"Heavens above please don’t tell me they heard everything,” Sunday murmured to himself walking through the halls of his base, his wings near his ears flapping in nervousness ever so slightly.
You very well heard every single word. Tears dripped down your face as you tried to hold them back in order to not look disheveled in front of the others you were passing by. You passed by Robin and her eyes widened but you walked off before giving her a chance to speak.
As you try to make one more turn against the hall corner you're greeted by a familiar hand gripping onto your shoulder.
“Let go Sunday.” You whisper out still trying to stifle your small tears.
“Let me explain. Please.” He whispers in reply, his eyes drooped in apology.
“Go on. Explain. Explain how you're using my ass? Or..how I’m easy to manipulate?”
“Listen darling. I will take back what I said. I just needed to say that since I can’t let others know how stunningly in love I’m with you.” You hitched as you saw a dark gaze in Sunday's eyes. His..eyes didn't look loving. But. You couldn’t help but be drawn into them.
Sunday gave his usual light smile as he gripped your face. “You’re not going to leave me right?” Those words were a question but they sounded like a statement through his lips. You stared.
“Please. Just don’t say shit like that. It hurt a lot.” You mumble out looking at the ground feeling Sunday tighten his grip on your chin smiling.
“Anything for you, love.” He kissed your tears traveling to your lips gently.
AVENTURINE:
“Does he really think money’s going to solve this?” You say to yourself looking at the notification of Aventurine sending you $1,000,000 cash.
As you were about to take a taxi home you stare at the windshield and see Aventurine running.
“Great.” You mumbled to yourself as he panted and gave his signature smile.
“Listen baby. I didn’t mean to do that! You know I’d never place you in a bet of mine. It was a tease!”
“Uh huh. You would’ve gone with it if I didn’t walk out of that place.” You scoff at his reasoning about walking into the taxi till you feel slim arms wrap around your waist from behind and Aventurines head leaning on your shoulder nuzzled.
“Please..don’t go. I didn’t mean it.” He whispered out in that vulnerable voice you usually never heard of him unless he spoke about his past or family.
You tensed at his words and eventually relaxed and sighed.
“Okay. Okay. You're killing me with that grip of yours.”
“Don’t care.” He whispered, hugging you tighter from behind as your eyes became half lidded.
“Just..please don’t joke about that kind of thing ever again Aven.” Aventurine nodded rapidly and kissed the back of your neck, smiling against it as you ruffled his hair, also giving a soft smile.
DR. RATIO:
“Oh my lord. Oh my lord.” Veritas said to himself repeatedly while trying to find you. He checked your room. Your office. The living room. Everywhere. Veritas felt a migraine coming. Not out of annoyance. But out of guilt.
He hitched when he saw you sitting on a bench outside quietly staring at the ground as if struck in a daze. Which you were. You were replaying what happened over and over in your head.
“Hey.” Veritas mumbled awkwardly and you looked up at him with a frown.
“Hey. Shouldn't you be working?” You sigh averting your gaze but flinch slightly as Veritas grabbed your hand pulling it to his chest.
“I’m sorry. I lashed out and said uncountable things. That was wrong of me I must say.” Veritas knew and prided himself in never being wrong so this was unnatural of him and he felt uneasy but. He knew he had to apologize. He made the mistake of making you sad.
“It's fine.” You didn’t take his apology well since a couple words wouldn't exactly vanish the feeling of sadness you had when he lashed out on you. Plus they were still dwelling.
Veritas being perceptive and noticing sighed and pulled you closer grabbing both your hands and peppering kisses on them. You flushed at the affection trying to pull back but he continued even deeper while staring at you.
“I’m sorry. I won’t look at a book for the rest of the day. It will be severely dedicated to you. And only you.” Your heart felt full at his words.
I don't know if this breaks your trauma rule or not, but (with the guys of your choosing as long as Ratio is there) how would the guys react to losing reader (they haven't confessed feelings yet) during a mission and thinking they died. Then, the reader reappears a week later bandaged up, but alive. Maybe spouts their confession first? ˘͈ᵕ˘͈
I adore your writing. Thank you!
This is way too fucking long, so be warned. It’s like I rammed 4 mini stories in one but got lost at some point cuz I left this ask to collect dust. Also thanks for enjoying my writing it’s much appreciated. :) 🦦🐿️
Sunday:
The moment he got news that you’ve been assumed dead in the aftermath of a dangerous mission, he looses composure really quickly.
Loosing Robin was one thing but loosing you on top of that was the straw that broke the camels back.
He originally doesn’t believe that you were gone, he refuses to as he practically tears his office to shreds in a fit of anger and grief before forcing himself to regain composure and clean up after his outburst. He needed to in order to keep up the illusion that he was the levelheaded leader The Family needed in these moments of chaos and mistrust.
Even if he himself was breaking down internally alongside everyone else, hellbent on finding the culprit for your death and punishing them so severely that they’d beg for death. He’d avenge you in anyway he could, even if it meant sending out the bloodhound family on a wild goose chase that only ends in dead ends, he would get you justice no matter how it may come.
His heart had died alongside you that day.
So when a week passes and he finally has you back in his arms, all the while being carful with your wounds as his eyes searched you over in a way you weren’t use to.
‘You’re alive.’ He breathes out in relief as he then begins to laugh and rest his head against yours, breathing you in deeply as he relishes in this long awaited moment. ‘Of course you’re alive.’ He mutters.
‘Sunday,’ you began but Sunday was quite to cut you off.
‘Do you know how I felt thinking you were dead? Driving myself insane to prove that you were still alive anyway I could as not to bear the idea of walking through this life without the one person I love so dearly.’ Sunday takes a brief pauses in his monologue, feeling out of breath after having put everything out into the open before continuing. ‘I thought my heart had stopped beating that day and now I have you bad in my arms.’ Sunday then chuckles darkly as he gripped you tighter. ‘I’ll ensure that I’d never have to revisit that part of my life ever again.’
‘Sunday-‘
‘Shhh.’ Sunday cuts you off once more, pressing a kiss to your forehead as he holds you close to his chest, rubbing your back soothingly. ‘Just know that what I do after this, I do out of my love for you.’ He says against your forehead before pressing another kiss there for good measure.
Jing yuan:
Loss wasn’t new to Jing Yuan.
He has experienced it in multiple forms throughout his life, but that didn’t made the news of your death any less painful for the General.
While his mind might’ve made peace with the fact that you were gone, his heart however did not as he would find himself in the places that you often vacated to in moments of stress, or to just be left alone for a while with your thoughts. So to no longer see you in any of those hidden spots -waiting for him to find you like you usually did- only worsened the grief he felt in his heart as he sat himself down and allowed the memories to pass over him in waves.
You were both so happy together and felt a sense of fulfilment that could only be achieved when you were within the other’s presence; A feeling that was uniquely yours and yours alone that could never be replicated, ever. For no one could ever come close to replacing you, nor the companionship you and he had for each other that many assumed would blossom into something more; Jing Yuan also shared the same sentiments as they did, but just as he built the courage to push that boundary between the two of you, you were taken from him before he could utter a single word.
So when a week passes and Jing Yuan found your battered and beaten form in one of your secret spots, back resting against a tree with your eyes closed.
‘Y/n?’ He called out and your eyes opened upon hearing his voice and looking at him with a weak smile. ‘Hey General, miss me?’ You said as you struggled to get up to your feet, only to stumble forward and into Jing Yuan’s chest as his strong yet gentle hands hold you in place.
‘More than you could ever hope to know.’ Jing yuan said as he focused on how you felt beneath his hands, warm and alive.
‘I’m sorry I kept you waiting.’ You muttered against his chest as his warmth made you realised just how tired you were from everything you’ve experienced this last week alone. ‘I never meant to keep you waiting in fear that you’d forget about me if I don’t stay in your life long enough.’ You admit and Jing Yuan instinctively presses a soft kiss to the top of your head, holding you protectively.
‘I could never forget about you my beloved.’ Jing Yuan reassured you as he looked you deep into your eyes. ‘You’ve managed to carve your place within my heart and soul, so much that there isn’t a day where you aren’t all I think about, regardless of whether or not your by my side or far away.’ He finished by pressing a gentle kiss to the gauze on your cheek, chuckling upon seeing your cute attempts of burrowing your face into his chest.
‘How long have you’ve been waiting to say this.’ You asked, thankful that he was the one to admit his feelings first, as you would’ve had a hard time articulating your words as fluidly as he could.
‘For a very long time.’ Jing Yuan replied with a small smile as he then proceeded to lift you into his arms, cuasing you to squeal in surprise, as he made sure to be carful of your wounds and began walking to the nearest medics to make sure your wounds weren’t going to be trouble later on.
Aventurine:
He didn’t know what to think when you were pronounced dead, all Aventurine could feel in that moment was an overwhelming numbness that encased him entirely.
The only light left in his life had been snuffed out, plummeting him into utter and total darkness he had once been well acquainted with until you came along, giving him a reason to keep looking forward despite everything.
You were no longer here to hold onto his left hand before he could even think of hiding it behind his back out of habit, you were no longer here to be his reason, his comfort, his safe place. You were taken away from him unfairly and once again Aventurine found himself asking the same question he has been asking himself for a long time; why everyone was born into this life just to die.
So when a week passes and Aventurine finds himself sat on a bench somewhere, still not dealing well then than he was the week of your assumed passing, lost in his own thoughts when someone took a seat next to him. Aventurine was just about ready to tell them to go away, when he saw just who was sitting next to him; you.
‘I know, I look like shit but you don’t have to look at me like that.’ You spoke upon feeling his eyes gaze upon the gauze on your cheek, then towards the array of bandages that littered the rest of your body.
‘I thought you died.’ He hissed, emotion was heavy in his voice as his eyes became bleary with unshed tears as he felt his breathing become heavy with the reality that you were alive. He didn’t know what was real and what wasn’t in that moment as his mind raced. And it wasn’t until you reached out to grasp his left hand and intertwine your fingers together, squeezing, did everything finally became clear to him.
‘I thought I was too at one point but there was something that kept me from journeying over to the afterlife.’ You admit, looking over at him and smiling sweetly, wanting nothing then to calm his thoughts and reassure him that this wasn’t a dream.
‘And what was that?’ He laughs humourlessly as he stares back at you, wanting to hear what excuses you could come up with for faking being dead for a week. ‘Willpower? Determination?’
‘You Kakavasha.’ You replied straightforwardly and his breath hitched in his throat. You rarely used his actual name unless it was absolutely serious. ‘You were all I thought about as I pushed through my injuries.’ You told him as you continued. ‘Kakavasha is waiting for me was just about all I could think about for a week straight.’ You finished as though you didn’t just confess that he was your soul motivator in staying alive.
‘Really?’ Aventurine said softly, finding it impossible that he could possibly be your reason for anything. ‘Why?’
‘Yes really.’ You chuckled, pressing a kiss to his cheek as you rested your head against his shoulder. ‘As for why, it’s because I like you more then did let myself admit, but i just wanted you to know incase anything truly bad were to ever happen to me-‘
‘No.’ Aventurine cut you off suddenly, squeezing your hand as though he were afraid. ‘Nothing is going to happen to you, not now. not ever. I just got you back.’ He adds resting his head against your own in a desperate attempt of feeling more of your against him. ‘Just stay with me…please.’ He begs you in a whisper as he nuzzled further into you. ‘and don’t go anywhere I can’t follow. I don’t think I can bear the thought of loosing you again.’
You smiled softly as you just whispered back against the skin of his neck. ‘As long as you don’t go anywhere I can’t follow. I like my crush to be alive and close by even if he can be a pain in my ass sometimes.’
Aventurine chuckles, his heart becoming whole again as he made you cuddle into his side, kissing your head once more as you took this moment to familiarise yourselves with each other. ‘At least I’m a pleasurable pain in the ass.’ He teased and you pinch his side, causing him to flinch, but his smile remained and this time his smile was genuine.
His light has came home.
Ratio:
Fully believed that he’d see you when the mission ended, knowing just how talented and dedicated to the craft you were, and having faith that this would be a measly walk in a park for you.
Only to receive word that you were one of the many who were assumed dead when you weren’t found amongst the living nor the dead.
Veritas tries to remain as levelheaded and logical as possible during this time and continue life as normal. However found himself retracting from everyone else and going none contact, more so specifically with the people you were once associated with, and instead focused heavily on his studies and academics to an unhealthy extent.
A week passes and Veritas feels as though he’s seen a ghost the moment he saw you in his peripheral vision, bandaged and dressed in ripped clothing but still somehow finding it in you to smile.
‘You idiotic Buffon!’ He exclaims as he walks towards you.
‘Well that’s a nice way to greet someone you care about.’ You replied as you readied yourself for a massive rant about how stupid you were and so on, but instead you were held against his chest as he burrows his head into your neck.
‘I thought you died.’ He says in a whisper as he breathed you in. This went against all logic but in that rare moment Veritas didn’t care, you were alive but he still couldn’t let go of the fact that you didn’t tell anyone you were still alive. ‘Why didn’t you tell anyone that you were alive, send a signal, anything.’
You shrugged as you made yourself comfortable in his strong arms. ‘All communications were badly damaged or completely cut off.’ You told him. ‘I was on my own for a long while before finding my way back to you.’
‘Me?’ Veritas asked, pulling away from you. ‘Why not a medial facility for a proper treatment of your wounds? Have you hit your head so hard that common sense had been left on the back burner when making that decision?’
‘I wanted to see you first you dickhead!’ You exclaimed, shutting Veritas up rather quickly with your confession but you didn’t care. ‘is it so wrong of me to let the man I love know that I’m okay? So go ahead and call me an idiot all you like but that won’t change the fact that I felt more fear about not telling you how I truly feel then dying on some stupid mission.’ You finished your rant.
‘You’re insufferable.’ Veritas said after a moment of silence and you couldn’t help but feel a little annoyed at this that you didn’t notice that Veritas has began to close in the distance between the two of you.
You scoffed. ‘Oh sure call me insufferable as if you-‘ Veritas cuts you off by cupping your cheeks and planting a sweet short lived kiss against your lips before pulling away with a smirk.
‘Glad to know that the feelings are reciprocated.’ He says, taking enjoyment of rendering you speechless as he gently guided you to medical, and remaining by your side for the remainder of the day.
A HUNDRED KISSES ! ੭୧. . . showing affections and kissing penacony men. x gn! reader + unedited.
Aventurine slowly takes your hand, the one riddled with pretty pearls and rings and slowly caresses his cold lips against the jewels, stirring you from your slumber. You awaken to his ravenous eyes—the color like boysenberries hitting cyan—and he smiles, the softest tips of his lips lifting when he sees your eyes flutter open. He stamps a precious kiss at the back of your hand. “I didn’t mean to wake you.”
“…You’re back early.” You shuffle on the mattress, adjusting your eyes against the dim light. How was the business transaction—? You wanted to ask, that is until you see the exhaustion creeping up his expression, and the notable purple bruise forming at the edge of his lip.
You gasp at the sight and Aventurine cannot help but chuckle weakly, “Unfortunately, we did not reach a consensus yet.”
“Are you okay?” He winces when you lift a tender finger to his cheek.
“Yeah, nothing to be concerned with.” there’s a touch of ached bitterness in his expression when he sneers, “These clients just have a lot of things to say—or, aggression for this matter, towards an IPC mongrel.”
Irritation and anger spikes through your chest, your brows furrow at the spiteful treatment Aventurine receives from time to time. You pull away from him, leaving him cold in the mattress as you shimmy to the edge, feet touching the carpeted ground. Just before you can stand, you feel Aventurine’s gentle clutch on your satin sleeping wear.
“Where are you going?” There is panic in his tone.
“I’m going to get medicine and cotton for your wounds, are you sure you’re alright?” It’s a rare sight to see, Aventurine’s colorful eyes wide with fear, he holds your hand firmly like he’s scared to let you go, scrambling for your warmth.
“I just—“ He starts. “I want to be with you, for a bit, please? don’t leave.”
You immediately deflate, returning back to the mattress and pulling him with you. You brush the meager strands of his bangs away from his face and he revels in your simple affection, allowing you to pull him into a snuggly hug, he noses your collarbone and you rub your cheek onto his messy blond hair. When you have him securely in your embrace, you tip his chin in your direction and kiss him softly.
Plush, soft and simply delicate, Aventurine’s kisses have always been like that. Though at times, he also had the tendency to be greedy, greedy in a sense that if you give him a single sweet kiss, he will willingly reciprocates it, tenfold over.
He lifts a hand and cups the back of your neck when he feels you retreat. “Not enough.” he’s breathless, pulling you back into a kiss more passionate than the first. After a minute, he pulls away from you only to bite the tip of his gloves and discarding it, tossing them somewhere on the floor. Cold fingertips creep up your bare arms before he wraps it firmly around your wrists.
“Wait, let me at least place medicine on your wound first…“
“Later.” Aventurine breathes softly on your lips, pecking it. “Please kiss me more.”
Under the soft, golden gleam of the lounge, you’re having trouble trying to figure him out, when he looks at you with his droopy, apple-colored eyes your chest stirs, when he tries to guide you somewhere he places a sturdy palm on the small of your back and your cheeks heat. Truly, you did try your best to deny it even after being drinking buddies for a very long time—Gallagher still feels like a stranger to you, but you can’t help but feel like a mess whenever he gives you the barest of attention.
You just cannot help it, not when he hums deeply at your every drunken rambles, patiently listening as you murmur complaints about your colleagues, not when he tips his head back and laughs at your jokes, his Adam’s apple bobbing and tresses of his brown hair fall all over his forehead, returning back to his fruit beverage with a momentary smile to his lips and smile crinkling his eyes.
And especially not when the light-hearted atmosphere between you both plunges into dripping tension when you had mentioned how you never had your first kiss. You’re now hyper aware of his arm that’s mere inches from yours in the bar counter, and words flatten on your tongue when you feel fingers pinching your chin, pulling you to meet his eyes.
A certain type of energy swallows the soft, jazz atmosphere around you. It was only the two of you after all, tonight he invited you to drink after closing hours.
You can feel his strong arm dragging your seat closer so his nose touches your own, lips inches from yours and gaze holding eye contact.
“May I?”
“Please.” When the words left your lips, Gallagher closes the distance and presses his mouth to your own, capturing your face in his calloused hold. Oddly, his tongue tasted like tobacco and candy, his stubble pricking your jaw but you didn’t mind, not when your heart stirs and crackles as he consumes you whole, like a licking flame that continues to burn you deliciously from inside out.
You wanted more, so you wrap your finger around his velvet tie and pull him in, eliciting a soft grunt from his chest. You cannot understand, you truly don’t know what makes this roguish and messy man so addicting.
“You..” Your cheeks feel heated and you sputter out, “You damn officer.” Your words stumble like a drunk and a deep, rich chuckle escapes his lips.
Gallagher fixes his tie and smiles teasingly at you. “Is it everything that you hoped for?”
Only because it was you, finally it was you. “I suppose so.” You touch your lips, then grab your glass. “Can I have a refill of the Dreamjolt Special?”
Gallagher smiles, taking your glass as his touch lingers on yours, pulling away reluctantly he says, “Sure thing, sweetheart. Just for you.”
Dr. Veritas Ratio holds a penchant amount of stubbornness and narcissism, this usually revolves around creating certain self-portraits of himself through wet clay and chisel tools.
However, these days, the sharp-tongued scholar has been plagued by the thoughts of someone. A mere mediocre whom he had been acquainted with for a few months due to recent collaborative projects. Probably the only one—besides a certain gambler and a few fools at his guild—who could infuriate him this much.
Yes, infuriating is a good word to describe you.
Infuriating with the way you try to ruffle him up at every given opportunity, infuriating with how you can keep up with his snarky comebacks and debates. Infuriated with the fact that you can sometimes flood his whole mind to the point he can no longer focus on his thesis and books, slowing his progress indiscriminately.
And, Aeon forbid, how infuriated he was that he enjoyed that sweet kiss you gave him one late morning between the bookshelves of the University library, where his shaking hands that held an encyclopedia completely slipped from his grasps, abandoned on the floor as he grabbed your waist to pull you impossibly closer.
A sigh escapes him and he shakes the thoughts away, “this is just ridiculous.” He hates how crave slowly aches through his chest, circulating its intensity through his whole body because all he wants to do now is to just hold you in his arms and kiss you again.
Ratio rolls his shoulders, leaning back focusing on the statue in front of him. His face scrunches at the half-done plaster in front of him. In normal circumstances, he would have molded the clay into his usual self-portraits, but what stares back at him was someone else, someone that he had grown to think about often than none, you.
Embarrassment heats up the tip of his ears, his thumb lifting to trace the clay that beheld your enamoring features, he murmurs lowly. “Look what you’ve done to me.”
Ever since Robin’s departure from Penacony, you had no one else but her older brother to seek company with, and Sunday had no one else but you to quench his loneliness and to heal his exhaustion after a day’s work dealing with The Family.
Sunday had always held something special in his heart for his beloved childhood sweetheart. He always showed kindness towards you, even when you were kids, he always stuck to you. He’s willing to share his strawberry tarts, grabbing a napkin to dab away crumbs from your mouth, willing to hold your hand securely on his and give you piggy-back rides. He even allows you to give him cheek kisses, more than willing actually, and he remembers being all bubbly and delightful after receiving your kisses, his wings flapping enthusiastically beside his ears from how happy and blushy he gets.
Even now that you are older and more mature, holding more responsibilities than back then—his soft-hearted mannerism is only reserved for you and his sister. And with Robin’s absence, he tries his best to make time for you into his busy schedule, always keeping track of days where you are out of practice so he can take a stroll with you down Golden hour’s enthusiastic streets, catching up in jovial conversations and buying strawberry tarts on a stand. He spends time with you in the Dreamscape and outside of it—as per Robin’s constant recommendations when he receives her letters.
The only difference now than when you were kids is that Sunday’s affections for you blossomed into something more.
Behind closed doors, within the private space of his office in Dewlight Pavillion, Sunday has you on his lap. No words were truly said as you cup his face, he takes your hand and turns his head to seal a kiss on your palm, kissing your fingertips and your knuckles. You wrap your arms around his neck and bury your face on the crook of his shoulders,
You cannot help but breath out a laugh, lips murmuring on his ear. “If the other Family head finds you in such a state, they would have thrown quite a fit.”
“That’s hardly a concern.” He answers without much as opening his eyes. “I need you in my arms, I can deal with pressing matters later.”
“Greedy. Didn’t think you missed me that much if you are putting Family matters on hold just for me, how endearing of you.” You blow gentle air on his wings, it flutters under your warm breath.
“Mind you, you’re the one that came to visit me, no?” Sunday pulls you away from his neck to stare at you, his eyes a buttery gold. “Maybe you’re the one that misses me.”
“Maybe.” You peck his lips, Sunday follows your lips when you pull away and you cannot help but smile when he finally, finally he kisses you, fully satiating your yearning.
Sunday momentarily entertains the idea of dodging it, but after he considers that it may go south, he settles for playing along. Catching your invisible affection and cradling it to his heart — your smiles and giggles make foregoing his initial instinct worth it. But of course, if he's in a certain mood, he'll follow his heart's desire. It's not his fault that you feed a certain part of him so well with your animated responses.
Aventurine never quite disappoints with his retaliations, if you can even predict them, that is. He'll deftly grasp onto your kiss and maneuver it his lips, gulping it down and reveling at your flabbergasted face. Or, he'll tip his hat and catch the kiss with it before sauntering off. Him blowing you a kiss is not off the table either. Whatever it is, you'll always be the visibly flustered one in this charade.
Dr Ratio misses your gesture completely the first time. After you take it upon yourself to educate him in this regard ; he huffs, he scoffs and mutters some things about how childish it is. He was planning on leaving it at that, but when he noticed how utterly devastated you look, he exasperatedly tells you to do it again. This time though, he'll raise his tome, capture the kiss with it and cradle the tome close to his chest. There, are you happy now?
the sterile scent of antiseptic that lingered in the air brought you to reality, a seemingly comfortable familiarity in comparison to the unknown, mostly white room. dr. ratio moved with practiced efficiency, footsteps soft but purposeful on the cold, tiled floor. the typical precision and detachment he exhibited in his work were somewhat softened by the worry visible on his face.
you lie in bed, the light sheets drawn up to your chest, your skin warm with fever, feeling as if it were crawling. it began with a slight cough, which you had brushed off as just a fleeting cold. however, it hadn't gone away. instead, the sickness took root in your lungs, turning each breath into a battle, as every cough sent waves of pain through your body. you had joked prior to the world going black about the well known 'death rattle' that sounded from you.
when dr. ratio had found you, trying to go about your day as if nothing was wrong, he had immediately taken charge, his usual calm demeanor giving way to a firm, almost protective concern. he wanted to, and would later on, give you a firm reminder to take better care of yourself. he had insisted you rest, and now, here you were, tucked into a bed in the medbay, under his watchful care. he had vehemently denied anyone else's presence.
you blinked up at him, trying to offer a small, reassuring smile, but it came out weak and tired, something that only made it worse. 'i'm okay, honestly,' you rasped, your voice hoarse from the constant coughing. it didn't sound very convincing at all.
he frowned, not unkindly, but with the kind of disapproval that came from genuine concern. on a normal basis, you would joke about the fatherly tinge to such actions. 'you are not okay,' he replied, his voice calm but persistent. 'you’ve been running a fever for several days, and you’re barely able to breathe without pain. you need to rest and not be so stubborn.'
you wanted to argue, to tell him you didn’t need to be fussed over, but another coughing fit seized you, leaving you gasping for air. not to mention, it would only prove his point on your headstrong behavior. dr. ratio was at your side in an instant, a glass of water appearing in his hand as if by magic.
'drink.' he instructed, his tone leaving no room for argument.
you obeyed, taking slow, careful sips, feeling the cool water soothe your raw throat, cringing just slightly. his hand rested lightly on your shoulder, his touch steadying and reassuring.
'why didn’t you tell me sooner?' he asked quietly, his eyes searching yours. there was no accusation in his voice, only a deep, underlying worry. his concern rooted in the fact you wouldn't be so bad off had you just been honest.
you looked away, feeling a pang of guilt. 'i don't like bothering you,' you admitted. 'you're always busy and i figured it would just.. pass.'
dr. ratio let out a soft sigh, his hand squeezing your shoulder gently. 'you’re never a bother,' he said, his voice softening. 'your health is important to me, as it should be to you. i need you to promise that you’ll come to me if you’re ever feeling unwell again.'
his words were laced with a seriousness that made you realize just how much he cared, not that you doubted it before, but it was still nice to hear. it wasn’t just about your physical health—it was about the bond you shared, the deep, platonic connection that had grown between you over time.
'i promise.' you whispered, your voice barely above a breath, almost reluctantly. it wasn't easy to just start doing something and you couldn't help the guilt that would come with potentially interrupting him.
he nodded, satisfied with your answer, and reached for a small device on the nearby table. 'let’s me check your vitals again. i want to make sure your fever is coming down.'
as he gently placed the device against your wrist, you couldn’t help but notice the way his usually cool, clinical demeanor had softened. there was a warmth in his eyes, a quiet determination to see you through this, no matter what. it was considerably calming to see.
the device beeped softly, and he studied the readings with a focused intensity. as a moment, he nodded, that frown making a brief return to his features.
'you fever is down but only slightly.. still too high,' he murmured, more to himself than to you. he stood up, moving to a small cabinet where he retrieved a vial and a syringe. 'this will help bring it down further and ease the pain in your chest.'
you wanted to gag while watching him prepare the injection, his movements precise and efficient, but there was a gentleness in the way he approached you, a careful consideration that he reserved only for those closest to him. you knew it was needed but you were never one for injections of any kind.
he administered the injection with practiced ease, and as the medication began to take effect, you felt some of the tension in your body start to ease. the pain in your chest dulled to a manageable ache, and the fog of fever lifted slightly, leaving you feeling clearer, if not entirely better. there was still that tug of discomfort at the back of your head, bones feeling heavy.
dr. ratio stayed by your side, his hand resting lightly on your arm, a silent anchor in the midst of your discomfort. he didn’t speak, but his presence was enough—a reminder that you weren’t alone, that someone was watching over you with unwavering care. someone that knew what they were doing and wouldn't leave until you were okay.
as the minutes ticked by, you felt your eyelids grow heavy, the combination of the medication and exhaustion from trying to fight whatever illness you had catching up quickly. he took notice of this, his thumb brushing lightly against your skin in a soothing gesture.
'rest now,' he whispered, his voice barely above a murmur. 'i’ll be here when you wake up.'
you nodded weakly, the last of your resistance fading as sleep began to claim you. the last thing you felt before drifting off was the comforting weight of his hand on your arm, a steady reminder that you were safe.
and as you slipped into sleep, the thought lingered in your mind: no matter what, you knew that he would always be there, watching over you with the same quiet, steadfast care that had become such an integral part of your life.
relationships: Dr. Ratio x GN!Reader
summary: Ratio decides to help you out but only after he lets you know just how disappointed he is.
cw: Fluff, Ratio pining, Tsundere Ratio(?), pre relationship, very self indulgent
a/n: stress writing is real. huh.
wc: ~800
masterlist
A firm hand on your shoulder startles you awake from your nap, and the bright screen of your monitor makes squint. You weren't even aware that you had fallen asleep on your desk. Lifting your head with a groggy look you’re met with a pair of familiar red eyes. Usually, seeing the purple haired doctor in front of you would bring you joy, but at a time like this? He was the last person you wanted to talk to.
He was there the previous week to constantly remind you to get your work done but you kept dismissing him, after all, you had an entire week ahead of you, and other plans as well. Surely a short delay wouldn’t push you back too much, right? Wrong. Despite only having skipped a week's worth of work, you quickly realize just how many small tasks can pile up in just seven days.
"Still working on your proposal?" He asks you, a hint of a condescending tone in his voice.
"I'm almost done." You sighed, the last thing you needed right now was a lecture. Your hands dutifully find their back to your keyboard as you reread your last few sentences to get the gist of the writing.
"This is precisely why I discourage procrastination. Delaying your work will only lead to a tighter schedule in the future." His disapproving words pierce you but do no damage, you were used to this, unfortunately.
“I know…” You grumbled. Sometimes you wonder if he enjoyed talking down to you, it really seemed like he’d always magically appear out of thin air whenever you started slacking off just to offer you a lecture. "I didn't even delay it for that long though, just a week..." It was embarrassing to admit how many similar scenarios had played out in the past with the two of you, but no matter how many times he’d reprimand you for stalling you always ended up doing it again. For a brief moment you wonder what it would be like to live in the stone ages where you wouldn’t need to worry about writing another official document ever again…
"A week too long if you ask me." He shakes his head in disapproval. "Show me what you’ve done so far." Leaning over your shoulder he scans your screen. It doesn’t take him long to read through everything, though you wondered why he needed to anyway. Somehow the last few days you noticed how the doctor seemed to hover around you a lot more often, and now he’s involving himself in your job too. Perhaps it meant something but in your current sleep deprived state you didn’t have the energy to think too deeply about the implications.
"Mmm good, you've written down the main points for the remaining sections at the very least, and surprisingly you are almost done.” You scoff at his surprised tone, admittedly a little offended. Sure you may not always get things done on time but you valued quality a lot. Ratio just rolls his eyes at your little fit.
“See? Not too bad right? Now will you leave me alone?” You say as you turn the monitor back to face you. Just a few more hours and you’ll be free to sleep.
“Hmph, this is the bare minimum and yet you’re proud of it?” He chides. That’s one thing you really disliked him. At times you’d find yourself flustered in his presence at his caring nature, but other times you really did find him infuriating. This situation is the latter it seems. You wish he’d really just leave you to your own devices already.
“Sleep, I’ll finish up the rest.” Your fingers pause. Huh? Did you hear that right? No, he must’ve said something else. “Don’t worry, I’ll do my best to match your style of writing.” Turns out you weren’t just hearing things. The Dr.Ratio was offering to do your proposal for you. But you couldn’t just let him. As much as you trusted him with your proposal, this was still your mess and it didn't feel right letting someone else deal with it.
“That’s not- I mean, this is my job Ratio, I can't just-”
“Get up and go before I change my mind.”
“Ratio…” You almost felt like crying. The look you give him could fool anyone into thinking you were under the gaze of an Aeon. “Oh thank you so much, I could kiss you right now. I’ll definitely repay you, I promise.” Immediately you get up and start packing your things as the doctor takes your seat. You briefly wonder why he suddenly decided to help you after all the snide remarks but you decide not to dwell on it too much.
“Just…go.” He turns away from you, a light dust of pink on his cheeks at your remark. It’s a shame you miss it in your hurry to head to bed. Not only do you not offer him a proper goodbye but you also leave the door open on your way out.
“Idiot.” He sighs.
Perhaps one day he'll get to say 'My idiot' instead.
I don't know if this breaks your trauma rule or not, but (with the guys of your choosing as long as Ratio is there) how would the guys react to losing reader (they haven't confessed feelings yet) during a mission and thinking they died. Then, the reader reappears a week later bandaged up, but alive. Maybe spouts their confession first? ˘͈ᵕ˘͈
I adore your writing. Thank you!
This is way too fucking long, so be warned. It’s like I rammed 4 mini stories in one but got lost at some point cuz I left this ask to collect dust. Also thanks for enjoying my writing it’s much appreciated. :) 🦦🐿️
Sunday:
The moment he got news that you’ve been assumed dead in the aftermath of a dangerous mission, he looses composure really quickly.
Loosing Robin was one thing but loosing you on top of that was the straw that broke the camels back.
He originally doesn’t believe that you were gone, he refuses to as he practically tears his office to shreds in a fit of anger and grief before forcing himself to regain composure and clean up after his outburst. He needed to in order to keep up the illusion that he was the levelheaded leader The Family needed in these moments of chaos and mistrust.
Even if he himself was breaking down internally alongside everyone else, hellbent on finding the culprit for your death and punishing them so severely that they’d beg for death. He’d avenge you in anyway he could, even if it meant sending out the bloodhound family on a wild goose chase that only ends in dead ends, he would get you justice no matter how it may come.
His heart had died alongside you that day.
So when a week passes and he finally has you back in his arms, all the while being carful with your wounds as his eyes searched you over in a way you weren’t use to.
‘You’re alive.’ He breathes out in relief as he then begins to laugh and rest his head against yours, breathing you in deeply as he relishes in this long awaited moment. ‘Of course you’re alive.’ He mutters.
‘Sunday,’ you began but Sunday was quite to cut you off.
‘Do you know how I felt thinking you were dead? Driving myself insane to prove that you were still alive anyway I could as not to bear the idea of walking through this life without the one person I love so dearly.’ Sunday takes a brief pauses in his monologue, feeling out of breath after having put everything out into the open before continuing. ‘I thought my heart had stopped beating that day and now I have you bad in my arms.’ Sunday then chuckles darkly as he gripped you tighter. ‘I’ll ensure that I’d never have to revisit that part of my life ever again.’
‘Sunday-‘
‘Shhh.’ Sunday cuts you off once more, pressing a kiss to your forehead as he holds you close to his chest, rubbing your back soothingly. ‘Just know that what I do after this, I do out of my love for you.’ He says against your forehead before pressing another kiss there for good measure.
Jing yuan:
Loss wasn’t new to Jing Yuan.
He has experienced it in multiple forms throughout his life, but that didn’t made the news of your death any less painful for the General.
While his mind might’ve made peace with the fact that you were gone, his heart however did not as he would find himself in the places that you often vacated to in moments of stress, or to just be left alone for a while with your thoughts. So to no longer see you in any of those hidden spots -waiting for him to find you like you usually did- only worsened the grief he felt in his heart as he sat himself down and allowed the memories to pass over him in waves.
You were both so happy together and felt a sense of fulfilment that could only be achieved when you were within the other’s presence; A feeling that was uniquely yours and yours alone that could never be replicated, ever. For no one could ever come close to replacing you, nor the companionship you and he had for each other that many assumed would blossom into something more; Jing Yuan also shared the same sentiments as they did, but just as he built the courage to push that boundary between the two of you, you were taken from him before he could utter a single word.
So when a week passes and Jing Yuan found your battered and beaten form in one of your secret spots, back resting against a tree with your eyes closed.
‘Y/n?’ He called out and your eyes opened upon hearing his voice and looking at him with a weak smile. ‘Hey General, miss me?’ You said as you struggled to get up to your feet, only to stumble forward and into Jing Yuan’s chest as his strong yet gentle hands hold you in place.
‘More than you could ever hope to know.’ Jing yuan said as he focused on how you felt beneath his hands, warm and alive.
‘I’m sorry I kept you waiting.’ You muttered against his chest as his warmth made you realised just how tired you were from everything you’ve experienced this last week alone. ‘I never meant to keep you waiting in fear that you’d forget about me if I don’t stay in your life long enough.’ You admit and Jing Yuan instinctively presses a soft kiss to the top of your head, holding you protectively.
‘I could never forget about you my beloved.’ Jing Yuan reassured you as he looked you deep into your eyes. ‘You’ve managed to carve your place within my heart and soul, so much that there isn’t a day where you aren’t all I think about, regardless of whether or not your by my side or far away.’ He finished by pressing a gentle kiss to the gauze on your cheek, chuckling upon seeing your cute attempts of burrowing your face into his chest.
‘How long have you’ve been waiting to say this.’ You asked, thankful that he was the one to admit his feelings first, as you would’ve had a hard time articulating your words as fluidly as he could.
‘For a very long time.’ Jing Yuan replied with a small smile as he then proceeded to lift you into his arms, cuasing you to squeal in surprise, as he made sure to be carful of your wounds and began walking to the nearest medics to make sure your wounds weren’t going to be trouble later on.
Aventurine:
He didn’t know what to think when you were pronounced dead, all Aventurine could feel in that moment was an overwhelming numbness that encased him entirely.
The only light left in his life had been snuffed out, plummeting him into utter and total darkness he had once been well acquainted with until you came along, giving him a reason to keep looking forward despite everything.
You were no longer here to hold onto his left hand before he could even think of hiding it behind his back out of habit, you were no longer here to be his reason, his comfort, his safe place. You were taken away from him unfairly and once again Aventurine found himself asking the same question he has been asking himself for a long time; why everyone was born into this life just to die.
So when a week passes and Aventurine finds himself sat on a bench somewhere, still not dealing well then than he was the week of your assumed passing, lost in his own thoughts when someone took a seat next to him. Aventurine was just about ready to tell them to go away, when he saw just who was sitting next to him; you.
‘I know, I look like shit but you don’t have to look at me like that.’ You spoke upon feeling his eyes gaze upon the gauze on your cheek, then towards the array of bandages that littered the rest of your body.
‘I thought you died.’ He hissed, emotion was heavy in his voice as his eyes became bleary with unshed tears as he felt his breathing become heavy with the reality that you were alive. He didn’t know what was real and what wasn’t in that moment as his mind raced. And it wasn’t until you reached out to grasp his left hand and intertwine your fingers together, squeezing, did everything finally became clear to him.
‘I thought I was too at one point but there was something that kept me from journeying over to the afterlife.’ You admit, looking over at him and smiling sweetly, wanting nothing then to calm his thoughts and reassure him that this wasn’t a dream.
‘And what was that?’ He laughs humourlessly as he stares back at you, wanting to hear what excuses you could come up with for faking being dead for a week. ‘Willpower? Determination?’
‘You Kakavasha.’ You replied straightforwardly and his breath hitched in his throat. You rarely used his actual name unless it was absolutely serious. ‘You were all I thought about as I pushed through my injuries.’ You told him as you continued. ‘Kakavasha is waiting for me was just about all I could think about for a week straight.’ You finished as though you didn’t just confess that he was your soul motivator in staying alive.
‘Really?’ Aventurine said softly, finding it impossible that he could possibly be your reason for anything. ‘Why?’
‘Yes really.’ You chuckled, pressing a kiss to his cheek as you rested your head against his shoulder. ‘As for why, it’s because I like you more then did let myself admit, but i just wanted you to know incase anything truly bad were to ever happen to me-‘
‘No.’ Aventurine cut you off suddenly, squeezing your hand as though he were afraid. ‘Nothing is going to happen to you, not now. not ever. I just got you back.’ He adds resting his head against your own in a desperate attempt of feeling more of your against him. ‘Just stay with me…please.’ He begs you in a whisper as he nuzzled further into you. ‘and don’t go anywhere I can’t follow. I don’t think I can bear the thought of loosing you again.’
You smiled softly as you just whispered back against the skin of his neck. ‘As long as you don’t go anywhere I can’t follow. I like my crush to be alive and close by even if he can be a pain in my ass sometimes.’
Aventurine chuckles, his heart becoming whole again as he made you cuddle into his side, kissing your head once more as you took this moment to familiarise yourselves with each other. ‘At least I’m a pleasurable pain in the ass.’ He teased and you pinch his side, causing him to flinch, but his smile remained and this time his smile was genuine.
His light has came home.
Ratio:
Fully believed that he’d see you when the mission ended, knowing just how talented and dedicated to the craft you were, and having faith that this would be a measly walk in a park for you.
Only to receive word that you were one of the many who were assumed dead when you weren’t found amongst the living nor the dead.
Veritas tries to remain as levelheaded and logical as possible during this time and continue life as normal. However found himself retracting from everyone else and going none contact, more so specifically with the people you were once associated with, and instead focused heavily on his studies and academics to an unhealthy extent.
A week passes and Veritas feels as though he’s seen a ghost the moment he saw you in his peripheral vision, bandaged and dressed in ripped clothing but still somehow finding it in you to smile.
‘You idiotic Buffon!’ He exclaims as he walks towards you.
‘Well that’s a nice way to greet someone you care about.’ You replied as you readied yourself for a massive rant about how stupid you were and so on, but instead you were held against his chest as he burrows his head into your neck.
‘I thought you died.’ He says in a whisper as he breathed you in. This went against all logic but in that rare moment Veritas didn’t care, you were alive but he still couldn’t let go of the fact that you didn’t tell anyone you were still alive. ‘Why didn’t you tell anyone that you were alive, send a signal, anything.’
You shrugged as you made yourself comfortable in his strong arms. ‘All communications were badly damaged or completely cut off.’ You told him. ‘I was on my own for a long while before finding my way back to you.’
‘Me?’ Veritas asked, pulling away from you. ‘Why not a medial facility for a proper treatment of your wounds? Have you hit your head so hard that common sense had been left on the back burner when making that decision?’
‘I wanted to see you first you dickhead!’ You exclaimed, shutting Veritas up rather quickly with your confession but you didn’t care. ‘is it so wrong of me to let the man I love know that I’m okay? So go ahead and call me an idiot all you like but that won’t change the fact that I felt more fear about not telling you how I truly feel then dying on some stupid mission.’ You finished your rant.
‘You’re insufferable.’ Veritas said after a moment of silence and you couldn’t help but feel a little annoyed at this that you didn’t notice that Veritas has began to close in the distance between the two of you.
You scoffed. ‘Oh sure call me insufferable as if you-‘ Veritas cuts you off by cupping your cheeks and planting a sweet short lived kiss against your lips before pulling away with a smirk.
‘Glad to know that the feelings are reciprocated.’ He says, taking enjoyment of rendering you speechless as he gently guided you to medical, and remaining by your side for the remainder of the day.
I got soaked in the rain so I wrote this. Not proofread. Written with Blade, Al-Haitham and Jiyan in my mind but you can imagine your favourites.
Warnings: x fem! reader, angst
WC: 817
—
Nothing registers in your mind except the icy freezing water that washes over your body in large raindrops. Your fingertips are cold and rock hard from the downpour that has caught you halfway through your journey. The slashes and stab wound you have obtained from your body bleed into your clothes and the ground you stand on.
Everything feels numb in comparison to the rain. You’re trembling as the clothes you wear stick to your body and the harsh breeze that passes by makes it worse. The water has pooled around your feet, soaking through your shoes and no matter how hard you try nothing keeps the aggressive battering of the rain away.
By the time you reach your destination the biting cold gets to you and you find yourself stumbling in your steps. The loss of blood further exacerbates your fragile state. Each movement of your feet feels heavy no matter how hard you push through. The rain blinds you completely and your vision starts to blur.
Your knees give out causing you to go crashing into the gravel path. The metallic smell of blood mixes with the earthy rain assaulting your nose with the strangest odor you have ever encountered. Somehow, alongside the odor, you get a whiff of a familiar masculine scent, one that reminds you of him.
What follows are urgent footsteps and a warm pair of arms that envelop you from the back. Suddenly the rain stops above your head followed by a deep raspy voice you so dearly love to hear.
“You’re hurt.”
He says concerned as he discards his coat and kneels down to your level to wrap it around you. The additional layer of thick fabric greatly shields you from the rain and you can’t help but smile deliriously. Without a word he presses you deeper into his chest as he checks your injuries.
“This stab wound…who did this to you?”
You can sense a tinge of anger in his voice which further makes you smile. Something about him caring for you despite his reserved attitude surprises you. Instead of replying, you weakly cling your fingers on the thin fabric of his chest and lazily nod.
“Doesn’t…doesn’t matter…”
You mumble out and dig your head deeper into his chest. All you can think about is how incredibly warm he is compared to the raging rain that shows no sign of stopping. He wraps his hands tighter around you in response.
Then he immediately scoops you up in his arms making sure to avoid the injured skin before hurriedly walking to a place of retreat to tend to your weakened state. You’re cold and limp against his warm and alive body. Now that the rain no longer storms on you, you feel the pain of your wounds emerging from your throat as you uncomfortably groan.
“Shh…almost there.”
He responds soothingly to your agony. With the little energy you have left, you peek at the man who carries you so lovingly. All you can see is his sharp jawline and the popping of his neck veins as he looks ahead. You observe the rain soaks some of his hair and face, coating him with a glistening glow that makes your heart beat a tad faster.
“It’s alright…you don’t have to…”
He tries to ignore how shallow your breathing is and how your blood seeps into his own clothes. Your body feels more lifeless in his warm hands with each passing second. He notes how your tiny fingers have loosened their grip on his shirt and he tries not to panic at the lack of movement you display.
“Nonsense. We are almost there.”
His fingers almost dig into your skin despite the layers you have on. Even though his voice is unwavering and resolute, the pounding of his heart betrays him. Through the last few threads of consciousness remaining in you, you chuckle.
“You’re wasting your time on me…”
“Stop talking.”
He chides you and you smile. Everything is starting to feel more distant and dreamy as black dots swarm your vision. Your fingers that were holding onto his shirt so desperately drop into your lap and your head falls back. The sudden change prompts him to look at you and he feels blood drain from his face. You’re still like the waters of a lake with a tiny smile. He calls you out but you do not respond.
“Stay with me. Stay with me!”
He says with more urgency as he shakes you but only silence fills the air. There is a flurry of curses that run through his head as he finally reaches his destination and rushes to ask for help. When the rain finally stops and your wounds are observed carefully, all he can do is stare at your pale face in horror as your eyes remain closed and dried blood decorates your skin.
You kept me like a secret, but I kept you like an oath
Synopsis: trying to spend time with your boyfriend while keeping your relationship private… or a secret…
Content: Alhaitham x fem!reader, low-profile/secret relationship, angst no comfort, writer!reader,
Warnings: slightly toxic if you squint, guilt-tripping, neglect, arguing, long intro (it gets good i promise), cursing, not proofread
Note: (Title from Taylor Swift’s ‘All Too Well (10 Minute Version) (Taylor’s Version)’) I tried to make this as in-character as possible while trying to convey the conflict of the plot so please let me know if there are any inaccuracies
—
The walls of Lambad’s tavern grew dim as the sun set; you, Tighnari, and Kaveh sat at a table having a little get-together. It didn’t feel complete, though, because two members of the group have yet to arrive. Cyno said he would be late due to an interrogation he has to do. And Alhaitham… he didn’t really give a notice but you all figured he was busy, being the acting grand sage and all that.
After a 30-minute rant about Kaveh’s clients, you talked about writing a new novel but you had no idea how to start it.
“Questions are overrated,” said Kaveh as he downed his drink, “I suggest you start with an at-large murder suspect being chased down by government officials—not guardes or the millelith, literal government officials.”
“You could ask Cyno for inspiration,” Tighnari suggests. You consider the idea but you figured Cyno wouldn’t have the time. “Or you could ask Alhaitham. I remember he has some experience in that field too.”
“Ah, yes,” you reply meekly. “I had forgotten.”
Hearing Alhaitham’s name felt like a stab to the heart, a curse laid upon you. You weren’t sure if it was out of love or suffering. After two years of dating, not a single soul knew about the two of you. As you asked yourself why that is, you give yourself an excuse that he simply wasn’t ready to be out. That he wanted you to make a name for yourself in case people would only remember you as the acting grand sage’s partner and not your rightful title as a writer.
When he first introduced the idea of keeping your relationship low-profile, you thought nothing of it. You knew he had no ill-intentions with the situation, so you agreed. But you thought the coast would be clear 6 months into the relationship.
During that time, the only signs of affection you got from him were when he was seldom tired from work and came home to you, longing for your warmth and drowning you with the most beautifully crafted compliments you could only dream of hearing. It was the side of him only you got to see. It was almost an honor being able to witness such greatness, all the while feeling like a goddess, worshipped and gratified by the gift of your presence.
Nowadays, you no longer felt like a deity worth praying to; that side of him became rarer than it already was.
The times when you were together—together being with the rest of your friends—you would always try to make some sort of contact with him just to feel the thrill of love your heart was aching to have, only for him to starve you of it and leave.
You felt alone, neglected, desperate, nonexistent, like a forgotten dream worth pursuing.
Everytime you thought of leaving, frames and fragments of his flattering psalms and echoing touch seemed worth the mind-numbing pain you’re going through. You’re the only one for me, he’d say. I don’t know what I did to deserve you. He would gaze upon you like you were a full moon, and you would embrace him like he was the sun.
But basking under the sun is bound to get you burned.
About an hour later, already midnight, Cyno had already arrived but Alhaitham was nowhere to be seen. Kaveh has had too many drinks and is now drunk to the core. And with the hopes of seeing Alhaitham’s face for once, you drank your fair share too. Your cheeks glowed with a drunken flush, a fire setting aflame to your frozen heart. Something he could never do.
“Looks like the acting grand sage will not be joining us,” Cyno pointed out.
A guffaw escaped from your throat, “What is there to even expect, Alhaitham has been busy since that damned Azar did… something.”
You can’t think clearly. The laugh you let out almost sounded like a sob, and to be honest, you were on the verge of crying. You were just tired. You needed the warmth only the love of your life could provide.
Then out of the blue, the voice you longed for an eternity echoed through the tavern, tired and monotonous. “Apologies for my utmost tardiness, there were some issues at the akademiya I needed to handle.”
Alhaitham.
Your stomach hurt all of the sudden. You watched as he walked to the seat opposite of you. Shouldn’t you be happy now? You were just about to break down because he wasn’t here. Now that he is, you should be content and watch your boyfriend from afar. But all you could feel was betrayal, the blank agony of despair, the cruel sting of rejection.
He failed to notice the tears that glossed your eyes, assuming it was the reflection of the light. Your gaze pierced his soul with desperation, begging for him to console you and just… do whatever. You were asking for even a squeak, a sliver of concern, the bare minimum.
“Tighnari, how is Collei doing with her studies?” Like he had a shield for your painful daggers, he didn’t even glance at your direction. Disappointment filled you like a glass of wine. You should be used to this by now—the overwhelming weight when he avoided your leg, another desperate cry you needed him to hear.
Tighnari shared Collei’s progress after seeing that you were okay. As much as you were proud of her, you prayed to every archon not to let her be in your situation. Your heart shreds for the other person, it screams his name like a priest in worship, and all that for naught.
The group laughed at something, you weren’t listening all that much. You just felt… empty.
Kaveh’s voice called your name, “Isn’t that right, Y/N?” The group turns to you, who was dazed and distracted. The architect immediately noticed this. He patted your cold hand, “Y/N?”
“Hm? Ah, yes. Yeah, sure.”
Alhaitham laughed, “You seem distracted tonight, Y/N. If you’re looking to write for the akademiya, that kind of attitude will not be tolerated.”
Somehow you got defensive. Was it Alhaitham’s obliviousness? The way he made it seem like you were aloof? His laugh that mocked you in your desolate state? Maybe it was all of the above. Whatever it was, it made you snap.
“Ah, Alhaitham, akademiya this, akademiya that—there are more things to life than work, you know.” Your voice covered up your attacks as simple friendly banter. You’ve gotten good at sucking up your anxieties and steadying your voice all thanks to him. Now you can cover yourself up real nice when you commit a crime. You have a knife in mind, and you’re ready to kill. “Like, I don’t know, a partner, per say.”
Stab.
The grand sage scoffed, “You know very well I don’t have time for such trivial things.” His muscles flex as he crossed his arms. So these were the words he chose to say to you, after centuries of broken promises and empty plates.
“Maybe you would if you actually made the time for one.”
Stab.
“You are aware that you just ignored what I just said, right? Are you even listening?”
Stab.
“Oh, I’ve been listening. For the past two years, I’ve been listening my butt out for you.” It was scarring how unbothered Alhaitham was; you wanted to scream at him. The tightening of your chest, the prickling of tears behind your eyes, the weight of despair settling in your stomach, could he see what you’re going through? “Now, all I ask is a little bit of sympathy because I have been suffering all alone, waking up to an empty bed, not even a-“
“Y/N, what are you talking about?” Alhaitham interrupted you, somewhat panicked. You didn’t realize how loud you were being, up from your seat with your palm stinging from how hard it hit the table. “You know, if you’re having boy problems, you don’t have to take it out on me. It’s not like I’m your boyfriend.”
Right then and there, your world began crashing down. “Alhaitham,” Cyno muttered disapprovingly, making Alhaitham realize how rude he sounded. The tavern’s customers hushed to listen to your table. You hadn’t realized there were so many people.
Without even looking around, you could feel their eyes on you, whispers riddled with scandal.
“They’re being so loud.”
“Has she no shame?”
“In the presence of Acting Grand Sage Alhaitham, too.”
“Look, the general mahamatra is there; she really needs to watch herself.”
The embarrassment, the anger; it all fuelled you with a feeling you could not explain. No metaphor could capture the entirety of the wickedness of a man. How come he gets to sit there with everyone’s respect while you grovel in your puddle of tears? How come he’s having the time of his life while you’re burning in hell?
“You’re right,” you began, eyes dulled and void of life—of love, “You’re not. Okay, that’s all the liquor I can handle, guys. I think I’ll be heading home now.”
“Y/N,” Kaveh called, standing from his seat to escort you on your way out.
“I can walk myself, Kaveh.” You grabbed your things and took a sip of water. “Acting Grand Sage, humblest apologies.” Once again, you looked at him with utmost disappointment before leaving the tavern and heading home.
—
I am adrift in a sea of longing, drowning in the silence of his absence, clutching to memories like driftwood in a storm-tossed ocean. Yet still, I cling to the fading embers of our love, fearing the darkness that awaits should I let them fade to ash.
Hours after you returned home, sleep had not been your friend. As much as it would be typical, you cried until your eyes stung. It was now 4am, the time Alhaitham usually wakes up. Lost in your never-ending, ever-agonizing thoughts, you stared blankly at the dining room, wondering if he will finally recognize his mistakes, how much pain you’ve been in.
The knob of your front door twisted open, and surprise, surprise, it was Alhaitham who entered your apartment. “What the FUCK was that, Y/N?” He was not one to raise his voice like that, or even curse.
“Of all the nights I was available, this was when and how you choose to talk to me?” Your voice was the opposite—calm, sad, empty.
“Do you realize you nearly told everyone about our relationship?” He spotted a notebook on your crossed lap and grabbed it. “What’s that, ‘I am adrift in a sea of..’ what? Y/N, is there something you’re not telling me?”
“You specialized in languages, Alhaitham, you’ll figure it out.”
The man scoffed, “I’m not a mind reader, Y/N, if you could stop being immature-“
“You’re calling me immature? Okay, what about you keeping our two-year relationship a fucking secret?” The both of you continued raising your voices at each other. If people in the tavern hadn’t already spread rumors, this will surely start them. “Just tell me you’re ashamed of me, Alhaitham!” Then the man fell silent. Serves him right. “Tell me you don’t love me, so you can have a concrete reason to leave!”
“You know being the acting grand sage was never an easy task. The Fatui and other rebelling organizations have me as their number one target, and they are more than willing to hurt anyone to get their way! I was keeping us a secret to protect you! Seeing you getting hurt would mean the end of the world.”
“Getting hurt?” You scoff, “If you never wanted me to get hurt, you’re doing a terrible fucking job. I had to sit through multiple tables with empty seats because you were never home. Do you know how embarrassing that is for myself? I had to tolerate every ounce of contact you avoided because ‘someone might see us.’ In case you couldn’t get how much pain I’m in, let me sum it up for you—IT HURTS MORE THAN DEATH, ALHAITHAM!”
As the last echoes of your argument faded into the silence of the empty apartment, it felt as though the very foundations of your world was crumbling around them. Each word spoken was like a dagger to the heart, tearing apart the fragile bonds of love that had once held you together.
Every word you said stung his chest, the last part beating him to a pulp. It was too late for regret to cross his mind. “I really did love you, Alhaitham, more than anything.”
Those words… he hadn’t heard them in what felt like eternity. All he wanted to do was melt into your arms and apologize endlessly for all his wrongdoings, the times he barely came home, the mornings he could’ve spent with you. He’s been feeling this way for what feels like centuries. If he opened his arms to you, would you still embrace him? Would you still forgive him?
“But I can’t keep giving myself excuses to tolerate all of this.”
He looked at you, your eyes that were once so full of light now dimming of any source. The desperation, the longing you both share. There was so much sadness in your eyes. Have you always looked at him that way? Alhaitham was always quick on his feet—he had to find a way to convince you to stay!
“Y/N,” he began, “We can’t just give up on everything we’ve been through. All the dates, anniversaries, everything we took our time to make—it will all be a waste if we give up now.”
“I think you gave up on us the first time you dropped my hand when I reached for you.”
You were slowly slipping from his grasp, from his future. “I’m willing to give you all the time you need. Every meal, every date, every word you desire, I will make time for all of it. I promise you.”
“How can I know this will be another empty promise? How will I know you won’t do this again? You were never the type to offer everything so helplessly, Alhaitham.”
“Y/N, can’t you see-“
“Where were you during my sleepless nights? Where were you when I had prepared the perfect dinner for us? Where were you when I stood in the middle of the park, waiting for a certain someone to show up?
You were never there, Alhaitham. But I forgave you for all of that. I gave you a million last chances.”
A million last chances… you were thinking of leaving him beforehand? When he couldn’t seem to move his mouth, you decided you’ve had enough.
“Please, leave.”
It was too late for him now. He was long gone from saving you, from saving this relationship. There was nothing left to say, or do.
In the dim light of dawn, you both stood alone, tears a silent testament to the shattered dreams and broken promises that littered the floor like shards of glass. And as you watched your former lover walk away, a part of you knew that the wounds inflicted that night would never fully heal, leaving behind nothing but the bitter taste of regret and the haunting echo of what could have been.
Summary: You love creating something special for them, it's your love language to say the least, it's the way you show love for them. But at some point, it seems like they stopped caring for the things you make, and in a moment where the stress was getting to them, they even said something so hurtful about your favorite thing to do for them.
Tags: Angst to Fluff, Hurt with Comfort, Crying, Childe coming home with blood covering him, Hurtful Comments
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Childe
Your relationship with him is... surprising, to say the least.
You're just a baker in Liyue that happened to sell one of the best Shezhnayan pastries that a certain homesick Harbinger was really craving. One thing led to another, and now you're in love and in a relationship with a Fatui Harbinger.
It's not like you didn't try your damn hardest not to fall for his charms, but seeing him eat the pastries you make and jokingly sob about his home, with the pastry's filling staining the corners of his lip, it just touched your heart.
But you forgot for a bit... he's a Harbinger...
He's not always gonna be the Ajax that taste test your baked goods every other day and would give the biggest smile with the usual comment of "Everything is perfect! You're perfect!"
And that's increasingly becoming more prominent.
You looked at the Shezhnayan baking book intently, making sure you follow the way of making a local pastry filling to a T. This is very important to you, your boyfriend's birthday is just around the corner, and you really really wanted to give him a taste of home since he wouldn't be able to make it back to his home nation.
You have to make sure to not screw up, so you're practicing early on.
The sound of your front door opening perked your ears up, making you put down the bowl of filling you were working on and skip on to your living room.
"Jax!" You affectionately called for him before you could even see him clearly.
The sight that greeted you, however, promptly stopped you from jumping at him for a hug.
Blood...
Whether his or someone else's, it mortified you. You were speechless.
"What...?" Childe scoffed at the sight of your shocked expression. "This is what being a Harbinger is." He looked down at his soiled clothes, feeling rather uncomfortable. "You should get used to this, babe."
The usual warmth of his presence in your house changed into an atmosphere that made you sick to the stomach.
"Please..." You started, your heart beating rapidly and your voice laced with disbelief. "Wash up... I..." After such a sight, could you really ask him to taste test one of your many endeavors in baking again?
This man... this Harbinger... he wasn't the Ajax you wished to see. But that's still him, just not the version he made you become privy to.
However, after so many days and nights that he showed up like... that, you got used to it, got used to the slow uprising of a worse version of him, the version of him that didn't give a fuck about what brought you together in the first place, the version of him that no longer accepted welcoming hugs and kisses, the version of him that made you feel so... worthless.
"Are you baking again? I know it's your job and all, but could you like... just not bring it home?" The ginger said that one time, rather hypocritically considering that he brought that terrible attitude from his job to your home.
"I'm working on something important..." You excused his rather hurtful words, you were rather sensitive when someone mentions something negative to you about the hobby that made you so happy. "Can you try it and tell me what you think?"
"Not in the mood." You knew that he was rather tired from taking care of something for his job, but that dismissive tone made your heart ache... and just when you think you've finally perfected his childhood favorite treat.
A moment of silence fills the room before a quiet "Please..." escapes you in a very hesitant tone. You worked so hard... finding an actual Snezhnayan baking book with local recipes, practicing over and over to make it perfect, even making sure to add your own little touch that compliments the taste.
Maybe you shouldn't have said that, otherwise, he wouldn't have stood up from the couch to face your smaller figure holding onto the tray of baked goods, looking up at his looming figure.
"You know, Y/N..." Your breathing already became heavy at the cold call of your name. "There are so many more useful things you could do than bake all day. This..." A gasp escaped your mouth when he grabbed the tray from your hands and threw it down on the kitchen island.
"This is just worthless."
Tears welled up in your eyes at his words, and you could no longer hold in the sob in your throat, as you started crying pathetically right in front of him. You whimpered as you tried to control your falling tears and your harsh breathing.
You couldn't say anything back, your cheeks and nose only reddening at the rapid emotion that's escaping you. No longer being able to handle being right in front of him, you ran up to your room, closing the door and face planting on the bed, muffling your cries with the sheets.
Back downstairs, Childe was still processing everything.
"There's nothing to process, you are a dick." His inner self told him, and he completely agrees as he sighs, dragging his fingers along his ginger hair in frustration in himself.
Why did he do that? Why did he say those hurtful things? Why did he treat you like you were one of his targets that he was assigned to manipulate?
Work got to him, it has been for weeks, but it was no excuse. He brought a monster he couldn't control into your house, and now... you were hurt.
His blue eyes darted to the pastries he haphazardly threw on the counter, most were still on the tray, in a mess and no longer in a firm order in which you like to arranger your treats.
A realization hit him... they look a lot like...
Childe then remembered the look on your face when you whispered a plea. Your eyes were hopeful when he stood up, and then your body shook when you realized he wasn't intending on tasting anything.
A memory flashed in his mind, even intensifying when he picked up a treat and bit into it, a sweet, warm filling coating the inside of his mouth. It was delicious... and just like in your Y/N way, everything you make made him feel better.
His senses getting better meant the pit in his stomach got worse, the regret of going off on you consuming him more and more.
He then hurried up to your room, gently opening your door to not startle you. His heart broke at the sight of you, your face buried into your pillows, your shoulders shaking and indicating that you're crying still. He knows that after what he did, he has no right to even feel hurt at the sight of you... but he loves you! And he knows he hasn't been showing it.
Without a word, without turning around to face him, you spoke. "P-please... L-le-leave me a-alone." Your words were muffled, and you were stuttering due to the sobs you still couldn't control.
"Baby, I... I'm so sorry..." Childe knew that those words could never be enough to make you feel better, but he at least needed a chance to say his piece, even though he may not deserve it. "Work has been... it's been making me like this... but, I know I can't use that as an excuse..."
"I've been a prick..." You didn't respond to him, but your sobs did die down to little sniffles. "And I don't deserve someone like you..."
"You just made the perfect replica of one of my favorite treats, and you probably did so much for this. Archons, babe, you're amazing. And so so caring." Ajax felt tears starting to form, his vision getting cloudy as his eyes water. If you forced him to leave, he would, but he wanted to pour everything in his heart for you out, and finally finally let out the emotion he had to keep in due to his job.
"I love you so much, Y/N... for being such an amazing person that lit up my life." He walked closer to you, prompting to sit on the bed beside you. Still, you give no response. "And the fact that you love me... that... you loved me...."
"I'm so honored that you even let me be your taste tester." The ginger chuckled a bit, reveling in the sweet memory.
"And I can't fucking believe that I just hurt you like that. I'm so s-sorry, Y/N." Finally, the tears in his eyes fell, and his voice broke when he spoke.
He wasn't use to fear, but at that moment, he truly felt the fear of you rejecting him.
After a few seconds, you turned to him, and he felt even more guilty to see your tear-stained cheeks and puffy eyes.
"C-Couch..." You whispered while pointing at him, making the ginger tilt his head in confusion. "S-Sleep on the couch." You stuttered out, and Childe immediately nodded, accepting your statement.
"A-And no more hugs and kisses, no p-pastries either." You firmly stated (as firm as your sniffly state could say at least). "For a month."
"Okay.... Yes, understood!" Childe wiped the tears on his face, answering you with determination. If that's what it took for you to forgive him, he's gonna do it with ease.
"And no coming home with b-blood on you. Please..." He got off the bed to get on his knees in front of you.
"I promise..." With many of his promises, he had an instinct to kiss your forehead as a reassurance, but you avoided his hand before he could hold your head to go in to press a kiss.
"Wait a month." You let out a strained giggle, and he smiled at how sweet it was despite his lips tingling in the anticipation of a kiss.
The whole no hugs and kisses is gonna be hard, and the no pastries means that he's not gonna get a taste of your love for an entire month!
But he will persevere, just for you.
~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~
Alhaitham
You have a knack for crafting little momentos and preserving memories by creatively incorporating moments into the trinkets that you make.
It's your favorite hobby! And you're rather proud that you can make such cute little things that don't look tacky.
Kaveh was actually pleased the very first time Alhaitham came home with a decor you made, an embroidery of an irritated dendro slime reading a thick book that he can hang on a wall. You presented it to him with all smiles, saying that that was how you saw him the first time you saw him in the House of Deana.
"Finally! You actually got something to hang up that doesn't embody your atrocious taste!" Kaveh was enthusiastic, yet still managed to diss the gray haired scholar while giving out a compliment.
The first thing you ever made for him was that embroidery. And Archon's did your heart flutter and leaped with joy when he actually accepted it. What you were expecting was a comment from him like "I think it's silly to represent me with a slime. I would say that my IQ level is much higher than those elemental lifeforms."
You were both just acquaintances when you gave him that gift, but that sparked something between you. You were smart, creative, and didn't speak to him all stiff and nervous like many of your peers. You make the atmosphere easy to be in, and Alhaitham happens to like it when things are easy for him.
You liked his company just as much, finding his calmness and straightforwardness so tranquil and refreshing, not to mention his funny smarty pants attitude. You liked him so much that you would sit by him in the Akademiya or in the library and do your handy work.
it basically progressed from that. "I enjoy being with you, and you kissed me that one time and I liked it. And I can see that you enjoy being with me too. So we're together now." He stated, and you were in shock, he's always been straightforward, but that was truly unexpected.
"Y-You haven't even... taken me out on a date yet!" That was the first thing that you thought to say, still processing everything.
Alhaitham raised an eyebrow, "You don't call this and our every other meeting a date? We are together and we're doing what we want to do." Damn it, he made a good point.
"B-But..." You stuttered, making him sigh.
"Do you not want to be with me?"
"No! I-I mean... yes... Yes! I do, but you just dropped it all out of nowhere." You argued, seriously having a love-hate relationship with his unapologetic honesty.
He ignored your comment, only choosing to hear that you want to be with him. "Good, you're my partner now."
And then... with you being you, every milestone, every special event in your relationship, you'd make something for him.
First anniversary? A custom picture frame with 12 pictures of both of you in it to remind him of the 12 months you've been together.
His birthday? A crochet little plant in a pot, the plant seemingly just sprouting.
Just a random day? Well, you got something for him anyway. :D
You love him to bits and you wanted to show them in your very own love language, crafting little gifts!
Each one, Alhaitham accepted in an uncharacteristically bashful yet still pleased manner, muttering a "Thank you..." or a "You never fail to impress me." and then you are presented with a great honor of a smile from the scribe.
Making him feel happy and warm inside (though he would never admit that he was, but he really was) by making things for him made you so happy!
You managed to fill his desk with your creations, not just decor, but some useful trinkets too! Like a functional hourglass, a lamp that he can write on, and an organizer for books because you swear that he literally just lets the books litter his office since he reads lots of them on and off, and you needed to do something about it.
The main thing is... he loves your love for creativity.
At least... that's what you thought...
But ever since he became the Acting Grand Sage...
Alhaitham has always been an honest person, never one to beat around the bush or spare anyone's feeling by keeping his opinions to himself.
And he sure has gotten colder, much more poky, probing at the weaknesses and insecurities of many scholars in an attempt to only let researches and works he finds worthy to continue. The rest shall no longer be conducted.
Apparently, that included your work.
"I don't see a use for such an object. I prefer things in my desk to be practical."
"The way you designed it is rather... silly. Far too childish to be of sensible use."
"Decors are not necessary, there's better use of your time."
You took all of his critiques, from then and now, to heart, making sure to reflect on his words to improve. But when he was still the Scribe, he at least commented on how to improve.
Now, it's like... he wants you to stop.
You're currently in the office of the Acting Grand Sage, you brought your crocheting kit with you to pass the time, hoping to just have a quiet afternoon with him while you both do your work, much like what you did in the past.
"Alhaitham, what'cha up to?" You asked innocently, still working on your crochet as you were seated on the floor. He was working on something on his desk, his brows pulled together as he frowned at the report in front of him.
That was what you usually do, ask some questions about each other's business, encourage each other if it's really stressing you out, or jab at how you could never do his work, and he would not have even a quarter of your patience to finish a craft.
This time, however, he does not grace you with a response, preserving the quietness of the room. You got the message, so you opted to keep quiet and keep on crocheting a blanket with a print that you were planning to give him, maybe a fluffy blanket will keep out his cold mood.
A few minutes later though, you don't know exactly what made him snap, you don't know why he suddenly called your name, and you don't know why he looked at you with such a frustrated look.
"Y/N, just drop it." Alhaitham suddenly blurted out to you. Making you jump and pause what you're doing.
"W-What?" You stuttered, confused and worried at the same time.
"I saw that you've been struggling on that thing for hours, can't you just move on to something more useful?" The gray haired man sighed. "You're so creative, and you're wasting your time with that." He said it like so condescendingly, that such a calm sounding comment penetrated your heart more than an actual insult could.
"I mean, look at all this." He motions to his desk. "A bunch of junk that serves no purpose. I really don't see why you need to do all this." Tears started collecting in your eyes, and you heard his words as if you're the junk that serves no purpose.
"B-But... those are all presents for... y-you." Your voice was shaking, and you could only manage to whisper. "I wanted to make them for you."
"Then perhaps it is me that don't want to receive them anymore."
And that's what got to you. What you do to show your love, what you try to do for him, he doesn't even like. So does he even love you at all?
Tears streamed down your face, and what initially started as sniffles turned into sobs that echoed around the large room. You stood up, stuffing your things into your bag before aggressively wiping your tears away, though more seem to fall anyway.
Without another word, you ran to the elevator before rushing out of the Akademiya, running back home with a broken heart. It was a miracle you didn't trip with how cloudy your vision got from the tears.
...
"What are you doing here?" Alhaitham raised a brow, seeing Kaveh in his office, sweeping everything on his desk into a large bag.
The blond architect ignored him, clearing out the desk before heading for the wall with a few of your works filled the space.
"Did Y/N make this?" Kaveh questioned, finally looking at his roommate. Alhaitham merely nodded, though even more confused when the architect took the pieces and shoved them in the bag too.
"What are you doing?"
Kaveh scoffed, shaking his head at the Acting Grand Sage's pathetic ignorance. "You don't deserve these things!" He then proceeded to glare at him. "Saying such mean things at Y/N, they did nothing wrong and you started acting like some obnoxious fucker that just wanna bring people down."
"I mean, I know you like doing that. But to Y/N?" Kaveh questioned in disbelief. "Yeah, you don't deserve any of this."
And so Alhaitham was reminded of his words from yesterday, as well as you're crying face as you ran out of his office. He (rather stupidly) thought that you'd get over the comments, after all, you didn't mind his critiques from before.
"I wanted to make them for you." He remembers what you said, all the things Kaveh had in the large bag were for him. You wanted to make those for him.
You made them because... you love him...
And he fucked up.
Kaveh was done with his sweep, leaving him in a eerily empty room, free of everything that made it a bearable to work in. He hated the office of the Grand Sage, but your presence, the presence of your creations... made it that much better.
He had to fix this.
...
You heard knocking at your door, but after looking at the peephole and seeing a gray haired scholar for the fifth time that day, you didn't bother opening the door.
"Darling?" You ignored the endearment muffled by the wall separating the both of you.
On the other side, Alhaitham sighed before resting his head on your door. He's been trying to talk to you properly for five hours, but he didn't just want to say what he wanted to at your door, risking you not hearing what he has to say for himself.
"Listen, Y/N, I'll just be here... working." He didn't leave just yet. "You can join me, if you want. Just like before."
He sat back down on the bench that was right in front of your house. He brought the work he has to get done with him, and trying to swallow down the guilt yet again, he proceeded to work into the well hours of the night before leaving with yet another unsuccessful day of trying to talk to you.
For many days, it was like that, he stayed outside your home. Whenever you needed to go out, you ignored him, even if he followed you, even if he tried to talk to you, you wouldn't give him the time of day.
"I think this type of yarn would be good for structure." Alhaitham held a roll of yarn in his hand, looking you and anticipating a response.
Though you said nothing, you confirmed that you at least listen when you plucked up another roll of the same yarn and paid for it. He smiled a little, though you didn't wish to humor him further.
Everyday, Alhaitham would be working in front of your house, maybe knocking once in a while to check in on you. It was rather heartbreaking to see, from your window, you saw him sit there, looking like he isn't even getting work done, just staring at the reports and trying to make something of it.
And finally, it was night yet again, a particularly cold one this time around. The cold breeze as the sun sets in for the night sent goosebumps down the Acting Grand Sage's spine, but it was far too early to leave, so he didn't budge.
You don't get it, you don't want to feel sorry for him, he couldn't just say something so harsh yet act so stubborn to force you to forgive him!
But tonight... he does look rather cold, and from what you learned the days before, nothing will make him move from that bench until you let him talk to you properly.
There was a soft warmth that ingulfed Alhaitham as he was busy with his work, from his peripherals he could see the makings of a blanket, effectively shielding him from the cold.
Looking back, he saw you dressed in your pajamas, not bothering to make eye contact with him. "You looked cold." were the only words that you said to him.
Unbeknownst to him, while he was working in front of your house, you joined in on his day, finishing the blanket you were planning to give him before his outburst.
It felt like such a waste to scrap it, especially since you were half done with it already...
He stood up from the bench, looking uncharacteristically enthused at you. "Thanks..." He was looking fondly at you, but you still refused to meet his gaze.
You also noticed from watching him a bit that he wasn't really eating much throughout the day, so before you could stop yourself...
"Would you like to come in for dinner?"
...
You were quiet for most of the meal, but his ears perked at the occasional sniffles you let out, implying that you were trying not to cry. Alhaitham felt shitty for thinking he even had the right to feel bad when he was the one that caused all this.
After dinner, it was still silent, but Alhaitham proceeded to evaluate the blanket you gave him in your living room. It was crochet with, yet again, an irritated dendro slime on top of a building that resembles the Akademiya, you must have observed him and his sour mood from being the Acting Grand Sage.
"Do I get to keep this?" He asked, looking at you expectantly.
You bit your lip, anxiously twiddling your thumbs. "Umm... It's... not of much use." You replied, earning a sigh from him.
With your comment, Alhaitham made his way right in front of you, making it perfectly clear for him see that tears have started to fall from your eyes. "I-I think... it would be best if you g-go now."
You were looking down, still trying to cover your face despite knowing that he knew you were crying.
"Would it be okay if I talk to you properly first?" Something in you wanted him to leave because you thought that he deserved it, but you still wanted answers. Why did he say all those mean things to you? Why did he hate what you make so much? Why was he persistently outside your house all the time to persuade you to finally talk to him?
You didn't answer, but didn't motion at all for him to leave, so he took his chance before it was too late. "There's nothing I love more in the world than you. And to lash out on you for doing something you love was absolutely idiotic of me."
He took your hands in his, "I hated being the Grand Sage, I hated having to deal with the shit I don't care about. That hate just continued to build up, and I... you were the one that unfairly received it all."
"You didn't deserve any of that. And I know I can't use being stressed as an excuse for hurting you, that was my own stupid act. But I am truly sorry."
"I-I would have stopped making things for you if you hated them so much." You finally looked up at him with wet doe eyes, effectively clenching his heart even more.
"No, no, darling... I love what you make, every single one. Because I know that making them makes you happy, and I love seeing you happy." He lets go of one of your hands to wipe your tears away. "I'm so sorry about everything I said, darling. The moment Kaveh took everything from my office, I realized how empty it was... without you..."
"He did that?" You asked in disbelief, your question laced with a strained chuckle. He nodded, a pout forming on his face.
"Yeah, and I realized how terrible it was..."
You laughed, though your cheeks were still stained by dried tears. "Do you like the blanket I made you?" You asked him, and he gave you a rare genuine smile.
"I love it, you're a star for making it for me." He closed the gap between the both of you, guiding your head to rest on his shoulder, his arms wrapping around you in a warm embrace.
"I love everything you gift me. I love you..." He whispered as he hugged you warmly.
"Even the plushie on your desk that doesn't do anything and always falls over?"
"Even that..." Your heart fluttered, your body cuddling with his to receive more of his warmth.
"Okay..." You responded, smiling against him. "You can tell Kaveh to stop keeping my gifts hostage..."
...
"There's somethings missing..." Alhaitham gave Kaveh a pointed look, making his blond roommate scoff.
"Well, everything I took I brought back here! If you lost a few things then that's you're fault!" Kaveh has always been a big fan of your crafts, and Alhaitham has a gut feeling that he liked a few things that he took.
The gray haired scholar merely raised a brow, making Kaveh sigh dramatically.
"Fine! But I'm keeping the plushie!" He left before Alhaitham could argue with him, leaving him only to sigh.
Your giggle occupied the room for a bit. "I'll tell him I can make one for him."
"Alright, but I'll appreciate if his isn't as cute as mine. Thanks." He said, and though you know he's joking, he still had that stoic face that makes you laugh when he says those unserious things.
"I'll keep that in mind."
~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~
This is like almost 20k words, so I really hope that you guys liked it :D
It's been a while, (as always with my writing, but it's summer, so apart from work, I've been pretty free to write, which makes me really happy) enjoy!
HIIII so ive read your latest work "who did this to you?" and since I can't comment on anything at all so imma write it right here then.
imagine- imagine wriothesley, alhaitham and dr ratio found dying us just like in the blade's part? so basically the plot is when we are dying and the men who loathed us, are the one who found our dying-almost-dead body. i need ✨angst✨
ask and you shall receive 😌
𝐓𝐎 𝐏𝐈𝐂𝐊 𝐔𝐏 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐏𝐈𝐄𝐂𝐄𝐒...
...of you.
ᯓ 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐬 .ᐟ wriothesley, alhaitham, dr ratio x gn!reader (separate).
ᯓ 𝐜𝐰 .ᐟ nonnie wanted angst, so here it is 🙏, ok so y'all know the basics: mentions of blood/death, dying thoughts and all that emo stuff, a touch of fluff, hurt [no] comfort, ew ew EW what was this 😭 im so sorry anon my writing utterly fell off here (i wrote this while sick so pls bear w me), i PROMISE y'all my fics will get better, 2k words!! a nice short read i suppose. this took it out of me bro 🫡
ᯓ 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞 .ᐟ this is part-two-ish to this fic. essentially—another, similar scenario with the same characters!! have an idea/suggestion? my inbox is open! don't be shy 💛
ᯓ WRIOTHESLEY .ᐟ
𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐕𝐘 𝐁𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐓𝐇𝐒. From you and the man standing six feet away. Only the silhouette of his tall, rugged frame was visible. His boxing gloves steamed and glowed an ice-blue in the darkness of the alleyway, and the subtle drip, drip, drip echoed across the walls, liquid trickling off his gauntlets.
It was pretty clear what the liquid was; bodies riddled the ground, some slumped up against the walls, most sprawled in twisted, broken messes on the floor. His wide shoulders rose and fell rhythmically, laboriously. There was the scratch of a boot shifting, and he looked at you.
“…No matter what I do,” the Duke began, his face totally shadowed. You sat against the wall, drawing in deep breaths to calm your heart and the adrenaline rush, and to fight off the pain of your cracked rib. He didn’t move from his spot. “You can never keep yourself safe."
“I never asked you to do this for me,” you replied, voice weak. It hurt to breathe. “I never asked you to run to my aid. In fact, I was very sure you loathed me. If so, why didn’t you leave me to die?”
There was no response from him. Wriothesley kept still. It was so cold—the air around, traces of Cryo, the wall and ground you laid upon, and the silence.
“…Are you hurt?” Finally, he faced you fully and slowly approached you, not answering your previous question. He made no sudden movements. “Your breathing is laboured. Where are you injured?”
“You can go now.” You held up a hand to stop him. “You’ve done your part. Thanks for wiping those guys out for me. I can get home by myself.”
Wriothesley eased to a squat before you, and his boxing gloves disappeared. His elbows rested on his knees, hands hanging limply between his thighs. “You’re coming back to the Fortress with me. Do I have to have you move in with me just so you’ll stay out of trouble?”
“Trouble that’s none of your business.” Resting your head back against the brick wall behind you, you shut your eyes loosely. “And move in with you? Please. That could only happen if we married.”
Silence. You didn’t quite have the energy to really think about the effect your words had. With what you could bother, you then added, “And that will never happen.”
The Duke didn’t say a word. Something about the detachment in your own tone pricked at your conscience and heart. Did I just make a massive mistake?
You tried not to think too much about it. The piercing pain in your side was occupying your mind, and you refused to let slip any sign that you were gravely injured to this man. It’s best if he leaves.
“Do you need to go to the hospital?” he said after a long few moments of tight silence. “I know you’re trying to act tough so I’ll go away. Well, that won’t happen."
“Dammit—you’re really frustrating, you know that?” You tried to sit up straighter, before slumping back down in defeat against the pain of your broken rib. “And—ugh—confusing. You say and act like you can’t stand the thought of even breathing the same air as I do and then you turn around and do something completely different! It’s like—it’s like you’re lying to yourself—denying something, and—”
“Who said I hated you?” He leaned closer. You still couldn’t see his face, but you could feel his eyes. “Who ever said I hated you? Look, I’ll admit that you’re not the easiest person to get along with—at least, for me. I tolerated you. I don’t anymore. I’m worried about you. That’s why I beat these thugs into a pulp for you. It’s something I would’ve done for anyone. But housing you, taking you in when you were injured and scared? Nursing you so late at night, when Sigewinne would’ve been long asleep? Do you seriously think a person who wholeheartedly hates another would do that for them?”
“There’s an old, wise saying, Wriothesley—actions speak louder than words. During all the months I’ve known you, you’ve been nothing but an asshole—”
“Well, then, I’m sorry for that. I really am. But I acted that way because you pushed my buttons. I disliked you. I never hated you. If I hated you—truly hated you—I would not be here, right now, doing my best to make sure you’re unharmed.”
“I’d like you to leave,” you managed out, eyes shut and teeth gritted against the sharp stabs of pain dealt to your side each time you inhaled and spoke. “I don’t believe you have any more reason to be here. Stop sending mixed signals.”
“I’m sending mixed signals?” The incredulity in his tone made your eyes snap open. “Or are you just…blind?”
“I do not have the energy to deal with this right now—”
“No, you don’t—which is why I’m taking you straight to Sigewinne.” Wriothesley stood to his feet, looming above you, and he stepped to your side. “You’ve got a cracked rib, haven’t you? What, you think I didn’t notice? You thought I was just going to let you sneak away, and deal with it on your own?”
Very gently, as if you’d break at the slightest touch, the Duke wrapped his arms around you and lifted you to his chest. His cologne and scent enveloped you, and you flinched and softly squealed at the horrid bolt of pain that shot through your lungs at his actions. “Ow—ugh, careful!”
“Sorry, sweetheart,” he softly apologised, lips inadvertently brushing against the crown of your head. “You’re alright. I know it hurts. Hang on for a bit, alright?”
You didn’t know where to put your hands, much less yourself. Your mind was racing, blurry, and confused. What is he doing?
Wriothesley turned and made his way out of the alleyway, stepping over the bodies littered around, carefully handling you with great attention to your injured side. The tenderness to his touch sent your thoughts spiralling. What is going on?
“Don’t fall asleep just yet, sweet girl,” he whispered. “Almost there. Thankfully, you were attacked near the Opera Epiclese’s entrance to the Fortress.”
“That’s how you got there so quick?” you breathed, trying not to cry. Wriothesley was so warm.
“Yeah. Here we are. Sigewinne’ll take care of you. Stay with me for a while.”
“Do I have to?” You wanted to.
“I’ll frame you for a crime so you’ll have a real reason to stay,” the Duke joked, and he entered the elevator. “You can have my bed. I’ll take the couch.”
“Why can’t I just sleep in the infirmary? Or in a cell? I can’t just take your bed.”
“Why? Wanna share?” Wriothesley grinned down at you. His dimples. “I won’t refuse. It’ll be nice, won’t it?”
“Damn you.” His flirtatious remarks had begun to distract you from the pain. “You’re making me hate you more.”
“I am, am I?” His voice was low, silky. “What a terrible state of affairs. I couldn’t imagine even trying to do such a thing.”
“Gods, I hate you.” You put your face in your hands to cover your flushed face.
“Sure, sweetheart.” Wriothesley was no fool. His grin widened. “Sure thing.”
ᯓ ALHAITHAM .ᐟ
“𝐖𝐇𝐘 𝐌𝐔𝐒𝐓 you…” The Head Scribe’s hands held a slight tremor as he brought you into his chest. “…Always make me pick up pieces? Of you?”
You could taste blood in your mouth, and you turned your face into his shirt. Warm. “…I lost the ability to keep it all intact…long ago.”
His chest jumped and rumbled with a humourless chuckle. “That much is clear.” Alhaitham pulled you closer, burying one of his hands into your hair, pressing your face into his chest closely. He rested his cheek against the top of your head. After a long moment, he said, “…I never thought I’d spend so much time worrying about someone I supposedly hated. You…you’re always trying to die on me. Even now. Why must you?”
You were battered, beat up—there was a stab wound to your stomach he didn’t know about yet. If there was a feeling to describe the life leaking out of you, slowly but steadily, this was it. But, somehow, you didn’t mind the thought of dying while being held by this man too much. His arms were strong, warm, and the way he was holding you touched you deeply. And you had no answer for him.
Your head lifted and fell with his chest as he sighed. “I never could stand you. You’re so annoying. Like a pesky fly that won’t go away.” Alhaitham caressed your hair tenderly. “I thought that if you were out of sight, you’d be out of mind. Not so, I soon found.”
“These are pretty words to hear as I die,” you tried to joke, as if you weren’t in the fast process of actually bleeding out. “I like you too, Alhaitham.” Approaching death makes one crazy, it seems. “Never thought I’d ever say that.”
“Do you think those are your passing words?” His breath ghosted across your ear. “Do you think I’m going to let you slip away that easily?”
“Weren’t you once praying on my downfall?” Your eyes were beginning to slide shut. It was cosy, dying in his arms like this. “What’s brought on such a change of heart, Head Scribe?”
No answer. Just two people, clinging to each other, breathing in sync, as one’s life bled from them. It was a tranquil quiet, this was. The quietude both you and Alhaitham enjoyed.
That was one thing you had in common. So you basked in his arms, peaceful. What a nice way to go, I guess.
“You smell nice,” you sighed into his chest, the loss of blood truly making you delirious and faint. “Like books. And spices. Warm.”
“Let’s get you to the Bimarstan.” Soft lips pressed to your hair. “There’s no point in having you dead.”
“…Maybe.” Maybe it was a bit late. “Maybe.”
ᯓ DR RATIO .ᐟ
“𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐄 𝐈𝐒 only so much idiocy I can take, you know.”
You peeled open your eyes and two sandalled feet met your vision. Raising your head, there Veritas Ratio was—and his expression was one far from hate. His fists were clenched at his sides, trembling, as his chest heaved. His eyes were wide and desperate. “Must I kill you? To rid myself of this—of this torment? Of you?”
“Get it over with, then.” You were on the brink of death, anyway. The gunshot wounds to your shoulder and back didn’t give you much more time left. “Put me out of my misery…” Your head slumped again. “…Please.”
Dr Ratio knelt before you. “You’re dying. Dying. Oh, Aeons, what to do? You cannot die, you hear me? I won’t allow it. No, no, you mustn’t die.”
“Who cares,” you muttered. “I don’t. Can you go? I’d rather not have you nagging in my ear about idiocy and how much of a bother I am to you as I meet my maker. I want my death to be peaceful, not aggravating.”
“Why are you talking so morbidly?” Your state of mind was so foggy, you could barely sense him lifting you up. The shocks of pain from the jostling of your wounds woke you up, however—and you yelped, tears springing to your eyes. Veritas’ vermillion eyes gazed at you deeply. “I said you’re not dying, so that’s that.”
“Thought you hated my company.” Your words were almost incoherent as you panted and calmed yourself down from the horrible pain. “Thought you considered me an idiot.”
“And I still do,” he said plainly. Blue flame began to surround you both. Hold on, is he…teleporting us? Veritas did not take his eyes of you once. “However, you’re tolerable. I don’t want you to die.”
“That’s sweet of you,” was your sarcastic answer. Your head knocked against his shoulder as you laid limp. “I remember when you went on and on about how much of a ‘relief’ it’d be when I kicked the bucket. Finally. You may just get your wish yet.”
“I won’t.” His words were a whisper. “For I don’t want to. That was never a wish. Nothing of the sort.” There was a flash of deep purple, and soft hair and the floral notes of expensive shampoo flooded your senses. He had buried his face into your collar. “Oh, darling, please hold on for me. You’ll be right as rain in no time. Yes? Don’t you want that? No more pain?”
“…No more pain,” you conceded after a moment, nuzzling him. “No more pain.”
“No more pain,” Veritas weakly repeated. “I swear it.”
would’ve could’ve should’ve (alhaitham x gn!reader)
SALUTATIONS. would’ve could’ve should’ve
ADDRESSED. alhaitham (w/ gn!reader)
STAMPS. in which you break up with alhaitham and he sees you again one year later.
CONTENT. angst/no-comfort, ooc!alhaitham (?), break-up, grammar errors, it’s mentioned that alhaitham has past lovers (which are not canon)
POST-SCRIPT. expect more angst fics coming soon while waiting for evermore <33 !!
LINKS. masterlist \ taglist
Alhaitham is a rational man.
It’s what helps him focus on important things that benefit him. It’s what helps him know what’s necessary or not. It’s what helps him seek truths and knowledge. It’s what helps him choose decisions without his emotions getting in the way. It’s what makes him not an emotional man.
That’s why it’s easy for him to oblige and agree when you ask for a break up. To him, relationships are just partnerships that bring beneficial things. He expected this relationship to end just like his other ones, so he wasn’t too surprised with your request.
Alhaitham could only watch you pack your things and leave the place as he bids you goodbye and wishes you well. That’s the last time he ever saw you.
He thought you’re like everyone else who got to be in a relationship with him — and for your information, he makes sure to treat them all well — you enjoy your time with him, and then break up with him.
However, unlike the relationships he had, his relationship with you is… different.
Unlike with his other relationships, his relationship with you was the longest one — to the point where you even moved in with him in his home and spent time together working in his office.
When you left, his home was a bit… emptier and quiet. He tells himself that it’s just because he got used to your presence around this place. It’s not like he misses the sounds of you humming to a song while working in his office.
It’s not like he misses seeing you in the kitchen looking through the refrigerator. It’s not like he misses seeing you in the living room reading a book, nor does he miss seeing you in the bedroom waiting for him, reading yet another novel that sparks your interest.
It’s not like he misses you dragging him outside to take him to restaurants or shops, nor does he miss you hugging him from behind and watching him work.
Besides that, his office feels strangely suffocating. He always finds himself glancing at a certain spot, only to find nothing there. He couldn’t stand staying in his office for too long, and he doesn’t know why.
He doesn’t miss anything from your relationship. Not at all.
Even when he always expects to hear the sounds of you rushing towards him for a hug when he comes home, even when he expects to see you in the bedroom, and even when he’s always reminded of you whenever he goes out, remembering the times when you took him out.
He doesn’t know why you’re different from his other exes, but he regretted it when he found out.
It took him exactly 1 year, 2 months and 1 day, when he finally saw you again after the break-up.
You look different, but in a good way. You look happier than before, and you seem pleasantly surprised to bump into him.
“Hello, Alhaitham.” You spoke to him softly with a smile. A smile which made his heart feel things.
“Hello as well, ( Name ).” He replied, his shoulders relaxing. “How are you?”
You look a bit surprised from his question, only for your eyes to soften. “I’ve been doing well. How about you? How are things going for you as the Acting Grand Sage?”
“I’ve been doing well, but it’s quite a hassle to be in such a position.” He says with a huff.
He hears you laughing lightly from his comment, which causes his lips to twitch a little from the sound. “I see you’re still you as always.. I’m glad.” You said.
Alhaitham couldn’t help but feel as if he wanted to say more things to you. He wants to tell you how his home feels emptier since you left, how things aren’t the same as it used to be before he met you, and how much he misses y—
He stops himself before he could admit it.
“I have to go now. It was nice seeing you, Alhaitham.” You said with a smile. “Take care of yourself, alright?”
“...Take care, ( Name ). It was nice seeing you as well.”
And with that, he watches you walk away. Conflict runs through his thoughts, unsure whether or not he should stop you and admit it.
.
.
.
“…( Name ), wait.”
You immediately stop your tracks and look back at Alhaitham in confusion. “Yes?”
Alhaitham hesitates for a moment, still unsure what to say. I love you. I miss you. I was a fool for letting you go.
With so many things he wanted to say to you, he couldn’t bring himself to say it.
“…I’m sorry for what I did last year.” was all he could say. He realized it’s better to let you go, so that you could be with someone else who could make you happier than he can.
You’re surprised by his words, thinking of what to say next.
“..It’s all in the past. There’s nothing for you to apologize for since you didn’t do anything wrong.” You said with an assuring smile. “I.. I’m sorry too. I hope you find someone who makes you happy.”
You then turn around. “See you next time, Alhaitham.”
And then you’re gone.
Alhaitham kept his mouth shut. Although his face remains as stoic as it can be, his feelings weren’t.
Because all in all, he did find someone who makes him happy.
Content: Gender neutral reader; pre sumeru archon quest for Cyno's part; hurt/comfort; arguments; shouting; slight cursing;
Word count: 6k words
Thanks so much for the request. Hope you enjoy the end result!<3
Albedo
It was rare for Albedo to come down from his lab all the way up in Dragonspine to the City of Mondstadt. You never really minded it, knowing that you could go there to see him at any time, while he also paid regular visits to your home.
Yet, for some time now.. those visits have stopped. He never came by anymore, far too consumed on some discovery he apparently made a few weeks ago.
Even when you travelled all the way to his laboratory on the mountain, in the icy colds of Dragonspine, Albedo had given you no attention whatsoever.
He had acknowledged your arrival, then went back to his work, while you were sitting in some corner by the fire, trying to warm up again. Even your attempts at conversation were flat out ignored, seeing as he never bothered to give an answer. You weren't even sure if he had noticed your departure a few hours after you had initially arrived.
You tried again two more times, but as you got the same result every time, you eventually stopped trying and didn't go back to Dragonspine.
Then, two weeks ago, you heard that Albedo was back in the city for a supply run.
Hoping that you would run into him to finally talk to him you spend your day in Mondstadt, but you never laid eyes upon him. When you asked Sucrose about it, she told you that he had already left again.
You went home to see if he made a trip there and you just so happened to miss him. But upon your return, you didn't find any note from him or any other indication that he had ever been here in the first place.
The same thing happened again a week after that, and by now you finally had enough. You went to the Acting Grand Master and she told you that Albedo would be back today again, to drop of some reports.
Which is why you were waiting for him outside of the Knights of Favonius headquarters, though still in some respectable distance.
When you finally saw him again after a few weeks, it felt like you haven't seen him for a lifetime.
So, without hesitation, you made your way over to him before he could enter the building. Yet, he seemed to be so deep into his own head that Albedo didn't even notice your approach.
Only when you were directly behind him and firmly said "Albedo.", did he stop and turn around, looking at you.
You could see the expression in his eyes once his gaze landed on you, like he had a sudden realization that you still existed and he had forgotten about that until that very moment. It honestly hurt.
"Hey. Where have you been all this time? I missed you..", you said, hoping to get some kind of positive reaction out of him.
"You know where I was, (name). I was busy.", he said and then turned around to leave again. You were honestly astounded that he simply wanted to let things stand as they are. Well, not today and most definitely not with you.
"You wanna leave? Just like that? Seriously?"
That seemed to have at least some kind of effect on him, as he stopped once again and turned in your direction. Except for this time, he wore an annoyed expression.
"What else do you want from me? I said that I'm busy."
After that, an argument broke out between the two of you in the middle of the street, but neither of you cared. No matter how much attention you drew upon you, it was too late now. You were both to heated and too caught up in it to stop now.
Things were said in the heat of the argument, you were sure both of you regretted ever saying out loud, yet neither of you could care less right now. Everything seemed to be fair game at this point.
Until Albedo said one specific thing.
"Archons, you're impossible sometimes, (name). Insufferable. I've better things to do right now, you know!"
Immediatly after he said that, Albedo knew he had crossed a line. The way you went silent, no comeback falling from your lips. You were just staring at him in shock, like you couldn't believe that he had just actually said that. He wanted to retract his statement, but his pride prevented him from doing so.
So, instead, you both just stood there for some time, silently staring at one another. When no reply came from you, Albedo dropped his head, then turned around once again. But before he could take a step, he heard your voice again, though this time, it sounded broken, silent sobs being held back.
"So, that's it? Was I nothing to you?", you whispered, your voice slowly starting to break from the tears forming within you, but Albedo was still able to hear you. "Just some kind of experiment or plaything that you can toss aside and simply forget about? Do I mean nothing to you?"
Upon hearing how broken you sounded, and what you actually said to him, he instantly turned around again, the sight of tears rolling down your face feeling like a knive had been thrust straight into his heart. And what's worst was that he was the cause for your tears.
You stood there, waiting for an answer from him. Yet, when nothing seemed to come out off his opening and closing mouth, you just nodded at him.
"I see..", you said, your voice now entirely void of any emotion whatsoever. That, and the fact that you were the one now turning around to leave him like that, was the twist of the imaginary knive in his chest.
Finally being able to break free of his frozen state, he rushed towards you, stopping you in your tracks as he pulled you into his chest, caging your arms around you, burying his face against your shoulder.
"I'm sorry.. I'm sorry.. I'm sorry..", he whispered over and over into your ear, which only made the tears fall from your eyes even harder. You were shaking against him, struggling to breath. You wanted to break free from him, but at the same time, you never wanted to leave his embrace again.
"I'm so sorry, (name). You're wrong. You mean everything to me. I'm sorry I made you feel like that wasn't the case. And I apologize for the horrible things I said to you."
You stood there for a few more seconds, basking in his arms, then decided to slip free. Albedo let you, almost certain that you would be walking away from him now.
But you didn't.
Instead, you turned around to look at him, allowing him to see your tear stained face that he was the cause of.
"I think... we have a lot to talk about..", you mumbled, not being able to look him in the eyes entirely. But Albedo still saw it as what it was supposed to be.
A chance. A second chance to talk things out with you, make it better between you two.
And he gladly took that chance.
From now on, he would do anything to put a smile on your face every day, never wanting to be the cause for your tears ever again.
Cyno
Two months.
That was how long it has been since you had your boyfriend to yourself for more than a few hours.
Every day, he came back from his work much more later than he usually would, sometimes even not coming home for days on end. He didn't even leave a note or something to inform you of his absence, making you even more worried about him.
And now, even when he was at home with you, he was so cold and distant towards you. Sometimes, he went straight to take a shower and then to bed, not even sparing you a second. Other times, he did spend time with you, but you could tell that his mind was somewhere else, giving only short answers to your questions and statements.
Seeing all this, you couldn't help the doubt starting to well up inside you.
Did he fall out of love with you?
Did you do something wrong? Was he mad at you?
Was he... cheating on you?
You didn't want to think any of these possibilities true, but it was hard to ignore them when Cyno was behaving like this.
You tried to talk to him about this, how you felt, a few times, but he never really listened to you, keeping the conversation short so you couldn't bring your point across.
And now, you began to not only doubt him and the relationship as a whole, you doubted everything.
Did he ever even love you?
Was he only doing this out of convenience?
Were you just.. something expandable to him?
All of these questions and doubts plagued your mind day in and day out, not being able to find any answers to them whatsoever. The only one being able to give you the answers you so desperately wanted and needed, refused to give them to you.
It was driving you insane.
And now, you hit your breaking point. You weren't able to take it anymore. The constant doubt had turned itself into a depressive episode. You wanted to break free from it, but you also wanted to give Cyno one final chance. One chance to explain himself to you, to tell you the truth.
If he refused again, you would not hesitate to leave. Your mind was made up, everything was arranged. You had a small bag prepared, filled with clothing and other stuff you needed.
Tighnari had offered you to stay for a few days at Gandharva Ville where you could sort yourself out if you were not able to talk things through with Cyno. You were so grateful to him, though a small part in you still hoped that it wouldn't come down to this.
That evening, you waited and waited for Cyno to return home from work, but with every passing hour that he didn't show up, you lost more and more hope that he would come home at all today.
You sighed and were about to get up from your spot in the living room to go to bed, when the sound of the front door opening caught your attention. After all, it could only be one person that has the other key to the apartement.
"Welcome back!", you greeted him as you went out to the hallway, seeing your boyfriend standing there. He looked at you with a tired expression but didn't say anything in return.
Instead, he walked right past you, not sparing you another glance. You were baffled, to say the least. That blatant ignorance from him was what gave you the last push you had needed.
"Seriously?", you just said, turning around to face him again, this time though, wearing a stone cold expression.
"(Name), please. Not right now. I'm tired in case you didn't notice."
"Oh, I did notice. But I don't care anymore, Cyno. We have to talk."
"Please, (name). We can talk tomorrow, okay? I just want to go to bed now, not argue about something trivial."
Oh, he really dealt the final blow with that one.
"So, that's it? Do I even mean nothing to you? Was I just some kind of object you can forget about? Does this relationship even mean anything to you anymore?", you threw all of that towards him, not caring that you got more and more worked up with every word you said.
When you were met with nothing but silence from him, you took that as his answer to your questions.
"Okay..", was all you said, turning around and grabbing your packed bag before you went out the door, not even sparing Cyno one last glance. You just wanted to get out of there.
Cyno just stood there for a few minutes, still looking at the spot were you were standing before. Only now did the events catch up to his tired mind, yet he still didn't move.
He saw the defeated look on your face, the way your shoulders slumped at his dismissiveness, but he shrugged it off. Instead of running after you and trying to mend this misunderstanding, he went to the bathroom, took a shower and then made himself comfortable in the bed.
He was sure you would have returned by tomorrow and then you could talk about it.
....
Two days.
Two days have gone by and you still hadn't returned home. By this point, Cyno was beyond worried about you. After all, it was dark when you went out and he hasn't heard from you since then and no one in the city seemed to have seen you, either.
Thinking back to your last words towards him made him want to beat his past self up for not sitting down and talking to you then and there. For not running after you and bringing you back. Back to him where you belonged to.
He knew that he was neglecting you these past two months. It's not like he wanted to do so. Work has been increasing for him, the sages at the Academiya were up to something, and not of the good kind.
It put a lot of pressure on him, yet at the same time, he had to try and keep a low profile, for his sake as well as yours. But in doing so, he didn't even notice how much he had distanced himself from you. He really wanted to punch himself in the face for that, but it's not like that would bring you back to him, so he refrained from it.
He had been searching for you almost the entire day when you hadn't returned yet again. But his search seemed to not be granted success today either.
Not knowing what else to do, he decided to head over to Gandharva Ville. Maybe Tighnari would be willing to listen to him and maybe have a suggestion on how he could find you and apologize to you.
Once he arrived, he immediately made his way over to his friends hut, not caring for all the looks other people gave him. He was used to it at this point anyways.
As expected, he found Tighnari sitting at his table, scrunched over some research report. Upon his entry, his ear twitched and he looked at his friend. Cyno did find it odd however, that his friend looked at him with such a surprised expression. After all, it wasn't unusual for him to arrive unannounced.
"Cyno? What are you doing here?"
"What, can't visit a friend anymore?", he said jokingly, though it didn't sound convincing at all, judging by the look on Tighnari's face.
"You're right..", Cyno sighed instead, grabbing an empty chair and sitting beside his friend. "I need your help. It's about (name).."
"Oh, that situation? Yeah, I've heard about it from them already."
"You did? From who? And when?", Cyno asked, suddenly gaining new hope. If you were here, he might still have a chance at finding you.
"From them. I offered them a place to stay for a few days. Though after everything they told me, I didn't think you would actually search for them."
So you were here... and his best friend knew about the situation and was severly judging him. Cyno knew he deserved it, but he still wanted to try and make things right again.
"Tighnari, please tell me where they are. I need to talk to them. Please."
Tighnari looked at him long and hard, most likely trying to assess his intentions.
With a sigh, he then turned back around, focusing his attention back to his research. "I gave them the open cottage on the other side of the village. They should be in there, seeing as they haven't left it since they arrived here."
"Thanks.", Cyno mumbled, scrambling to get up from the chair to rush to where you are. He was almost out the door, when Tighnari's voice caught his attention again, calling his name.
Cyno turned around, facing his friend again. "Don't fuck it up again.", he advised, to which Cyno nodded his head. He wouldn't, he would make sure of that.
When he arrived at your temporary residence, he immediately went to knock on the door. He waited outside for a few seconds, but no reply.
So he knocked again, more urgent this time.
Still no reply.
"(Name)!", he exclaimed this time, knocking on your door again, but still to no avail.
Getting desperate, he decided to just try and see if the door was unlocked or not.
It was. The door slid open soundlessly, inviting him inside. Carefully, he walked inside, letting his eyes take in the interior. Since the door and most of the windows have been shut, it was almost dark in here, and to top it off, he didn't hear a sound.
He was almost panicing again, thinking that you might have actually left this place, until his eyes fell on the bed, and on it, he saw your sleeping figure.
Relief flooded over him, finally being able to see you again and to actually have the knowledge that you were safe and sound.
He then walked closer to you, only to take in your state. You may have looked peaceful sleeping like this, but your eyes were red and swollen, telling him that you had cried before falling asleep. And he knew that the reason for your sadness had been him.
The need to punch himself rose again, for making you feel this way when he had promised to do everything in his power to never do that.
Instead, he decided to crouch down on the floor, next to the bed, gently taking your hand into his, placing a soft kiss to the back of your hand.
He would wait here until you woke up again, no matter how many hours from now that would be. He would wait for you and ask you to please consider talking to him.
He wanted to properly explain himself and apologize to you. Whatever you decided on doing afterwards, he would comply by it. If you wanted to break up with him, he would understand that. If you decided to give him a second chance, he would thank you on his hands and knees.
But that decision would be yours to make and he was prepared to accept whatever would be thrown his way. But for now, he was content with simply holding your hand, quietly enjoying your presence which he had missed so much...
Alhaitham
The Scribe of the Academiya has been getting more and more busy these days. Well, for now, it's best to say "former" Scribe, since he has been temporarely promoted to Acting Grand Sage.
You knew that your boyfriend had absolutely zero intention of keeping that position, even if he was more than befitting for it, seeing how knowledgeable he was.
But he much rather prefered a simple life, and you couldn't argue with that logic. Who wouldn't like that, especially when pay and work hours weren't really affected either way.
Still, for now, both you and him had to live with the changed circumstances, even though neither of you were happy with them.
Alhaitham was working even more now, trying to sort out certain matters until a new Grand Sage has been chosen. You haven't really seen or talked to him in days, yet you brushed it off, telling yourself that it would change again once he got his old position back again.
Sure, he may have cancelled a few dates and had to call off a get together with your parents, but that was perfectly understandable.
You continued to give yourself excuse after excuse, hoping that soon enough, things would get back to the way they were before all of this had happened.
Couldn't take too long...right?
...
Three hours..
You had waited for him, at Puspa Café, where you were supposed to meet for your first ever date in ages again.
And he didn't show up... Again.
You wanted to give Alhaitham the benefit of the doubt, but it was getting increasingly more difficult for you.
When you got to the home you shared with him, you were greeted by an eerie silence, telling you, that he wasn't even home to begin with.
Probably still at the Academiya, working.
You sigh, adding yet another dissapointment to the list, as you went into the bathroom to get changed into more comfortable clothes. To think that you dressed up for the occaison, only to experience heartbreak again.
It's really starting to get difficult for you to forgive him for all this stuff.
....
Yet another date cancelled by him, thanks to not showing up... Again..
But this time, he didn't even come home in the evening.
It had you worried about him beyond anything, not knowing what was going on since he always came back.
You didn't sleep that night at all, only for him to angrily walk through the front door at three in the morning, mumbling something about the incompetence of the people he was forced to work with.
He only spared a glance in your direction before he went straight into the bedroom. By the time you got in there as well, he was already fast asleep in the bed. And when you woke up in the morning, he was already gone, not even leaving you with a note or anything like he usually would.
Somehow, this was your last straw.
You endured the exact same scenario so many times before. Yet, somehow, this time was just one too many times.
Next time, you promised yourself, next time you see him, you would talk to him about it, no matter if he wanted or not. Because if you didn't then there was no reason in your eyes to continue this dying relationship.
....
Turns out, the next time you would see him would once again be in the dead of the night, thanks to Alhaitham not coming home again any earlier.
When he walked through the door, he was surprised to see you still awake. Normally, you would already be asleep and he would just silently slip under the covers next to you, enjoying what little he was able to get from being close to you again gave him, before he was also knocked out cold.
But with you standing there in front of him, expression cold and hard, he knew something was up with you. And yet, he just didn't have the energy to deal with that right now. He just wanted to sleep.
"We need to talk, Alhaitham."
No greeting, no nicknames, no nothing. You were definitely upset, yet he still tried to get out off talking right now.
"Can we do this tomorrow, (name)? I'm tired."
"You mean like all the other times you promised me something and then stood me up? No, I think not. We talk about this now."
Oh, so that's what got you so upset?
"Look, I told you I would be busy for some time until things at the Academiya get sorted out. You can't tell me you didn't know about this.", he tried to reason with you, but it only seemed to upset you even more.
"You did say that.. but it's been weeks since I've last actually talked to you. It feels more like I'm your housekeeper right now, not your partner."
"This is absurd. Now you're just thinking too much into things, (name)."
After that statement, an argument broke out between you two, right here in the hallway where you "greeted" Alhaitham. You weren't full on shouting at each other, but you were talking pretty loudly. If people were to walk by outside, they could probably hear every word you guys were throwing at each other.
But neither of you cared right now.
At some point, Alhaitham walked past you, into the living room, trying to escape the argument. But you insisted on continuing it, following him into the room and at this point, he was getting fed up with the situation.
"Archons, (name)! Can you just shut up and leave me be? I don't have time for trivial things right now!"
Immediately after he said that, you went silent and his words caught up with him as well.
He looked at you, saw how tears started to form in your eyes and instantly regretted ever letting those words fall out of his mouth. Nothing was more important than you in his eyes, and yet, he still said that to you. Like you didn't mean the world to him, which you did.
"(Name)-!"
"So, what? Was i really nothing to you? Was i just some kind of object that you can just forget about that easily? To toss aside when you don't want it anymore?"
You hated how your voice cracked halfway through, how tears started to escape your eyes. And despite how much his words had hurt you, you still didn't want to run from the situation. You had to see it through.
"If that is how you truly feel about me, maybe we should end-!"
Before you were able to end your sentence, you were suddenly pushed against a strong chest, warm arms keeping you in an embrace you had longed so much for, yet right now, it wasn't comforting at all.
"Let go off me..", you stated weakly, giving no indication that you planned to reciprocate his sign of affection.
"Never..", he whispered, and with the way he sounded right now, you could almost think that he was starting to cry as well. Almost..
"I'm so sorry, (name). I truly didn't mean to say that. Please, you have to believe me, I don't mean it. You are not trivial to me, nor is our relationship.
I.. I love you. I truly do. Though I don't openly say it that often, that doesn't mean my words hold any less truth in them. You have to believe me."
"I want to... I really want to believe you, Alhaitham. But with the way things are and have been for those weeks... I don't think I can.."
By now, the tears are streaming freely from your face and you weakly put your hands against his chest, needing some kind of stability.
"Then let me prove it to you. Let me prove to you that I still love you like the first day, that I never stopped loving you, even if my words and actions made you think otherwise."
You were silent after that for some time, thinking it over. You had no idea what the best course of action for you would be, but in the end, you decided to go with what your heart was telling you. Wether or not you would regret that decision, you had to find that out in the future.
"...One more chance. You better don't fuck up again or I'm leaving for good.", you mumbled against his chest, his shirt already stained with your tears, but neither you nor Alhaitham cared about that in the slightest.
All he could focus on, was you in his arms and the fact you granted him with another chance. And he intended to use it the best he could.
Kazuha
Between travelling around the different nations and helping out Beidou on board of the Alchor from time to time, Kazuha never really had much time.
You love Kazuha. You really do...
But sometimes, you just can't help but wonder if you even have a relationship with him at this point.
When he's gone again, for weeks or sometimes even months on end, and the only form of communication with him stems from a few letters sprinkled in between here and there, how could you not doubt?
In the beginning, you used to travel around with him. And while you enjoyed the time spent with your boyfriend, getting to see all those different places and creating wonderful memories with him, you eventually grew tired of it.
That's not to say that you didn't enjoy wandering around the nations with Kazuha by your side, but you just couldn't imagine spending your entire life like this. Never being provided with a place of your own, to call your home, constantly on the go.
It just wasn't your way of living.
Kazuha understood that and would never force you to accompany him, just like you would never force him to stay with you, even when sometimes the loneliness just got more to you than on other days.
He always came back to you, but he never stayed for more than a few days before he was out the door again, not to be seen for an unknown amount of time.
It was difficult, living like this. You tried to live off the memories and happy moments you had with him when he was here with you, but it wasn't enough anymore. You wanted him by your side again, but you also knew that he would suffer in the long run if you were to ask him to stay here with you.
However, in your mind, it also wasn't an option to just leave thing unmentioned.
Which is why you made the desicion, that the next time he would come home to you, you needed to talk to him about your thoughts and feelings, in hopes you could come to a solution together.
.....
Turns out, the next time he's home again would be three months later. And like always, only letters could have been exchanged throughout this entire time.
Kazuha already had a sneaking suspicion that something wasn't right with you. He couldn't exactly pinpoint it, but the way you were writing in these letters sounded off from your usual way, which is also why he tried to make it back to you as soon as he could. He felt bad that it still took him this long, but there was nothing he could have done about it.
The city he resided in when he got that particular letter from you underwent a strict lockdown only hours later, due to a prisoner escaping. The entire city had been shut down to find him as quickly as possible, all forms of communication had also been cut short.
It took them three weeks to apprehend the convict again, and as soon as the city doors opened again, Kazuha was out of them and on his way back to you.
...
When Kazuha arrived back at the little cottage the two of you shared, it was in the late afternoon.
Already, when he opened the door, he was absolutely certain now that something was wrong. Usually, you would come running to greet him at the first noise or hint that he had come back.
But now? Nothing.
"(Name)? I'm back!", he yelled, in hopes of getting your attention this way, but still, no reaction. Maybe you were out buying groceries or something?
Still, Kazuha decided to wander through the different rooms, just to make sure he wouldn't miss anything. And now, he's glad that he did as he saw you sitting on the patio, wrapped up in a comfortable blanket.
As he approached you, he noticed that you must be deep in your thoughts, just staring ahead of you. He gently opened the door and when that also didn't seem to catch your attention, he decided to speak up.
"Darling?", he asked, cautiously, not wanting to spook you.
You flinched a little at the unexpected sound coming from behind you, but just as quickly, you relaxed again, realizing who that voice belonged to.
"Kazuha. You're back.", you stated, grazing him with a small smile as you turned around to look at him, but nothing more. Normally, you would jump up into his arms, almost taking his breath away.
But Kazuha didn't say anything about it, instead, he grabbed one of the other chairs and sat right beside you. He gently took one of your hands into his, holding it like that. He missed this, missed this physical contact with you.
"Please.. Tell me what's been bothering you, darling."
"....was I that obvious?", you asked, causing a small smile to appear on Kazuha's lips. But he didn't answer, instead waited for you to continue on.
You sighed, fixing your gaze away from him and ahead of you again, thinking about how to best approach this. It was silent for a few minutes until you spoke up again.
"It's just... You're always gone for so long that I-!"
Before you could actually finish your sentence, Kazuha began to groan beside you, making you look at him in confusion.
"(Name).. you know that I don't like being bound to one place."
"I know that, but-!"
"No but's! You knew what you were involving yourself in by being with me. Why are we even having this conversation now?"
You were shocked, not expecting Kazuha to immediately get so defensive about this. All you wanted was to talk to him and maybe propose an idea you had got when he was away. But the way he was acting right now made you feel bitter.
"Can you just listen to me? I'm not trying to confine you, I just-!"
"Yes, you are, (name). What else could you possibly want to achieve by beginning the conversation like that?"
Fed up from being interrupted by him a third time now, you've had enough. An argument started to ensue, when you didn't even intend for this to happen.
You've never experienced something like this with Kazuha, he was always level-headed, calm and collected. So why was he suddenly getting so defensive over this topic. It really wasn't like you were trying to hold him here.
But, with each thing said, both you and him grew more and more heated, the shouting starting to get louder and louder, until Kazuha suddenly stood up.
"If I knew you would get like that, maybe I shouldn't have returned at all."
As you heard him say that, you instantly went silent, looking at him with your eyes wide open.
No.. he couldn't mean that, right?
It also now seemed to catch up to Kazuha what he just said, as he also turned to look at you, shock written all over his face.
"(Name), I...", he began to stay, but trailed off, not knowing what he even wanted to say in the first place. He knew he had fucked up with that statement.
"So, that's it? I wasn't anything to you? Just something you can toy with when you get bored, only to be thrown away when you don't want me anymore?"
A single tear escaped you, running down your cheek and Kazuha immediately had the instinct to wipe it away from your beautiful face, to pull you into his arms and tell you how sorry he was.
So he did just that, pulling you into him, holding your face against his chest as he held your head secure with his hand, your tears now starting to come out freely.
"I'm so sorry, darling. I didn't mean to say such horrible things. No words can express how much I regret ever letting them out of my mouth."
You weren't able to answer him, your breathing being erratic, trying to choke down your sobs and crys. It positively broke Kazuha's heart that he was the immediate cause for this.
He just let you cry in his arms until you calmed down again, all the while he kept apologizing to you over and over, telling you how much he loved you and how much you meant to him.
The two of you would have to continue this conversation, but not today. Not when both of you were this wound up from everything that had happened.
The talking could be done tomorrow. Now was the time for healing...
once upon a time, you wished for alhaitham to love you back just as much as you loved him. that was years ago though; now as the acting grand scribe for the acting grand sage, you both were widely known for the hate you have for each other.
𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐬 love hate, unrequited love (or is it), angst, implied insecurity about physical appearance, inspired from the fountain scene in atonement by ian mcewan. i suggest you watch the video first so you can imagine how the scene would look like!
𝐰𝐜 2.5k
he finally found you.
the swaying grass crunched under the soles of his boots as he slowly and menacingly walked towards you with your back facing him, not aware of what was about to come. he was getting nearer now, and yet you still didn't turn around; it was either because you didn't hear him at all or because you didn't care about his presence. knowing you, the latter sounded more reasonable.
you were sitting on the grass, right beside the crystal clear waterfalls of chinvat ravine, legs crossed and hair tied to keep the strands from blocking your view, but the wind didn't spare you from its wrath. your locks swayed gently along with the breeze, flying and curling like the roots of the divine tree holding up the sanctuary of surasthana, exposing your bare neck to him. even with your long sleeved dress, you bathed in the golden sumeru sunlight, not caring about the heat at all.
though you weren't looking at him at all, alhaitham's heart stubbornly skipped a beat, its pace picking up the longer he stared at you. you looked so peaceful sitting in silence that he almost turned away and let you be in your own quiet world. or maybe he would just sit beside you if you'd allow him to, then the two of you would listen to the singing of the dusk birds together, along with the calming sound of the running water from the waterfalls.
in another time, he would like to spend his mornings, afternoons, and nights with you; but right now, as the acting grand sage of the akademiya, work was priority.
and so, despite not wanting it, alhaitham broke the silence. "if I may ask, what is the acting grand scribe doing here?"
he saw your body tense up, shoulders raising slightly. it took you a whole minute before you decided to glance at him over your shoulder. as he expected, your usually gentle eyes were already narrowed, ready to bite at him. your plump lips were pursed in annoyance, and it took every bit of his sanity to not lean in and swipe his thumb over it. your cheeks were already starting to turn into a shade of red that reminded him of zaytun peaches. it was probably because of anger, or irritation. or both.
beautiful, he thought.
"acting grand sage alhaitham." you greeted him calmly, as opposed to the emotions you had on display. "i can ask you the same question."
alhaitham crossed his arms and stared down blankly at you. "i have some files i need you to arrange, and they should be at my desk tomorrow morning."
without breaking off the eye contact, you blinked twice as if you were contemplating on what to say. then you shrugged, appearing not to care at all. "alright."
he couldn't help but to think that the old you wouldn't act this way. years ago, you would've nod slowly with a soft smile gracing your lips, a smile that was reserved just for him, and a pale pink hue would settle on top of your skin because you were too flustered to even speak a word to him.
but times have changed now. he should not be thinking about the past, for it will only hinder his progress in the present. but how could he not, when the only person he could blame for the reason for your change was himself?
alhaitham tried to hide his growing impatience, both for your stubbornness and your attitude towards him. he frowned and pressed on, "it seemed like you didn't understand. i am asking you to return to your office in the akademiya."
"you already wasted my time by searching for you. i spent a precious hour just walking around the city asking people if they somehow saw you when i could've spent that hour finishing the rest of my work. even katayoun didn't know where you are, so i had to find you myself." he continued, voice sounding more cross in each sentence.
you sighed, not affected by his rants. fully turning around, he saw a writing quill tucked in your ear and some papers stacked on your lap. you took one of the papers and showed it to him. "i'm checking some of the students' research proposals before i can submit them to you for approval."
"and you couldn't do that in your office?"
"unlike some of us, i can't concentrate on my work when i am locked up in an enclosed space." you quickly bit back, glaring at him. "working here is much better. i can breathe in some fresh air and watch the dusk birds if i'm feeling overwhelmed by the never-ending paperwork."
alhaitham thought of what you said and almost agreed with you. from where he was standing, he could see the bright blue sky, and not to mention, the entire view of the city.
but his pride didn't allow him to back down, just like always. he can tolerate you being mad at him and hating him with all your heart, but he can't stand it when you ignore him.
so he added fuel to the fire and lectured you, "while you're at it, do you have more complaints? don't hesitate to inform me if you lack materials or things that you will need. you have a high position in the akademiya now, so it is important for you to have your work done in a proper manner."
you rolled your eyes. "office rooms make me nauseous." you said straightforwardly.
that made him scrunch his eyebrows in both confusion and concern. "nauseous?"
"there's no windows." you grumbled under your breath. alhaitham inhaled sharply, finally understanding the situation. he made a mental note to speak with some of the matra later and make a request to transfer you to a new room. maybe even use some of his sage funds to buy new decorations just for you, so you wouldn't feel lonely and cramped inside your office.
while he was thinking, he noticed that you turned around once again, continuing to check the papers on your own. he watched you write, quick but your handwriting remained neat and pleasing to look at. this was one of the reasons why he chose you to become the scribe.
he wasn't satisfied with just watching you. alhaitham got closer and bent down with one knee. striking up a conversation again, he began, "let me see what you're working on."
you flinched at the sudden close proximity. he noticed it, and he tried to stop himself from smirking.
your grip on your quill tightened. with gritted teeth, you told him, "i'm not yet finished. please be patient."
alhaitham peered at you innocently, making you glower even more at his unaffected state. "i just want to check if you're doing it correctly." he simply said.
"i told you it's not yet finished. and what do you mean by correctly? i can manage just fine on my own!" you defended, now starting to raise your voice. while you were distracted, he took the opportunity to take the paper you were writing on.
you yelped and protested, "hey! stop!"
he lifted up his arm so you wouldn't be able to reach it, looking down on you with a strange glint in his beautiful turquoise eyes. seething in anger, you slightly sat up and pressed a hand on his chest in a rough manner to hoist yourself up without losing balance. you tried to ignore the feeling of his defined muscles against your palm as you tried to snatch the paper from him.
alhaitham froze. for a moment, he thought he forgot how to breathe because of how close you were to him. he could see the flecks of light in your eyes, the number of your thick eyelashes, and the many imperfections on the surface of your skin, yet they looked soft to the touch. and your lips, your heavenly lips, were only inches away from his own. the way they were slightly parted made him think of how they would feel.
he lost all focus that the paper he was holding slipped away from his fingers. your jaw dropped in horror, gaze following the paper in the air as it slowly flew towards the river. you got off alhaitham and tried to chase after it, but you were unfortunately too late. the paper had already met the surface of the water, liquid seeping on its thin composition.
you looked at him in disbelief. "what have you done?"
alhaitham sighed, waving a hand. "don't fret too much. just take the printed copy and submit it to me." he said.
"i didn't print one." you quietly replied.
he turned to you and stared at you like you've grown two heads. "what?"
in a louder voice, you explained impatiently, "that's the original paper. i haven't printed a copy yet."
hearing your words, alhaitham felt a huge headache. it was a grave mistake not to keep a copy of the akademiya's files.
"this is why I told you to always duplicate important files immediately after you receive them from the students in case they are stolen, destroyed, or lost." he spoke carefully, trying to avoid getting frustrated. "these are their research papers, and i'm sure that as a former akademiya student, you know how much value those papers hold."
your hands formed into fists. "do not talk to me like that!" you weakly shouted.
one of his eyebrows raised in question. "like what? like an acting grand sage pointing out their scribe's mistake?"
to his surprise, you started tearing up. bright red then blossomed on your cheeks, signalling the chaos that was about to reach its boiling point.
"like a pompous ass who forced me to become the scribe!" you yelled, and the shrillness of your voice hurt his ears, but he continued listening anyway. "if you're so clever and oh so better than me, then why didn't you just be the grand sage and scribe at the same time? you just have to drag me into your shit so you could embarrass me in front of the mahamata!"
"to embarrass you is far from my—"
you pointed a finger at him in a threatening way, your eyes shooting daggers as sharp enough to kill him. "speak another word and i'll kick you so hard in your groin that your children wouldn't be able to have the same genes as you."
flabbergasted, alhaitham didn't dare utter another word. but when you started to unbutton your dress, he let out a sarcastic huff.
"the water is not safe." he said, trying to prevent you from wading through the fungi infested river. you ignored him and continued to undress.
you were about to pull down the upper part of your dress when you glanced at him, mouth open as if you were going to say something. he held your gaze, waiting for your retort. however, nothing came, and you only scowled at him while you finally slipped out of your dress, the clothing falling down to your feet.
he knew it was improper to stare. he wanted to look away, to give you respect and privacy and also because it was the right thing to do, but he can't he can't he can't—
the lacy camisole you were wearing underneath the dress clung tight to your body. your bra straps were visible, and because the camisole's length can only reach the middle of your exposed thighs, he can almost see your underwear. you were half naked right in front of him, but you didn't seem to care. why didn't you care?
ah, alhaitham thought, realization dawning upon him as you carefully walked towards the river and tested the temperature of the water first before taking a dive. you became nothing but a colorful blur under the aquamarine waters.
it was quiet for a moment. everything was quiet, until a distant memory flashed in his mind.
"you don't pass my aesthetic preferences and ideals for a partner. i consider both character and appearance when it comes to choosing a significant other, should that day ever come." he explained quickly, trying to get out of this awkward situation. more students were gathering around them, and that was the thing he despised the most: attention.
it became even worse when your lower lip started to tremble. just how pathetic can you be? confessing your feelings in the middle of a public place, the feelings that grew within you just by working on a single project together. you brought this to yourself. this was all your fault to begin with.
"are you saying i'm ugly?" you whispered, shaky voice sounding upset.
his gaze on you remained impassive. "i wouldn't use that term. that's too harsh, don't you think? i'd say...you're just not physically attractive, that's all.
"i'm not planning to consider you as my partner in a romantic relationship, today and in the near future. so i advise you to stay away from me to save yourself from the humiliation. have a nice day."
a loud splash interrupted his thoughts.
when you emerged from the water, your hands were clutching the soggy piece of paper, grip gentle as to not rip it off. damp pieces of hair framed your face, and the camisole, now transparent, hugged your wet form. your jaw was clenched, due to the cold or your hostility towards him; he doesn't know.
oxygen was knocked out of his lungs. alhaitham swallowed a lump in his throat and clenched his fist, reminding himself to breathe. you walked past him, not meeting his eye, and picked up your dress from the ground. you dressed hastily, your wet strands drenching your clothing in the process.
after you buttoned up, you turned your head sideways, finally acknowledging his presence but not making eye contact.
"i never wanted to be the acting grand scribe." you said, voice calm once again. "still, i apologize. i, who does not have a single clue about being a scribe because i'm only a librarian, apologize for not knowing what this job entails. but for just one day, can you please stop reminding me that i'm not as intelligent as you?"
he stayed quiet.
"have a nice day, acting grand sage." were your last words before you left him there standing dumbly on the grass. he can only watch as you walked away from him, hair swaying across your shoulders with each step you take. when you disappeared from his sight, he looked back at the water, the roiling surface yet to recover from its tranquillity, almost like you left some of your fury in it. alhaitham placed a hand flat on its surface, thinking about how the water touched your body mere moments ago, its calming arms caressing every inch of your skin. he doesn't want to feel jealous, but that he felt.
it has happened, much to his dread. you, who is possibly the only woman who can ever love someone like him, no longer have feelings for him. it was to be expected, but how can he live on when the only constant thing in his life finally left him for good?
alhaitham can only dip his hand in the water. it was the only closest thing to you that he could touch.
heavily injured from a battle in the xianzhou luofu, you thought it would be the first and last time you see your stellarmate—but then you wake up in his arms, with him treating your wounds despite showing signs of disinterest in your bond when you first met.
𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐬 soulmate au, angst, unrequited love, mentions of blood and injury descriptions, possessiveness, blade's pov, him just taking care of you with a sprinkle of angst
𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞 stellarmate = soulmate (inspired from stellar jade so original i know) this is actually from the blade fic that i plan on writing but this can be read as a standalone! also, if you get the ts reference in this we are automatically besties. may blade wanters be blade havers
𝐰𝐜 1.8k
soaking the dirty piece of cloth in the cold water, blade let the icy liquid gather in the fabric before lifting it out and wringing it dry until it became nothing but an improvised damp towel.
it wasn't even guaranteed that it was clean enough to be put on your forehead, since the cloth was only ripped off from your dirtied skirt. however, he had no choice but to use it in the end. your body went into a shock after losing too much blood in a battle between you and some mara-struck soldiers, resulting into a high fever.
with the moon positioned at its highest point in the night sky, blade guessed that it was already midnight, meaning that he hadn't caught a wink of sleep ever since he fled the xianzhou with your unconscious body in his arms and warped to a planet he first thought of. this was nothing new. he could stay up all night and his body wouldn't feel anything at all.
blade approached your resting figure in the small cave you were both currently residing in. observing your face for a moment, which was formed in a deep frown, he brushed away the stray hairs out of your face as carefully as he could, then placed the damp cloth on your forehead.
your fever wasn't going down throughout the evening, with your body covered in sweat and hastily wrapped bandages. your shoulders were bare since your most grave injury was a stab wound near your heart, caused by a sharp blade of a mara-struck soldier, and so he was forced to rip open the top part of your shirt to stop the bleeding.
beside your now wrapped wound was none other than your mark. your stellar mark. blade can only stare at it. even when he was placing a bandage over your wound, he didn't dare touch the area where the mark rested on your skin. until now, he was still in disbelief over the fact that the aeons gave him a counterpart, his other half. after all the torment and pain, he, of all people, was blessed with a stellarmate.
he went over to the bonfire in the middle of the cave, where he was boiling medicinal herbs with water using a bowl he made out of stone. years worth of travelling between planets made him gain knowledge of which food to eat or which plant is safe to intake. emerald-iii wasn't a foreign land to blade; he had visited the planet before twice, accompanied by kafka.
speaking of his companion, blade thought back to the xianzhou while waiting for you to wake up and for the medicine to finish cooking. she must be looking for him right now, maybe even asked silver wolf to track him down. your astral express friends might be searching for you too.
he closed his eyes. the image of you lying in your own pool of blood appeared in his mind. blood was also dripping down the side of your mouth, and your eyes were already starting to close when he found you. the pain and rage and fear he felt all over his body was nothing compared to his never-ending death. and he felt his mark burning too, wanting to seek revenge to the people who hurt what was his, wanting to kill them clean with his broken—
"b—lade?" your broken voice came out in a pained wheeze. you coughed shortly after, throat dry and parched. blade turned around and looked at you. your eyes were barely open, but he can see your confusion and distress. "you're...h-here?"
"fool. don't try to talk. you are currently in a weak state." he scolded, glowering at you with his crimson eyes narrowed in slits.
you shook your head repeatedly, slowly lifting your shivering arms and wrapping them around yourself. "i-it hurts, blade..." you complained as tears lined up your eyes, fingers brushing against your wounded shoulder, "...and it's c-cold."
blade gave you a blank stare. he didn't know what to say to you. it was the first time you talked to each other properly, and the first time you were alone together. but it seemed like you were in a state of delirium, seeing that you weren't scared of expressing yourself.
you whined while sniffing, "so cold...why is it so cold?"
he sighed in defeat and shrugged off his tailcoat, leaving him in only bandages wrapped around his torso. he scooted over to you and covered your body with his coat. "we are in emerald-iii, therefore, the weather is constantly changing. endure it while i finish the medicine."
"medicine?" you asked curiously, pulling his coat up to your face.
blade clicked his tongue in annoyance. "one more question and i will abandon you here."
you were silent for the next minutes as you patiently waited beside him. he removed the stone bowl from the fire, and saw that the water has turned a greyish green due to the medicinal herbs. to further melt down the remaining floating leaves, he gave the liquid a quick stir by moving it in a back and forth motion.
bringing it up to your lips, he commanded, "drink."
moving your head forward, you sipped from the bowl, but you immediately coughed it out. after recovering from the series of coughs, you let out, "it's bitter—!"
"you dare complain when i boiled these herbs for hours just so they become pure enough to consume." blade snapped impatiently, "do you wish to be well or not?"
you nodded quickly, not wanting to anger him any further. "okay. i'll drink it."
it took you a few more tries before you get to take all the medicine down your throat, your face scrunched in disgust by the time you finished drinking it.
without warning, blade scooped you up and placed your head against his shoulder. he started taking off your bloodied bandages, and once it was all removed, he examined the wound. he already cleaned and stitched it up hours ago, but it was still bleeding. it can't be helped. the supplies were sparse and the cut was too deep, and with your fever adding up, he was not sure if you'll survive the night.
sweat began lining up his forehead. gritting his teeth, he took a fresh batch of bandages and started to wrap them on you again.
why? why was he doing this? why was he trying to keep you alive? each time the bandage circled around your arm, blade's movements became more frustrated and quick and rough. he didn't even notice you gazing at him with a dazed expression until you chuckled softly.
blade scowled. "speak if you wish to say something."
"are you real?" you murmured weakly, your hushed voice cracking in between words, lacking the usual gentle tone yet it was still tinted with naivety and awe that it made him freeze. all the frustration and anger was washed away and was instead replaced with confusion to your question.
your eyelids kept drooping down, not allowing him to see the beautiful shade of your warm eyes that reminded him of the brightest stars of the xianzhou sky. it was fine; as long as he gets to hold you like this, your head against his shoulder, your bare skin against his with the moonlight shining over you, then everything was fine.
feeling his heart skid to a stop for a thousandth time that night, blade can't help but to slowly reach out, and although his bandaged hand hesitated to land on your skin, afraid it might tint your innocence with his sins, he allowed himself to caress your cheek. it did not surprise him at all when your face fit perfectly in the palm of his wounded hand, your warmth proceeding to seep through his thin and bloodied bandages. a stray tear suddenly fell down your smooth skin, and this time, he didn't hesitate to wipe it off with his thumb.
"what do you mean?" he whispered, leaning in closer to you. you didn't answer for a minute, your breathing growing heavy.
then you laughed. "i don't know," you said, "i feel like i just made you up."
more tears escaped from your eyes as you continued, "you wouldn't...boil some strange herbs for me, or wrap me up in your coat. or treat my wounds, or even talk to me. you wouldn't want to be near me. you wouldn't do that."
"i have no time for your nonsense." blade replied with the intention of sounding harsh, but it came out weak instead. you smiled at him tearily, placing your hand on top of his.
"we are going to be unbound soon." you assured him, and blade swore his stellarmark was stung the second you said those words, "and as soon as i get well, i will immediately seek the aeons and get our marks removed. then you wouldn't have to see me ever again."
he swallowed, speechless for the first time. unbeknownst to him, he was slowly pulling you closer to his chest, his fingers digging into your skin in an attempt to keep you all to himself. his breathing grew uneven as he thought of you walking away from him, forgetting him, not thinking of him, and you belonging to someone else that wasn't him. his heartbeat grew irregular at the thought of not seeing you again.
blade had the sudden urge to cover up his mark and protect it from the world. it was his. it was his and his alone, and no one was going to take it away from him. not even the aeons.
"but do you want to know a secret?" you continued quietly, your smile growing wide, "if the aeons would give me a chance to pick a stellarmate again, i would choose you."
yes. he was going to keep this mark. and he was going to keep you. ever single person who will lay their hand on your skin will meet the sharpness of his sword, and every single one who will stand in between your bond shall face his wrath.
"i would you choose you, again, and again, and again, until you want me back. until you love me back."
the second you wake up from your delirious state, he'll tell you of his new plans, and he imagined you in disbelief, surprised and hesitant and hopeless but you'll nod and you'll take his hand, and you'll run, run, run, and leave it all behind.
"oh, look at the moon," you exclaimed, pointing a finger to the crescent shaped light, and he ignored the way your breaths were growing shallow each time you talk, "look at the moon, blade. it's so pretty. the moon is so pretty."
blade pulled you closer to his chest and rested his chin on top of your head as a sinister grin started to grow on his lips, along with an unfamiliar flame beginning to ignite in his amber crimson eyes. you were his. you were his.
and not even elio can change that.
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