unintentionally woke up at 5:20AM this morning. My sleeping body woke me from physical pain. The fact that your body can wake you up out of a deep and happy sleep – to alert “HEY! I AM HURTING, TEND TO ME” !” , is a testament to the power of pain. . When pain like this presents itself in the morning, the more time I have alone before my daughter wakes up, the better the chance I have to make myself comfortable. I have a routine on mornings like this to combat the ache. Although this morning different, the pain is louder and more persistent. Lemon water and a 2-hour hot bath are not going to do the trick. I ache deep in my muscles, making any and all movement a challenge. I feel like I need to run. I am frantic in pain and running in the dark could only cause more problems for me. Instead, I opened the blinds. I stood there in a daze, half dressed, mouth a gap looking at the rising sun. The aches and pains were silenced as my anxious brain drank in the colors of the morning sky. For a moment, standing in awe of Gods beauty, I felt peace. Mornings like this are difficult. I try to focus on the Why. Why am I feeling this pain? What is God trying to teach me? Patience? Humility? Is this a spiritual lesson? Is this a manifestation of emotional and psychological pain that I have kept hidden? As I sat and meditated, listening to the birds sing, the silence and their song brought me to feel the emotional ache in my heart. I have ignored all emotional sorrows because I had to be strong and alert for my daughter. I could not take a day, an hour, not even a nanosecond to be sad and possibly caught off guard by something. This realization brought tears to my eyes and I wept. I stood in the waking sun and cried. I hugged myself and cried. Falling to the ground, I knew I needed to cry. The longer I allowed myself to cry the brighter it was becoming outside. There is the lesson. Feel your pain, embrace it and reflect. Cry. Let it out. When you're done, when you've let out every feeling, wipe your tears and stand anew. Let it all go and look at the bright day that God has made. #chronicpan #emotionalpain #suffering #hope #thespoonienetwork #sorryiwentMIA #tbc https://www.instagram.com/p/Bw1pKq2goGc/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1nbjee0xbq3km
