Hey I'm sure you get a ton of asks. But I've just recently began truly stepping out of the libfem stage of my life and it feels like I'll never be able to go back. I think the thing that annoys me the most all in all is the intellectual cowardice of people in the trans movement.
Any questioning of trans women's misogyny? Block and stay safe. Discussions about how saying you're trans doesn't immediately give you the material experience of the oppressed? Block. Nuanced takes on sports and female biology? Block. Talks about prostitution and porn being misogynistic? Block.
It's all like this, they never try to engage. They will never ask themselves any questions because radical feminism is made to be seen as a highly contagious disease you must protect yourself from. I'm still scared to be "found out" and I admire your bravery to not hide like me despite the probably massive amount of harassment you get.
I actually don’t get that much harassment, but thank you for the compliments. Most of my online interactions are positive bc Im surrounded by intelligent, empathetic, curious women. I also block and delete hateful shit. But I think you should go easy on yourself. You don’t have to broadcast your beliefs to anyone and it takes a lot of bravery to leave a high-control group. I should know, I was raised evangelical and fundamentalist as a kid with OCD. It was nuts.
To me, the current trans discourse is very much reflective of the ideological legacy of Christianity in places like the UK/US, and the radfems that have compared TRA talking points to religious ones are very astute in their observations, I think. But I think it is far more effective to understand these kinds of people than judge them (or understand while judging 💀). Why people enter and stay in high-control groups like cults, certain religions or pseudo-religions like evangelicalism or gender ideology, is because they have high social and emotional stakes within these groups. Human beings are hyper-social animals compared to other species, so any social group that monopolizes identity (“you need to invest more financially, emotionally, socially in our cause or you’re a bad person”) while dangling the threat of rejection or ostracization (“if you love us unconditionally we’ll love you unconditionally”/“if you turn on us we’ll turn on you”) is guaranteed to acquire and maintain a following with enough charismatic leaders because it registers as a life or death scenario in the human brain. leaving feels like death, and staying survival.
the thing you must understand about high-control groups and why they’re so effective is because they appeal to basic human instincts. if you’re someone typically ostracized by a community (say you are gay or a sex worker) then the promise of forgiveness and inclusivity may get you (many of these groups recruit with a “come as you are/you’re loved as you are” message). they promise acceptance for the marginalized (though it’s always conditional and never analyzes why they were marginalized in the first place), innocence for the guilty, transformation and purpose (a new start, a new you), and exceptionalism for the mediocre. for TRA spaces that may look like “you can be anything you want! you can change your sex or personality and become anyone!” and “you aren’t like those ordinary cis people. your suffering is unique! you’re queer! you’re different!” for evangelicals it looks like “Jesus can make you new and whole again! The Holy Spirit will transform you!” and “You are sons and daughters of God! Destined to rule the earth!” So these high-control groups break down a personal/individual identity (insisting that they’re too small and helpless and worthless on their own) in order to give them a new identity centered around the group. This makes them feel bigger, more powerful, but also more under threat should they take back their individuality.
furthermore, by the point they’re “in too deep,” they recognize that should they leave, they won’t have friends waiting for them outside the high control group, because the high control group has drilled it into their heads that they’re hated and will always be hated for what they are. they face being even more alone than they were before. it can be very discouraging in itself. so coming at them with hostility is almost guaranteed not to work.
there’s also a reason most of the recruits in such groups tend to be women and girls, who are looking desperately for some form of unconditional social support. they tend to be the ones most likely to face abuse in these high-control groups because as women they have more to fear in general, both in terms of retaliation from the in-group or humiliation and mockery from the out-group. so they’re more likely to stay put the worse it gets bc they’re paralyzed by fear. women and girls recognize whether consciously or subconsciously that less grace is afforded to them on all social levels. so, for these people, I’d say the best approach is to approach them with curiosity and give them a sense of safety. some of us got free by asking questions, some of us got free by experiencing genuine love and kindness and true acceptance. many people in high-control groups struggle with self-acceptance, which is why they cling so hard to identities and social perceptions. they also usually have a lot of anxiety.
so don’t despair. Many of the people in these groups are capable of climbing out. Both you and I are proof. So instead of being embarrassed about our pasts, let’s empathize with ourselves so we can better understand others and help them however we can. we may not bring them the whole way, but even lifting the window to allow in a little bit of light is enough. I promise many of them can do wonders for themselves with that smidgeon of light. Most women and girls are exactly like us, no matter how bizarre their beliefs or behavior may be. ❤️