Hi Joe, hope you’re okay mate. Today we have gone over the script you sent Erol and Tierney and we’ve made a couple of changes to the text made. Just bits of grammar that needs tightening up so that it’s fully complete and then allowing us to give a copy of the script to Denise. We don’t mean to be rude or discriminate your work however we thought that these changes need to be made.
4th Line - Three Russian *Offerers – Three Russian *Officers
6th Line – Enemy Soldier in *site – Enemy soldier in *Sight.
8th Line – We uncover truths – We uncover THE truths
9th Line – Where few to tell the tale – Where ONLY A few LIVE to tell the tale.
1st Line – It is not weapon – It Is not A weapon.
4th Line – Remove with the use of Mustard gas - CUT LINE.
7th Line – That is my job. – SOMETHING NEEDS TO BE ADDED ON BETWEEN THE ENDING OF THAT LINE AND THE BEGINNING OF THE NEXT.
9th Line – At age 12 – At THE age OF 12
14th Line – It is our journey – It is our RESPONSIBILITY.
6th Line – even from an early age. – ADD THE FOLLOWING TO THE BEGINNING OF THE NEXT LINE ‘War is a part of me, I grew up in the war and it is where both my parents died…….’
6th Line – What was I supposed to do I had no parents – What was I supposed to do, I had no parents.
7th Line – When I was 8 – When I was young.
7th Line – Just like that, gone. – Just like that.
8th Line – No parents, no role models, and nowhere to go. – No parents, no one to look up too, and nowhere to go.
9th Line – a few years of hard work later and here I am – a few years of hard work and here I am
11th Line – I wanted get revenge – I wanted to get revenge.
13th Line – Chukov and Redenko are both my superior, they will run Stalingrad…… - Chukov and Redenko will run Stalingrad into the ground. CUT OUT ‘if they continue in charge’ FULL STOP AFTER ‘ground’.
NEW LINE AFTER ‘ into the ground. Stalingrad is my home, and it is excruciatingly painful to see it in this condition.’
15th Line – Our own men are starting……. – EVEN our own men are starting…….
Tierney finds it quite ‘breathy’ and considering her age it might be an idea to take a few commas out and make it more childlike. There is no clear indication of why Petrov wants to be like her brother. Tierney will discuss this with you when you come back to college.
There is a possibility we might not be called in tomorrow, but we will let you know later, or someone will put something on this blog or the company site.
Speak to you soon man, love from your fellow High Commanders! :D