The Sad Sufi

Poems and songs and ruminations

[letsbelonelytogetherr]

— soulinkpoetry

[timetravelsong]

𝐈𝐧 𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐮𝐧𝐢𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐞 𝐈’𝐦 𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐢𝐞𝐫 𝐭𝐨 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐥𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐝𝐢𝐟𝐟𝐜𝐮𝐥𝐭. 𝐈’𝐦 𝐬𝐨𝐫𝐫𝐲 𝐰𝐞 𝐡𝐚𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐦𝐞𝐞𝐭 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐨𝐧𝐞.

excerpts from a book I’ll never write

[letsbelonelytogetherr]

— Daphne du Maurier

[weltenwellen]

Andrea Gibson, Lord of the Butterflies

[weltenwellen]

Nikki Giovanni, The Collected Poetry, 1968-1998

[bishopsprodigal]

thinking about this

[isaiahpadams]

[letsbelonelytogetherr]

—Andrea Gibson, "Good Light," Lord of the Butterflies

[letsbelonelytogetherr]

— Traci Brimhall, Dear Eros

[thesadsufi]

Hope is a dangerous thing for a woman like me to have… but I have it (I guess?)

[memory95]

[thesadsufi]

Me all day

[museify]

[mournfulroses]

Virginia Woolf, from a diary entry featured in “The Selected Diaries of Virginia Woolf,”

[letsbelonelytogetherr]

— Khalil Gibran

[weltenwellen]

L. A. Johnson, from "Birthmark"

[weltenwellen]

Warsan Shire, from "For Women Who Are Difficult to Love"

[thesadsufi]

When polygyny is spoken about with any ounce of seriousness we speak about jealousy between wives, we speak about time management, we speak about rights. What we don’t speak about is if such a marriage in the West could survive the weight of everything set against it.

The original family, your own family of origin, the community, society, and the law. I feel embarrassed and a bit stupid thinking that I could outweigh all of that with “it’s halal”.

I could stamp that on my face and it wouldn’t matter. It affords acceptance *at best*. The side eyes, confusion, awkwardness, it all remains. Even within your own heart you doubt yourself; why did I do this? Why did I ruin someone else’s monogamous bliss? Why did I ruin my own life? My chance at normalcy.

It’s halal to eat camel meat,

But I don’t.

It’s halal to wear niqab,

But I don’t.

“Polygyny is halal” is not enough of a reason. What was my reason? I did not consider how painful it is to not have some semblance of a normal life. It’s not just polygyny’s fault. I’d like to say it’s not polygyny’s fault at all, cause that’s what a good Muslim should say.

I guess it’s not. But Allah did warn men of not being equal. I can’t say that’s the issue. I don’t know or care if he love’s her more. Considering I don’t believe he loves me at all, I would assume that’s true.

That’s why it feels like it’s not polygyny’s fault. Cause if my marriage was decent I’m sure I’d be… at least better. But pathetically I guess I wonder that maybe if he had “no choice” but to talk to me then maybe he would. That’s a bit delusional though, I don’t think it’s polygyny, it’s just a lack of connection. If it wasn’t another wife I guess he’d just call his mom or a friend or keep things to himself.

I don’t even know what his relationship is like with her. And I don’t care, I hope she’s happy.

I just know I’m not.

[thesadsufi]

Men shouldn’t choose happiness

I shouldn’t choose happiness

I shouldn’t be happy