Shay

Shay :) I e-journal here occasionally to help with my gold fish memory. Interests: God, cats, the moon, music, cats, travel, cats yeah... Check out my sideblog: thepastelcapital.tumblr.com :)

[geyashvecova]

Art G.Shvecova (Design graphics - Yellow Moon_140518)

[vanish]

““Will I ever get over my first love?” you ask. I tell you that’s too broad. You don’t “get over” someone you were once in love with. You can not simply just erase the adrenaline filled first touches, or the sunny cherry kissed afternoons spent dazed in their presence. You can’t fill the holes they once dug into the deepest part of your heart. You will always know them and they will always know you; they will always be a part of your deepest thoughts because they once had the privileged of hearing them. But what can happen is this. Those nights spent sitting alone in your room replaying the memories as your heart burns and your mind sinks will slowly turn into a still presence of just knowing who you once were. Those mornings started by a panicked realization they are gone will soon turn into admiring the sun peeking through the windows while you realize your sudden and subtle contentment. The pain of unrequited love fades. You let go of the fact that they don’t want you anymore. You realize you don’t need them to make you happy and you start to live for yourself. You realize that it ended for a reason; you were only meant to be together in the past and it simply is not fit for you anymore. You begin to take life for what it is and grow from every experience. Of course you still have love for them, but it is a different kind of love. It’s that distant love where you wish them the best but you aren’t desperate for their presence anymore. As you continue to move on you may think of them and reminisce on the old times, but you know the doors to the nights of screaming and crying over them have finally been locked. You’re on a new path now, and so are they. It’s the beautiful cycle of life and love.”

— a letter to my old self (via toxiccafe)

[worshipgifs]

[dontforgettolookbehindyou]

[thesovereignword]

I don’t know if you can feel God’s presence in your life right now or not, beloved. But please know that, regardless of your feelings, He’s there. He’s with you. And He’s not going anywhere.

[lants-mclame]

me : im gonna be productive today ! I’m gonna get some work done and clean up , maybe go out-

my brain :

[lovechangeseverythang]

Life without Jesus feels a lot like an identity crisis. You forget your worth. You question your purpose. You are unable to recognize the love, and good things in your life. You can’t see past your mistakes, and recognize all the amazing things you can contribute. Point blank: you don’t know who you are. But when you place your complete identity in Christ, all of this changes. Don’t get me wrong, it’s a process and it doesn’t happen overnight. But it can happen. Brothers and sisters, be hopeful and place your identity in Christ alone. He will change everything for you.

[seapunksundog]

If you give me any positive reinforcement whatsoever i will go full doggo and hang on to that shit forever and my internal thought process will pretty much boil down to “!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

[233333nonam22me-deactivated2016]

[tackykawa]

me trying to hit a 5000 word count like

[jazzafari]

[obeyev1l]

[ghostlytreats]

[10knotes]

Date night

[tankaramo]

me: *gets scared that i’m wasting my life* me: i’m gonna deal with this feeling by taking a long nap in the middle of the day

[sulfur]

Found on Instagram

[thewordofshay]

4.2.2018

He called me in the morning (bedtime his time) and he was in heat to the 100th level. It was nice though because it was the first time we'd had a convo on the phone the lasted over 1 min for the past couple months. For the longest time, even after the last time we saw each other. I never felt a sincere apology or real remorse until this phone call. He even cried. Maybe because he was finally home after travelling so much for work so now he has time to let all the dark thoughts sink in. Besides the rediculous dirty talk he kept insisting on, he finally opened up about a lot of the things he was feeling. Very raw, very passionate. He really misses me so much. Couldnt stop talking about how much he loves and misses my voice, eyes, lips, everything. It really hit him the day I left that he let me go. He wanted to make love that day and is haunted by flashbacks of us constantly. To my shock, he even said he made me his wallpaper (the 1 in the blue bathing suit lol). What really made my day was when he asked if he was really the "first" because I was "so good" psht lol. But there were a lot of not so good things in the convo like him saying "fuck my principles, fuck my word of honor" I worry he's completely throwing away his moral code at this point. Also when I brought up what he told my mom about (the thing I dread- him & her this summer), he asked "you really believed that? I just said that to cover for you." *I am rolling my eyes* Anddd he admitted that I was not the "first" since 2013, there were 1-2 instances in 2015 & 2016 which was low key disappointing AF. So much BS in the air. Anyhoo he finally called himself out for all his shit...called himself a big coward & everything I already know. Took him long enough. All I know is I agree but I miss and still love him like hell and it does taste good to know Im not the only one aching, which was one of my biggest fears. I still do not have expectations anymore, Im just trying to stay 1 step ahead.

Oh, dont forget that funny ass story you made up at the end about you getting swept away in the ocean. Its worth remembering.

[vanish]

“Please, keep looking. Not for a person, but for your passion, your love, your courage, your goals, your dreams, your happiness, yourself. Keep looking. Explore yourself before you explore another. Know your worth, know yourself. Only then will you know what you need over what you want. You need yourself to become your own.”

—

unknown

note to self

(via astound)

[richtide]

it doesn’t matter how good you’re doing, those sad nights will creep up on you from time to time and that’s ok. doesn’t mean all your progress is gone