The Solar System

This is the blog of a D.I.D. system. We are trying to better understand ourselves as part of our journey to recovery. We created this space for us as a group to express ourselves freely.

[itxylopez]

[thesolarsystems]

I also wanted to make a post just saying that I hope everyone is doing okay and taking care of themselves. Times are really hard right now, and dealing with mental health issues during all of this makes thing incredibly difficult. It’s okay to feel whatever it is that you’re feeling, and it’s okay to have hard days. Just try to find safe, constructive ways to let those feelings out. You don’t have to be hard on yourself for being sad, or angry, or upset, because there are so many reasons to be feeling those things, even if you can’t identify those reasons in the moment. Just remember that you are important, you matter, and you will get through this <3

[thesolarsystems]

so we lost our power from 3am last night until 5:30pm today and it was fucking awful

like most/all of my coping skills involve my laptop, my phone, wifi, tv, just basic electricity in order to distract myself from the hellscape that is my brain at all times

like all of the darkness that I’m usually able to keep at bay just came crashing down all at once and I literally had to sit on the floor to stop my complete and utter mental breakdown

anyway, I went to sleep for most of the day, and our power is back now. I’m doing better but oh boy do I have to figure some stuff out for myself because I’m apparently a mess underneath a superficial level of functioning

[thesolarsystems]

Today I am 3 years free from self harm!

I have previous posts from my 1 year milestone here, and my 2 year milestone here, if anyone wants to see those too.

It’s been another whole year, and I’ve kept my promise to myself, and I’m so incredibly proud!

I also passed the 1000 day milestone this past year, and that was very exciting!

I’m still struggling a lot with my physical health, and that can really have a big affect on my mental health. But I’ve been doing much better when it comes to self harm. I still have thoughts sometimes, but it’s much easier to deal with them as they come, and to stay away from those behaviors that used to hurt me. I don’t want to engage in those behaviors. I want to keep myself safe and keep being able to count the days that I am free. <3

To anyone out there who may be struggling with self harm: I know how hard it is, and recovery may seem like this impossible goal. Just take one day at a time. Every day you stay free is a major accomplishment, and you should be so, so proud of yourself. And as time goes on, it truly does get easier, I promise.

- Kayla

[harmony-is-happiness]

[clearingsky]

this feeling isn’t permanent, you have time to heal🌼

[warm-positivity-deactivated2022]

[sunlitsuggestions]

being vulnerable is terrifying, exposing the parts of yourself you keep hidden takes endless bravery, if you’re met with distain and disregard, it doesn’t mean its not worth it to try again, you are worth knowing

[pixelstudying-deactivated201512]

[beamingsuggestion]

and here you are, continuing on, despite how hard it’s been

[throughtheeyesofmyself]

[gentleaffirmations]

[positiveautistic-deactivated202]

You are stronger than you think

[thesolarsystems]

A bit of a health update

It’s been a while since I’ve done one of these, so I guess I thought it was time to talk about some stuff.

I’ve been doing okay. I’ve been hanging in there and I’m trying to take things day by day. I’ve gone back to the mental health day program. I’ve been going again since July and I find it to be very helpful. I’m able to do a lot of art therapy there, which I’ve found to be a very good outlet for a lot of what I’m dealing with.

Unfortunately, it hasn’t been all smooth sailing. This past week I ended up in the ER again with symptoms that have been getting progressively worse over time. I had my ileostomy reversal in May, which went about as well as could be expected, but I’ve been having ongoing issues with nausea since then. The nausea has been getting progressively worse over time, sometimes making it difficult to eat full meals even when I felt hungry. About a week ago now, I went to the hospital because of abdominal pain, and they sent me home after a few hours. Two days later it was worse, and I was back at the hospital. Turns out I had a small bowel obstruction, so I needed surgery.

Now I hate having to stay in the hospital, and surgery is very scary. I’ve been through so many in the last few years that I have ongoing issues with anxiety over it. But luckily it only needed to be laparoscopic, so it won’t be as painful or long to heal. When my surgeon went it, she found that my intestines had some scar tissue wrapped around them from the ileostomy surgeries, and so things weren’t working the way they should. Now that the scar tissue is gone, I’m hoping my symptoms will improve over the next little bit of time.

I know that complications like this can happen with abdominal surgeries, but it’s just frustrating when I’m finally trying to get back to doing things, even small things, to have a setback like this.

I’m still in the hospital right now, but I’m hoping to get home either today or tomorrow. I’ve been slowly improving, although with some pain, and I got switched back to a “regular diet” this morning. So I hope to be feeling a bit better really soon.

- Kayla

[positivepastel]

[harmony-is-happiness]

[clearingsky]

I am slowly but surely getting there✨🌟🌻