Social Media and Community
In a previous post, I talked about the importance of churches marketing online and the value of social media. It is valuable because we are so drawn to it. But why are we so drawn to social media?
It is largely due to the fact that humans are hardwired for community. We long for meaningful relationships with people around us. Researcher Brené Brown specifically discusses this in her TED Talk on vulnerability.
She talks about how humans need connection; we long for friendship and community. The way we create that connection is through becoming vulnerable. If you can be vulnerable with someone and let them have a look into your life, your feelings, and your identity, then you have created a friend. You have started cultivating a community. For a lot of people, they use social media to create a sense of being vulnerable with other people. Then when people respond positively to that expression of “vulnerability” it triggers pleasure centers in our brains. That response to our “vulnerability” online in the form of a like or comment is validating; that is how we know people are at least somewhat interested in our lives (well, maybe) (Source).
Now at this point you are probably wondering why I put vulnerability in quotation marks whenever I talk about it in the context of social media.
This is because social media creates a false sense of vulnerability.
There is a second major factor that plays into this whole community thing: shame.
“Shame is really easily understood as the fear of disconnection: Is there something about me that, if other people know it or see it, that I won’t be worthy of connection?” (Brown, 2010).
Shame destroys community. Shame keeps you from being fully vulnerable with people. And since what we post on social media is driven by a desire for connection, our posts are created out of shame. We only post what we want other people to see. The more often we post positively, the more likes we get, the more people there are that think we have our lives together. To us, this means there are more people who deem us worthy of connection. So we only post the good things. We are only open to a certain point, which completely goes against the idea of vulnerability and feeds the fear of disconnection. We have now created a false sense of community from the desire for connection without being truly vulnerable.
Out of fear and shame comes false community.
But it is still enough of a community for a lot of us to feel validated, appreciated, and worthy of human connection. This is why we are drawn to social media. It’s not necessarily a bad thing, unless this is everything you rely on for human connection. You will never be satisfied by that. True connection and community come out of true vulnerability.
So we should find a place where we can be truly vulnerable. You are worthy of connection. You are worthy of love. You are worthy of community. Allow yourself to be completely open with the people you trust, where there is no shame or fear.
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