The Spectacles

Poetry makes us bleed.

[thespecsforlameness]

I am tired.

[thespecsforlameness]

Some feelings

Some feelings never die

No matter how deep you bury them

They always dig their way out

And haunt the hell out of your head

Some feelings never die

No matter how you banish them

They are rooted deep in your heart

And suffocate you as they dwell

Some feelings never die

No matter how you erase them

A place that will always belong

To a person who will never stay

[thespecsforlameness]

deep attachments

please come back just like things never really happened i tried to get you out of my skin but the memories of you dug in so deep please come back let’s fight demons together again

[thespecsforlameness]

even my dreams are telling me i should give it another chance was it always been hard to choose between what really makes me happy or what should save me? please help me understand 

[thespecsforlameness]

running in circles

after playing hide-and-seek for too long Sadness has found me again 

[thespecsforlameness]

we tend to hold onto things that

keep breaking us

can we blame ourselves

for growing fragile

day after day?

not really

we’re so used to this anyway

what hurt could it bring?

we had lost our hearts along the way

so come, break us even more

we don’t even care anymore

[thespecsforlameness]

there will come a time

after building our sandcastles

we realize how fragile

every connection we ever had

that a single supposedly

harmless wave

can turn everything back to sand

after spending all of our energies

we cannot claim

what we really want

so we sit there

helpless

[thespecsforlameness]

the road to adulthood

the road to adulthood

taught me

you have to leave some

valuable things behind

to make room for better ones

it would hurt like hell

it even kills

but what choice do we have

unless we want to die

young

[thespecsforlameness]

at 3am

at 3am we think of

the most painful things

the room pitch black

swallows every bit of bliss

at 3am our demons

take over our bodies

devouring our skin

every trace of positivity

and when we wake up

five hours after

we start to fake it

again

[thespecsforlameness]

to my first,

It’s not my first time to fall in love. But it’s my first time to feel reassured because I know that this is the kind of love that will never go away so easily—the kind of love that stays. I am very happy that this love is you.

I’ve never been so at peace. With you, I don’t have to hold back. With you, I feel safe. (I am smiling while writing this.)

It’s also my first time to say the magic words genuinely to a person I’ve considered special (not counting friends and family). I know that I deserve to say them finally out loud and you deserve to hear them. Since then, it is the favorite phrase I’d always like to tell you—I love you. I wish I could tell this to you personally more often.

We’re still at the beginning of our book. We do not know what the future holds, but as of now, I cannot imagine it without you and I want to spend more time with you.

I hope that this love will last and I will do everything to make it last. Will you do the same?

I hope this message will reach your heart—even though I cannot deliver this face-to-face.

Happy First!

To more memories concealed in photographs and love!

Please take care always.

I love you always,

Mary Angeline

(04-29-18)

[thespecsforlameness]

little moments

cuddles under a shed— leaning on each other hands clasping fingers intertwining the other stroking your hair arms around the waist eyes getting teary words that melt the heart —the language of love

(03-31-18)

[thespecsforlameness]

first time

we know how to speak but we couldn’t find our tongues it was a silly moment playing with words tossing different languages giggling in between it is very easy to feel yet it’s very hard to say it we did it anyway so we silently congratulate ourselves banzai

(04-09-18)

[thespecsforlameness]

a handwritten letter

He wrote,

When I see you walking towards me, I smile and think, “Please make this day the longest day ever.” Weird, isn’t it, for me to think this way.

She smiled. She thought the same. 

[thespecsforlameness]

kill the silence

we kill the silence of the night with our voices we don’t care who’s listening we just want to hear each other’s breath

we kill the silence of the night with our stories we don’t care how long we’ve been talking we just want to dive into the darkest of earth 

(04-05-18)

[thespecsforlameness]

We are too kind to others but too selfish to ourselves.

[thespecsforlameness]

gaze

everyone’s eyes look the same but when my gaze laid on you i knew i’m looking straight at home

[thespecsforlameness]

No assurances (pt.2)

As a trick, I repeat this in my head: “We can't dwell on things with no assurances.” But why the hell am I writing about you again?