What is emotional vulnerability? And can how can your characters show it?
(these are from my POV of what I have learnt and researched. differences in opinion are appreciated because no definition and depiction is set in stone | Credits must be given when reposted elsewhere / @urfriendlywriter ! I hope this helps all of you :D)
Tackling this with three topics:
Actions related to vulnerability. (Actions/words that depict a person is feeling vulnerable + some dialogue prompts)
How to build trust between two people?
Emotional vulnerability is the ability to be open to and express one's feelings, even when facing the risk of rejection, criticism, or shame. Vulnerability means acknowledging your difficult emotions. Accepting overwhelming feelings, being able to express them with tender care towards yourself and others.
I'd consider myself a very openly communicative person. If I love you--as a friend, family or something else, I'll make sure you know the depth of it, the meaning behind my words, my look and my touch. I encourage vulnerability in all my relationships and it has positively reflected in their own personal growth as well. Being open, being real, being you, with all the ache, the scars, the hurt, and even the small ball of light within yourself amidst is all---that's vulnerability. And as we,
We gen z, we shelter ourselves to protect ourselves from hurt. But... if we get hurt, is it really our fault? No. If somebody hurts you intentionally, it doesn't translate to what you deserve or must go through. But if I don't get hurt... how will I learn to cope with it? Express it? Communicate through it? Learn from it? And.. importantly, how will I..
Learn how to heal myself again. Learn how to love myself far better. Learn how I want to be and what relationships I want to attract?
So, me, personally, I put myself out there. Like an open book. To read, to feel, to see--including the hurt and the parts I'm working on. Of course, i don't fully lodge it down a person's throat in one go, but u get what i mean. It is slow building of trust and can be used to your advantage as well. (lol that sounds toxic)
Some people will use it against you, but should it hurt you if u were real to yourself? No.
Not all people u open up to may be emotionally mature. And that's okay. Move on.
It is not the end of the world if someone who saw all parts of you turned against you. It simply wasn't your person. It was neither of your faults.
Paint a character afraid to be vulnerable:
Hesitancy to open up, to speak up for themselves.
Blinking back tears, and telling themselves they'd be okay regardless.
"Atleast I don't have it worse."
"And.. If.. I tell you.. You won't look at me differently? Like.. I'm--I'm not worthy?"
doesn't ask for help. doesn't accept help easily.
doesn't think they're worthy to be seen. or to be loved. to be accepted or to even be heard.
"what i say won't make much of a difference anyway" A & "No, i want to hear it. how little, silly, stupid, serious, deep, it may be. I want to hear it. Please."
being numb to pain that they think it's normal to internalize it all.
and one day it erupts all out. into tears and rage. or raw unfiltered pain that bleeds onto everyone who loves them, hurting them too.
they freeze, momentarily surprised when they're asked for their honest opinion
or when they've to blink back tears when someone notices something and helps them without them even asking
detached during intimacy or hyperventilating after or during it
pulling away and pushing the other person away when they truly need them the most
Paint a character confident in themselves and are openly communicative:
you will not second guess what they feel about u, because u can see it in their faces or they'll openly say it
they encourage honest and deep conversations
the look of love is always there in their gaze
they love openly. they have so much love to give.
they'll hear u out no matter the time of the day and will provide a safe space for u
"I'm always here for u" in a soft, quiet voice, a gentle smile and a warm hug
"It's okay to feel that way. Hell u should feel that way. If u wanna talk about it.. here I am."
they're their own safe spaces and they can dive into their emotions, whenever and wherever needed.
they won't let u feel alone in ur misery. they'll shoulder the burden with u, but won't internalize it as their own. (i fear this is very important)
always knows the cause of why they said what they said / how they behaved or reacted
can analyze even u with one glance.
"how are you?" As a gentle caress of words & "I've-I've.. never been asked that.. not with such sincerity.." shyness of the one opening up.
^ "So, here I am.. I've got all the time of the day. Care to tell me?"
They aren't afraid of rejection. But they'll not put up with bullshit.
Building trust between two people:
Building trust is intimate. If done right. Between friends, family, lovers or anyone it may be. It's delicate, it's comforting quietness at some times and hearty loudness at some other. It's being understood, being seen, being able to communicate freely and respectfully.
Vulnerability is present where trust is.
asking help for small things without shying away from it
physical closeness. after moments of honesty or heavy emotions.
admiring every little thing they do
lots of "thank you"s being said that shows appreciation loud and clear
nervous glances, shaky hands and fluttering heartbeats as they may be help u zip up ur dress.
forehead kisses, followed up with, "I see you.. Let me help u cleanse away the day's stress."
celebrating even the smallest of their success
asking consent in every small thing!!
^ "i-i why are u asking for that? yes, of course." A & "Love.. I should always ask, even for such a thing as that." B
Being slow but steady with each other
"U don't want to do that? no rush." Immediately backing off A with a smile & B trying to understand how they aren't mad yet "A-are u sure?"
^ "We're in no rush.. We'll go at you pace. But consider my emotions too down the line, hmm?"
Lots of "And how does that make you feel?"
arguments feel less like the ones they saw growing up. and now it's more intimate, thoughtful, full of understanding and closeness. both sides are heard, understood, appreciated and both sides change.
Author's (@urfriendlywriter aka Ziya) note:
The comments are open to anything that you may wanna add :)
Thank u for reading so far! I hope this helps u write amazing, emotionally available characters.
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