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Commitment

Drawing by Mike Magrath

My past month has included an unusually rigorous figure modeling schedule, which has produced a number of physical challenges, but has also allowed for a lot of reflection time.

Last week, when I was on the stand for the fifth day in a row, sick of my own thoughts, fed up with my own voice in my head, and absolutely begging time to move faster so that I could please move…

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Strip Scripts: A Note Regarding My Facebook Posts

A few months ago, I started posting what I call Strip Scripts on my Facebook page.

These are little pieces of dialogue from the club, mostly positive interactions with customers. I started sharing them because these were meaningful moments for me. Usually they are funny, genuine, and capture moments where customers surprised me, or I surprised myself. I like them because they fight the…

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Game Day: Dramaturgy Enters the Club

Stripping during football season is interesting enough on its own, but this year it has an extra special twist to it.

I keep texting Danielle Mohlman, the playwright I’m working with, from the corner of the club.

“The Huskies game is on the TVs at work and I’ve never felt so divided between work and dramaturgy in my life.”

Honestly, even if there isn’t a game on TV, I still find myself divided…

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“The Real You.”

One time, I was talking about all of the modeling I do with a customer. All of a sudden he says, “Wow. So whatever you’re doing whether you’re here [at the club] or posing for a painting, people are constantly putting their interpretation on you, but they never get to know the real you, isn’t that sad.”

My answer to this–and I told him this–is no, it’s not sad at all.

Drawing by Mike McGrath

One…

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Strip Script #1

(I am sitting with a customer on a Thursday afternoon. It’s slow.)

Him: So…can I ask you a question?

Me: Yea.

Him: If there’s no one here in the club, do you all still dance on stage?

Me: Did you just ask “if a tree falls in the forest and no on is around to hear it, does it still make a sound?” Of the strip Club? If the club is open and there are no customers, are the strippers still dancing?

H…

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Proximity

When I was at Cornish, one of my acting teachers would make jokes about the small size of our acting classroom by saying that we were “acting in each other’s laps.” I think about that joke often when I’m at work, giving lap dances. Literally acting in someone’s lap.

Proximity informs so much of the relationship between performer and audience. As humans, particularly in American culture, we take…

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A Constant Reminder of How Loathsome Womxn Are

If you follow me on Instagram, you’ve probably seen my Flowerheaded Figure videos that are a behind the scenes look at my current project. This concept is pretty special to me and I’d like to take some time to walk you through the history that led to me attempting pole tricks with limited vision and flowers all over my face.

Six years ago I was dramaturging a production of Fefu and Her Friendsby…

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Dear Performers,

I feel compelled to address an issue of appropriation that I am seeing and I’m going to use an instance of my own poor behavior to talk about it.

Story time:

Last September I was in a burlesque show at the Rendezvous and after my act, which was lots of floor fuckery–what pole dancers would call exotic, another performer approached me.

Her: Your act was really good, so exotic. I don’t know how to…

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"Do you like redheads?"

“Do you like redheads?”

At the club, being a redhead is one of my major selling points, but drawing attention to my hair has proven to be quite the learning experience. I don’t ask this question much anymore, but over the course of a few weeks I learned that there are basically four possible responses. Option A: Sexy smile. Gets my face close to their face. Do you like redheads? Yea. I do. Like a lot. Giggles. Well,…

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A Religious Experience

A WEEKEND IN JANUARY It’s dead in here. I’m starting to regret coming in early on a Saturday. Sometimes there is no worm for the early bird to get. I sit in my booth and take a few deep breaths. There will be work soon. Just then I see a shadow with a cane come through the entrance. He moves slowly to the back row, followed by my manager. He sits and she keeps walking. She passes by me and makes…

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On My Mom's Birthday

On My Mom’s Birthday

Today would have been my mom’s birthday if she were still alive. Ever since she passed I’ve had a fairly spiritual view of the world. While I’m not religious, I most certainly believe that my mother acts as my guardian angel. I get little signs from her as I go about my life, and as I started my stripping journey, i couldn’t help but wonder what my mom would think of me being a stripper. Of…

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How I Became a Stripper

NOVEMBER, 2017 Typical performance anxiety mediated by slight rage. At least I’m distracted from my nerves because I’m so mad. He really had to ghost me? Today of all days. We were supposed to meet up for a morning date, finally. He already rescheduled twice this week. After checking in at 10:00am, saying he was about an hour away, he never showed. Cue “needy” text message bubbles: Hey, just…

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Yes, A Stripper

I am a stripper. I am hoping that while this might be news to you, my lovely readers, that it won’t necessarily be a surprise. Kind of like coming out to people who are like, “Yea, we know, you’re queer as fuck.” I would hope that this isn’t that great of a shock, but a welcome addition to the rest of the Iphy that you all know. It’s been fantastic for me and I am now ready to share this part of…

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On Stillness

I have always been a really kinetic person. I’ve been antsy since childhood. My teachers scolded me for doodling in my notebooks instead of paying attention (I did this in order to pay attention. As a kinesthetic learner, I wouldn’t absorb anything if I wasn’t moving). I still pace around my apartment when I need to think something through and, of course, there’s dance and all the other active…

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A Change In Direction (From My Patreon Page)

My Dear Friends, I have some bittersweet news for you. After a lot of consideration, I will be ceasing my Patreon venture on 12/20. This was a difficult choice to make, but is ultimately a positive move for me as an artist. When I started this creator page, I thought that with dedication and some patience, this site would become a mainstay of my creative work. While It’s only been a month and a…

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Home Studio!

Today I finished putting together my home studio space and choreographed the first pieces for my Patreon page, which goes live TOMORROW! I am so excited and a little scared to take on this new piece of my artistic endeavors and I’m stoked to be able to share all of it with you. I moved into a new place a few months ago and my room is this weird L shaped basement space. It’s awesome for the…

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Well, hi.

Wow. Three months since my last post??? It feels more like just three days, I swear. Clearly, things have been busy. For the past few months, which have been extra turbulent and nonstop, I have been reassuring myself that one day soon I would land again. I would finally settle and have some peace and my life would have a new, better, predictable rhythm that I could count on. This crazy pants year…

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