Innermost Insights

\\ A dramatic, feminist 22 y/o with big dreams and a heart full up from so much love and hope //

[things-never-spoken]

He asked me to marry him, when our relationship was in a really bad place and he was also in a really rough patch. He proposed and said “don’t worry, we’ll sort everything out. I want it to be you” afterwards. And that, for me, was the greatest act of love, the ultimate proof.

[things-never-spoken]

Love is rare. Like the real type. The one that shows even in the biggest fights. Cherish it. Cherish it more than anything else, more than the flowers and gifts, more than the dinners in town. Cherish it more than you’ve cherished anything before.

[things-never-spoken]

I thought of a theory that I believe to be true. Even the only two people in the whole world with the same fingerprints destined to be soulmates would need effort for their relationship to work. Don’t give up on yours.

//things-never-spoken//

[things-never-spoken]

Emotional safety is all I’ve ever wanted from a relationship. And I thank you for this.

//things-never-spoken//

[things-never-spoken]

Anything you’d ever need is lying right here. A peaceful state of mind. Love. Care. And yet…you’re too focused on what I might not be able to offer.

//things-never-spoken//

[things-never-spoken]

The unspoken words and thoughts eat away at us until there is nothing left to dine on.

//things-never-spoken//

[things-never-spoken]

You just told me you don’t feel the same about us anymore. That I’m no longer your safe space. A piece of me died today.

On the 17th of November.

//things-never-spoken//

[things-never-spoken]

The irrational reasoning of my overprotectiveness is the fact that all my dreams and hopes for the future rely on the well-being of our relationship. But that’s not your fault. It’s not on you.

[things-never-spoken]

I love you more than words could ever express. I fear losing you more than my heart can take. I think more of you than I could ever prove. You stay on my mind more than there are hours in a day. You make me happier than I can show. You make me feel more alive than life itself.

//things-never-spoken//

[things-never-spoken]

The reason I keep my mouth closed is to protect you from all the words you may want to hear, but can’t bear. I don’t keep quiet because I am so self-absorbed or selfish that I can’t see you’re struggling, I do it to give you the space to figure yourself out on your own while I stand and make sure you are safe from the corner. The feeling of accomplishment needs to be yours. And only yours.

[things-never-spoken]

Sometimes you make me feel lost, like I didn't mean anything to you. Other times, you make me feel like the prettiest woman on Earth. Why the fuck are you like this? I hate the confusion. Save me.

//things-never-spoken//

[things-never-spoken]

You saved me when I didn't even want to be found.

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[things-never-spoken]

I've stopped hearing your lies. I've stopped feeling them. I don't know if you're manipulative or I've just come to not care anymore. I don't know why I'm still here. Maybe it really is true: love conquers all.

//things-never-spoken//

[things-never-spoken]

I could always feel the love she had for me. It was so secret and special, only I could feel it. It wasn't given in the form of presents or kisses, but rather felt like a burning desire in the way she held me so tight and close to her when a taxi driver brusquely stopped his car. Love comes in so many different shapes and sizes. Learn to embrace it.

//things-never-spoken//

[things-never-spoken]

Do you want to know why I always return? Because I fear losing my soulmate a lot more than mere fights and stupid decisions taken by you. I know you can put in the amount of effort and self-control for us to be in a state of bliss in the end. I'll take the risk of heartbreak any day for true love.

//things-never-spoken//

[things-never-spoken]

Story A:

“Just let me be your one and only, if you love your family” were the words Cath heard from the psychopath, who was obsessed with her, that Thursday night. He madly frightened her and just hearing his quaky voice made her whole body shudder. He had shouted those words from platform 10, then had vanished as the train passed before him. He had been a one-night stand a few months ago, a regretfully bad decision made at a drunken moment. He had intruded her phone while she slept and found out every single detail he could about her hectic life. And now she couldn’t rid her forsaken life of him. Cath, being in a genuinely religious family, hadn’t even dared talk to her parents about her stalker. What would they think of her and her one-night stand? She just wanted a fucking normal life. She usually walked the mile home from the train station, even though it was dark, just to clear her head and feel the fresh air fill up her lungs. But not tonight. Desperately wanting to see herself in her cosy and safe room, she took a taxi. She hadn’t noticed the tied-up body squirming in the front seat yet. She hadn’t noticed the psychopath’s eyes watching her hungrily through the rear-view mirror yet.

[things-never-spoken]

I occasionally cry because I feel unworthy. Useless. Full of regret. I think of all the “what ifs” that I hope could somehow change the situation. Make everything the way I wish. But then I realize. Fuck the “what if” that’s stuck in my mind. I’m a human being, I can make so many fucking mistakes until I learn from them and to live with them. I am the most important person in my life and I will never ever let me down.

//things-never-spoken//