The 17th July comes around every year and always brings up a lot of mixed emotions for me. It is my Aunt Betty’s birthday but also the day one of her best friends and brother, also my Dad went to be with the lord. Eleven years ago today and I still miss your love, your humour and teachable moments in my life.
It seems just like yesterday when my Dad dearly departed because as I write this, I am still overwhelmed with the same emotions of that day. I remember holding back my tears because I felt that I had to be especially strong for some of my siblings that live abroad as they had spent one last day with Dad before he passed away the following day at 7.00 am. Seeing my Dad breath his last is something that has stayed with me forever. It brought the reality of death to me because it was close to home. The pain cut deep in my heart and
I must say it left a big scar in my life.
On this blog I would like to share the lessons I learnt directly and indirectly from my Dad. And now that I have a family of my own, they ring so true every day.
Lesson One: Common Sense is not common
This was one of his favourite quotes each time he asked you to do something for him and you got it wrong or saw someone doing something uncouth or uncultured. I didn’t really understand it then but I later realised that he was prompting us to always think carefully before we speak or act in any situation we may be faced with in life. I believe that what we later become in life can be an outcome of what our parents teach us.
Lesson Two: Cleanliness is next to Godliness
My Dad disliked anything dirty, untidy or disorganised in his life or home environment and we used to get a good shouting at if he came home to any mess we had created or if we didn’t do our chores. This instilled in us a mindset to always maintain a good standard of hygiene, tidiness and organisation that I still adhere to in my own life today.
Lesson Three: A man should be able to provide for his family
He taught me that a man should work hard and always provide for his family no matter the challenges they might be facing. It was very difficult to know when my Dad was broke because he ensured we had all the basics we needed in life and paid all our school fees.
Lesson Four: Build a good network of family and friends
My Dad was an introvert but had so many good, loyal and genuine friends. He also had many family members who were close friends too. You can have family and they might not be your friend necessarily. He also made a point to call them often and also made time to go see them in person. This was made apparent on the day of his funeral when large numbers of his friends and family came to pay their respects.
Rich Dad, Poor Dad (Robert Kiyosaki) ... “The richest people in the world build networks; everyone else is trained to look for work.”
Lesson Five: Be Humble and Treat Everyone Equally
Everyone that came into our home was always welcomed with open arms, something to eat and drink before they left. My Dad ensured he was always happy to receive visitors, both young and old. He could hold a conversation with several jokes with our college friends or his great aunts or my little cousins. It was intriguing to watch as you saw an initially shy little cousin start coming out of their shell and giggle or talk.
“You can easily judge the character of a man by how he treats those who can do nothing for him.” ― Johann Wolfgang
Lesson Six: Polygamy and its pitfalls
Marriage is a union of one man and one woman. However, my Dad was no angel and was also the old fashioned type and had more than one woman. I believe this affected how much time he spent with us but especially us boys. Boys need their Dads around to mentor them and guide them on the journey into manhood. Not giving enough time to his sons and building a deep connection as a father scars the boy child in very many ways that later come out when he too starts his own family. Like Maya Angelo once said,” when you know better you do better.”
“It does not matter what my father did or didn’t do, the only thing that matters is how I remember him.”
May you continue to rest in peace!
