@thewayiwantto - Tumblr Blog

Reminiscence

I’ve come to the conclusion that you have forgotten that this page even exists. I told you about it once with the intention that you would one day read its contents. But I know now that that is no longer the case. I still think about you everyday and those thoughts honestly pain me now. You have chosen our end. I know your reasoning behind it and I want to thank you for letting me go. I know now that I would have held on until the end. I would have done anything for you and I still would as of now. I don’t think a day will ever come where I do not miss the touch of your hand or the sound of your voice or even the way you smile. But as each day passes those features that I adore and everything about you that I love becomes harder for me to remember. You are drifting from my memory and that is what I think hurts the most. It is in the dreamworld where my memory of you is most vivid. For most people dreaming of an ex is almost daunting. What they can’t escape in the real world they hope to escape in the dreamworld. But you, you haunting my dreams is sometimes the one thing I look forward to. I remember our memories, our relationship, our life we had together. I haven’t written in so long that I think I needed to write this piece to you. Although I know you’ll never read it. I just know that I need to embrace the future and this future is without you. I am so scared to move on because I know that that means letting you go. Everyday I am so scared of forgetting everything about you. But the hard truth is that it’s inevitable. I will eventually forget you. Maybe not completely, but the little things will fade. I’ve already almost forgotten your voice. You do not know how hard it has been to not reach out to you. To call you just to check up on you. See how you are handling fatherhood for the first time. But this is not my place. I shouldn’t be curious about your child and how you are adjusting, but the truth is I just want to know you are okay. That you are happy. Most importantly I want you to be happy . Through all the bullshit and heartache, you still made me happy. I am so glad that I met you and had you in my life for as long as I did. I wouldn’t change a thing. It is truly heartbreaking that we didn’t end up happily ever after. But I do not regret a single day good or bad that was spent with you.

#letting go #moving on #heartbreak