THE WEB GIRL

i live inside a computer

[thewebgirl]

I live in the middle of Chinatown, Hawai’i. I live in the middle of Disneyland. I am blessed.

[thewebgirl]

A lot of the time when I'm writing on this page, I try to be as eloquent as possible, as romantic & poetic as I feel the words that live inside my heart or brain or both, are.  Today is not one of those days but another kind of day. A word puke kind of day where I expel all the bits of me left inside rejected by decomposition. I am feeling. Do you hear me? 

I am feeling things. The numbness inside of me has dissipated into a kind of buzz that makes me feel like I've interjected my hand straight into the heart of an airport massage chair. Bzzzz bzzzz bzzzzzzzz. I am feeling and I am glad.

You can't really explain your darkness to anyone but curious enough our light seems to all be derived from the same exact source how is that? I feel more connected by being transparent and vulnerable with my love with my life my light. Oh so call me dramatic, I AM DRAMATIC. Oh I talk about things most people feel irrelevant and yet it all feels connected. 

Here I am talking bubbles because 

I 

Am

Feeling

I'm tired of apologizing to myself for how I am and what I am and who I can be. 

I could try to fit in but the truth is, the transparency is....

Id rather be me. 

[thewebgirl]

I will live

[thewebgirl]

You’re haunting me In my sleep in my dreams I close my eyes and you’re haunting me your laugh echoes inside of my brain like a distant memory running away from itself I can still feel your hands fingers slim and slender always cold I can still feel them laced with mine when I roll down the windows and let the wind take over  I can only hope it can take me too. 

[thewebgirl]

It's in your hands In your breath In your eyes In your touch It's the way you hold me Speak to me Look at me Touch me That makes me feel Like everything And nothing All at the same time

[thewebgirl]

Update update read all about it!

Heya interwebs! So I wanted to do a little diary check in and write down how I'm feeling right now and what's going on in my life. It was 11:11 yesterday and I feel I've stepped into another dimension, again. I met this Hawaiian girl who taught me Hawaiian moon phases, which utterly and completely blew my mind. I've been working on my mediumship and connecting people to spirits I feel. I know as I go deeper into my power, I have to be careful to continue to stay in the light. I performed a couple spells the past few weeks, some blood, one binding, and it's interesting to see and feel how real magic works. It's a lot different from how pop culture has taught me, tho the whole goth witch feel is still a cool look. I'm finding my magic has a lot to do with control and intention, and really knowing what my intention actually is. That's the part I think takes the longest to work on. I'm in the process of expressing myself unapologetically. I feel like ever since my moms death and the fallout of a betrayal, I have been clawing my way back to this moment. I am not completely healed, and I don't expect to be. But I am proud of myself for working this damn hard to get to where I am. I'm publicizing my writing lately and I've been met with the biggest response I've ever had. I'm realizing that though numbers have power, it's the interaction that matters most. It's the connection that holds the true juice. Quality over quantity is the lesson at hand. The response I've had by my friends and family regarding my writing has filled me with this incredible joy that feels ...right. This is what I'm supposed to be doing. I've experienced everything I've needed to get me here. All the ups and downs have made me the most powerful version of myself within any dimension. And for that, I can only say thank you. To my guides, my angels, my own magic that lives within me. This ones for you, I love you.

[thewebgirl]

HELP!!! She yelled its back again its teeth are sharper and it grinned it winked I think 

Don't let it win kill yourself kill yourself Kill yourself it says

get out get out get out of my head get out of my bed get out of head “But Darling” the monster said, “You are my bride for we are wed”

the 

end

[thewebgirl]

I googled "is the moon a star"

because I am a Cancer / Leo cusp and I am ruled by moon and sun. The sun is a star so I was curious…. was the moon a star too? It turns out that they don’t really ~know what the moon is. The moon is technically called a ‘physical entity’, or a 'celestial object’. But basically… they don’t know anything besides “it’s space stuff.” And yet she illuminates our skies. She makes our ocean dance. She controls waves. She controls water. (which we are made mostly of) I think they got something right though. She is an entity. She follows the sun and reflects a blinding glow for him. She never stops glowing, if you think about it. We simply exist around them. We move around their flames and light. Every corner of our planet getting a chance to be in awe of their love union. Possibly we are a result of it. I see the moon as the mother. The one we were ALL created from. They say where there is water there is life. And I just don’t think life would be as sweet or as delicious without her as a parent. I wanted to know if the moon was a star like my leo father. Because the sun, is exactly what he is… A star. I was just curious to know what is the moon? Is she a star or a planet or what? What is a moon? After researching it turns out, in our world, the moon is simply categorized. So here's a haiku. Mysterious sea celestial entity Alas so are we.

[thewebgirl]

All I want is to be in love and to have enough money to save animals. That's all I want

[thewebgirl]

See The thing with me is I'll become obsessed Enchanted Immersed in the fixation of you Until I'm not. And then I become disinterested Bored And the indifference that lives Within the space between us Can leave you feeling Possessed.

[thewebgirl]

Like the stars Like the moon Like the orbiting sun Like the oxygen in my lungs You are everything And everyone I'll ever need and ever want.

[thewebgirl]

Period I love you I hate you You annoy me I'm irritated Please just go away Wait Where are you going Do you love me Do you hate me Am I annoying Am I irritating you Do you want me to go away Wait

[thewebgirl]

Self validation Meditation Everything but medication Time to heal Time to feel Now's the time it's time to deal Did I mention? My accession? I have shifted into a new dimension

[thewebgirl]

Me.

[thewebgirl]

[thewebgirl]

Wow, ok so this isn't a poem, but I am both shocked at thrilled so many of you enjoy my writing. Not sure if this post will follow suit, seeing as it is less of words stringed together with purpose and grace and more words sloppily poured out of a glass with no lip. Anyway. They say that your entire body regenerates itself every 7 years. I sometimes think when we are in the middle of that transition, we feel lost. Both stagnant and rushed. Somewhere in between who you once were and who you are becoming. I finally feel my 7 year itch to be over. This round, at least. Its been a year since my mother died, a year of sobriety, and a year of literally doing what I want, when I want it. At first I didn't feel the freedom, I didn't taste the new that made home into my being. I couldn't see the steps taking me further and further. But now...I feel like I am looking around for the first time. Realizing I am in a different world. Someplace where I feel safe, a foreign concept. Someplace I feel creative, something I felt could have been stolen from me. I am proud of myself for coming this far. For learning forgiveness while staying as honest and true as I can. Like one of my writing idols said, “Be honest. And unmerciful.” I thank you, whoever’s eyes are grazing over these words, these very letters. Thank you for allowing me to become who I am. For liking who I am. And showing me, to like her too. 

All my love. All my light.

xoxo -Webgirl

[thewebgirl]

I looked for myself in you staring hard into your eyes hoping to catch a glimpse of what it was you saw in me It wasn't until much later that I realized your eyes were dark and the glimmer I hoped to see was just my reflection staring back at me.