hey-ho! i’m an indie gladius rper and i need some help getting this blog off the ground.
could you like/reblog if you’re interested in interacting? thank you!!
is everything ok? why are you deleting everything?
i decided to check this blog again and got this so reasoning under the cut, but for a short answer i’m just not satisfied and i’m ashamed of myself in general
most of my blogs were actually ( and i hate to admit this ) entirely because i sought attention and i sought approval + reassurance that i was good and great, thus picking characters that A. barely any people ( none at all sometimes ) had a blog for and B. were popular and people really liked them. as a result, i’d get people to like me more ( somehow ). however, i ALSO have a mentality of “if i do too much of one thing, then people WILL start to hate me,” so i was stuck in a sort of pit where i wanted to be popular but felt too annoying to BE popular. this ties into how follower counts actually mean. a lot because my ( unhealthy ) ass translates it to how much people like me. i started to feel gross and when it’s piled with the pressure to do replies, everything started to crash in on itself
now, people say that they don’t mind if i don’t reply or that it’s fine if i forget or drop threads but i do it often enough that it really. makes me worry about how? people feel about me and i feel guilty if i can’t respond to something. if i have something to respond to, i HAVE to respond to it ( sans when i’m talking to a few people via skype or text as i A. forget to respond or B. know they’re fine with me not responding to something because they’re probably some of the closest people i have )
so basically i really do a lot to get people to see me as something incredible or really cool? and since i made so many blogs i basically just set myself up for a disaster because it feels as though everything is falling apart and no one really cares, so i need to simmer down for a while and ( sadly ) make a new blog ( if i ever feel like coming back ) so that i can feel more fresh and better about myself, as this blog ( and my other blogs ) are associated with how mcfucking shitty i am? ashura’s and foleo’s blogs are the only ones where i didn’t actively want people to like me though more or less ( but as i went forward, it became more and more of a “please like me” situation to an extreme )
tl;dr i’m disgusted with myself, i can’t handle this anymore, and i need a lot of time to settle down
actually i've been thinking on this for quite some time but i'm just gonna delete all my blogs except this one and then archive this blog because i’m feeling so sick on here and i might remake but i feel ass so yeah later lol
A series of giggles elude him, each quite different,
holding the offset of a different EMOTION in each time.
Their immediate reaction baffled him. To see the other
in such a state, he wasn’t even aware the other could
look so cute. It was a bonus for sure on top of the
bountiful amounts of COMPLIMENTS he had locked
away in his treasure box of vocabulary.
❝ Telling by your tone of voice, I suppose things aren’t
about to go the way I thought… So~ that’s up for you
to DECIDE. In the end? Yeah. I was serious. Welp, ❞
Climbing to his feet, he took one last gander at the stars. To
share such a moment with the one his HEART yearned for,
for the very last time truly sawed a string in two.
– he was leaving too fast; faster than he can
really process anything that’s going on,
which wasn’t exactly an achievement, but
still was enough to make ashura wanna
sock him in the face. people shouldn’t speak
for other people. the former outlaw himself
was one to talk, but that wasn’t the most
important thing right now. what WAS important
was stopping niles from escaping. that was
solved by grabbing him by the hood.
「 you can’t- y'can’t just LEAVE when
y’pull somethin’ like that... 」
– may the gods strike him down. he absolutely
hated how meek he was right now. flustered,
uncertain, and even a bit angry was ashura,
but it seemed only 2 of the 3 things were
showing. damn it.
-- with a cough and a hand to rub the back of
his neck made an attempt at finding the
words to utter yet again. was it always this
difficult?
「 at least... at least tell me why you, uh...
did... that thing... y’just did, or... why me
or... somethin’... like that... 」
Never had he been a stickler for abrupt pauses. Not in the case that it was presented by he, himself. It was best they regarded the sky other than him at the moment. They’d be able to perceive the turmoil that was beginning to spill out every which way. Perhaps the aura he emits is enough to sound sirens. Alas, that SMILE; the shores by beaches are quelled, the sea, hardly hissing ANYMORE.
He dove right into those waters; closing the abysmal gap between them. Lips pursed, pressing quickly upon the skin they wore: their cheek, claimed by his own rugged pair of lips. Albeit, their harbor was as he imagined —— refined beauty.
Withdrawing from his actions, he deemed himself unlucky. These would be their last few moments together as the dreaded word: FRIENDS. He awaited denial with open arms.
– another period of silence fell between him
and the other, a sort of distant face as the
situation began to set in, those same dark
eyes slowly widening and little grin vanishing
at the near same speed. he doesn’t exactly
know how to feel, but he knows that this was
serious. he knows that he shouldn’t be too
dramatic about this. he knows--
「 wh- what? are you-- ? 」
– he went quiet once more, heat rising to his
face and a single hand covering his mouth
and the spot in which made contact with the
other’s. a lump forming in his throat made it
hard to even figure out what to say or HOW
to speak, gaze moving about frantically as if
searching for an answer. if only it were that
easy to figure it out...
-- ...so he decided to question it instead. in a
hushed tone,
The stars above were a thing of beauty. Each
one resonates with their own source of wonder,
and yet they were so far, so beyond the grasp of
the compared digits. Whereas the other’s optics
took to the night sky, his did too… alas, only for a
moment before they were SWAYED.
❝ Looks like this is doing wonders for you. ❞ He sang.
It’s unsettling how quiet he’s become in the
last WAKING minutes. The moment blankets him with a
clammy disposition. For once, beneath that tattered skin,
emotions were RISING. He hadn’t a say to quell their
restless endeavors.
Finally, under the quiet of night,
an uneasy voice shys through his lips.
– brown eyes remained trained on the sky
and, sure enough, lip corners turned upwards
into a smile- small, admittedly, but it was still
there. ashura was enjoying this sort of peace
and quiet, soothing him to such lengths that
he allowed that expression to even form on
his face. aside from his nerves, towards niles
specifically, he felt... calm.
「 it’s really been a while since i’ve felt like this. 」
– there wasn’t a single complaint about the silence;
in fact, it was welcomed, as he felt it to be a
peaceful sort of quiet. he always had a certain
bias to it in a stress-free environment. despite
this, the words weren’t unwelcome.
idk if ur… expecting a cool answer or not but i made ashura because 20% “i should make a new blog for no reason other than i can” 80% i am wildly in love with him
i was also.. having a very hard time w/ foleo ( i’ve told some people why ) and i still am really? really weird about going on that blog. while foleo IS easier for me to portray a lot of the time, i’m a lot comfier on here ( at least For Now ) and it’s just a nice change of pace!
it’s still mostly because i love him and want him to be happy though
iii’m going to assume it’s about my portrayals of characters
i really? liked my old AU MTT from undertale ( look,,, look i’m a mess and ) but i also am? proud of my very first rp blog on tumblr ( which was a dangan ronpa rp blog 2 yrs ago fdhsahsd ) because that’s where i started! though i was really new to tumblr rp, i’m proud of myself for even going for that
i’m also proud of my hidetoshi ( persona 3 ) rp blog that i had for a month like... that’s one of the longest rp blogs i’ve had? ( the one i held the longest was a crack blog and that was 3 months )
☯ - which muse are you not active anymore on but wish you were?
☮ - if you could take on the appearance of your muse would you?
♧ - what fandom do you really want to join in the rp community?
♢ - how many muses do you have?
♔ - list all of your muses, active and non-active
✮ - if you have an(y) oc(s) what was your inspiration to make them?
▲ - do you make other rp blogs easily?
✘ - what portrayal are you really proud of?
▼ - which blog’s graphics are you most proud of?
✖ - is it difficult for you to think of an autoplay for your muses in general?
✿ - why did you choose to make your muse?
❃ - what’s a really small way you’re similar to your muse?
the milieu. Beneath the night sky and yet not
a suitable place to take gander at it rendered
the outlaw a bit breathless. Alas, they
continued, the spot on the hill that descended
towards the lake seemed quite fitting. Most
others found themselves a keen fishing
spot here.
❝ This seems suitable. With this, I could sit here and
sleep forever if I wanted to. Aaaah~ ❞
Sighs a long winded breath upon taking his
seat around the short greenery. Orb casts to the other than
to the painted sky above.
Something like this was best shared someone… ( Special. )
– a moment of appreciation for how dark it
was- any lighter and it might be noticeable
just how much of a WRECK he was in this
setting. he wasn’t the sort of person to be
so uneasy ( that was a lie; he’s at near-
constant unease in this army ) after all.
「 ...yeah. 」
-- after he sat himself down on the grass, he
turned his face to the stars. niles was right-
this was relaxing.
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izzy806
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