A journey with Light

A glimpse into my mindful/playful soul exploration

[thesaudiavatar]

Time to Rage

Doing the right thing or at least shaming myself for doing the wrong thing. That was the role taken and necessarily so to try to upkeep the structure of what I needed to be in order to validate my life here as a human.

I have tried. I have really tried. But I cannot keep down the voice that has never let me be perfect, the annoying inconvenience that burst and flames at spotanous times and it says the same thing

I DID NOT GO THROUGH THOUSANDS OF YEARS OF EVOLUTION TO BE LIKED

I DID NOT COME HERE TO BE A SEDATED VERSION OF MY SPIRIT

Now I am in chaos. Nothing means much. It is outrage to know to realize…..that everything that is happening does not need to be the case. The outrage to know that the suffering in this world is a result of unspoken truths and unmet pain within each and every person.

The outrage that I have come to understand information but cannot transfer it onto people, into people

I have overidden the program. It is now system error and I can rage. I can rage for myself and for every sexualised part of my body that was not any man’s to possess in image in mind or in body

I rage for the ancestors of female repression and for the witches in my lineage who have been tames and shackled by threat of mortality

Over and over again

Until they became limp and in hatred of their own power

Me

I am their daughter

And I am allowed to rage

And I am allowed to wild

And I am allowed to strip

Me

I am their daughter

And I am free

And I am free

And I am free

The ultimate avoidance is mass and chronic and deeply engrained in the abyss of the psyche

Avoidance of our mortality

Delusion of death

We cannot die

But you must kill the identity who is separate and striving

To know you cannot die

You can only be immortal

If you are the soul incarnate

Full expressive

And to be the soul is the largest inconvenience this human has ever met

And the only channel to freedom

It is time to colour the world in rage

Beautiful gorgeous connected rage

Rage for injustice

Rage for lies

Rage for suppression

Rage for abandonment of ourselves and each other

This has been a traumatic birth.

This human specimen has been a traumatic birth

And the trauma is the only way to call in love

It is the gap of love

It is a hole in the middle of our earth body

And the whole must empty out

In order for water to flow into it and allow life to grow

But that liminal period before water and after the purge

It has no mercy

It is absolute death

And only in accepting that and still surviving

We can finally realise that death

Is absolutely necessary

And absolutely freeing

[scifi-fantasy-horror]

by  Ed Binkley

[cosmicportal]

Love and do what thou wilt

Ramtha

[thesaudiavatar]

I release control

There seems to be this notion in the collective subconscious. The notion that our base line is nothing, and we must build ourselves, we must develop. However, it is not the truth of our bieng. The reality is we are creative and infinite souls manifesting as mind and body. Our job is not to change and gain, but to accept where we are. Once we can clear our vessel, clear the mind and body of imbalance, we can allow the truest reality of who we are: the soul. And from that state of consciousness even the action, the doing, it is so much more clever. ItBecause it comes from a sight that is higher and more expansive. You are working from the full-screen.

Wisdom and Logic all point to the same thing: we are not our mind. The mind is a tool. And the identification with it has caused so much, too much, dis-ease.

I had space to slow down with everything going on last year. The judgements of others were not as close, by virtue of physical space from society. This forced slow allow more listening. Listening to my body when it said “i’m full” to stop eating. Listening to my body when it said I'm tired and to stop pushing. Listening to my intuition when it said yes or no, without being critical. The result of that is that my energy body changed. I released more control and I received more power.

Today as a cleansing ritual I give away one of the most precious things to me: time. I give it freely. And I call in the intention: what I release, I receive. 

[panatmansam]

[thesaudiavatar]

Nothing in life happens in it’s singularity. All that appear, does in pairs. All that is formed, has it’s opposite. This is the case for life, and it is the case of physicality. This law extends to emotions too. 

We have become to averse to pain, so averse to experiences of grief and ache, and the consequence of that is hindered access to connection and joy. 

I sometimes wonder what i’m good at, like what is it really. And I think more than anything it’s my inclusivity to pain and fear. I do not resist the aching of my heart. When I hear it, I feel it. And I find, time and time again, it is no more than an old friend lost in it’s way. It seeks acknowledgement and space, without the division of the mind. And when I give it that space, meditate into the sensation of it’s expression, it always motions onward.

It is only in taking the experience of our emotions personally that we lose the essence of what are emotions are here for ....guides. Guides from realms invisible to the eye. Guides from the spirit calling us back in. 

Too much learning, too many words. I ask for more embodiment, living practices. 

[thesaudiavatar]

Sedative living

Why is it that the human race is experiencing mass sedation?

Why is it that we want to self talk ourselves out of every emotion?

Is who we are so fragile? So breakable

FEEL

Feel and let it drown you

feel and not know

if you will come out of it alive

just to come out of it alive

and know that to feel

is the deepest human medecine

why is it that we have become so crippled from contraction to our medecine

our feelings

to be human is to suffer

to suffer together

to hold each other

as our human hearts break  

FEEL

embody the  gift of your own demise

death and destruction

so you may rise to what you truly are 

a human soul

immortal

here to feel and 

HEAL 

together 

[thesaudiavatar]

Space and Time

I am not the space and time that birthed me

I am a spirit 

eternal and connected

Having a body and mind has allowed me to be a part of space and time

to collaborate and confine in them

Manifestation is everything we see. It has been manifested

But the incredible thing about being human is the ability to consciously manifest

using the components of space, time and matter

to serve your focus

to manipulate the dimensions of reality by manipulate the environment in which your reality lives

i.e. 

the body and the mind

what some call magic 

I call high logic

They are one and the same

the perspective changes  depending on which side of the coin you are perceiving from 

(intellect or intuition) 

[thesaudiavatar]

what does your song sound like

there is a wisdom

stored inside every cell of the body

it speaks

it speaks in expression

in growth

in being

in living

there is a wisdom

it is the foundation of your living 

and it says to you

do not listen

with the ears that hear

listen with the emotions

that feel and heal 

listen with the words

non verbal

and loud

sense inside

there are messages

you are the messenger

of the gift

and the gift is life

[thesaudiavatar]

Rest

Scorpio full moon making all my shadows come to play, and I am here for it.

Every since I’ve had a shift in my consciousness a while ago, I do this belief-test regiment, to make sure my beliefs are intact with the truth of our universal operations. So basically, when a belief appears, I check out nature, and see what it has to say about it.

A belief that I have struggled with all my life is resting. I always thought my need to rest is my weakness, that rest meant depressed. 

So I looked at nature. and it seems obvious, all things have a gestation period. All seeds take time to grow. Trees shed leaves in winter. Lions spend so much of their time in rest mode. 

So instead of abandoning my inner knowing of rest as a part of human optimisation for a corporate module so harsh and linear, I affirm my beliefs. I affirm my rest. In harder days, I go back to nature, I find evidence, and then again- I affirm my rest. 

Our human purpose is to love and receive love. And love is not a word or action, it is the inclusivity of all that you are. It is embracing the totality of your experiences. 

Being a healer,

being a feeler

it is a full time job

man sometimes it’s heavy

but I can’t describe the joy I have

in alchemizing pain into love.

PS. My writing feels a bit shit these days so here it is. and hey, to do something well is to first be willing to do it badly ;) 

[thesaudiavatar]

Ramadan Day 9: Purpose

I always thought something was wrong with my human, because I didn’t have a purpose like everyone around me. I didn’t have those desires to be somebody and something. Truly my only consistent desire has been to be myself. And accordingly to everything I knew until recent, that didn’t count as a valid purpose.

The burden of purpose, so many feel estranged and hurt because they don’t feel like they have a purpose, and there seems to be a social consensus that our purpose is our meaning for living.

What a ridiculous notion. 

Who we are is the meaning of our life. Our purpose is not a goal, it is being who we are. When people say they want this or that achievement, what they really want is an emotion. Call it freedom, call it love, call is confidence. But to attach the material physical manifestation to that feeling is such a shame. Because that feeling can be attained prior to the goal. It is not the goal that will change your feelings. It is your feelings that will change the goal.

My purpose is my being myself. My purpose is my life. My purpose is being true to what is here now. 

We are all here for one purpose: to love and be loved. However, the way we do that is the story each and every one of us gets to create according to our own perceptions. 

I love being a healer, a coach, a bridge between the spirit and physical world. But these are not my purposes for living, they are the way I fuel my spirit, they are my creative joy, my gifts. For as long as i have them, I will cherish and use them, and if they are taken, no part of me will be lessened in value. 

our purpose is our being. Our doing comes from our being. We are explorers and it’s okay to not know, it’s necessary to not know, and sometimes, it’s exciting to not know. 

[thesaudiavatar]

The Mind Prison

I’m pretty weird, but i don’t want to come off too weird

I have psychoc abilities, but I don’t want to be crazy

I’m generally compassionate, but I won’t be mistreated

Who is this? Who are these voices? Are they me? They are here, I know them very well. I’ve read, what, maybe 60 books? 300 lectures? on them. But who are they? Are they me? 

There is a programm we all seem to follow and we cal it “this is who i am”

Why?

The safety that holds us is no man made. We are created from it. This program, it acts like protection we think. But it’s prison. It is prison.

Every once in a while we get this thought, when we’re in flow or zoned out, of switching it up completely

thought dismissed

Why?

Who are we? 

Are we sure we are the program?

What if the protection is the prison.

What is leaving the boundaries of what we think is safe

IS where the feeling of absolute safety lies

the safety in knowing ALL that we are and all that is

already exists in safety beyond our control

that our control is an illlusion 

step out

into the wild

it is safe

your comfort zone

is your prison. 

[thesaudiavatar]

Ramadan Day 6: Batani (Inward

One thing to understand that allows all other metaphysical teachings to be made clear is batani: to know that for every outside there is an inside, and for every inside there is an outside. That the two things are different but they go together as one. 

The truth of life is and has always existent among us, in the pebbles of trees, in the falling of love, in the pain of rejection. All things are created from one: love. This love that we have been created from, the soul of our being, is in it’s truest nature oneness. However, to ignore the separateness of form is to ignore the whole existence of our journey. Each oneness thrusted into seperation, in the human vehicle, and each of us are here to clear out as much as we can who we think we are, and emerge into who we truly are: the divine Self, the soul in expression.  Life has never been put on us and has always been a choice we have made to come into, and every single circumstance is one that enhances our deepest evolution. To remember the Truth. The one accesible to all beings all the time, if we look batani. 

The messangers, the enlightened ones, the budha, they have all come and stated the same thing- we are one. that the states they have reached is possible for humanity. That God is here. No human has come and created the truth, what they have done is clear themselves out of ego, death of their perceived self, so that their vessels be filled with the truest nature- the space of love and abundance. God has put his soul in all humans, and it is available to live from if we balance the tools of our body and mind. 

The truth is not exclusive! 

It is the life force that allows all things manifested in physical form to continue. It does not require more of our hard work and perseverance, rather a shift in perspective. 

The truth is the nature of everything. It is the nature of us. Messangers have communicated this time and time again. Yet so much of our reality today is a reaction to people’s rejection of their truth, their inner power of compassion and spaciousness. The space to be hurt, the space to be rejected, the space to be wrong. We think we need to divert from these pains, but if only we put some focus on it, we can see that it’s calling is only of love and acknolodgemnet. 

Be there for what is real, and what is real is that this universe has not been created by a neutral hand. All things move towards wellness, wholeness, and connection. 

We may not have full control on how our life goes, we do have full control to embrace our inner experiences in their totality. 

[sartagos]

MY QUEEN

Character from @meganwhalenturner ‘s incredible Queen’s thief series

[thesaudiavatar]

Ramadan day 4: Esoteric Death

Since I was young I would tell my sister that when I die, grieve and have a huge celebration! Grieve and celebrate my life! Celebrate my release into the arms of mercy and love! And grieve.

Pain is the language of compassion. Where there is pain, there is love and perceiving of it’s loss. But in love there is no loss, there is only the change in form. The love we have will always remain. 

I think death is an art, and the product of it’s practice is more LIFE. Death is a constant, not in the western idea of physical death, but in the decay and completion of a cycle. 

I hope to allow the death of all the attachments that no longer serve me. You know the scariest thing about it for me is not the ending of one th ing, but the period of space and unknown before the new thing emerges. It’s the most testing period, very dark knight of the soul. Every single time it happens, the new things that come up feel better, so my trust grows with every experience. 

We are cyclical beings, and like the trees, we must shed our leaves! Death, nothingness, baren and empty is a necessary part of growth. If we do not allow the cycles to continue, we remain in the compulsion of the mind, away from the deep natural flow. It’s hard man, it is, but for me I'd rather pain that is real, suffering that has meaning, then continuing the familiar out of fear. 

I wish there could be a circle, where we just grieve together. Grieve the loss of who were were, what we thought we knew, loved ones, the child within. Like in the movie Avatar, where they would all connect, and sing in grief. Pain in unity, pain in purpose, pain as a propellent forward. Maybe I can do something....hmm

Note to self: it is not a coincidence that this is not a part of our cultural or corporate system. We have integrated a mind-based approach to living that neglects of emotional and spiritual life force.

May I allow death to flow with a deep knowing that no death that can harm the trueness of my being: all light.

[thesaudiavatar]

Ramadan Day 3: Nothing

“The desire for a more positive experience is itself a negative experience. And, paradoxically, the acceptance of one’s negative experience is itself a positive experience.” wrote Mark Manson

The plants in my room, even when neglected, they do their best to grow, to move forward. It seems to be a specifically human trait to turn challenge into a story of self-destruction.  Is it possible that feelings are here to say something something? Is it possible that all matter has a purpose to heal? 

When I can leave the parts of me that think they are suppose to be and act a certain way, it gives me more freedom to spontaneously happen. My work, my art, my emotions, and thoughts- they don’t become this checklist of appropriate or inaprioriote. They become an experience, and each has a purpose. They hold something that seeks to be released, and we can release only what we acknowledge and observe. 

When things go wrong, my mind opens 20 tabs on different ways  I could’ve avoided this. But better a path is to accept what has been, and move with the lessons you have now birthed.  There is no regression, only growth. 

I have many dreams, desires, and expectations in life. Sometimes it feels overwhelming, until I remember  I am not the one that creates my future, I am the one that allows it. I allow it by being true to myself. I allow it by recognizing what I desire, desires me too. I allow it by not pushing against things, but finding the centre of flow within.  I allow it by being present to my now.

It’s really helpful for a personality like mine, who expects perfection, to intentionally do and be NOTHING. After I get through the discomfort of it, it holds for a treasure, that I am and have always a beautiful light being. Worthy and loved. It is not in my accomplishments that I attain that love, but in allowing my true nature. One that all humans originate from: the god-space (i.e. soul, inner being, love, oneness, light).

 To surrender. Divinity does not live in the literature, but be that a medium to what is here always. The flow of abundance accessible to us all, if we choose to seek it.

Today’s technique:

go into meditation with no intention other than to go blank.Focus on the breath, feel the sensations in the body, then surrender.  

As long as it takes for it to be absolute quiet. watch the gift of nothingness. You realise that even when you lose all in a single moment, your soul is fully, beautiful, magnificently, shining.

[thesaudiavatar]

I don’t yet understand how some people don’t believe in magic

flesh

and

bones

with an ability to imagine

creating a reality that was once inconceivable

and we do it over

and over and over

to be human is pure

MAGIC