuck Schumer gave his speech, and talked of freedom and liberty for ALL people – and as he listed the different ethnicities and other marginalized populations, the crowd started booing him. Then they started shouting ugly things at him, telling him to leave the stage and shut up! This was mainly generated from the red trucker hats, but eventually the fur coats and magazine-cover families started joining in too. So much for manners. As Schumer was finishing his speech – the crowd erupted in a chant “Trump! Trump! Trump!” and we didn’t get to hear any of his final remarks.

The new President and Vice President were sworn in, to cheers and hugs from the crowd. We did not boo. Some of us even clapped out of respect. We were trying to stay “in the zone” with what this day was supposed to be about – despite the rally vibe in the crowd. And by the time the Inaugural Address was being given, I was done. Saturated with bad vibes. But the speech kept going, and the crowd kept cheering – it felt more like a campaign rally for a candidate than a Presidential Inauguration. The insulting way he stood there, in front of Obama and Biden, and referred to their administration as a disaster – again and again. There was nothing presidential about it, regardless of who you voted or didn’t vote for. And as soon as he finished, the crowd started to disperse. Even though there were several religious officials offering prayers and blessings to close the event. Our group stood there, with our hands clasped and bowed heads, as people passed by us toward the exit. They had been to their rally, and seen their celebrity – did somebody say McDonald’s?

We all saw or heard about what happened on the streets that day. We were insulated from it while we were inside the ticketed/secure area. But exiting back to the streets of a city which was now DRASTICALLY falling into chaos, we chose to hurry the group away from the Mall area at a brisk pace. Brisk, as in slightly jogging at times – but always walking fast. There were 14 of us – 7 kids, 7 adults – and we each had a grip on the hood or jacket in front of us. We snaked our way through the growing crowds in the streets, and found solace at the Washington Monument. Coincidentally, there were about 20-30 National Guard members taking a break and having lunch there too. From there, we had the peace of the tidal basin to the side, the expanse of the Mall and reflection pool behind us – and we could watch the flashing lights and listen to the sirens from a safe distance. The kids watched some of the rioting and aggression on their phones, as the news was live streaming some of it. Then they told us that they had been on the White House website, and the links for Civil Rights, Climate Change, and LGBTQ were gone.

All of this, within 2 hours of Inaugurating a new President. I will never forget that day, and the feeling in my gut that kept growing stronger as the day went on. It still continues to intensify. I have nothing to compare this to, this was my first Inauguration. Not my first visit to Washington D.C. though. I’ve never been in a city that felt like it was on fire – and actually was at times. But that’s how it felt. The sun never came out. The day stayed dark and heavy, occasionally opening up with light rain. And when I got back to my hotel room that, safely, and started watching it ALL on the news – after being in it all day – I sobbed. Just let it all out. And then I tossed and turned for the rest of the night. What will happen to us all now? What kind of country are we living in? Do we have the ability to save ourselves? I don’t have the answers, but the knot in my gut has turned into a fire. And it burns with pride for our country, and everything our forefathers fought and died for. Where we are now is not new. I choose to follow in the footsteps of those before me, I choose to rebel and resist. This is my naked, authentic account of Inauguration Day 2017. And WE are the changers of the world!

[therealnakedgardener]

How to be Naked at the Presidential Inauguration? Take The Dude.

Believe me when I tell you that I am the last person anyone expected to be traveling across the country to see a reality tv star be inaugurated as our 45th president of these United States. When I decided to go on this trip, as a chaperone for a group of students, we were still a few weeks away from Election Day; but I knew I was committed, no matter who won the election. Our mission with the children is to tour the historical sites for several days, and then witness the “peaceful transfer of power” which has been a cornerstone in our democracy for centuries. I love this country, and Washington DC is one of my favorite cities. So, win or lose, I was happy to be attending a historical event; something I would remember forever.

But now here I am doing laundry, checking the weather, and packing for the trip. I leave tomorrow. For the past couple months I have gone through ALL of the feelings on the emotional spectrum as we fall deeper and deeper into the political abyss. Our country’s future is uncertain. I hope we can all agree on that, no matter who you voted for. With all the information coming out in the past weeks, the uncertainty only grows stronger. I see things happening around the country, in our State, and in my own town – increased racially fueled acts of hatred, blatant intolerance for marginalized populations, and other incidents that only incite fear and more hatred. As I fill my suitcase with various items, I am realizing that I am headed into the eye of the storm. More than that, I have a ticket to stand at ground zero Friday morning and bear witness to this historical event. So there I am, heading back in to a full-blown anxiety attack, when I hear The Dude’s voice in my head “This aggression will not stand, man!” WHAT?!

Yes, seriously, The Dude just talked me out of an anxiety attack. And the more I thought about the absurdity of THAT, the more I started to realize that The Big Lebowski could be a metaphor for this whole administration. Stay with me on this: Our President, like the Queen, acts as a figure head for our nation. He/she (well, who are we kidding) HE, is the face of our country – and while he is the ultimate decider in some cases, the whole “checks and balances” deal keeps the President from making decisions in a vacuum, and wielding power willy-nilly. All of the branches contribute, the Oval Office brings it all together, decisions get made, our country moves forward. At least that’s how it’s supposed to work.

If you’ve seen The Big Lebowski, then you know – if you haven’t, then you are missing out on a Coen Brothers masterpiece. The whole movie is about The Dude trying to get a new area rug because, due to mistaken identity, his was trashed by some thugs. And, as anyone who has area rugs in their house knows, a rug can really bring a room together. Just like a strong leader can. But, like The Dude, we don’t have a rug anymore – it’s been pulled out from under us. And now we are just floating pieces of furniture, with no real connection or purpose. We want a government that unites us. Nothing we are asking for is unreasonable, why does this seem so hard?

That’s when I realized that I needed to widen my focus, and dial things way back. Yes, the purpose of this trip is to “witness the peaceful transfer of power,” which I will do – because it is one of the tenets of Democracy. And I choose to support that. But, as one of the chaperones with “no real responsibilities,” I will also support the protesters. My personal goal is to either witness or participate in at least one rally or protest each day – culminating with the March on Washington next Saturday. In his quest for justice for a trashed area rug, The Dude had some unique experiences and met some different people. As a result, he ended up learning some larger lessons about life. He learned that life goes on, and even when it seems like the world is full of chaos, The Dude abides. I choose to embrace being in the eye of the storm; I hope to channel some of the energy and spread hope and awareness to others. I choose to make the story of this trip something different than “I went for the Inauguration.” The Naked Gardener abides, too!

[therealnakedgardener]

Naked Peace in the New Year

Happy New Year!! We finally made it to the end of 2016 – which proved to be a trying year for so many reasons. Kicking around social media, I read lots of stories and anecdotes about how happy people were to be moving on and moving away from the past year. The trend with pop-culture and pop-media has told us this past year was too unbearable, and needed to be over. I was eager to jump on this bandwagon as well; I also felt wounded and tormented by some of the events of 2016.

So yesterday, as we normally do on New Years Eve, we watched a bunch of “year in review” shows the news and entertainment (read: “Infotainment”) put together each year. This is what I “ohhhh” and “ahhhh” at instead of fireworks on New Year’s Eve – because I don’t’ stay up that late;) I watched with equal parts of trepidation and disbelief—was 2016 really as bad as we made it out to be, and if so, did we really want to relive it? I won’t lie – we fast-forwarded through all political news stories; and I could have rewound and re-watched the Olympic news stories. There were the random stories, which will get filed away as 2016’s Greatest Hits – like the Scary Clown Phenom, Ryan Lochte’s desperate lie (do we include his hair in that judgement as well?) and the Pokemon Go craze. Unfortunately, television ratings are highest when things are terrible and dramatic, and much of the “year in review” was about celebrity deaths, police shootings, and other news stories we are still discussing a year later.. All in all, I surmised that – as far as society and the world at large was concerned – I agreed that it was time to start a new year. One full of new promise, new dreams and possibilities.

My concern with that approach, is that it discounts all the good things that happened in the past year. Focusing on the flashy headlines and allowing them to speak for, and represent, the year as a whole seems a little “electoral college” for this Naked Gardener. And that’s not okay. Naked Gardening is mostly about balance and grace – not because I am dodging rose thorns on my tender bits, but because I am constantly striving to cultivate a life of peace and wellbeing. And let’s face it, there was a lot about the past year that challenged a person’s sense of peace and wellbeing.

So what can we do? I choose to focus on the good things. Bad things happen, and I can’t change or control that – neither can you. None of us can. But we can change and control how we react to the bad things, and how we choose to focus our energy and time. We all had good things happen to us this year, and I challenge you all to focus on those. Take those memories with you into the new year, and leave the old baggage in 2016 where it belongs. What lessons will you take with you in the new year? What dreams did you fulfill for yourself in 2016 – even if it was trying a new restaurant or finally cleaning out the hall closet? Dreams don’t care if they are big or small;) Who did you help, what did you do that may have changed someone’s life – or at least put a smile on their face? How did you share or risk your love by giving it to someone else? Even if they didn’t want it. Where did you finally find forgiveness this year?

Have you ever had a day when you feel empty, cranky and/or tired? Try doing something nice for someone on that day. Try giving that one, last ounce of energy to a perfect stranger on that day. I promise the act will fill you back up. This is how we really change the world. This is how we really change our own worlds. This is what matters in life. These are the things we will consider when we lay down to die. Not the fact that Russia hacked our election, and not even that the Final Five made us believe in hope and good things again.

Let there be peace on earth, and let it begin with me. Go forth and be Naked in this new year. Take risks, love with reckless abandon, and don’t shy away from the hard things - because that’s where the magic happens. I don’t know about you, but the idea of all that ahead of me is pretty darned exciting. And exhilarating. So let’s get to it!

[therealnakedgardener]

#mindfulness #mindfulbreathing #breathewithintention #slowyourroll

[therealnakedgardener]

Healing from Election Trauma

A couple of weeks ago, I attended a conference on Trauma Informed Practices. As someone who offers counsel to others, it was interesting to learn more about how trauma effects brain function; and how people can heal. I had always approached trauma as an unfortunate presence that we must endure, and learn to live with. We work to integrate the trauma into our personal narrative; we acknowledge its presence in our lives and, in doing so, we find perspective and the trauma retreats to the darker corners of the self where it is stored as a memory. The problem with that approach, is that occasionally things will trigger the memories back to the forefront of our minds, and we experience the trauma all over again. What I learned at this conference, is that there are newer ways to approach trauma. Strategies that can reprocess a trauma memory, effectively removing any triggers associated with the trauma. So, in the clinical world, there has been a major shift from “coping” to “healing.”

I bring this up because earlier this week our country got knocked sideways, causing a shockwave of responses and reactions one would expect after a traumatic event. The tiny little cracks that have riddled our country’s foundation for generations, finally had enough time and pressure to stress them to the breaking point. One quarter of our country is trying to cope with this new reality, one quarter is exhilarated with the idea that change is coming and help is on the way and, most interesting of all – half of our country just doesn’t care anymore. If trauma is defined as a “deeply distressing or disturbing experience,” I think this qualifies -- no matter who you voted or didn’t vote for. The other thing we know about trauma is that, when it happens, the brain fills with cortisol and adrenaline – activating our flight/flight/freeze response, making us anxious or fearful, even violent. This is how violence begets violence. This is when people move from peaceful protests to rage-filled riots, and with enough momentum, civil war.

The trauma our country needs to acknowledge goes deeper than one election cycle. The only thing I can offer, is that we each consider our responses and reactions to this traumatic event in ways that contribute more to the coping and healing of our country, than to the fear and anger which only tears us further apart. We have the ability to reprocess this trauma, and prevent ourselves from being triggered every time we overhear a conversation at the grocery store, or turn on the news. We don’t have to give in to the “cortisol effect” – we can stop and take some deep breaths until our heartrates slow, and we have time to think rationally.  We can work to be the bridge, and not the divide.

[therealnakedgardener]

A Thank You to the Olympic Games

Tonight brings the official close to this year’s Summer Olympic Games. As someone who prefers the peace and solitude of her garden, sports and competition hold no thrill for me. I am not a sports fan. But I often make an exception for the Olympics, because they represent the greatest and best our world has to offer in commitment, endurance, and perseverance. And that is truly something special.

There is a lot of crazy stuff happening in the world today – overseas and here at home. The bar has been lowered on humanity, and we are seeing more awful and unacceptable events occur almost every day. This year I found solace in the Olympic Games. My heart filled up with these athletes: Simone Manuel’s face; Fiji’s gold medal; Kayla Harrison’s triumphant second gold; Phelps earning his place in history; Usain Bolt...and the list goes on. The sportsmanship alone is something to take note of – to work all your life for this moment, have it not go your way, and still rejoice and celebrate the winner. We don’t see that often enough.

For two weeks these athletes have been in my living room everyday making me cry, making my heart swell with pride, and filling my own world with inspiration. For two weeks the news reporters had something good to talk about. We got to hear inspiring stories of athletes coming back from comas, ridiculous injuries, and personal trauma – and make it to these Olympic Games. They gave us hope with their stories. As much as I would like to carry the Final Five around in my pocket (maybe I can get action figures some day?) tonight marks the end of the games with Closing Ceremony. Michael Phelps carried our flag for Opening Ceremony, and left the most decorated athlete in Olympic history. Tonight Simone Biles will carry our flag, a symbol of the next generation of greatness.

These games have truly moved me, I hope they have done the same for you. So much thanks and gratitude to our athletes, their coaches and families, and the people in Rio who made this happen – and gave the world something positive to focus on and talk about these past two weeks.