This little story is for @sillysnowden11 as part of the Holiday Exchange on the InoShikaCho server!
I hope you like this little gift I wrote for you 💗
A blanket full of love
"Maybe growing up in Suna had made her blind to the signs of affection but when Shikamaru starts giving her hand-made gifts she starts to gets suspicious."
Ship: Nara Shikamaru/Temari
Characters: Nara Shikamaru, Temari
Tags: Falling in Love, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Holding Hands, Gift Giving
Rated G
2,172 words
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
What is your favourite fic you've written and your favourite line/section/quote from it? And why? 👀
Oh god...this question really hits me hard...
BECAUSE HOW SHOULD I CHOOSE MY FAVOURITE CHILD?
But if I honest the story that I will always hold a candle for is Every You Every Me
This ShikaTema story exists because of the Placebo song with the same name that is very dear to me. I used that song and the lyrics as inspiration and chapter titles. This story just happened and never was difficult to write. It solely came alive because I wanted to write this story and not because of a prompt, gift exchange or a funny idea from one of my friends. And I think this is the first multi-chapter story that I wrote in English from start to finish.
For a short summary: Shikamaru and Temari broke up over five years ago but suddenly there's an illness trying to destroy the ninja world. And once again they need to work together to find the source of that illness. It follows their break-up but also their good times throughout short throwbacks at the beginning of each chapter.
I got a lot of praise for this story and it truly formed what kind of writer I wanted to be.
One of my favourite moments is right in the first chapter. When Shikamaru and Temari meet alone for the first time in years.
"In another life he would have hugged her to spend some warmth.
In a life where they would share a bed and a life.
The life he had dreamt of with her."
And then later Shikamaru and Temari reconnecting:
"His finger passed over a jagged scar, just below her last rib.
The last time it hadn't been there. His fingers hovered over the skin and he looked at her questioningly.
"It was a mission to Iwagakure," she said, looking at him. "A nukenin rammed his katana through my body and just missed my heart."
One day I might revamp that story and add some things, maybe polish some of the grammar etc. but as it is this story is definitely one of my favourites.
When I think about a story with the same kind of feeling and impact on me it's my Haikyuu story waves.
That story was equally easy to write and equally freeing as Every You Every Me.
Probably because I poured a lot of my feelings into both stories.
One of my favourite quotes is from the beginning of chapter 4:
A storm seldom comes with a warning.
There are signs, like the clouds, the wind picking up, raindrops falling down but the sheer might of a storm only unfolds when it’s close.
Then you might run, run to find a shelter.
But I love to stand in the middle of the storm.
Watching as everything is swept away in an instant.
TY @oh-no-its-bird for tagging me!!!! I am!!! About 22 days late!!!! My bad!!!!
Currently reading: Surprisingly difficult question for me to answer since I have 38 tabs open on my phone and whenever I get too embarrassed I switch them and I just can't remember what's what. But I wanna say what I just read was,,, something left to save by helena3190 (guess. Guess why I paused reading.)
Last song: Mmm that would be who knows but I feel that Self Proclaimed Angel is far more representative of my brain chemistry the past week since I made a whole new au because of it and nothing is the same anymore I see daemon Sasuke every time I close my eyes.
Last movie: K-pop demon hunters. Nothing more to say; its a masterpiece. Zoeysteria and Polytrix haunt my psyche.
Last series: Uh. Uhm. I don't really watch that much series stuff- or movies actually. But I'd say Seven Deadly sins? Either that or She-ra (rewatching it thru Danny Motta's reaction snsjjs)
Sweet/Savoury/salty: Mm ill go with Salty! I oversalt everything and anything that enters my field of view. Wait is chocolate sweet? I love chocolate ice cream i think that counts as sweet. Wait but pizza. Okay I don't know what's up with all these complex questions is this an integration
Tea or Coffee: Tea definitely. Caffeine just doesn't affect my body and I don't like bitter things. All coffee does is make me sad that I'm drinking coffee.
Currently working on: Oh dear god. What am I not working on?
About 6 doodles and 3 comic strips that I'm actively going back and forth. And uh. Too many wips to count I don't want to count them please don't make me no no
Mm I've been writing like. 2 words a week. My main piece is just Sakura and Sasuke slowly killing eachother (Romantically) I'm so horrible at focusing on things its- miserable I can't sit still long enough to do like anything. (Oh my dear Take 2 how I miss you...) Also writing this one-shot with me and my friends Oc's and. I love them. Kwethí ily Kwethí. Its based off the song Snowflake by the RiceDiety (or more specifically the album version) and its a really adorable song and im ruining it by sneaking in the foundations for evil yaoi.
Relearning my Kana because sm of what I love is Japanese media so I figured I may as well learn the language myself and not rely on others translations
Learning bits and pieces of sign language so I can talk to a girl in my class!!!
More art wips... I'm doing some stuff for every week of Halloween!! So for anyone that cares remotely about what I make watch out for that ^-^
I'm gonna start a series of fanart for Naruto ships that I don't like or are unpopular/overhated in the Naruto fandom :3 I've been really trying to spread more positivity in fandom spaces and I need to let go of my own biases to do that. Unfortunately I can't just like. Stop hating sns or Sasukarin. I gotta work for it ✊️✊️ So I think I'll be doing that in the coming months. If anyone reading this has any requests of any naruto ship ever ask me right now do it right now do it d
Endless medley of other things that have been forgotten
Tags for ppl I want to know more (same questions I answered!) ^-^
@jibanyans-chocobar @appleyass123 @byakugogirl @richard189381184 @yozakurabae /NP ofc!!! Feel free to ignore me :3
AUSGQHSGWHDG HI MOLDY!!! THANKS FOR THE TAG!!! <3 ALSO ‼️‼️‼️ KWETHÍ MENTIONED I LOVE THEM SM WAAAH
Currently reading: The light novels of Secrets of the Silent Witch! I'm up to date with the anime but my attention span isn't that great when it comes to reading so I'm still at Volume 1 T_T
Last song: Actually I'm listening to music rn so I think the song I'm listening to rn counts for this!! Uuuh it's Doppelganger by Kessoku Band because I'm. Very normal about that song
Last movie: Mine's also K-pop demon hunters omg... It was awesome I loved the songs
Last series: Idk apart from watching the SOTSW anime I'm also currently rewatching Yokai Watch cuz it's been a while since I last did that and I LOVE Yokai Watch. Does that count
Sweet/Savoury/Salty: Salty as well I love salty things AUSGQHSGWHD snacks... My fave snacks are usually salty
Tea or Coffee: COFFEE!!! I recently got addicted to coffee save me pleasw. Tea is great though I love tea. But. Coffee
Currently working on: I uh. Don't know. Making a drawing for my QPP I guess? And I'm also trying to start drawing my OCs again after like 2 years of neglecting them. So far I've been doing decently Moldy is a witness
Tags!!! @hyperfixated-maybe @byakugogirl @tetsuthesunanin @hers-underwraps @r4ve-k4ndi (/nf of course, and as always if any of you don't wanna be tagged here lmk and I'll remove the tag)
AAAAA THANK YOU SM FOR THE TAG!!!!!!! I JUST REMEMBERED I'M REAL
Currently reading: Akatsuki Hiden!!! I was so happy when I managed to get my hands on this book, I fr thought it's existence was a legend
Last song: Venus As A Boy — Björk. As much as I'm like a drug addict when it comes to metal, I've just been so invested in Björk's songs lately, they're all so unique :0
Last movie: V/H/S/85 omg I kid you guys not I FRICKING LOVE THIS FUCKASS SEQUEL SO MUCH I need V/H/S injected into my VEINS DON'T PLAY WITH ME I love some good old found footage ♡♡♡
Last series: Sweet Tooth :3 Yes I cried at the ending and also... for the love of god someone PLEASE hear me out on Munaqsriri PLEASE I was acting like a rabid dog when he first showed up I need to get that furry PREGNANT
Sweet/savory/salty: Def savory!! I just really love eating normal food without having to worry about salt and sugar levels (I'm a bit (very) paranoid about my physical health...)
Tea or coffee: Alright listen I cannot drink coffee for the life of me, genuinely why do you masochists even like that shit. I rarely drink tea but I would choose it over coffee any day 100%
Currently working on: Ummm nothing actually ^_^ (😭💀) I was working on a reader-insert Naruto fanfiction and the progress was surprisingly going great but guess what??? I LOST MY HYPERFIXATION!!! So now I really don't know what todowithmyselfguyshelpiveneverfeltsoemptybefore
Anyways bestie thanks a lot I really took my sweet, sweet time answering each question and it was very cool very awesome sauce :33
Thank you angel baby!! I'll keep the chain goin <3
Currently reading: Nothing (so embarrassing, but I'm like, not an intellectual) I did read White Nights last week because of GrandMaster by @notquitejiraiya. Rude.
Last song: Xerxes by Deftones (DUH AND THE NEW ALBUM? ON MY KNEES)
Last movie: Practical Magic! I watch it every October 1st.
Last series: I did a rewatch of it's always sunny lol
Sweet/savory/salty: I'm a savory girl DUH gimme those olives
Tea or coffee: coffee I am always vibratingly caffeinated
Currently working on: Heaven or Las Vegas, Inheritance & Influence, a second chapter of She's my Collar, and a requested unnamed story of Temari as a model (YIKES y'all... i got my work to do)
This is so cute thanks so much for including me <3 Feel free to go ham or ignore to:
Tags: @perpetuallyanxious4 @shrimp4rmyreblogs @twnj @softwetmoss @clumsydragon28 and @senbons
Thank you for tagging me 😀 I was also tagged by @mybutterflykindred but Bostoncalled got me first, so it's a two-in one-job here ☺️
Currently reading:
Physical book? In Memoriam by Alice Winn last year, but I have been listening to the Kate Daniel series which has lasted me nearly a year with all its spin off novels included! Listening to book 5 (again, always) and my good friend @servenna sent me a set of books by David Eddings 😍 I have never really been into fantasy books until recently so I'm looking forward to starting them! (also with all the lovely notes she has written in the margins 🤭)
Last song:
Famous Last Words by MCR because I GOT TICKETS TO SEE THEM IN GLASGOOWWWW BABBYYYY!! My little millennial emo heart is bursting to get out just now...
Last movie:
Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters 🧙♀️🧹⚔️🤣 (movie night with Servenna) totally ridiculous and over top halloween type movie!! Lots of ace action scenes, some naked people 👌 Not serious at all, and just what I needed yesterday.
Last series:
I must confess I sort of pick up series and put them down all the time, so the ones I'm currently cycling through are Futurama, Brooklyn99 and Always Sunny 🌞
Today I'm actually watching the Asuma Hidan arc in Naruto 👉👈
Sweet/savoury/salty: Oh definitely sweet 😋 I always have a ready supply of crack- I mean chocolate, in the house 🍫
Tea/coffee: I should own shares in some tea plantation somewhere by now tbh 🫖 😅 Tea is life 🤌 *goes to put the kettle on just now*....
Currently working on:
Oooh a few of them are secrets 🙊 Our server is doing a Halloween gift exchange, so I'm slowly getting an idea put together for that, and a few other gifts! Also trying out a few new brushes with a scene from Bostoncalled's She's My Collar!
And I do dabble in writing sometimes - I have a Scottish shikatema AU that Ive been thinking up for the best part of a year now (but not got any further with it) and also a prehistoric/paleolithic AU shikatema as well 😅....I just like to try things ☺️
Tag: @allnaturalgoth @alternateuniverse-coffeeshops @spookymoth which wont let me tag @duckbunny @spellcasterlight
Thanks for tagging me dear @twnj💗💗💗*cracks her fingers* Let's get this started.
Currently reading: Three books at the same time. I'm switching between In Memorian by Alice Winn (maybe I was influenced by someone) but I am also reading Run With The Wind by Shion Miura (yes it's the book that was adapted into the anime with the same name, highly recommend both!) and last but not least Dramaqueen by Tara-Louise Wittwer.
Last song: The Funeral by Band of Horses. (And before that all songs from The Life of a Showgirl on repeat the whole day 😊)
Last movie: Good Will Hunting - never seen that movie and decided to change that.
Last series: Grey's Anatomy, once again. Before that I finished The Crown.
Sweet/savoury/salty: If I am honest...all of it, depending on the mood. Though I tend to eat more sweets than I probably should 😆
Tea/coffee: Coffee, always coffee.
Currently working on: A very sad sick/drug addiction fic about my beloved BokuAka from Haikyuu.
Well, fuck me. That’s quite a long time, isn’t it?
On the 21st September 2015, having decided I was in too deep to keep watching from the sidelines, I created a blog to delve deeper into Naruto. A whopping 3 days later, I posted my first fic here, on tumblr, as notquitejiraiya. Not the first ever written, or the first ever posted, but the first for the fandom and the first of a string of them that would change my life forever.
You get a lot of that sentiment in these type of posts. You’ve got a lot of it from me before, at least — no doubt I’ll be a bit of a broken record here, scratched and jumping over the same old bits about fabulous friends and experiences. And maybe I ought to omit them for brevity. After all, this is my fourth(?) of these yearly recaps (I will link these later, given time, but I post so infrequently, they shouldn’t be hard to find). But given the outrageous routes my life has taken all because I made this blog on the 21st of September 2015, then pressed publish on a post the 24th soon after, I think it would be heinous to omit any of it completely.
But first, I think maybe I should start at the beginning. The real beginning. It’s not every day you reach double digits, after all.
The very first fic I posted here on Tumblr makes my toes curl to think about. I don’t often talk about it or reference it, but I reread it before writing this post just to review my old work, and really, given that I was 15, it’s not that bad. Make no mistake: it’s not good, and I genuinely hate it. But neither of those reasons speak to why I won’t ever be linking it here or even on the masterlist I wrote years ago.
More than anything, that fic is so very unlike me now that it near-on hurts to consider it as having come from me.
Even at the time, it wasn’t like me. It was for a ship I felt nothing for in a scenario I wasn’t particularly invested in. I only posted that ship first out of an obsessive need to order that series I hoped to write chronologically, and the ShikaTema one that soon followed was not quite so plastic but was still not what I really wanted. However, much to the chagrin of my current self, back then, I wanted nothing more than for other people to read my writing. I wanted strangers to tell me they had enjoyed themselves. I wanted to know I was doing something for someone. I enjoyed writing for writing’s sake — of course I did or else I’d never have done it! — but when I posted those first posts and people LIKED them?
Fuck me — I felt like I was flying!
I floated into a more authentic vein relatively quickly from there. There was ShikaTema galore on this page, as well as ships that I’ve since left behind but still have slight soft spots for, ships like LeeTen, MetaHima and MiraDai, who I’ve since come to like “rival” ships of quite significantly more. I even hosted a LeeTen week at one point. Madness, come to think of it. But excellent fun, still!
Another stark change to now is that back then, I wrote mostly canonverse type stuff. You’d still be pushed to find me writing true canonverse. There was rarely physical fighting or anything remotely ninja-related. There was divergence or some crude replication of our world shoved in with all the grace of the uncoordinated teenager I was. I had thoughts of writing more thorough and deliberate AUs without knowing how to label them yet, but not knowing if anyone would want read them, I never let them take shape, and eventually (along with those ideas) faded out for a little while and finished school.
I returned to fic writing proper with CHESS in 2018, and from there I think we mostly know the story, right?
I made a bunch of Tumblr posts, then transitioned to ao3. Joined discord servers — one then two then three — that let me look in on different people and culture so uniquely, and even created one of our own with some incredible women in @unioncolours and @thespookymoth. I wrote and beta read for zines, again with my friends (cheers to you always @loknnica !!!) , hosted an event or two, and helped with others, all of it with highs and lows. I moved cities and then moved country (more on that later), where I got to spend so much of my time and real life with the glorious Bex, and expanded my world view so far outside what I ever expected. And all because on 24th September 2015, little teenage Becks was brave enough to press publish on a fic she wasn’t sure of.
Talk about the butterfly effect, eh?
From a writing perspective, though, I only grew out of focusing what other people want to read to only writing what I want to write semi-recently, or so it feels. I’ve gone on about that far enough in the past, so I won’t waffle now, but it’s not lost on me that since that realisation, I’ve also barely posted. I’m more aware of that than anyone, and though all you lovely people say it’s alright and to take my time, I’m aware.
I had even hoped that I might’ve got a GM update for you all today, but that didn’t happen — I’m sorry. Work-life balance is hard at the moment, but I’m chipping away and I hope it won’t take too much longer. Rest assured that it is certainly not because I don’t want to write. I even wish this reflection could’ve been granted more time, but sadly life hasn’t been kind enough to grant it recently.
I will admit here though that the idea of finishing Grandmaster is terrifying. Be it conceptually or actually live on ao3, my darling GM has been a constant for over a third of the 10 years I’ve written for this fandom, and the sort of constant one gets far too comfortable. But, more than that, the GMverse has become a home away from home from me. I can slip into it, at any point in the timeline, no matter where I am physically or mentally, and find myself a tad more steady and at peace, which has been very welcome these past few years.
It must be said with this fact, too, that many people have made GM what it is. While I don’t write for others anymore, it does still light me up to see others enjoying my work and to know it makes people happy or inspired is an honour I can’t describe. To think that the wonderful @twnj has drawn as much for it as she has, that people have read in tandem (love you, book club — thank you again for your patience), that @clumsydragon28 has left more comment parts per chapter than I have in total this past year, and that people have read whole other books and listened to new music all because of something I dreamed up in my old box room in Oxford almost 4 years ago… I can’t fathom it, really. I can’t. I can’t be anything but grateful and honoured for the people who’ve made GM and its associates what it is.
Some of you, I’ve been meaning to message forever to thank you and have chickened out every time. @hoshirosethorncosplay, for example: you have been such a constant in the comments since the start, and seeing your name on my dash or in my emails never fails to make me grin stupidly. Thank you. @bostoncalled — I’ve been working up the courage to thank you for your outrageously kind words for the longest time and failed, so expect me in your DMs soon enough, too. And so many more whose names I don’t know that I know on here. If you see this, know this:
You lovely people are the heart of GM. Wherever you are, whether you comment or not, I’m so grateful for you.
I thought at times, even without it having finished it, about whether I could ever look back on GM with the same sneer as I do my very first fic here on Tumblr. It seems possible that I could, someday, because even CHESS wasn’t safe from that feeling, but that was through the years of ship wars and whatever strange person decided to hate Ino so violently that CHESS became their target.
But anyway I sense that GM won’t suffer that fate. Too much of it is too close to my heart. Like I say, it and its universe is a home.
In particular, GM Shikamaru, will forever remind me of the best decision I ever made. Spending two years with my dearest darling Bex on my doorstep in Finland and getting to invade her world and learn her language, exploring and laughing and nattering into the night together just because we could was magical, and that coming to a close has been difficult. It still is, but when I look at GM — at the welcoming arms of its Finn — I think of my most favourite Finn and I’m flooded with gratitude beyond what I can express.
The last ten years have shown me many good times, but you, Bex, my friend, are at the heart of all of them. Kiitos paljon kaikesta. Sä oot kultainen. I absolutely fucking adore you ♥️
Now, I hoped in my last reflection that I’d be reflecting on finishing GM in this one, and that I’d be beyond just mentioning you to what will come after. Well, oops. Hey ho. But even so, I think that’s enough reflection for now. GM will get its own essay when the time comes.
Ahead is where we ought to look, now, really…
Shock horror: I’m not done with this universe. You might’ve seen something floating around, here or on the blog of the oh so mighty and oh so outrageously talented @twnj (who deserves an entire speech dedicated to the incredible spark she has brought to my life and to our fandom as a whole — you, my friend, are a dream. thank you for being you). Just the other day actually, she posted a dreamy related drawing for Shikadai’s birthday.
That ‘something’ I allude to is what I’ve maybe written the most of since my last reflection, actually. As far as I know, there is around 70k of GMJ (more formally known as Piano Man) tucked away in GoogleDocs, waiting for its moment. It’s been a joy to write, and is very soul soothing, not only for being in GMverse, still.
I’ll say now that I’m sure many of my readers are here for the ShikaTema, and I don’t blame you — I always have been, too — but if you enjoy any of the aspects of GM outside the romance (family, identity, etc.), or just want to continue the post-Strangers ride, I think you’ll enjoy.
Besides, ShikaTema make themselves known in GMJ, too. Make no mistake there.
Many things have inspired me when I work in GMJ — books, movies, and music, of course — but there has been a point of inspiration for that fic that cannot go unmentioned. One thing I’ve failed to capture in this reflection is the sheer amount of fics that have inspired me over the years. For now, though, I’ll mention one that his inspired GMJ particularly, and I don’t think I’ve adequately thanked her for, even now.
@clumsydragon28 wrote a story a few years ago that changed my life and approach to storytelling upon reading it. In the stunning stunning fic that is Plié, she so beautifully captured her love of so many things: of her city, of her love of dance, the love in the power of just listening, and of the love and kindness she has always there for those around her. Perhaps that last one was not intended, but such is the nature of our darling Barb. She really is that excellent even without trying.
Every time I write GMJ Inojin chattering himself stupid, or GMJ Shikadai losing himself in his art, and even in the midst of the chess game scenes of GM before it, I think of our dear Barb, her crafts, and her total devotion to them. To feel someone’s love shine through their words so honestly is to feel them close by, and though I have not (yet!) been granted the pleasure of invading her doorstep in person as I have Bex’s, her work still places me there, heart open.
Thank you, Barb, for being not just my no1 Billy Joel and Sai consultant, but a calibre of person and friend that most people can only dream of meeting in their lives. I’m so very lucky and so very grateful. Love you, mate ♥️
Anyway, to my ShikaTema-focused readers: as someone slowly drawn further and further into the ShikaJin fold over the years by one person or another (you know who you are), I must say it’s a good flavour, and one that I recommend.
Oh, and a note specifically to @servenna — 1) you are a wonderful human being and I’m so grateful for you, and 2) quite some time ago, I mentioned to you having written some GMverse ShikaYoshi. Expect that in the not too distant future — you’ve more than earned it given your patience with GMs “posting schedule”, as have you all. I post here to hold myself accountable, but make no mistake, I’m incredibly excited to share it and all the excess lore.
I fear I’ve nattered on far longer than I hoped to, and probably failed to cover the events of just this year, let alone the 10 I’ve managed here. Clearly, I’m yet to learn the skill of conciseness I set out to achieve years ago, and having chewed your ears off too long already, I will say nothing more than this:
Pressing post on that tumblr post ten years ago was the best decision I ever made. The life I lead now would not exist had I not done it. The person I am would be so much shallower and unfulfilled, simply for the lovely people I’ve come to know from being in this fandom.
Christ, my tumblr can almost go to primary school. How mad is that?!
Thank you all for being around, whether you’ve spoken to me, read me, or just seen me in passing. It’s been a pleasure, and it will continue to be. For 10 more years? Maybe, or maybe not. But I’ll make a dent in that, I’m sure.
Let’s at least get my tumblr to legal drinking age, eh? Then it can finally read the contents of my ao3 without restriction.
Hello, hi! If you’ve hung around for long you might remember that I do a recap of my fandom year on my fandom anniversary date, which is today, the 22nd of September. I share, fittingly, my fandom birthday with Shikamaru! This is the sixth time I am doing a fandom recap, and my previous ones can be read here: 2020, 2021, 2022, 2023 and 2024. During six years I have found pleasure and fun in the Naruto fandom – more specifically the part which focuses on Ino-Shika-Cho and ShikaTema. And I have not yet found an escape from here.
If you’re interested in reading what my fandom year 2024-2025 have been like, feel free to continue reading!
At the end of September 2024, I felt like I had crawled out of a grave, maybe one of my own digging, but a grave, nonetheless. I had spent the entire summer trying to remove Naruto and the fandom out of my life because I felt absolutely awful, unsuccessfully. My deadline for deleting my tumblr would have been 22.9.2024. I didn’t delete it, as you see, and managed, maybe as an attempt to forgive myself for trying to hard to remove ShikaTema from my life, to upload the second chapter for we hold galaxies. My fandom anniversary passed, and I felt a bit happier and inspired once more.
I decided for example to say fuck it to my old insecurities about hosting a ship week for Shikadai x Inojin, my boys. I worked on a nice intro post and poster for the week, which was a weekend held 5-8th of December in 2024. I felt very satisfied with how I structured the post and partly out of laziness decided to host the event and the posts on my personal account instead of creating a new account solely for the event, which many hosts do.
I had earlier promised myself that if I wanted to leave the fandom, I’d write a big, epic ShikaTema long fic once more, like I used to do back in 2019-2021, as a goodbye gift.
However, before I had decided to sit down for real to get it written, a new idea crashed into my head and refused to leave. Like lightning from a clear sky, I was inspired to write a fic for the ship Ino x Hinata. I had never written Hinata before, and barely even showed proper interest in her character, but this idea stole my heart, and the character Ino would be in love with in the story had to be her. The main gist of the plot was that Ino and Hinata are both soon-to-be 40 years old, have children, and are for different reasons single. They meet each other, become friends, and happen to fall in love, and the fic ends with them having a new constructed family dynamic.
I tried to start writing what I call “The Suna” fic, the ShikaTema one, but my heart was sold. InoHina needed me, I needed them and their story. So, I wrote.
This was during a time in my life where things were stressful and I moved twice within three months. It was rough. I barely had the energy to write, but what the fic turned out to be, and the points I wanted to share, were so important to me that I still kept on writing. What was so important for me in the fic was to “make it boring”. And by that I mean realistic. Realistic in how life as a parent with a full-time job and other stressors in life, along with a child, works, and then smash the romance the parent experience into their life, and by extension the parent must make that romance also fit into their child’s life. Many people want to read fanfiction as a means to escape their real life, but here I specifically wanted realism to come to the fic. The characters talk about cleaning hair out of the shower drain, ffs, so I mean that level of realism.
I thoroughly enjoyed writing it. I think so many parts fit into it so lovingly and, man, I just love writing parents. That’s probably the least sexy thing on AO3 by what readers are interested in, but man… I think the world needs more caring parents, also in fiction. Especially mothers, who so often are killed off in media.
The InoHina fic, Beneath the Starry Sky, ended up being 35k and 7 chapters long. During the process I had to take a break to write my own works to feature in the Shikajin Weekend event. I decided to write a Shikajin two-chapter, where the chapters were connected to two different prompts.
The core of the fic today you are stubborn, tomorrow unstoppable was the canon injury Inojin suffered in chapter 12 of TBV. He was impaled by a pillar! But survived! And apparently walked after that! And I wanted him to be injured forever! Over the course of my fanfic writing years, I’ve learned a lot about the human body and what it can take and what it can’t, and I’ve fallen in love with the idea of the shinobi body being vincible. A body of bone and muscle and organs and if some of those are damaged, they are damaged.
I wrote the fic of Inojin being paralysed from the chest down as a result of the injury, where one chapter dealt with him receiving the diagnosis and how he takes that, and the second chapter features him and Shikadai years after when he has fully learned to live his life in this new way. I lovingly call that fic “my cake”, from the cake meme about fanfics (“look, two cakes!”), since it’s not the first time Inojin is being written as a paraplegic. Not that many people participated in the Shikajin Weekend, but it didn’t matter, what mattered was that the event existed.
After that fic was done and published, I also published the final chapter of the InoHina and felt like I succeeded in not deleting myself and that I finally could say I was back in fandom after last summer, since I finally, reached my longed-for goal of publishing one million words on AO3. I wasn’t too happy but felt a huge sense of achievement. I published a reflection over this goal in December after it had happened.
Well, now I had got Shikajin Weekend out of my system and the InoHina fic completely published. That meant I could now with one million words under my belt, finally, start writing my Suna fic and ShikaTema, my OG love in this fandom.
But when I was about to write it, something tugged at me. It turned out that… I didn’t want to write it, even if I began it and was satisfied with how the first chapters turned out. It was as if writing the InoHina had turned a switch inside me and it refused to be turned off.
I was constantly daydreaming of writing more fics featuring a F/F couple – or wlw as I like to call them. I made up an entirely new canonverse InoHina fic in my head (which I to this day think is a quite good plot) and I daydreamed about almost every ship between the Naruto girls, but mostly about Ino and the idea of her being a lesbian. That version of her became quickly a sort of comfort character for me. I even changed my profile picture on some of my social media to her with the lesbian flag.
However, along this new obsession came another companion.
Shame.
I felt shame for having this intense of interest towards these ships and I felt like a traitor to my fandom. Then one may say, “Bex, you are like 30 years old, you should stop caring what other thinks. You have written Shikajin when it was highly rare, what’s different now?” If it was so easy to not care what anyone thinks I wouldn’t have had that problem.
What brought up these feelings was a concoction of many different aspects, one of them being the hostile environment that blossomed in heated discussions about F/F ships and fics that I stumbled upon. I have ever since I began writing fics written around two wlw-fics a year, so those ships and feelings I personally have when writing them were not new the slightest for me. What was new was a newly found awareness of what fandom ‘as a monolith’ thought of this genre of fics and especially about those who write them, and of course the fact that F/F ships were the only thing I wanted to write. It felt as if people would see me as a downgrader.
I felt myself mould into a stereotype, perhaps even a parody of said stereotype, that I wasn’t sure I wanted to fit into, yet I couldn’t resist. I began thinking that people saw me as a woman who is “like that” in a negative way, as someone who was annoying. I felt lonely. I never wrote the canonverse InoHina fic because of these feelings. And I know these feelings are wrong and ridiculous to have. That didn’t make them any less real.
I still indulged in works about wlw. I read more F/F fics than before. In late January, I listened to a podcast episode about an elderly lesbian woman who had written a book about AIDS through her perspective from when she lived through those years and I was immediately struck. Right there and then, I knew I had to take inspiration from that novel and write a fic, and I knew just the perfect pairing for that setting.
InoTema. I have written a long one shot about them before and then have them have a situationship in another long fic (which ended with ShikaTema and Saiino), but I’d boldly say they are my fourth favourite ship of the entire Naruto cocktail after Shikajin, ShikaTema and Saiino. Maybe it even shares third place with Saiino. In February I found an event called Femslash Big Bang and joined it with the ambition to write this idea featuring InoTema as the main ship, all while I wrote my Suna fic.
However, writing the Suna fic turned out to be more challenging than I expected and in March when I had around 20k written, I had to take a break. It was partly because of my feelings of shame I struggled with during those months and partly because of low motivation. Instead of ShikaTema, I wrote a chapter about Ino. Not her as a lesbian, but the second chapter in Ino’s Motherhood fic, about her feelings about breastfeeding. I loved it and I love her. The chapter was short and sweet, only a bit over 2k. I published it and then didn’t publish anything for five entire months.
The other part of struggling to write the Suna fic was how the fic needed to be paced. I was crafting a huge canon divergent world where I remodelled Suna as a society from scratch and that took much effort and the depths I went into world building felt like one in need of an editor, haha. I came up with many small world building aspects and plot points that needed to be planted earlier in the story, so a lot of the process was just going back to the beginning and write in small scenes, which was surprisingly tedious. However, with this fic I will withhold most of my begging for a beta, since I already ensnared my dearest darling friend @notquitejiraiya to beta the InoTema fic, which I began writing in April 2025. I had at that point borrowed the book that was going to be used as research material and had made notes.
My biggest reason for wanting a beta was, that since the fic was part of a big event, I firstly found it polite to have worked my hardest on the piece that would be published within the event’s boarders. I wanted the English to be good. The second reason was because of the touchy subject of AIDS and all that came with it, and I felt like it would be a good idea to have someone tell me that “homo” is seen derogatory in English, while it’s in my own language the neutral word for a gay person, haha.
I thought I would write the InoTema a bit on-off during the entire summer, but I fell, predictably, in love with my story and this version of the characters. I wrote it with concentration and dedication for the entirety of May, June and probably a bit of July as well. The process of having a skilled beta reader was wonderful, and I learned much in the process. Notquitejiraya has beta’d me before, but only around 2,5k long one shots. The step to a 25k long fic was big, but it was so very fun. My InoTema fic Spearheading was published in September in lines with the rules for the event and I’m so proud of what the fic turned out to be. I dearly love it. It fulfilled a need I had. The fantastic @twnj drew artwork for the InoHina fic as part of the same event, and I’m very grateful and happy to have seen my fic work as inspiration to her wonderful interpretation!
During the spring I also watched the anime Dungeon Meshi, and very quickly fell in love with it, especially a few characters and the development they all had. I even came up with a fic idea for it, but unlike what Naruto did to corrupt me, no other show but JJK has managed to make me write a fic for it, yet. So far, I haven’t written anything for Dunmeshi, but eventually one day. I’m quite sure that the 7th Majsasaurus year, should we be lucky enough to have that, will tell you all about the Falin x Marcille fic I’d potentially write. They gave me something fun to think about, and I also liked thinking about general themes and stereotypes which were broken in the series.
During the summer I also found fun in imagining Himawari as queer, perhaps a lesbian, mainly due to how she was written to have gone to a pancake café with Chocho, and the idea of it being a romantic date (or unrequited love from Himawari’s side) was too cute to ignore, even if zero to few people agree with me. I don’t know if I can write a fic about it, though I would maybe want to. I don’t know, I just like to imagine it and daydream.
I got a sudden burst of inspiration for my Suna fic and reached 50k of words in August, while also finishing completely off the InoTema fic. I was so proud of it. While I’ve become much less of a snob with it as I’ve matured over these six years, I’m still so happy to see people compliment how well I handle difficult topics.
Within September I managed to crawl up to 60k of Suna fic, wondering and pondering whether I should post the first chapter without the fic being finished or not. In the end, maybe a tad frustrated that I didn’t or just couldn’t write what many people want, I decided to post the first chapter yesterday, on the day before my anniversary day.
A Shadow Facing South, my new long fic, is now live. Wow. To quote what I wrote in the author’s note: “We're getting messy politics, worldbuilding and bisexual mess Temari 😍”. I hope it will be received with love.
So. That was a year, once more. What do I predic the 7th Majsasaurus Year will contain? I predict the entire Suna fic finished and done on my AO3. I also predict another “lesbian Ino”-fic, because I’m not ready to let her go. I think the next time I’ll try my hands at Ino x Karin. I also assume I’ll write another Shikajin fic – maybe one focusing on a villain Inojin because my god that hits different. The newest chapter in the Boruto manga surely might make me. You see, we like the flavour of war criminal Inojin.
Over the course of the summer my negative feelings about my relationship with wlw centric fics evened out and it doesn’t feel bad anymore. I don’t feel ‘wrong’ anymore.
Thank you to everyone who has read and cared. Especially notquitejiraiya for being my best friend for so long and for laughing with me, beta reading and hyping up. Thank you @clumsydragon28 for your dms being open at any time of the day for even the most random small and silly topic.
Ino x Hinata from @unioncolours delightful modern AU 'Beneath a Starry Sky' on ao3.
She also picked piece no. 3 out of 15 to post, but I thought I'd post them as a pair 😉 I've actually posted these before when I was just developing my idea, but I've included them in the main work too!
I saw a post that had a beautiful curvy lady showing off her back and the caption said something like 'These are the back rolls that inspired statues of goddesses' or something, and honestly 👀 they really do!
Well, here I am celebrating 5 years of fandom. And it doesn't feel that short. It feels so much longer. Probably because it isn't my first attempt at writing and publishing fanfics but exactly 5 years ago on this day I posted my first fanfiction in English.
But if we go back, far, far back, my real fandom anniversary is October 30th, 2009. When I was still a baby - relatively speaking because I felt very grown-up and I was already of legal age - but looking back now I must say Past Spooky knew nothing.
The first time I actually posted my first real fanfic in my native language was on that day 16 years ago. And of course it had a Halloween theme. And yes it was a Harry Potter fanfic... (And before that I remember joining a Harry Potter forum and tried role playing. Yes, I am that old that I still know fandom exclusive forums 😆)
Let's say today's Spooky is a bit embarrassed about Past Spooky but you have to begin somewhere.
And that was my initial start. My first attempt at publishing. A songfic of all things because I really liked music and still do and so of course I link almost everything I do with music...I stop waffling now.
(If I go back even further I must have written my first fanfic when I was 14, which was even longer ago. As I already pointed out: I am ancient. Sadly I no longer have those written pages in my belongings but I wish I had.)
However, what makes this 5 year anniversary so special is the fact that this time around, when I entered my very own fanfiction renaissance, it was kind of a freeing experience.
When I stopped my short visit in fandom around 2010, I didn't pick up a pen for almost 8 years. I didn't stop loving fanfics and fandom culture but I was very much in love with someone, and soon enough I was thrown into all kind of adult responsibilites and when I decided to write again, I finished what I started back then: a fic that I left unfinished back then in 2009/2010.
So I decided if I make my come back, I really needed to finish that fic first. And I did. I finished writing in one week. I wrote as if my life depended on it. As if I wanted to prove myself that I was able to finish this one thing. (And maybe my life had taken a tumble and I really, really needed an outlet for all my anger and frustration. But that's luckily in the past and I am happy how everything turned out.)
So it began.
I came back stronger than ever.
But this time around I was hit harder than before.
I was in love again. An old flame rekindled and it would definitely possess me until this day.
But what was the reason you ask?
Naruto.
After I finished rewatching Naruto and then finished reading the manga, I realised that canon couldn't give me what I needed.
Sounds familiar, doesn't it? Most writers and artists start because of that reason. To fix something they didn't like in canon. To write the moments in between. To fill the gaps.
And my imagination ran wild.
First I read everything I could find in my native language. Then I remembered FF.net. But it wasn't enough and suddenly I found ao3.
Finding ao3 sealed my fate. I fell down a rabbit hole. And this rabbit hole was deep.
I hadn't been in fandom for so long that I had too much to choose.
First I was reading silently. Slowly easing myself back into fandom. But soon enough reading wasn't enough, so I created an account and started leaving comments. (I think the first comment I left was on a SasuSaku story) And then I read everything, and I mean everything, I could find about ShikaTema.
I am not quite sure about the timeline from that moment on. It was somewhere around 2019 that I realised I needed to have some kind of plan. What I remember though was me reading "My Child Won't Fear Shadows" by the amazing SpicedGold and then starting to look at the comments from that story to find like-minded people. Because if the same people liked this story it was a no-brainer to me that they also would like the same kind of stories or maybe even write stories I would enjoy.
And my dearies I was in for a ride.
But this was just the start of this journey. I read, I commented, I wrote fanfics again (but not in English yet!) and also picked up my pen to draw fanart.
Then one very special fanart connected me to the other ShikaTema obsessed people I have been fangirling over since I found back into fandom. The first fanart I drew for a fanfic ever.
This fanart connected me to Majsasaurus which was inspired by one of her stories from her "To love and never let go" series and notquitejiraya who I still love to bits because of her story "CHESS"
Those two wonderful women I still can call my friends till this day invited me to the ShikaTema server. Where I eventually met all the authors I have been flooding with my comments. And these amazing people, I only knew as creative authors and artists, encouraged me to publish my own fics.
Which I then did on July 24th, 2020.
Actually this was the second Naruto fanfiction I ever wrote but after finding out that notquitejiraya and shared our love for the Arctic Monkeys I had to translate this fic first and gift it to her.
That songfic was "Do I Wanna Know?"
From that day on I couldn't be stopped.
I translated most of my fics into English. My first ShikaTema multi-chapter fanfic "Storms and Shadows" follwed soon after, giving me a lot of traction.
I must say I was really nervous posting in English. Not only because I felt like my English wasn't good enough - which was also one of my concerns - but because it would open up my stories to a larger audience. Which is always scary.
Let's say I grew into it.
The years from 2020 to 2022 marked the years I got really busy.
I wrote fanfic after fanfic. Every idea that ran through my head was put down. But that wasn't all. While I was already busy with my own stories, my own imagination, trying to express in words and fanart, I also decided to join every fan event, every fan week, Discord server and what not because as I said, it was possessing me.
I wrote roughly 20k during one week to meet a deadline for a fanweek dedicated to Temari and I really can't fathom how I even was able to write that much.
I definitely ran on fumes sometimes. I felt burned out because of a lot of things happening at the same time at this point. Besides Covid holding the world in a chokehold a lot of personal stuff piled up. And I only had this hobby to keep me afloat.
Looking back I wasn't in a good place. It was an unhealthy coping mechanism to flee into my own imagination. I can say this now in hindsight. But at that time I thought I needed to feel this way that losing sleep was worth writing down another fanfic and another one. Just so that I wouldn't think about my miserable life. (It sounds a bit dramatic but I was in a really bad place mentally and also personally. I won't indulge in specifics but my decade long relationship breaking apart didn't do me any good.)
One of my greater achievements is definitely modding the fanzine "Beyond A Bond" - An InoShikaCho zine @inoshikachozine
Being part of such an incredible team, working creatively with people who love the same characters as I do, and doing something good by donating money for a good cause - I was thrilled. Even if we ran in more than one obstacle along the way.
But what I am most proud of is creating another fandom space at the same time as I started modding this zine: the InoShikaCho Monument which I created with the two women who gave me a home in fandom in 2020. A server that grew over the past years and is always my safe space to go back to. Because of all the incredibly people from all over the world that I can call my friends. Who share their creativity equally as the funniest moments of their lives. Who are hyping you up and give an ear to listen to when needed.
You know who you are. And I mean each and every one of you.
You enrich my life with your funny ideas, with your wit, your creativity, the funny pictures of your pets, the tasty cakes, and beautiful glimpses into your life either through pictures or stories.
I really love each and everyone of you and I am so happy that you're part of my life.
People who always say that fandom friendships can't survive longer than a few months don't know what they're talking about. Maybe I fell out of contact with some people but I will always hold them dear to my heart.
But let's get back on track.
In those years I also dipped my feet into other fandoms. "Getting to know me" was my first BNHA fanfic, then I took a small detour and wrote "Hero" for the Supernatural fandom (my one and only fanfic because of recent rewatch of that show) and then in the first half of 2022 I was hit with another anime that made my even more obsessed.
With "Moths" I kickstarted a barrage of fanfics about Haikyuu. That anime gave me something to hold onto when my life once was stuck. I hit a point in my life where I started questioning a lot of things. And this silly anime about volleyball kept me going. What had been Naruto for years was replaced by Haikyuu.
I am very grateful that I was once again welcomed with open arms into a new fandom, this time by the wonderful Fawnie and Phoenix who hyped my first BokuAka story "Let me break your heart in two" so much and gave me motivation to continue writing for the fandom.
I was completely drawn into this world and it didn't help that my dear friend porcahontas fuelled my wildest headcanons. (Of course we also created a Haikyuu server.) And she is also the reason I watched Given (which destroyed me in a good way) and wrote "I found a reason and burried it"
I must say I felt a bit bad. Because I felt like I was abandoning my roots but I couldn't resist.
While I still wrote and write Naruto fanfics, since that one afternoon I started watching Haikyuu my perspective on fandom changed. It envolved into a more open-minded approach. While I was hesistant to engage more in the BNHA fandom - mostly because of completely unreasonable ship wars - I realised that this experience was different, depending on the fandom.
I was lucky to find my corner in the Naruto fandom at that time. I was equally lucky to find a place within the Haikyuu fandom. But it was okay that I was just casually following along with BNHA and Given. It was okay to love more than one series, movie, book, any form of media at the same time and dive deeper into this. But it is also okay to not engage with people who aren't vibing with you. Your fandom experience is what you are deciding to consume, to create, to engage with. And also to step away from things that are harming you.
It's totally okay to be unhinged about your characters. Because it's fanfiction. It's a hobby.
And therefore it's also okay to take a break from time to time and coming back whenever you need a place to behave like a total fangirl.
As of this day Naruto/Boruto still stays my biggest fandom. I wrote 118 fics (not counting my endless wips) for this fandom alone. And I will countinue writing for Naruto. Even if not to such an extent as I did before.
But not only did I become totally obsessed with another fandom I also reached another milestone.
Shortly after my birthday, on February 22nd, 2023 I reached 1 million words on ao3.
ONE MILLION WORDS!
Some would say it would be a good time to retire after reaching such a milestone. But let's say I am close to reach 1.5 million. So that's not happening soon.
Though I must say that I slowed down a lot after I reached that milestone. I took my time to write. I decided to give myself some grace after those wild years. I slowly settled into a healthier mindset.
Even if writing is still my outlet for my feelings, I will survive not writing every day.
The year 2023 also marked the year that I met my first fandom friend IRL. Through some coincidence I was able to travel and meet porcahontas and while we could only see each other for a few hours, I realised that this bond was something special.
Years ago I never would have thought that writing about two characters kissing would lead to this: friends. That those people on the screen are really existing. It still blows my mind whenever I join a voice chat (btw it's time for a voice chat soon, don't ya think, ladies?😁) and know these people, hundreds, even thousands of kilometres away from me, will sit down with me, and talk about everything and nothing. To quote a famous singer: "Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy?"
So thank you from the bottom of my heart.
To conclued the year 2023 I also want to mention that this also marked the year I started publishing "Roads Untraveled" the Haikyuu fanfic which is now the longest fanfic I've ever written (146,536 words and still counting) and dethroned my KibaIno fic "Torn" (144,346 words) after years of sitting on top.
In comparison to my first years in fandom the year 2024 and 2025 became my quieter years. Not because I slowed down writing but because I started to settle into my own fandom persona completely. I was able to expand more in my own fics and stopped pressuring myself. While I always tried not let myself be bothered by numbers it still stung when people didn't give love to the fanfics I poured my whole heart into. But I think that's just human. We want to be praised and seen; some way or another.
Past Spooky, the one from 2020 would be very proud of the current Spooky.
Because she matured in many ways. She finally is writing without any guilt or the fear of falling behind. She made a lot of friends in different fandoms. She visited the Dokomi for the first time and met another fandom friend there, and is planning to meet even more people as long as her budget allows her to travel.
All in all I can say: the past 5 years have been wild. I did a lot of things I am proud of, other things I regret, but all in all I can say I grew. Not only as a writer but also as a person.
And that is what life is about: growth.
Which is also why I think it's finally time to start writing my first original novel.
So wish me luck 😊
With lots of love,
'The desert was her home but not this specific place. The wind dancing in her hair meant being home. The man she would marry tomorrow was home.' - A Place Called Home by @thespookymoth on ao3
Chapters: 12/?
Fandom: Haikyuu!!
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou
Characters: Akaashi Keiji, Bokuto Koutarou, Oikawa Tooru, Nishinoya Yuu, Hinata Shouyou, Kuroo Tetsurou, Kozume Kenma, Miya Atsumu, Miya Osamu, Suna Rintarou
Additional Tags: All Haikyuu Characters Basically - Freeform, Grunge, Seattle, Alternate Universe - Rock Band, 90s, Drug Abuse, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Toxic Relationship, Minor Character Death, Nirvana (Band) References, Alice in Chains - Freeform, soundgarden - Freeform, Pearl Jam - Freeform, Alternate Universe, Musical References, Music, Inspired by Daisy Jones & The Six, Angst, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Smut, Song Lyrics, original lyrics, Best Effort Not to Copywrite, Bisexual Bokuto Koutarou, Bisexual Akaashi Keiji, Slow Burn, Break Up, Getting Back Together, Emotional Sex, Oikawa Tooru is a Good Friend
Summary:
“Ok beautiful boy, we’re gonna change the world.”
___
What if the grunge movement was Haikyuu? That’s basically this story. My favorite HQ characters form a band in high school. They find wild success along with mental deterioration, drug abuse, and a very toxic but very powerful love.
Written as a mix of narrative and oral history, Bokuaka and their friends move through the 90s and try to survive in a world they weren’t ready for.
Since Sai is also Yamanaka in the Students AU, and in response to the next part I'll post, I wanted to put these two together. As newfound siblings/bastard cousins/purple soulmates.
Their outfits here are heavily inspired by the looks in this post because I love the idea of little uniforms/matching traditional clan wear, but also bc those are gorgeous!
[Image ID: Screenshot from AO3's statistic page with the word count 1, 000, 116]
I will let the picture speak for itself. I have, as of now, published over 1 million words on AO3! 🥂
I am super happy and relieved, as it was my goal to reach this number before 2025.
I thought for the fun of it that I would make a statistical breakdown of these 1 million words.
Out of 1 million words:
Shikajin-centric fics consist of: 561 616 words
ShikaTema or Temari-centric fics: 280 621 words
Saiino or Yamanaka family-centric fics: 17 162 words
Platonic Ino-Shika-Cho fics: 6087 words
Shikadai-centric, platonic: 52 292 words
Shinki-centric: 2396 words
WLW fics with main ships InoHina, InoTema, SakuTema and SakuIno: 77 244 words
That one JJK fic: 2728 words
Thank you everyone who has read, commented, bookmarked, everything! You made this journey lovlier than it would have been alone 💖
Below is an introspective discussion about this journey. I have written every year a Majsasaurus Year post where I go into detail about each journey for each individual fic (links in pinned post), so this one will be more general thoughts about my goal. Thank you.
Back in 2020, when I was feeling the biggest high of being part of fandom, I saw already my newly gained Naruto friends, one after one, say they have or will or want to retire. I was at that time so confused by what they meant, why would they want to retire? In that covid year I wrote the most, over 300 000 of my words were published that year (among them Trial of the Heart and To dance above the Stars), and by the end of 2020 I alredy started dreaming of reaching one million published words. If I could write over 300 000 words a year, simple math told me I'd reach it in no more than three years. I told everyone, self-confidently and annoyingly as always, that I won't retire from fandom before I have reached my goal of one million words.
Now, life isn't as simple as that math, and my depression in 2021 crushed that dream already. I think I got 150 000 words published in 2021, and on that road I stayed, and the yearly output dwindled. I still wanted to reach one million words before 2025. Of course I had a happy civilian life in real life with family and work, but the fandom life has for a longer time felt like slow strangling.
This summer I already tried to quit fandom, lacking only 50 000 words of my goal. It was agonising to want to delete myself from online while still holding onto that dream, and in the end, with the help of my little InoHina idea and #ShikajinWeeked24 I managed to break through that goal. I reached 1, 000, 000 words 12th of December, 2024.
And now, I am free to retire, free of my own silly self-made shackles. Do I want to retire? I don't know. I don't think I want to. But I don't feel genuine happiness right now when it comes to fandom. I still get panic attacks sometimes.
Don't get me wrong, I have one fic I'd love to write, a ShikaTema long-fic, canonverse. But I will let the idea rest for a month. I will gather strength. I will try to make up new goals for myself.
I want to join some fan weeks!
This got a bit sadder than I thought it would be, sorry! You will see more of me later, I dearly hope. I dearly want to.
So see you on AO3 sometimes in 2025 again, shall we? Get your tissues ready ❤
