The Stank

The Underworld of Cloth Diapering

[thestank-blog]

Spot this.

One of my favorite hobbies over the past few years has been perusing Spots Corner on Hyena Cart. I've scored some awesome stuff, but occasionally there are some bizarre/awesomely bad/trying to get rid of some shit offerings.

Let's highlight the current craptastic listings on Spots.

Not one, but TWO Tupperware ice cream scoops:

I don't get it. Dueling dragons? Perhaps I need to be Indonesian. I think my play isn't imaginative enough for this. Uggo.

Everyone needs to spend $25 per yard of fabric (you can find the print portion HERE for 16 bucks. Still stupid, but better). I'm not a huge Echino fan as it is, but I'd def pass on this:

Because you aren't truly crunchy unless you start them out on tie dye fresh out of the womb (granted it would be better if they were made in a hemp blend), here are some bassinet sheets:

Here's one of the "I need cash"/"Who the fuck uses something aside from a Kindle or Nook?"/"I hate my Christmas gift" listings:

Now if only I had a Kitchenaid mixer cover with a rocket on it.

The biggest winner of them all is the *NEW* Adult Cloth One Size Diaper. Don't worry, it fits small through large and has a snap-down rise for your adult CDing comfort.

I think the real question is: "Would you buy a USED adult cloth diaper?" I mean, they wash them. You could strip it and it would be totally fine, right?

BARF.

And here's the prefold version of the adult diaper, complete with action shot:

Stop laughing. Adult incontinence is no joke.

Whether you're looking for a few skeins of Dashing Dachs for your next knitting project or just want to see what is out their for your immediate shopping gratification, Spots is a great. (btw, you can buy me anything DD and I'll be your friend forever. Just saying. Click the link and send me prezzies... although the pickings are slim at the time of this post...) Yet every now and again you get a "Who the fuck buys this shit?" listing. Oh so fun.

If you have yet to bask in the glory that is Spots, take time today to soak up some super special rays of (typically) secondhand sunshine. You'll find it both brightens your day and slowly drains your bank account. Happy spotting!

[thestank-blog]

Apparently I'm not the only one who feels like this. It's good to be amongst fellow bitches around the holidays. My return is approaching.

[thestank-blog]

Pantz and Cocoa Sha Bon Bons.

Please welcome to the stage, Ellie the Elephant. Many of you may know her in infamy as a Goodmama scalper, however, I'd like to introduce you to the new Ellie: brilliant creator of "eye candy" and other ugly-assed crafts. 

If you've never heard of PartyPantZ, you're in for a real treat.

Let's take a quick looksie:

 WTF? $125-$155 for oversized OBV crap?

All I can think is that it's Hammer Time:

And the Later Gator pants are SOLD OUT?!?!? Bitch, please. You had to have put that up to make people think someone actually bought that shit. Then again, some morons have money to burn and children that like to dress like the 1989 Rap Artist of the Year.

In her listings she goes on to describe these little gems:

"My rainbows are incredible to experience. When i began to set craft on these i was after a memory of a life time. i could see a barefooted child dancing around twirling and twirling... "

Ummm...okay. Sipping back on Grandpa's cough medicine much while we "craft"? Alcohol and crafting do not mix. However, if you've seen the overwhelming amount of monstrosities on Hyenacart you may begin to think that the majority of WAHMs start the day off with a bottle of warm chardonnay. (What? All you have to do is add an ice cube. Duh.)

Here are some pantZ that you'll find under Ellie Art. They are super special, so they get their own category:

Yeah. I really want to put my kid in a pair of pants that look like they've been sprayed with smurf jizz.

Notice the lovely frayed edges of the blue shit. That's art.

She makes skirties, too. Just in time for Thanksgiving:

Those are some crazyassed seams. And what the fuck is that shit hanging off the side there? An homage to that hanging turkey gobbler thing? (Okay, I think it's called a wattle. I googled.)

And here comes the Mama Nurture String.

Whaaaaaaat?? These look like some sort of bondage sex toy or perhaps upcycled anal beads. What you do with them is your business, yo.

Here's the inspiration for the nurture string (or Tusk') explained:

You can totally ignore you kid if you've got one of those beauties hanging from your wrist as you spend the day on your computer. Okay, lady.

And why is it called a Tusk'? That baby elephant is clearly trying to hold on to it's mama's tail. You should consider renaming them.

I have learned a few things today:

Tripping out on acid and drinking whiskey will make you more creative.

Spell shit wrong. It's fun. Everyone is doing it.

Scalping Crapmamas just isn't fulfilling. In order to feel personally satisfied (read: really rip people off) you need to learn to sew and string beads.

There will always be someone stupid enough to buy something ridiculous because they believe that paying a hefty price gives them a boost in status.

GM scalping will never die.

Keep a lookout for more wondrous creations from Ellie. I can't wait to see what she comes up with next (purely for entertainment value, of course.)

[thestank-blog]

I done told you: They're not Goodmamas!

Oh Goodmama. You have served us well over the years by setting trends in cloth diaper fabrics, providing entertainment through your cult-like following and the ridiculous resale "value" of you precious dookie catchers, as well as giving us a means to sip our coffee or store our pencils in an artisan-crafted f5 mug (order one now for only $40 plus shipping! Expect delivery in 6-8 weeks.)

So apparently GM decided that people on their B/S/T page need to provide "feedback" by posting a picture of their GM collection. How this is feedback, I'm not certain. It almost seems like a test to see if you own enough of their product to be deemed worthy to remain a member of the page.

The following (extremely disruptive) photo was posted as someone's feedback picture:

I can't tell what's wrong with that (except the rather obvious fact that she spent over $1500 on Goodmamas, assuming the 44 diapers were each $35. It may be a low estimate. And sometimes I can't count/multiply. Damn maths.)

Someone on the Goodmama B/S/T page wanted to be an asshole, because they pointed out to the "GM Helpers" (read: dickwads Suze hired to act as the GM Gestapo on her facebook page) that 2 of the diapers aren't actually GOODMAMAS.

OH NOES!!!!!!

So then one of the "helpers" contacts the owner of the photo:

Happy Little Helper: I think I've mentioned this once before... You will need to submit a new photo for your feedback picture asap. the picture you sent, while cute, shows diapers other than gm's and is therefore not ok for our page...if it isnt gm related, we cant allow it. so sorry. if you dont submit a new picture for me to use, I will have to remove your feedback thread completely

Former GM Monkey:There are 2 diapers that are not gms and you cant even tell

Happy Little Helper: FGMM, Im sorry, but it has been brought to my attention by other members, and people who have been around gm long enough know what is and isnt a gm

She's not kidding about those "people who have been around" thing. Some fuckwad saw the picture and unlike a normal person who thinks "Aw! What a cute tutu!" or "That a lot of effing money to put into one brand.", they think to themselves "Diapers #18 and 42 are NOT Goodmamas! Those two eyesores completely ruin the picture. We only allow Goodmamas around here. None of those 'other folk.' It's time to be a dick."

FGMM is a little disillusioned by the situation:

Former GM Monkey: where is the spirit of cloth diapering? I get that this is a goodmama group but seriously 2 diapers on a picture that has 50 GM diapers? its just pathetic that i need a new pic

Happy Little Helper: Im sorry, but it is just like showing a stash shot that clearly shows 50 gm's and 5 that arent. I take those down too. it's a matter of respect. this isnt a general cloth diapering group, this is a page run by and to promote goodmama diapers...not xyz brand or whatever

Former GM Monkey: this is just pathetic!

It's about respect, dammit! Posting any other diaper brand is a blemish upon the shrine of Goodmama and shows you may possibly have loyalties elsewhere. TRAITOR!!!!

Former GM Monkey: can i really say what I like? Cause if i posted how annoyed i am, that would probably be removed too.

Happy Little Helper: like I said, you are not the only one that has been talked to or brought to my attention. everyone else complied and has gone happily along

Former GM Monkey:well i like to speak my opinion. I dont like getting pushed over because some mamas have issues! people lost their lives to fight for our rights and our rights just get taken away here. its wrong, rude and pathetic

Happy Little Helper: this is a private board and therefore can be run as so. I am not going to go further with this discussion. either send a new picture by the 31st, or I will take your thread down. thank you

(in an eerily calm, yet authoritative voice) Now FGMM, everyone else has bent over and taken it right up the ass when we've asked them to. It's your turn, now. Be a good girl and fetch me a nice, compliant picture.

So FGMM decides to be a cheeky little monkey and submits this:

Personally, I think it's creative and has just enough "fuck you" in it to be entertaining. Besides, the stars add pizazz!

HLH does not like the pic and tells FGMM that she must submit a new photo by a certain deadline or she won't be able to have a feedback pic. At all.

So then FGMM whips out this super awesome picture that was allowed on the GM facebook page but is clearly advertising another brand:

I don't know about you, but when I think about Goodmama, I think about drinking. I would gladly tap the Rockies with that little muffin any day. (BTW- Is that a shoe rack in the kitchen????)

The basics from then on:

HLH asks FGMM if she'd like her to crop out the Coors Light logo.

FGMM says "No." and that she'll submit a new picture.

HLH goes and puts her kids to bed.

Fucking. Asshole.

I bet HLH only has Goodmamas and would never let them play with the CozzyBunz down the street. Oh no. All that are not their kind must sit at the back of the bus and drink from the separate (but equal!) WAHM water fountain.

Diaperists.

"So," you wonder, "what ever happened to FGMM?" Well, I'll tell you!

FGMM went on to sell off the majority of her Goodmama stash and moved on to greener pastures. She has now opened up her stash to a variety of diaperkinds and is no longer perpetuating the idea that being a GM is better than everything else. Instead of having 1 or 2 token "other" diapers, she has many CDs of varying descent. She also does not own an f5 mug.

Good for you, FGMM. Good for you.

And shame on you, GM! You're pushing the envelope with these ridiculous rules/general douchebaggery and alienating your followers. What is a queen without her subjects? Just another fucktard who happens to sit on a throne.

You know what? Nevermind. Keep being assholes. That's more dollars going to my WAHM girls who actually know what "customer loyalty" means.

More people should be like FGMM. Fuck Goodmama.

Yeah, I said it.

[thestank-blog]

Holy Wonkfest.

A wonderful 48 hour auction recently occurred on Hyena Cart.

To say the diaper is a little off would be quite an understatement. I can't believe someone paid an entire $13 for the ghastliest of Ghastlies:

Note the fine craftsmanship and expert placement of the minky ruffle.

And really? You need to put on a five snap, snap-down rise? That would be snaps literally out the butt.

You can't even see the print, so what's the point? It looks like some gray, black and white shit slapped together with a little fabric.com minky.

Sure, the pictures could be off. Sure, she could have poured her heart and soul into the creation. Sure, I could have something other than malt liquor running through my veins... but one thing is certain:

It's a fucking pocket so no one cares anyway.

[thestank-blog]

I said gimme back my CANDY CORN!

Aw. Sad. There's trouble in paradise over on the C (read: Chelory) B/S/T page. It seems Jessie--one of the craziest of the crazies--had some trader's remorse:

(whining) Lisaaaaa! I WANT MY CANDY COOOORN!

Mind you, she's not trying to bring any "drama and nastiness," she just wants to be a seriously cracked thorn in Lisa's side. That wont. shut. up.

Poor little baby contacted Lisa and she was soooo mean!

I'm with Lisa on this one. Get a grip. You're pissed that you let that precious jewel of a diaper out of your sight and want it back. God forbid someone SELL a diaper that is their own, personal property. Who do you think you are? Chelory?!?!?

Paranoid much? I don't know who this Mary Ruth character is, but she sure sounds like a shady motherfucker. How dare she participate in the rightful sale of a diaper. She should know how Lisa hoodwinked you into trading the diaper for another that just doesn't quite nuzzle as softly on your cheek as your sweet Candy Corn.

Make sure you let EVERYONE know how terrible Lisa is. Oh and Mary Ruth.

Note the time stamps. She's posting every 2-6 minutes and no one gives a shit. Perhaps there are a few people in that elite group of Chelwhorey lovers who know what a fanatical rant looks like.

I sure as hell hope Lisa didn't give that diaper back. And you better back up off Mary Ruth because if I know people with 2 first names (and boy do I), she's as sweet as pie and wouldn't do anything underhanded. Neither would Mary Beth, Mary Pat, Rebecca Jane or Anna Lauren.

Unlike you, Jessie.

I'll say it: You're a liar. You're pissed because someone traded with you and then sold your "artwork" off like the cheap, secondhand merchandise that it is. The diaper Lisa sent you is fine and dandy. You just have your panties all in a twist that she sold the effing candy corn.

Get the fuck over it.

And seriously? $400?!? You have got to be high... and not on the good shit.

[thestank-blog]

Shopping Time Out.

Let's have a little fun and go shop shop shopping on HyenaCart!!! I scoped out a few things and compiled a short list of stuff I likes:

1. Sheep in a Heap + Western Sky Knits = Wise Owl on Club Thread

Super cute 2T shirt plus WSK's Wise Owl colorway! Nothing more fun that yarn and appliqued shirts.

2. Dolce Baby's Petit Sweet Mini Fitted

I hate to admit it, but I loves me some newbie dipes. I have a bit of a collection... you know, "for the next one." She has some other cute ones up there.

3. Flying on and "Airplane" Bayside Britches Set on Little Trunks

Loooove sets and this one is ca-yute.

4. Big Kahuna on LT at Their Own Knitted World

Loving this colorway and love the variations in Licorice Twist.

Perhaps I'll take time out every day (okay, maybe every 2-3ish days) and have a shopping time out. There can only be so much snark in a day.

[thestank-blog]

Growing Pains @ The Stank

Oh so sorry if you can't see some of the shtuff I've got up here. I'm working on it.

It's all you whores' fault!

That is all.

ETA: It should be fixed. Let me know if something's down.

[thestank-blog]

GMDs for Jesus

It's now Tuesday, so let's keep in mind that a) I had other things to do, b) it's no longer fresh in my mind and c) I took screen shots after a few beers and missed a couple of goodies/can't fully remember why I took screen shots of certain posts. Damn you BBC Mods for doing your job and getting rid of the evidence.

ANYWAY -- Friday night a little (now deleted) thread was started on BBC's Cloth Diapering board. A simple question was posed regarding Green Mountain Diapers and the free religious material offered on their site:

BTW - If you post shit like that you're going to get an argument. You just are. So don't act all frigging innocent. It's like eating too many chili dogs at a fair and saying "I hope I don't get sick later." Those dogs are going to come a-barking, k?

Moving on. It goes in a generally tame direction in the beginning until the gays come out to play. The argument goes something like this:

I am gay.

Christians don't support the recognition of my family unit/my life in general/hate gays.

The GMD owners are Christians.

I won't buy from GMD because they hate gays.

Let's just get this out of the way: I love me some gays. While some 17-year-olds were at Homecoming, I was down at the local gay bar sipping (okay, guzzling) cranberry and vodka, bustin' a move to some sweet dance/techno musik and enjoying the best drag show in town. My two best gays and I had some fuckin' good times. (Shout out to Tim and Brandon... wherever you may be, B. Like you're reading this.)

Rational people question their/others decision to not buy from GMD because of the diaper ministry, asking logical questions such as:

and saying sensible things like:

And pretty good counterpoints:

And someone's overly paranoid about the extreme right:

Some Christians have popped up. One would think they can't out-drama the gays ("Bitch, please," comes to mind) but it gets horribly bad/so bad it may be good.

Let me introduce you to Amy:

Seems pretty tame, right? Aside from saying that Christians like to segregate themselves from people who don't agree with their religious beliefs, there's nothing really incriminating.

Yet.

Let's get this one out of the way, too: I love me some Christians. Although I will not state my particular affiliation, believe it or not, my evil self wanders into church weekly. I may not actually learn anything, but at least I show up. I wouldn't be all "I'm a Christian" up in the joint. Just saying.

And so the debate goes on:

I won't buy from GMD.

I'd love to support a fellow Christian and buy from GMD.

This post has allowed me to make an informed choice and the answer is "No."

Stuff about gay marriage.

Stuff about gay rights.

Some other random shit, like "I love Shiva" bumper stickers.

In pops Amy with a revelation from above on how she can improve her swap practices:

I'm totally what-ing out, dude

And a point for people/awesomeness in general:

Sign me up for 12 strap-ons, please!

The Christians then feel a bit butthurt by the anti-Christian vibe. The official lesbian of the thread posts this beauty:

I really want to see a bitchslap with a Bible. Just saying.

Somehow pharmaceutical companies are brought up (random, right? I still don't understand the entire thing... but I'm lacking on the sleep.)

All I heard was "yeast infections" and started thinking about oozing vag. Hmm. I'm thinking about vag... maybe I'm gay.

Nahhhhh.

So back and forth and back and forth it goes. And goes. And goes. Amy's arguing pretty hard and must be working up a sweat at this point, because she starts to accuse people of being gay. It's a fucking witch hunt up in the joint.

Being gay is a choice.

No it's not.

Yes it is. You don't agree with me, huh? YOU MUST BE GAY!

No, really, it isn't a choice. Why do you care about how I live my life?

Oh I'll tell you why:

She says something else about how people aren't meant to be with members of the same sex because they can't naturally make babies. Cuz it's all about the baby makin'.

And because I love me some GMDs AND some Girl Scout cookies:

I'm losing interest at this point, when a lame asshole decides to impersonate yours truly:

What the fuck, dude? I had already made up my mind and was going to skip the thread until your lame ass showed up and caused a bunch of emails in my inbox.

Moving on... here's where people start to get pissed:

Then Amy says some off-the-wall shit about people discriminating against Christians just as much as they discriminate against the gays. And the padawan's daddy is mad (Bee Tee Double You - I'm really not scary, Christopher.):

Here comes a really tasty niblet from Amy:

You hear that?!?!? GO BE PILGRIMS!

Amy is an asshole. She needs to stop dry humping the Bible, get her head out of her ass and realize that the whole "purity" thing could be construed as an effort to wipe out the beauty that is America's variety of religious views to create a super-race of white Christians of European descent. Disgusting.

I don't like that kind of Christian. That be crazy talk.

WARNING: NSFW/LITTLE EYES AHEAD!

    So then people erupt with the finger-pointing and the "wtf?!?" and posting random pictures and whatnot, when an evil twat shows up:

Minus the accoutrement adorning her private bits. Please note that the butterfly was appropriately chosen because that's what that fucker looked like. That chick has more labia than a 27 member girl-on-girl group sex tape.

You said it:

My. Eyes. Are. Burning.

And the countdown begins:

But that shit doesn't disappear. It stays up there a good 5-10 minutes. Or maybe it just seemed like it... time lasts longer in "ZOMG. WTF. PR0n?!?!" world. Which leaves people time to wonder:

It reminds me of a commercial I saw back in the diz-ay.

The world may never know... except I'm right here, fuckers, and I'm saying it wasn't me. Neither are the rest of the hoebags pretending to be me either. Nor are those with fake screen names popping up all over creation on BBC. You guys make it easy. I don't need to stir the pot.

And I'll still buy from GMD. They have every right to spend their money on whatever they want. Unlike Amy's plan, they don't send free Bibles and shit with every sale they make; they send it upon request only. So if you don't want some Jesus all up in the best prefolds ever, don't order it.

innyvinny is right: Diaper Rite prefolds never caused this kind of mess.

Yeesh.

And because I take requests (despite the fact that it was not me):

And all God's people said: Amen.

[thestank-blog]

Oh no you di'int.

Are you for fucking real? That's the best you could do?

SHAME ON YOU.

I'm wading through the mess. Sweet jeebus.

I'm a little impaired at the moment... why do you have to do this on Friday night? Me and Lagunitas Little Sumpin' Wild had a party while all you guys made some serious noise.

Will have notes on this later/tomorrow/near future... may fall asleep at keyboard.

[thestank-blog]

You's a Ho.

Chel 0ry said it best:

Because you can't turn a ho into a housewife. Hoes don't act right. And they most certainly don't belong in the elite Chelory B/S/T group! So you do what you have to in order to get your Chelory fix:

<3 you too, Mindy! You nutter, you. You should have taken this as a chance to RUUUUUN! Instead, you decide that the best idea is to start a supposedly competing group. Yeah. Right. You know all the crazy mofos are down in Chelory town and you won't get jack on your board. Your Chelory days are numbered... muahahahahaha!

All the Crazy O'Crazerstons are hanging out at Club Chel. That's where you get the good shit. And don't forget, the ultimate dealer of your diaper crack--the High Priestess, herself--is running the other boards. She can threaten to cut the rest of those crackbabies off at any time.

And yeah, this is a middle school lunchroom because dammit, sometimes I just giggle when someone's called a ho!

[thestank-blog]

He leave your ass for a white girl...

Um. Sunbaby? Where's Black, Asian, Hispanic and Pacific Islander girl?

[thestank-blog]

Long story short:

MaMaTuTu decides to start a diaper business.

She contacts the GM Crazies on the Goodmama Facebook page and tells them they can get their hands on _______ *fill in random print here*.

She piggybacks on GM's fabric choices, sews up her own shitty version, sends them out to the poor, innocent victims of Goodmama's evil empire and laughs all the way to the bank (which, side note, is kind of what many WAHMs do--but whatever, most don't hunt down their prey). Some people didn't even realize they weren't actually ordering a GM.

There are coops. They go awry. A little "wah wah" happens but people are still buying her crap.

MMTT decides that her diapers in hard to find prints deserve to be auctioned off on HC , then proceeds to bid up the diapers on a fake HC account like the asshole she is.

She's outed on facebook, deletes posts she doesn't like, tries to keep swimming but eventually goes down in flames.

MaMaTuTu dies a timely death.

Out of the ashes, a phoenix arises: Couture Fluff

How do we know it's her? She admits it. Balls. Of. Steel. She brazenly announces that despite her claim to be an entirely different person (name change and all) she wasn't hiding anything.

There are always stupid people to be a part of your inner circle and buy your stuff -- even if it sucks and your business practices are less than stellar.

Couture Fluff is shady as all hell and is still laughing her way to the bank.

Just a little PSA from your friendly crew here at The Stank: because you may just want to know who you're buying from.

[thestank-blog]

Don't make me call the po-po!

You've all seen frantic posts from people who either haven't heard from someone from whom they've purchased items, didn't receive tracking immediately, have a package somewhere in USPS limbo. Sometimes they're just too stupid to realize that not everyone goes to the post office every freaking day nor does every person check their email/PANs continuously throughout the day.

God forbid something come up and a seller is unable to make mailing a diaper their number one priority. Same goes for WAHM sales. Remember the "mom" part and think about whether or not they may possibly have something else they need to do.

And sometimes, shit just happens.

Regardless of that, sometimes: People. Freak. Out.

If you've read Sew Craft Baby's facebook page recently, you may have seen this excellent example of gross overreaction:

Crazy bitch says what?

Way to utilize your tax dollars, Lana. The state police is just dying to open a case regarding a missing package from a purchase you made on the intranetz. I'm sure there will be local headlines; perhaps something catchy like "Internet Thief is 'Sew Crafty'".

I am sure that a reputable seller is attempting to run off with your $10 while lying about sending the package on a public forum. If the entire facebook page was deleted, her phone number was cut off and her emails kept bouncing back as undeliverable, MAYBE--but the state effing police? Give me friggin' break. You look like a moron.

She then seems to be assuaged by a simple suggestion:

How the hell do you go from calling the state police to being okay just leaving a note for the mailman? Shouldn't she interrogate the poor mail carrier under threat of lawsuit? Report him to the USPS for stealing from her while marking the tracking as "delivered"? Track down his personal facebook and act all crazy-like?

Instead, she'll leave a note:

Hey Lana: Chill out, dude.

Go take a valium. Or a percocet. Or anything that ends in -lam or -pam.

I'd be a little wary if my package didn't arrive, but I would not call the state police. I've seen Super Troopers and know just what they said: "I'll believe ya when me shit turns purple and smells like rainbow sherbet. Oh and call the person who sent ya the package."

[thestank-blog]

Screen shot or it didn't happen.

I like have time to do the following things:

Spend time with my family

Sleep

Go places

Eat

Watch something so bad it's good (like Glee -- it was Tuesday, dammit)

Play Chinese Checkers/Operation/Guess Who?

Some people are saying that Chelory's Facebook page has been subject to a shizatload of deleted content. I admit, I am one of those people. This morning there was a lovely conversation that will be posted later (fair warning -- someone's still an asshole). However, I do not have concrete information on a supposed uprise that happened last night concerning my tender reviews of Chelory's business practices.

I need to enlist some help, people. There have been reader submissions for topics, but I need to be able to prove it happened. There's some serious crazy going on here and it's not just me.

So please. If you see it happening, capture it and send it my way. I try to stay on top of the bullshit, but there's a lot. I can't do it alone. Help the CDing community as a whole and say it with me:

"If you see some shit, screen shot it!"

Now excuse me while I go figure out what the hell got spilled down the side of my fridge and try not to kill my husband for putting said fridge in the middle of the goddamn kitchen. When I say "Would you mind wiping off the top of the fridge?" I don't mean, "Please pull out all major appliances."

Okay wait. I'm not done. I'm still a little pissed. (Shocking, right?)

A reason why guys are disgusting and lucky we put up with them:

I'm cleaning the kitchen. Major cleaning.

Husband enters and grabs my ass.

"Why?" you ask?: "I love it when you're domestic. If you're lucky I may give you some dick later as a reward."

I'm so grateful to have found a gem like that.

I've talked with other women about this. Men go for the ass grab far too often. Instead of grabbing my backside he should have picked up a damn broom. I guess we're similar in a way: I, too, would be turned on if he was cleaning the kitchen.

Okay. Tangent over. Send me some proof.

[thestank-blog]

Your store name sucks.

Hyena Cart Store Names I Wish Didn't Exist:

Rumple Fluffly

   First off: WHAT THE FUCK IS A FLUFFLY? That "word" pisses me off every time I see it (which has been less as of late and that's pretty effing nice). Also, if you're going to use "rumple," at least make them wrinkled as all hell or come up with some super innovative way to give the diapers a unique texture. BTW - whatever happened to each diaper being "one of a kind"? I see not one, but TWO Mario diapers and there has been a fair share of BAPE diapers, my friend. Jesus fuck! Animal Crackers?!?!? The only thing you have going for you is that your diapers have magical powers and are able to stand up on their own.

Pee in the Pod

What is this pod and why would I want my kid to pee in it? Nice try with a play on words, but it's just fucking terrible. Not cute. Doesn't make me want to buy your shit. In fact, I never clicked on your store until I needed to retrieve your completely random header. Am I on glue or is the photo that was rendered to make the background of the header completely indecipherable? What is it a stack of? Pillows? Fabric? Condom wrappers? No. Frickin'. Clue.

All this pod talk has me thinking about Invasion of The Body Snatchers and I am fully convinced that those diapers are laced with spores that will allow an alien race to eventually take over the world. Don't be surprised if you buy a Pee in the Pod and there's nothing but a pile of dust where you child used to be and he or she has been replaced with an emotionless alien life form.  

Pirate Booty Fluff

If you had named it only "Pirate Booty" it may have been okay. Adding the "Fluff" was completely unnecessary and adds it to the long list of stores with names containing the words fluff, bum, buns, britches, cloth and onomatopoeia (okay, that last one just sounded kind of cool. Get it? GET IT?!? Okay, I'm lame.)

Anyway, back to diapers meant for Jack Sparrow's illegitimate children: Hate the name. Hate it. But I think customer service could be improved if you included some yummy, cheezy, puffed corn snacks with each purchase. And, btw, I think you should change the tagline to: "For When It's No Longer Buried Treasure."

DDDiapers

When I see this name I can't help but think of giant tits and when combined with diapers, the obvious next step is diaper fetishes. And when I think of diaper fetishes, I think of fetish porn. And when I think of fetish porn, I think of 2 Girls, 1 Cup. And then I vomit.

Your store doesn't even have a real fucking header, so no picture love for you.

Rock-a-bye Booty

There are some serious nutjobs in the CDing world that perhaps sing to their diapers as they rub the obv on their shiny faces, but suggesting they sing "down will come booty, cradle and all" is just plain stupid. Your name references one of the most violent lullabies ever created. Hell, I can't think of another "lullaby" where a baby falls from a tree, possibly to a horrific death. It's a societal disgrace that the song is widely known and used.

Seeing as it's doubtful you'll be around awhile and I've never heard your store mentioned, you probably won't even have the chance to encourage the idiot public to shove a butt up a tree in, say, a pack and play, but I'd sure like someone to shove a foot up your ass. It's completely deserved for subjecting us all to your lack of creativity and general moronic nature.

The Cloth Canoe

This store owner is up a creek without a paddle, because seriously, where do you go with "Cloth Canoe?" I'm with you on the cloth part. Yeah. Uh huh. Cloth. Cloth Diapers. CANOE? Unless the diapers double as watercraft, you've completely missed the mark. The only thing I can come up with is that you're trying to say that the diapers allow a child to float down a river of bodily fluids, yet remain dry with the help of The Cloth Canoe. Perhaps it isn't very PC of me, but I was somehow expecting a Native American theme on your page. I'm bored with the swirly birds.

What tool actually likes to canoe anyway? That's something you're forced to do at summer camp or when a family member comes up with it as an idea for "bonding time," which usually just ends in sunburn and mosquito bites. It sucks. And the name does, too.

DooDoo Raggs

I get it. They're raggs with an unnecessary "g" that are made for doodoo. Poopy. Caca. Shizat. Merde. Feces. Number two. Water logs. Loaves. Dookie. Butt chocolate. Scat. Hershey squirts. Creamy butt nuggets. Booty cakes. Skid marks. Sphincter splatter. Ass foam. Explosive diarrhea. Ass apples. Black bananas. Bun fudge. Turtle heads. Chocolate soldiers. Cigar fish. Crap. Mookie Stinks. Dookie. Sphincter smears. Corn-eyed butt snakes.

I think any one of the aforementioned nicknames for bowel movements could have been a step up. Well, maybe not poopy.

And just because I'm in a (semi) good mood today, I'd like to name this as the best HC store name ever:

   It's perfect.

However, I am HIGHLY disappointed that you took down your "Why I'm the Shizz" page. 10 points have been deducted. (If you slap it back up there, I may give you back 5.)

In a world where fucktards abound, the chance of idiotic store names is ridiculously high. Kudos to those who have figured out how to sell a product AND not look like a complete moron. This all reminds me of a few words from good old Albert E., "Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe."

Good luck, humanity. We have a lot of work to do.

[thestank-blog]

Satan's Little Helper

Sunbaby has officially released pics of it's new prints. (Get excited SB lunatics!)

However, there is a print that could cause a little controversy:

Apparently Sunbaby Lady is in leagues with Beelzebub and would like to give her customers the opportunity for children everywhere to sport the number of the beast.

Good catch, Camden:

  Then there's a bit of discussion about about letting SB Lady know about the "problem", as well as an interesting turn of events:

YESSSS! A real, live Satan worshipper!

I've wanted to meet one since I saw The Ninth Gate. Johnny Depp made it all seem so glamourous.

I hear Queen Bish is always looking out for the next fabric train to hop on and since Sunbaby's doing it, I'm sure she'd take any opportunity to widen her fan base. Maybe Bebe Britches will stock a diaper in this print to appeal to all her practicing satanist customers:

People always want holiday diapers. I think it would be pretty progressive to put one out for Satanic New Year. January 13th will be here faster than we think! Better order that pentagram and human sacrifice fabric before it sells out.

It's about religious tolerance, people. It's time for kids being raised as satanists  to be loud and proud about their beliefs! 

Perhaps I'm stereotyping, but I can't help but think Amanda's baby looks like this:

I don't think the bears suit him.

The Devil Diaper will be SO much better.