My Private Posts

[thesearemyprivateposts]

I'm the bad guy cause I can't learn to trust Love figures You say sorry once and you think it's enough I got a lineup of girls and a lineup of guys Begging for me just to give 'em a try Figures I'm willing to stay Cause I'm sick for your love

Jessie Reyez - Figures

[thesearemyprivateposts]

The Anti-Cupid

I hate Valentine’s Day. I hate that people decide to be nice for one day. Why can’t you be this nice through out the year. I think its just a day business make most of their money out of people. It’s a scam! If you have a significant other I can see it’s an excuse to be super cheesy and no one can make fun of you for it because its the cheesiest day of the year. However some people make it an excuse to get something out of someone. Some are excepted to be showered in gifts but won’t do the same for others.  Some have an agenda; they expect to get laid “for the one time” if they treat you nice this one day and break hearts. My friends think I’m bitter. I just think I’m the anti-cupid, that hates on the day not exactly on love. I am all for love! I love seeing people happy and doing things they love. If I’m being honest, I wouldn't know what love is because I’ve never been in love with another person but I thinks theres hope for everyone to fall in love. It might not be the magical love one sees in a movie but it can be finding a significant other that gives you true happiness. As a single person during this time I don’t want people to pity me because I have no plans for the day and all my friends do.

I don’t want people to think I am miserable because I will be alone on this day. I am going to treat it as any other day and live on with my life. I hope no one hates me after this but I know I am not the only one that feels this way! I love love! I hate Valentines Day!

Love,

The Anti-Cupid

[thesearemyprivateposts]

Chris

There once was a boy named Chris

He said to her “hey miss”

This was the day

He made his way

To give Rebecca a Kiss

[thesearemyprivateposts]

Chili

There once was a boy named Chili,

he wanted me to play with his willy.

I said no

he decided to go 

I told him I wasn’t silly

[thesearemyprivateposts]

Belle

There once was a lady named Belle,

who died and traveled to hell.

She was never wanted,

so she came back and haunted.

That was her final farewell

[thesearemyprivateposts]

you said i love you

I know we are friends

I know that you care for me

I know that I can trust you

I know that you’ll always be there for me.

I knew that I liked you

I knew that you’ll never feel the same 

I knew that if we passed the thin line we have between us 

it would ruin everything.

We passed that thin line I never thought we’d pass.

Things are blurry

Things don’t feel right

Things are different.

Am I overthinking this?

I never thought I’d be so scared

I never thought you would say those words to me.

You said i love you.

I didn’t say anything back.

but just in case...

i love you too. 

[thesearemyprivateposts]

that one night

You were always a mystery to me

I thought I was making things up in my head

but now I know you did do these things tor me

because you do feel this way.

It always seemed like we both avoided what we were feeling

we told ourselves it wasn’t right

we just told ourselves to forget about it.

Once our lips touched

these feelings came back.

I freaked out and pushed you away

thats all I’m ever good at.

I want to feel your touch again.

I don’t want to ruin what we have

but I know now we will always have that one night.

[thesearemyprivateposts]

Wine in my tequila I just wanna feel ya That might be hard to do Since I don't wanna see ya I want you but I don't Yeah I don't even understand myself I just had to sit here, tryin' hard to think of somethin' else

Olivia O’ Brien “Tequilawine”

[thesearemyprivateposts]

Losing Myself

I think I lost myself. I was to focus on making others happy that I never realized what I want for myself. No one really knows me, not even I know myself. I come home and my own family doesn’t even know what I like but they don’t even ask. I think they don’t want to ask because they are scared what they’ll find out. I’ve been gone for 3 years now and I feel like leaving was the best thing for me but I feel guilt in me that I can’t even explain. Should I feel guilty for leaving or for trying to find myself? Should I feel guilty for wanting different things that my family wants for me? Or am I that lost that I don’t even know how to feel? I guess what I’m trying to do now is find myself. I hope the new year will give me the willpower to do things for myself. I don’t want to feel this loss or guilt. I want to find happiness in myself. I want to be my truest self!       

[thesearemyprivateposts]

touch

i like it when you look into my eyes and make me blush

i like it when you hold my hand in front of people even though you know i hate it

i like it when you hold my face with your hands and kiss me 

but i need more than that

i crave more than that

i want to feel your touch

your hand on my waist

your hand slipping down my thigh

your lips against mine

your lips moving down my neck

i want to feel your skin against mine

i need to feel your touch even if its just for one night

touch me.

[thesearemyprivateposts]

I've been deep down in the dirt for some time Not a clear sound from my heart or my mind

Tove Lo “Keep It Simple” 

[thesearemyprivateposts]

Home Sweet Home

I’ve been away from home for a while. I love where I was but I was missing home a lot. I’m here now but I’m starting to remember why I left in the first place. Everyone is at war here and I left this war. I thought leaving would make things better but it made things worst. They hold it against me that I left. They say they want the best for me but they just want to keep me in this war. All I ask for is PEACE, but that will never happen because there will always be war. Well, Home Sweet Home...

[thesearemyprivateposts]

Deja Vu

Why do I get the feeling that I’ve been in this situation before? Why is it that this is happening to me again? I honestly don’t understand. I try to be the best person I can be for others. Is that not enough? Am I the problem? Do I need to change? Am I a too honest? Am I just a BITCH? Maybe the next time around I need to be a different person. I still don’t understand! This Deja Vu is driving me crazy!!! I don’t know how to stop it. If only they can tell me to my face, what is wrong with me. I can’t trust anyone, anymore. I thought they had my trust, I thought I had their trust. I guess not. I already know how this ends. Im not stupid. I guess I’ll just let this deja vu do its job. Maybe next time I’ll learn. Maybe next time it won’t be deja vu. Or maybe it is a never ending deja vu. I guess my last question is, What did I do wrong?