♡Just wanna be dainty♡

H: 5'8 | SW: 140 | HW: 145 | Cw: 133 | LW:106 | GW1: 125 | GW2: 120 | GW3: 115| GW4: 110 | GW5: 105 | UGW: 98

[theultimategoal]

I haven’t been here in so long it’s crazy to see and remember how into it I really was. I binged my way into recovery then had a bad breakup, became suicidal where the days combined and I didn’t eat anything so I dropped all that weight. Then personal life happened then I had a baby and after him I felt no hunger so I barely ate but I felt so good (probably around the average persons diet) and 2 years later I slowly started to eat more but now I’ve eaten too much and I wouldn’t say I’m fat but man I can’t get the cravings away and I don’t want to end up actually going insane if I did gain more. And once you’re out of the ana mindset it’s hard to go back. I think about it but I don’t truly want to. I wanna work out. But the cravings…I’ve been chewing gum and drinking water to try and curb them but yeah it’s hard. I’m not even hungry most times, I just be wanting to eat. Well anyway idk. It’s like a time capsule coming back here and redownloading this app. Thanks for listening

[sadandsmilling]

A part of suicidal ideation or self harm no one talks about is the numbness to the subject that comes with it. I sit and scroll through pages and pages of cries for help, suicide notes and plans and feel nothing. No worry, no concern, no crushing feeling in my chest. Nothing. Those familiar feelings are now replaced with a strange familiarity, a kind of comfort that it’s not just me.

Fuck. When did it get to this

[wishing-for-deathx]

Ever cried in your bed curled up in a ball because you’re alive and can’t die?

[sa-dnesss]

“I was 12 thinking about killing myself. I am 21, still thinking about killing myself.”

—

[jupiters-saddest-alien]

I don’t wanna get out of bed. I don’t wanna eat. I don’t wanna go to work. I don’t want to go anywhere. I just wanna fall asleep and never wake up.

[depression-took-over-my-liiife]

[dissociate-d]

i feel like i’ve lost so much of my life to my mental illnesses

[idkhowifeel]

It’s so fucking exhausting fighting your brain every day dude

[chewytooth]

i just want to feel normal again :(

[us3rg1rlb0ss-deactivated2023101]

we may not be in each other's lives anymore, but you showed me how fulfilling love can be and for that i'm eternally grateful

[randkritzelei]

11/11/20

i don‘t know how to ask for help

[theultimategoal]

Are antidepressant overdoses always successful as long as you take enough?

[1anonyymous1]

okay universe, i need something really really good to happen please

[theultimategoal]

Why am I dying to get him back after he hurt me so much. Why doesn’t he want me back after I fucked up just a few times.

[theultimategoal]

I’m living the life that my 15-19 year old self wished they had. I haven’t eaten barely anything this week let alone this month. Nothing interests me, I forget to eat and I have to force myself to. I just feel sick to my stomach. I just want him back…but he’s seeing someone else and I have to respect that. We have a whole baby together man.

[theultimategoal]

I love eating whatever I want now, I guess I still subconsciously maintain my weight but coming on here every once in awhile n looking at thinspo idk man I love it lmao I miss the feeling but I don't miss all the binging. The only reason I “recovered” is bc I literally binged and ignored all my rules around Christmas time when we had the longest break ever bc of the snow lmao, then spent the next year getting comfortable in my new body. Now its the year after that and honestly man It’s hard at the start but it feels so much better than the guilt you make yourself have just because you ate a little too much, or stressing out bc you need to “get back on track” I know mostly no one will listen to this tho. It’s hard to stop this addiction especially once we’ve already felt that emptiness in our stomachs and keep feeding this to our brains. Stay safe ya’ll, drink your water, take your vitamins and sit down if you feel dizzy.

[the-anxious-aspie]