Things My Dad Says by Bananena

[thingsbananenasdadsays]

Did Satan make viruses

Dad

[thingsbananenasdadsays]

MY GLASS IS EMPTY! FILL IT UP AGAIN!

Dad every time P!nk’s “Raise Your Glass” is on the radio

[thingsbananenasdadsays]

Whenever I think of mutation, I think of ninja turtles.

DAD

[thingsbananenasdadsays]

A GALAXY IS GOING TO COLLIDE WITH THE MILKY WAY! EVERYTHING WILL BE DESTROYED!

Dad

[animesemplemcpherson]

apparently bananena’s dad refers to me as her “secret mormon”

[bananena]

The other day I was casually reading the menstruation wiki and could not help but exclaim

“DAD, ONLY PRIMATES HAVE PERIODS WHILE OTHER MAMMALS JUST ABSORB THE LINING BACK INTO THEIR BODIES”

and then my dad frowned before exclaiming

“WHAT? WHY DID JESUS’ FATHER MAKE US THIS WAY?? WHY DID HE MAKE IT SO THAT HUMANS HAVE TO SUFFER MORE??????”

[thingsbananenasdadsays]

BTW, over 5 of Kesha's songs are my favorite.

EMAIL FROM DAD

[thingsbananenasdadsays]

I especially love lemon poppy seed bread. The little seeds are so nice, it is like eating marijuana!

DAD DOESN'T KNOW THAT HE MEANS OPIUM

[thingsbananenasdadsays]

Oh my gosh and i join your family?! Your father is so funny, i was laughing my butt off while reading through your posts:D He sounds amazing to be a round. :)

AAAAAAH, HI NENA, I’m so happy you are enjoying the quotes, thank you so much for your sweet thoughts, and YES, please do join!! :D

[glittertheology]

Your pants look like a skin disease.

DAD, ON MY ANIMAL-PRINT LEGGINGS AGAIN (via glittertheology)

[thingsbananenasdadsays]

Ke$ha has a unique voice. But what is this song about not going to sleep and staying up all night? That is very unhealthy!

DAD

[thingsbananenasdadsays]

Your pants are scary. They look look like gang-member pants.

DAD, ON MY ANIMAL-PRINT LEGGINGS

[bananena]

Today my dad was singing "Catch My Breath" by Kelly Clarkson

but he sang it “taking a breath”

I said it was “catching my breath”

and then he said, “OK…But…what if my breath smells bad?”

“What—”

“Like Brad Pitt’s wife.”

“LOL DADDY WHAT ARE YOU EVEN TALKING ABOUT??”

“Oh, Angelina Jolie.”

“I know, but—”

“Brad Pitt said so. Google it.”

So I just Googled

AND IT’S AN ACTUAL STORY

He came by when I was writing this and said, “See?? I told you!”

And then on a more serious note said, “It must be because she’s so busy with life and taking care of so many kids. People start to have bad breath when they don’t get enough sleep.”

#Angelina needs a vacation! :( #HEALTH TIPS FROM DAD THO!

Love,

Bananena

[thingsbananenasdadsays]

You change your mind like your mom changes clothes

DAD SINGING KATY PERRY

[thingsbananenasdadsays]

At dinner

BANANENA: Guess what? The professor asked me to read aloud today! A sonnet.

DAD: YEAH!

BANANENA: I turned on my dramatic reading voice.

DAD: I bet they were all impressed. I bet one guy was especially impressed!

BANANENA: Dad, who--

DAD: And now he has a CRUSH on you!

BANANENA: What the heck?!

DAD: But...he's too young...

BANANENA:

DAD: He's...a freshman...............

BANANENA: DAD ARE YOU JUST MAKING UP STORIES ABOUT MY LIFE RIGHT NOW LOL

DAD: YES LOL

[thingsbananenasdadsays]

It doesn't matter whose pants, as long as they are pants.

DAD AFTER I ASKED HIM WHY HE WAS WEARING MOM'S ORANGE-RED SKINNY JEANS

[thingsbananenasdadsays]

MY PARENTS RIGHT NOW

DAD: Goodnight!

MOM: BYE-BYE!

DAD: Be a good daughter and write a novel with cheesy sex scenes!

MOM: So you can fund your brother's alternative energy research!

DAD: Cheesy WILD SEX SCENES!

MOM: TRAUMATIZE ALL OF AMERICA AND MAKE BIG BUCKS!!