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[thevaultlmao]

Wouldn't it suck if there was a guardiancest drugging gone wrong where D overdosed and died from whatever Bro was trying to give him to kidnap him? I think bro would still keep the body and do completely totally very normal things to it and only get rid of it when the rotting body got him smell complaints from his apartment.

[thevaultlmao]

DirkDave saw traps where the trap is connected to Dirk but the "win" condition is connected to Dave? Like Dirk cock warming Dave and if Dave thrusts at all, the trap will go off. Either Dave can do the right thing until the timer goes off and Dirk gets to live, or Dave caves to his desires and gets splattered by Dirk's viscera as a direct result.

Hmm or the opposite 🤔 If Dave stays still during the cock warming, the trap will go off and kill Dirk. Cue Dirk squirming and grinding and (very performatively) begging Dave to fuck him, to not let him die like this. Win for both parties no matter what happens, either Dirk gets fucked like he wants and Dave doesn't need to deny himself, or Dirk gets to die brutally and Dave gets to enjoy the begging and the aftermath.

[thevaultlmao]

I've been thinking about standard flavor DirkDave where Dirk is actually the inexperienced one. It makes sense in a way, after all Dirk probably had nothing but the Internet and his hand(and maybe some household objects, sex toys if he's really lucky), whereas Dave might have experienced way too much way too early. I think Dirk would have the theory down, he would understand what he's supposed to do and why, but the first time he and Dave have sex Dirk just feels so clunky and awkward compared to Dave who could probably do this stuff in his sleep.

Dirk trying to deepthroat Dave for the first time and gagging on it and having to pull back, Dave sliding his fingers into Dirk's hair so that Dave can guide him back down a little slower and get him into a better position. I think the thought of "maybe this is what Bro got out of it with me" would cross his mind at least once while teaching Dirk to actually have sex, and I think he would feel absolutely revolted at that feeling, at the fact that ok sure Dave's enjoyment is a thing of affection while Bro's was probably a thing of control, but it's still the same thought pattern. It's still enjoying watching someone under you struggle and fail to do the right thing, still enjoying putting a correction in place, still enjoying the obedience that follows. For all Dave knows, Bro could have thought it was a thing of affection too.

It's mostly a one-sided crash out. Dirk would certainly feel bad that he didn't actually have all of the strategies down, that his first time with Dave was a mess because Dave was just so much better at sex than Dirk was. However, Dirk doesn't have any serious morality issues attached to it, just a bit of self loathing at not having been prepared enough. I do think that that self loathing would cloud Dirk's understanding of the situation, though. I don't think Dirk would notice just how much Dave enjoyed teaching Dirk new tricks. I don't think Dirk noticing that would have really helped though, it would have tipped the issue in the other direction; Dirk would feel that he shouldn't have learned anything about sex, that he should have completely abstained from masturbation, that he should have let Dave teach him everything so that Dave could get the experience of teaching Dirk as many times as possible. (It's definitely a bit of his leftover complex with a!Dave. Dirk just still can't shake the mindset of wanting to be the perfect little brother for a!Dave, even though he's long since given up hope of ever meeting a!Dave.)

[justleavemechill]

[little a drabble, as a treat]

Dave is shorter than he is in the videos. Did your Bro have a Napoleon complex? Nonsense. He would never have bothered with such subtle post-processing anyway, not of that nature. He would have let it be obviously shitty, not something you have to catch on future viewing. Every replay still ties to your first impression, shrinks you to a child, a little brother. It is the same footage reenforcing the same memory.

When you face him, he is only a hair taller than you. Dave’s gaze floats above your head, like he expected you to be taller, too.

[thevaultlmao]

I wish they had explored more God tier death mechanisms in Homestuck. I don't think anything about obstruction of healing was covered, so bear with me: Dave preventing Dirk's corpse from healing so that he can interact with the body for longer. Just decapitating Dirk and then covering the stump of his neck with plastic wrap or something so his head can't rejoin.

Dave getting to record a video of him keeping his cock shoved down the wrong end of Dirk's throat and holding it there so he can show Dirk the video later and see if Dirk has any opinions on if that's Dirk warming Dave's cock or if that's Dave warming Dirk's head. Dave getting to just really have fun with Dirk's body, having all the time in the world to mess around with how limp and loose his body is. He can do any position, so long as he can find a way to haul Dirk's body into it and hold it there even while he's just dead weight (literally).

It doesn't even have to be sexual, just Dave setting up a camera to record a whole hour of himself cuddling with Dirk's corpse on the couch, of holding Dirk's body like it's just an object, of contorting Dirk's body in ways that would probably be very uncomfortable if not painful so that Dave can get more comfortable while lying down with it. Dirk would enjoy watching that video, even in a nonsexual way I think he would enjoy just being used as an object for the happiness of people he cares about, and the way that Dave just does whatever makes himself happiest while Dirk is dead makes Dirk feel satisfied in a way he doesn't even get while he's alive and being cuddled. A corpse can't complain about a position, a corpse can't even make a pained little noise if Dave starts squeezing its ribs a little too hard. A corpse can't bother someone by being too needy or being uncomfortable. It's also something about the way that even when given the option of doing anything to Dirk's body, Dave still chooses to just snuggle in. Dave wants to cuddle with Dirk, just as much as Dirk wants to cuddle with Dave, and since Dirk can't say or do anything to convince Dave one way or another, that means that that desire from Dave must be genuine.

I don't think the body would decompose, since it's still "alive" in the capacity that it can be brought back. Theoretically, Dave could just keep Dirk as a corpse for days, weeks, months, hell even years if he felt like it. That sort of implicit trust is something that Dave really values, the fact that Dirk is handing over his own existence and letting Dave fully control when Dirk is allowed to be alive. If Dave made the decision to keep Dirk dead for decades, Dirk would have no way of objecting, or even of knowing that it was happening until after he comes back to life. Dave doesn't really abuse this though, he still needs a lot of attention and while Dirk's corpse can be fun to mess with, Dirk's corpse cannot tell Dave good morning and good night and obsess over if Dave is eating enough and drinking enough and make Dave feel like he's being seen right through in that humiliatingly vulnerable way that Dirk himself can.

Completely opposite everything in the post but I don't want to hide this in the tags: it's fascinating to think about it in the other way too, where Dirk's body will be brought back, even if he'll just experience pain and then death again. Dave attempting to put plastic wrap on Dirk's neck stump to stall his revival, only to find out that no, God tiered characters cannot stay dead if it wasn't Just or Heroic. Dirk coming to with the edges of plastic wrap sticking out of the skin of his neck; with his veins and muscles and nerves only connected enough to keep him feeling every second, keep his brain functioning, and allow movement of his neck; with the full sensation of his airway being obstructed by plastic wrap that's taut across his throat like the skin of a drum, making horrible sounds as he tries to desperately suck in a breath of air. Dave watches in horror as Dirk claws at his throat for a couple of minutes before dying again, only to revive a minute or two later and experience the exact same thing. Eventually Dave has to step in, he has to decapitate Dirk again and put in a lot of time and effort pulling out the freshly enervated plastic wrap from Dirks muscles, since Dave can't quite get the decapitation on the right line to take the plastic wrap off the normal way now. Dave definitely can't get all of the pieces out the first time, so he has to decapitate Dirk a few times and practically shred Dirk's neck each time to get all of the scraps out. I think it's the sort of event that would really change Dirk's brain chemistry. The idea of Dave doing that again but just making Dirk sit through days of that agony before stopping it will not leave Dirk's head. Dave is too freaked out from that to even do their normal necro stuff though, so Dirk keeps his mouth shut and instead stews in guilt for enjoying something that upset Dave so badly.

[thevaultlmao]

Hmm. Dirk being unable to have nice things. Dave sucks Dirk off without letting Dirk reciprocate (time constraints? An attempt to give Dirk a nice treat? Either works.), and Dirk gets the worse sub/dom/general drop. Like practically incapable of functioning and genuinely suicidal (the kind where he hopefully won't come back) over it. Dave offers multiple times to let Dirk suck him off to return the favor but Dirk absolutely refuses because Dirk thinks that if he does cave to those offers, it means he effectively coerced Dave into sex by being emotionally manipulative. The fact that they had been having sex basically daily before this event is irrelevant, clearly Dave wouldn't be offering that if Dirk had hidden his moping better. This avoidance does not make Dirk feel any better, it makes him feel much worse because now he's being selfish by hurting Dave's feelings after he was already selfish for taking from Dave.

This is awful for Dave too. He's absolutely losing his mind with anxiety over if Dirk is actually going to kill himself over something this trivial. Dave wrangles with the idea of fighting fire with fire and forcing Dirk to suck him off, of smacking Dirk in the head until he opens his mouth (since Dave knows Dirk won't hit Dave back, especially not now), of shoving Dirk's head down until his nose hits Dave's pubic hair and then some, of holding Dirk there until Dirk passes out or starts sucking Dave off himself. Granted, it probably wouldn't take too much force to get Dirk to comply, so long as Dirk manages to get out of his own head and realize that Dave genuinely does want this.

Dave doesn't want to assault Dirk. Really, he doesn't. But every day that this drags on just makes Dave feel more and more scared that something in Dirk genuinely broke from that and maybe the only way to get Dirk back to normal is to force him into a role where he has to give pleasure again, where he has to see how pleased Dave looks when Dirk sucks him off, where he has to see how easily Dave orgasms when Dirk's lips are wrapped around him. Where he has to see that receiving pleasure didn't mess anything up or make Dave think less of him or change anything at all. The world is still spinning, even though Dirk orgasmed without Dave.

[thevaultlmao]

DaveRoxy where Dave swears up and down that it's not a sexual thing when he calls Roxy "Mom". Everyone else is weird for saying it's incest when he sucks on her nipples, it's not sexual it's not romantic it is nothing but symbiosis. Roxy wants to be a mom, Dave wants the experience of having a mom. (Roxy needs to care of someone, Dave needs to be taken care of.)

So what if Roxy pets his hair while he sucks? So what if she guides his hand into her crotch so he can feel how wet she is from it? So what if she sometimes unzips his pants and starts touching him while he "nurses"? Dave is in a bit of denial about it truly being a sexual thing, but he is aware enough that he knows not to talk about those last two.

Everyone else can see right through it. Even Roxy herself is completely honest that it is a sexual thing, so long as she's asked while Dave isn't around. If given the chance to talk about it, Roxy could go on and on about how much she enjoys it and how cute Dave is around her.

If Dave is around and someone asks if it's sexual, Roxy will back him up and claim that it's not sexual. Unfortunately, she's an even less convincing liar than Dave. Having her say that it's "definitely not sexual at all" is probably more damning than if she would say he fucks her raw every night.

[madeofthesamesnuff]

Dirk should feed Dave. Just always be offering Dave whatever he's eating right now or offering to cook for Dave, asking if he wants to order take out if he's covering it. He's not a great cook or anything but he's perfectly serviceable at cooking and is used to cooking for himself regularly since he grew up on a diet of whatever seabirds and fish he could catch and prepare. Dave can count on one hand how many times he's eaten a home cooked in his life so his standards are low and food insecurity brain hasn't worn off so he always accepts food whenever offered.

He doesn't think anything about it until Rose points out, knowingly, that Dirk sure does cook for Dave a lot and no one else. When he realizes maybe that is kind of weird he thinks about when it started and realizes Dirk started feeding him right after he told him about how Bro used to not feed him. Part of him is kind of annoyed Dirk is once again taking responsibility for Bro's actions as if they had been his own and subjecting him to more covert guilt-ridden routines. But at the same time, Dave's not binging when he gets so hungry he can't take it anymore because he doesn't get to that point anymore. Hell he doesn't even have a stash of food in his closet to binge on if he did get to that point. Without even noticing, he had let himself become completely reliant on Dirk for food.

[thevaultlmao]

Everyone (me) thinks about alphacest in terms of Dirk having a weird sexual obsession with a!Dave. But what about the other way around 🤔 a!Dave asking a!Rose in a definitely not subtle way if she just so happens to maybe know what Dirk will look like when she foresees him. Dave jacking off while trying to put together a mental image of what Dirk will look like and act like, incredibly grateful that Rose is so good at description and imagery.

Dave frantically asking Rose if it would actually, like actually actually be weird for Dave to leave some nudes for Dirk to see whenever he stumbled upon the more adult stuff in the apartment. Would autographed nudes for Dirk mean that Dave is too full of himself or would Dirk actually appreciate that? Will Dirk even care about Dave? Maybe Dave should just hide the autographed ones a little more thoroughly so that Dirk only finds them if he really upturns the whole apartment looking for mementos of Dave.

Dave writing about a hundred versions of a letter to try to say that he loves Dirk, but being entirely unable to figure out how to word what he feels without coming off as skeevy or overly sentimental or weird. Dave breaking down and asking Rose to take a look at what he's written to see if she can figure out some way to word it that doesn't paint Dave as a creep or a sap.

Dave trying to turn it into something more subtle at Rose's suggestion, where it'll only make any sense at all if Dirk is really reading behind the lines and digging into every word of the letter. But that would mean Dirk would find a completely pointless letter around the same time he finds the other adult items, and, according to Rose, Dirk is going to be crazy smart so chances are he'll know something is up with it and analyze it even if he's started to get grossed out by Dave and his antics by that point. And Dave can't set it up to be found earlier because then he'd be giving what's essentially a love confession to a child and that hits him the wrong way, but he also can't wait too long and make it seem like a weird letter from an absent father more than an expression of affection. No version of the letter still exists by the time Dirk gets to the apartment, which is a shame because he would pore over them like religious texts if he knew they ever existed.

Unfortunately a!Dave will never get to see just how thoroughly Dirk loves him back. It's sort of a chicken or the egg situation. Was Dirk predisposed to have such a strong sexual obsession with Dave? Or did it only form because he can access his brother's nudes faster than he can type PornHub into the search bar?

[thevaultlmao]

DirkDave where Dirk's horse play training is so thoroughly engrained in Dirk's mind that even in the most vanilla sex possible, if Dave does something that usually commands Dirk to do something, Dirk will do it almost automatically even if nothing else has indicated that Dave wants that. The only one that Dave really uses to his advantage is that if Dave wants more affection during sex while Dirk is on top of him, Dave will lightly press down on the top of Dirk's head. In the context of horse play, Dirk knows that means to lower his head. If the only place to lower his head to is right against Dave's neck, that's enough of an indication that Dave wants to get kissed or mouthed at while Dirk keeps fucking him.

[thevaultlmao]

DirkDave "sadistic" sex where Dave can only stomach what he's doing because Dirk has such abnormal responses. Dave can do some really hardcore stuff to Dirk but only because Dirk takes it so well. If Dirk were crying or flinching away from Dave or looking scared, Dave would feel so guilty and wouldn't be able to keep going. But Dirk isn't quite a masochist, he just enjoys the catharsis from the intensity of the contact. Dave can be spanking Dirk or paddling Dirk as hard as he can manage, and Dirk just lies there: limp, relaxed, loose, content. That's what Dave enjoys, the way that doing this seems to make Dirk's brain stop running for a little, seems to make him a little less tense, even if it's just for a small bit of time. Dave could cut Dirk open, and he won't get any resistance, just a half lidded and peaceful look from Dirk.

[complete-bs-district]

i have a thing for dave hugging people

[thevaultlmao]

BroDave where the reason Bro has Dave call him that is because he has a massive thing for being called Dad, and he knows that Dave would not fear and respect him as he should if Bro was getting a boner every time Dave called out for him while growing up.

[thevaultlmao]

"O-oniichan help me! I was testing out the Reverse Bear Trap I made and I accidentally set off the timer! N-no? W-what do you mean no? You're going to stick your cock in my gaping bloody maw when the trap snaps open? Noooo-" crunch

Sigh. More seriously though I have been thinking about Dirk getting himself into Saw level snuff mechanisms with Dave's help. Dirk designs them off of the films, Dave helps bolt him in and Dave gets to enjoy the show/use the corpse for a little if he wants. Maybe it's a game sometimes, like XYZ trap that Dirk is in will go off in a minute unless he can make Dave orgasm so that Dave will unlock it. (That does not work out, Dirk gets too focused on doing the right thing and Dave gets too anticipatory for the blood bath he's about to see and the end result is Dave orgasming regularly in under a minute. Dave eventually changes it to 45 seconds because that seems to be the sweet spot where sometimes Dirk can do well enough to get Dave off in that time, but for sometimes he doesn't have enough time and thus dies from the trap.). Sometimes Dave shows Dirk the timer to spur him on, sometimes Dave doesn't show Dirk the timer (and doesn't tell him how much time is on it) so that Dirk doesn't know he's about to die until he hears the mechanism starting and then feels his flesh ripping apart.

They just have to be very very careful not to attach any real morality to it. Dirk mentioned once that he should have to die once for every time that Bro hurt Dave, and that nearly sent Dave into a panicked spiral because he could all too easily imagine one of those actually resulting in a just death, even if that was never the goal. Dirk would not put Dave into a situation like that, and frankly it's possible that Dave's enjoyment of the situation would negate it being just, but they're not willing to risk it.

[thevaultlmao]

Dave orgasming so embarrassingly because Dirk did something stupidly tender during sex. Dirk is sucking Dave off so teasingly while pinning both of Dave's hands to the mattress so that Dave can't just shove Dirk's head down on his cock. Dirk brushes his thumb over Dave's knuckles and that's enough to tip Dave over the edge. This gets talked about extensively, even though Dave would rather talk about literally anything else. (While on the defensive, Dave absolutely makes many veiled mentions of just how much Dirk means to him and how it's really not his fault for orgasming from that. He thinks he's being slick and not revealing that it was purely emotional. He is not capable of being slick and he will never learn that.)

[proship-hs-confessions]

I SEE YOU MY FLUFFY DIRKDAVE FRIEND!!!

Anyway I propose to you: dirkdave bird taxidermy dates. Dave skins and guts the birds and does the preservation prep and Dirk stuffs, wires, and sews them up. Dirk's happy that he can use the skills he has from making puppets to help Dave with his hobby in a meaningful way. And Dave loves watching Dirk work, fully focused and precise and delicate. Or, if he's feeling like it, he'll lay his head in Dirk's lap and doze to the slight shifts of his torso and the rhythmic shhk shhk of pulling thread.

.

[thevaultlmao]

Dirkdave where Dirk views his willingness to die for Dave anywhere, any time, and any way as the ultimate devotion to Dave. Dirk won't say he does it as an act of devotion, because he feels like it would be manipulative to say. Dave sees Dirk's willingness to die for him anywhere, any time, and any way as the ultimate devotion to him, but he won't ever ask if that's what it is to Dirk because Dave would probably crash out a little if he asked and Dirk said that he was wrong to think it's devotion.