I wanna talk about a few things I've seen recently that really bother me.
First off, it is well-known that personality disorders stem from trauma. All of them.
You know why? Because they're all attachment disorders, resulting from not having your needs met and living with abuse and/or familial chaos at an early age.
And despite this, people insist on acting as if we all just magically gain our maladaptive coping mechanisms because we were just born inadequate.
All personality disorders, even the ones people who have hurt you (and me) have had, are a result of trauma.
Some psychologists even deny this. I watched a psychologist talking about the Cluster C personality disorders, because I want to know more about Dependent Personality Disorder (which my therapist says I meet the criteria for but won't add to my diagnostic sheet because she isn't sure if I'll still qualify for it in a few years). He acted as if you have to meet all the traits to qualify for it, even though even the DSM-5 just says you have to have five traits. Not only that, but he acted as if we shouldn't believe the reports of early childhood abuse because of our distorted thinking that comes with personality disorders. That is absolutely gaslighting us.
I saw another psychologist talking about how difficult it is for people to deal with people with dependent personality disorder, and the person who was interviewing them said we sounded like children.
It all really hurts. I understand now why people with NPD are upset when people refuse to acknowledge their struggles and only focus on the struggles of the people who interact with them (and I'm saying this as someone whose mother shows signs of NPD, especially when it comes to lacking object constancy, and whose abusive behavior when splitting led to my personality disorder).
People aren't even sure how long our symptoms will last because it's so rare and there's a lack of study and interest among psychologists, and it really... sucks.
What I do know is that learning attachment theory and applying it to my life has helped me to cope with DPD, because I learned that I have to validate my past self in my mistakes and maladaptive coping, and understand the reasons why I acted the way I did, in order to change. I also felt heard, and understood, rather than judged.
I recommend for all of my followers and anyone who stumbles across this post and has a Cluster C personality disorder to check out The Attachment Theory Workbook by Annie Chen. I originally got it because I wanted to find a way to heal my attachment problems in order to stop hurting my significant other, and working through it helped me understand myself, and them, and figure out how to have healthier conversations and form a secure attachment to them.
You will be okay, you will cope, and you will learn healthier ways of living and be happier.
