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lunar-vee

lucifer

caden

xetl

the cat is controlling him

canadianstuck

One of the funniest things I ever experienced was when I went to go see John Mulaney live, and halfway through a bit about how expensive college in the States is, he looked down at the sleeve of his suit jacket and just. stopped. dead halt, mid sentence.

And after like three seconds, where we’re all trying to figure out the punchline because the story clearly hadn’t ended, and John Mulaney quietly says, “Has there been tinfoil on my buttons the whole goddamn show?”

He’d taken his suit to the drycleaner, and they’d wrapped the buttons on the sleeves and the coat with tinfoil to protect them, and John Mulaney didn’t notice until half-way through his set, and was SO FLABBERGASTED that he never did finish the story about college and instead did five minutes on how stupid it was that his buttons were reflecting the light and he just didn’t notice, and in that moment I understood more about John Mulaney as a person than I ever have.

ournameisfun

during one of his portland shows, he noticed this like 7 year old girl in the front row and asked her (and her parents) if she ‘is aware that she is physically here right now’ or if she was just brought along. turns out her favorite john mulaney bit is the “and I’m new in town” bit and that she’s seen all his stuff. He was so shocked and discomforted by the fact a SEVEN YEAR OLD has seen his shows, that he couldn’t get through a bit about donating to charity without interrupting himself at least three times to import good life lessons on this small child, as if that makes up for all the horrible things he’s said that she heard

sammysausage

When I saw him in Ft. Lauderdale, there was a bar in the lobby that people kept leaving to go to. At one point, a guy in the front row just got up and BOOKED IT to get drinks. John Mulaney looked over at a woman who was next to the empty seat and asked, “Are you with him? What’s his name?”

She was, in fact, with him, and she did tell him her date’s name. John Mulaney considered this, looked around, and unplugged his microphone. Leaning in to us, he told us that we were going to trick this guy so fuckin hard. He said, “At some point during the show, I am going to stop and say, ‘Well, you guys know what they say here in Ft. Lauderdale,’ and then you guys are all going to scream back ‘WE LOVE MILKSHAKES!’ He’ll be so confused.”

He then continued on with the show as normal, the drinks guy returned to his seat, and that was that for quite a long time. We thought he had forgotten about it until, at some point during what I believe was his McDonald’s drive-thru bit, he shrugged his shoulders and said, “You guys know what they say here in Ft. Lauderdale…”

Naturally, we erupted with “WE LOVE MILKSHAKES” and John Mulaney SWUNG around to face the drinks guy and said, “I bet you’re real confused now, huh, JASON?!”

windyvalleyzone

ah so john mulaney is a chaotic neutral cryptid

jxhn-mulaney

i saw him last night and there was a good ten minute interlude where a woman told him everything she found wrong with his suit, including that his pants were too high waisted to which he replied “that’s where my hips are” and someone in the back shouted “look at that high waisted man he’s got feminine hips!” and he yelled back “that’s my joke! i’m offended!!”

trans-girl-waiting

GEN 8 POKEMON ANNOUNCED

bbyinblu

reblog if you think sign language should be taught as a language in schools.

7172626728388918928292991972-de

got in trouble for calling my step dad a slut :///

7172626728388918928292991972-de

quomododragon

My students are up to something. They keep coming up to me and handing me pieces of fruit, and when I ask why, they just smile cryptically and say, “Don’t worry about it.”

quomododragon

Like, the apples I get. That’s a teacherly thing to give. But one of them just straight up handed me a grape.

quomododragon

I took a sick day today and sent an email to the first girl to hand me a piece of fruit, asking if I could have an explanation now.

Her response was to send me this meme:

That clarifies exactly nothing, thanks.

quomododragon

Walked into school today to an email from her saying: “There’s more to come, hope it doesn’t leave you *sour* (you’ll get that later).”

Ominous.

quomododragon

Just before my first class of the day, one of my students came floating in, a black cloak billowing behind her, hood pulled low over her eyes.

“An offering,” she said, handing me a plain white bag with a green ribbon.

Inside is this:

Life gave me a plastic lemon.

quomododragon

WE HAVE AN ANSWER!

Apparently this was the result of a number of my students playing Truth or Dare at a birthday party. I’m not sure which one of them came up with “I dare you to confuse Magistra by handing her a piece of fruit without explanation”, but I 100% approve of any thought process that ends with me getting free food.

rupindork-deactivated20130712

Did Jordin Sparks ever figure out how to breathe with no air

florals780

when was the last time u heard anything about jordin sparks. i rest my case

grimm-fairy

Btw, the dog is not being punished for his (deserved) actions and the local sheriff actually praised the dog, saying the family was lucky that the dog was there.