The Snow Fairy

“Some people say, light represents waiting. Therefore, lanterns hold the meaning of keeping watch. I am willing to wait for the unknown day of your return, even if it’s for an entire lifetime.”

[thesnowingfairy]

33 weeks and feeling so amazing!

[thesnowingfairy]

Dang it, one of the biggest tragedies in life is when you really get attached to fictional characters/couples only to realise they're not real. NUUuuuuuU!!! Susu and Qingxue are too perfect in every single way!!!

[thesnowingfairy]

LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE THIS SHOW SO FREAKING MUCH!! <33333

[thesnowingfairy]

Fears

Ever since I woke up to bleeding twice in the middle of the night during my my pregnancy, even if it was for less than a minute, even if doctors say it’s normal, every night those same intense paralysing terror comes back and no matter what I do, it doesn’t go away.

This is when I realise that I already treat this little life as a real person. It’s as if building a wall if fear is what my body does to shield me from potential sadness.

I do hate what fear does to people but I have learned from it. Perhaps the only thing I can do is accurately describe this feeling and look back to remember this time, to appreciate and be thankful later.

It’s like being frozen in a horror movie where you can’t breathe properly. Time is in slow morion. It becomes so exhausting and sometimes, you just need to find a little comfort. For me, it’s light, because that symbolises a little knowledge, even if is as simple as seeing things clearly as opposed to being in darkness. The only trigger for this fear is what happened at this time in the past and I think it will repeat.

I regret that I never truly appreciated the freedom of not being drained by fear every day. It’s amazing that when something is taken away, we suddenly realise just how lucky we were before it was gone and we'd suddenly do anything to go back to that time.

Just 9 more weeks till part of this fear can be lifted. Every day counts and feels like a hard earned battle won.

[thesnowingfairy]

Playing with awesome iPhone photo editing apps like meitu with old photos is a great way to kill time at night when I'm too scared to sleep. Uploading them is also a nice distraction.

[thesnowingfairy]

Current shows I'm watching and LOVING

Legend of the Ancient Sword

AHHH I am in love with this show, what I've been missing for so very long. I adore the style, the characters, outfits and how much mystery this contains. I always love the interactions between the couples, and figuring out if the Ouyang dude is the same as the white dude in the beginning is one of my greatest priorities!

Love Qingxue so much!!

Fairy Tail

Truly one of my all time favs, I go through roller coaster of emotions after just 3-4 eps each time, mostly because there are so many extremely moving scenes that are just done so very well that you can really feel the characters' emotions, something I really appreciate. There's always something meaningful in each arc. Not only that, it is also HILARIOUS in many ways!

[thesnowingfairy]

Life Update: Pregnancy

Some of you may or may not know, I am currently 14 weeks and 5 days pregnant.

It's been a long journey, and it was extremely hard to get here because of how much it costs, so I am grateful like I could never imagine to be pregnant.

NT Scan at 13 weeks:

I wanted to give a little history about my pregnancy. It was conceived through IVF with donor sperm. Unfortunately, I don't know too much about the donor except his baby photo which is here:

His reference name is "Daylen" and was born in 1993 and is generally a funny type of person. I wonder how he feels about having all these "kids" out there with his biology!

Anyway, onto the pregnancy...

The bright red bleeding episodes I've had has pretty much turned me into a paranoid freak. Nights are the worst because I HATE the thought of stuff happening in darkness where I couldn't see straight away.

Lately, my mind has been easing a little because I've allowed myself to go on the computer more. More distractions = less time to panic. I don't think my state of mind can ever be the way it was before though, back when I was so happy and excited, and dared to walk an hour each day. I just have to wait till this hard time is over. I just want this baby to come out so I can keep it safe, but for some reason I fear I would be worried anyway about what if some bacteria makes it sick. Oh man, parenthood!

My morning sickness is improving but the smell of bell peppers and celery still has me feeling extremely nauseous, haha. At first, I hated ALL greens. Bubba hates veggies. Oh boy! I'm gonna be having a fun time rounding him/her up to eat healthy.  CHOCOLATE on the other hand, is a totally different story!!!

So I'm taking it day by day, focusing on what I can do to distract myself. It's hard sometimes and I often wonder how long it would take before I can go to the toilet without intense fear, but at the same time, I am just so happy each day as I see my belly fatten up!

My baby is so photogenic. At such a young age, he/she already knows how to wave for the camera.

[thesnowingfairy]

Visit Original Link

Current song obsession. When my bubba is old enough to hear (16 weeks) I'm gonna bombard him/her with playing these songs out loud! <3

[thesnowingfairy]

Coming back to Tumblr

Hi everyone, it's been a while.

This is Susanna, or my old username was snowjadeflower.

I decided to come back to tumblr. But, I want a fresh new start, so I deleted all my old posts, as well as changed my username. Though that shouldn't affect anyone following. I tend to go back to my old posts and get embarrassed because I don't remember what I wrote, if that makes sense, kind of like reading my old facebook profile and wincing at the crazy stuff I used to come up with.

I want to use this as my personal blog, such as writing about what I'm up to, what I'm doing, what I'm watching, things I find awesome, and etc.

I do have a personal website/blog on wordpress but it's always harder to interact with people on those sites, so I thought I would use this more.

I'll be mostly posting original stuff, but with occasional reblogs of things I really love or find awesome.

Just be warned, the posts may be focusing on my current life, or the current show I'm watching. It really depends. If you know me well, you probably already know what type of interests I have, so you'd probably know what to expect most times. There really is no one theme for this particular blog.

Anyway, hope to not slack off this time, haha!