oh that good old feeling of wanting to remove every contact, because if you actually need or want me, you're gonna try your best to find me again, if you dont, that means im not important to you and im not gonna waste my time and heart on that
todays bird
Keni

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@thesadmeow
oh that good old feeling of wanting to remove every contact, because if you actually need or want me, you're gonna try your best to find me again, if you dont, that means im not important to you and im not gonna waste my time and heart on that
me: *stops talking to a person to see how long it'll take for them to remember me and talk to me again*
me: ohh i see now how important i am to you
I’m too mentally ill to have friends
i don't ever think i'll escape the feeling of being left behind and excluded while everybody else slowly gets what they've always wanted
why can't i get that too? what did i do that doomed me to this fate? what's so bad about me that i can't get what everybody else does?
*starts hating ppl that i used to love*
this hell cycle of trying to bond with friends and people then suddenly wanting to delete all social media and disappear from everything and feeling like everyone sucks and no one gives a shit about me
I hate how fucked up my idea of love is. I hate that if it’s not constantly intense and full of emotion, there is no love there. I hate that if I go more than 3 minutes without their attention, i break down and feel like they don’t love me or they’re cheating on me. I hate that I can’t be in a call with them 24/7 because they have work, but what if they cheat on me at work? What if they find someone better at work? What if they decide they don’t want me anymore? My mind simply can’t grasp the idea of someone loving me unless they show it intensely at all times. If they say “hi” instead of “hey” my mind runs fucking wild thinking something is wrong. If they say “ily” instead of “I love you”, then they must be lying, right? I must expect too much out of love. I’m constantly told I just need to calm down but I can’t. I hyperfocus on things. I have to do research about relationships to calm my mind but if the statistics are bad, then what’s the point? I’m told statistics aren’t always correct but they’re mostly accurate. Love is terrifying. Absolutely terrifying. How do I survive when I don’t know how to do it on my own? I depend on relationships with every ounce of my being but I’m terrified of love and commitment. I’m terrified of people cheating or changing their minds or finding someone better. I’m terrified of people realising I’m too fucked up to ever be loved. Do I cling or detach? Do I say I love them or hate them? Do I stay or leave? I split so much and so intensely. I can’t handle things not being perfect. I can’t handle anything.
Me: Yeah, I have really bad fears of being abandoned
My friend: *abandons me and acts like nothing happened*
me in therapy: so sometimes i kinda feel like ... uuuuh ... *vague hand gesture* mm..... like ykno?
me on tumblr: reblogs posts and adds tag #omg that is so me
do you know the tweet that says ‘do u ever sit back and realize ur not anybody’s favorire person, ur just kinda there and then you get the sudden urge to distance urself from everyone and chill alone’? yeah, that’s how I feel when you talk about him
me: i'd like to not feel everything too much and be jealous and angry and sad
also me: ok so how about we isolate ourselves to the point people forget us and leave us?
sup , just living the same day every day isolating myself from the world and doing nothing to try and change it because I am tired and have 0 motivation for life because I know I will never be happy with myself, all while knowing very well I can't go on this way forever and the weight of the future is crushing me but thinking about the rest of my life is a big NO, hbu?
same
therapist: so what are your goals in life?
me: death