Things Nelia Blogs

A collection of thoughts, mostly about my weight, life and whatever else comes up.

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Fitness/weight loss blog: 143 to 112

Mail me a <3 in my ask for a promo

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I knew it wouldn't be pretty, but damn

Holy fuck shit! We went on an outing today around town because a friend is visiting and of course took pictures. Yeah, so I knew when I put my hair up in a bun and went with the slightly crushed shirt and day old jeans- I maybe didnt look my best. But omg just looking at the photos now and I’m mortified! MORTIFIED!! I look disgusting, fat and blobby all over. I even thought of photoshopping myself into the photos from another photo from when I was wearing the same shirt and didnt look like a mess.

My gut reaction was to delete the photo. Now I wish I hadn’t- so I can blow it up and look at it as a reminder as I’m sucking down a piece of pie.

It’s one thing to be fat, but did I have to be a fat slob today? Geez.

[fofopower]

If your day sucks, just watch Jimmy Fallon laughing.

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Love!

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Grave Realization

So, I started this tumblr 2 months ago. Had I actually kept up with what I was supposed to do (eating better), Ive wouldve been down a whole lot of pounds already. 

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I feel like I should admit a few things...

So the whole idea of this blog is to really sort of say what I want to say because in actuality - i'm a pretty reserved person on the surface, albeit slightly neurotic but also kind of crazy (another post, another day)  .  Im who I am for the purpose of what I need to be for the function that needs to be done.     So say, that I have to network - Im in game mode, but then when I go to the car,  I wipe my makeup off, merge unto the 405 and blast Blurred Lines, Best Song Ever, Beneath Your Beautiful or Black Skinhead (ok so my whole goal is to learn to sing along to Black Skinhead. Dont wanna brag, but I think watching me sing Super Bass is pretty awesome and i'm kind of convinced I could have a secret life as a rapper.)  

I like dorky things, i'm optimistic most of the time (except when it comes to my career) I don't like watching people brush their teeth and its as easy for me to like you, as it is to hate you. 

There are a few things though that I deliberately kind of left out, but its sort of dumb now thinking about it. 

1) Whenever i've previously talked about my "roommate" I mean my brother.  Long story short, My mom didnt want him staying at home playing xbox all day.  So when our childhood house got sold, I gave him the choice to pick one of three places and he choose Los Angeles, so we moved to Los Angeles.  

2) I live in Los Angeles.

3) I work in Entertainment, hence the only reason I live in Los Angeles.   The choices I gave him were New York, Atlanta and LA.   Ive lived in LA before, and to be honest, i sort of didnt want to again and I maybe now regret giving the 19 year old that choice.  

So, yeahs thats pretty much it,I think.  

Now I just gotta work on that whole losing the weight thing.  

[thingsneliablogs]

Confession

Confession is good for the soul right? Well I feel the need to confess about two things that happened today that made me feel a bit foolish to get them of the way. 1) having a “friendly argument” with a bitch at work, I basically said the opposite of what she said, just so I can disagree with her cause I hate her and that just made me look like a fool. It backfired. Dumb Nelia.

2) I’m taking this course online and for weeks I’ve been turning in assignments late. So naturally, I’ve just assumed he doesn’t pay attention so I took advantage of it and today got called out. Dumb Nelia

Alrighty, I’m good. Night.

[thingsneliablogs]

What's the point?

I feel terrible.  My soul is disgusted by the monotony of the everyday and its all jumbled up into this great big long life of something that means nothing.  I think I understand now why people like to create drama for themselves and those around them, they're bored.  Im bored and all I see ahead of me are excel spreadsheets and bullshit. More and more bullshit. 

Im stuck.  Both personally and professionally, but its the latter that has me contemplating why?  What am I working so hard for.  My job is horrendous now, but nothing much is going to change.  If I get a new one, after a few months, Im still going to wondering what the point of it is.   To be honest, i don't even know if I like what I do anymore.    This system of school and career, makes you pick something that you're not entirely sure about and by the time you realize that it may not be right, you find yourself stuck and moving forward because you've already put so much time into it.  

I should admit though, that Im pretty sure my period is starting tonight or tomorrow, because its the only time that I ever get really emotional and depressed.  Im pretty sure if I go back to a few of my more poignant posts, they'll line up with a wonky hormonal girl's cycle.  Im also exhausted.  My hours got changed and so I go in earlier, but now have to deal with the earlier traffic and omg this is so boring.

I still haven't weighed myself and there is a bag of Cheetos waiting for me after I finish writing this.  

But this helps.  Writing it.  Plus I miss my mom, she's out of the country finally living her life after 47 years.

I think i'm gonna wallow in this misery for about 10 mins more and then i'm gonna go watch the video of Beyonce's "I Was Here" for World Humanitarian Day (http://youtu.be/i41qWJ6QjPI) Because it always makes me feel like a fool for complaining about my crappy problems, when there's a whole unfair world outside my bedroom but yet also gives me hope in people and forces me to shut the fuck up and quit wallowing.  Plus its a really good song and well, its Beyonce- so there's that. 

But seriously though, thats what I want to do and need to do.  Go somewhere and help people; it'll do more for my sanity and the world rather than the 9 hours I spent today working on a fucking spreadsheet. 

[beautyforreal]

[thingsneliablogs]

Im both inspired and nauseated by this.    Its such a great message, but you know when you're just not in the mood and you just want to be miserable; that was me last week.  My little brother, is all about sending out good thoughts into the universe and I wanted to send my shoe at his head when he started talking about positive thinking.   It was a meh week.

But this week, i'm all about the positive! 

[thingsneliablogs]

My bloglovin

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That's me. But I disagree because there are many people who like working out, and it's them I roll my eyes at before walking out of the gym.

[thingsneliablogs]

July, I fucking hate you and other updates

I finally have a moment where I dont have to be doing anything for anyone or getting caught up on anything.  That's for tomorrow.  But for today, I want to document what has actually been happening in my life.

You know that job (see below) that I really wanted.  Well, I didn't get it.  At least, Im like 95% sure because I haven't actually been turned down yet.  But im not sure how I feel about it, because when I got the interview - I really wanted it.  When I got the second interview, I wasn't so sure anymore.  Then I didnt want the job because I saw an overworked future.  Then i did want the job, and then I didnt.  But now that Ive lost it, I guess maybe I did sort of want it and was just scared.   But, you know whatever. No use crying over lost opportunities . except that's what I kind of want to do, because it was between me and 2 other people and I pretty much sabotaged myself out of it and I dont know -  I cant tell if its sabotage or just being stupid - but regardless, i've lost two pretty big jobs this way.   So there is that.

Then there is the job that Im stuck in now.  Its a circle of hell because of how tedious and boring it is.  The people there, with the exeption of one person, drive me abloutly bonkers.   I just...they're nice enough people, but OMG, is this my future as a spinster?  They're all women, most of them pushing 40 and they all live alone with their cats.  Now, I have no problem with their personal lives, live how you may - but its kind of sad, when the highlight of your day is what the cat purred at right?  Although, I guess to be honest - what do I have to look forward to either?  It used to be online shopping, but even when the packages arrive now - its just not the same.  It's just a chore.   I want more from my life than this.  

For a split second, I found myself actually envying the girl who was sexting with Anthony Wiener or the town cryer who announced the birth of Baby Boy Britain. They've had an excited day.  Me? I read 80 percent of the articles on huffpost, watched an episode of mistresses and hole punched some papers.  Like, thats it.   I did part of the day, think I was hot shit though because I stumbled into a fashionable ensemble this morning.  But then I went back to hole punching some more stuff.

I just hate this job so much, because its beneath me.  Its also way out of my field.  Its like saying, if you studied to be a doctor but instead of working in the hospital as a physician, you work in the hospital as a cook in the cafeteria.  I would love to work for the company I work for now, just as long as it was in another section, basically. 

Then there is the food consumption.  I haven't been keeping track, except for the fact that I haven't been eating all that great.  I haven't been eating awful, just not that great.  But I think this has to do with my period, because I tend to always be super hungry and crave every goddam thing I see and every month wonder why i've been eating so much. Especially chocolate and sweets.  Today for lunch I had a scone, a napoleon, brownie and a cupcake.  

But the biggest disappointment has to be my soda rule, which I have broken consistently the last two weeks.  I even had a coke, 2 hours ago.  It's my 4th since Saturday.  

I haven't weighted myself yet.  I sort of think maybe I just want to skip it again this week, because hopefully something else wil be different in August.   

[thingsneliablogs]

Doubts

For some reason, writing what I’m thinking, allows me to really sort of hone in on what’s bothering me and what I want.

So, I went to the interview and it was awesome. I knocked it out of the park and got called back tomorrow for a second interview! This job, is the dream job but the hours are 50+ a week and the boss is kind of difficult from what I understand, but this is the job to get me any job I want 5 years from now.

So when the phone rang with the second interview request, I was scared. Not that I wouldn’t get it, but that I would. I was so relieved when it was for a second interview and not a, job offer. Don’t get me wrong, I want this- bad, but the all these doubts started to creep in. What if I suck? What if I get fired? What if I disappoint people? What if I never get time to myself? What if it turned out like my last job, overworked and underpaid. What if I make a mistake? Should I wait for something else?

And then the other thing in the interview that happened, was that when I was asked, when I could start- I lied. I said 2 days, but I can’t because I need two weeks to give notice! And yes, I could just quit in two days, but I hate when people flake out on me and I could not bring myself to do it to other people. Especially the really nice understanding ones I work for now.

So the question is, will it come down to me keeping my commitment and fulfilling my responsibility vs. the dream job? I’m fearful ill have to make that choice, because I think, I couldn’t live with myself for shucking my responsibilities. I’m 25, the dream job will come again, as it has in the past. But am I running out of chances? I sit and wonder sometimes about what I've given up and how my life would be so different right now.

[thingsneliablogs]

I haven't posted in a while

Alas, there is a correlation between me posting and me eating heathy. So yeah, I haven’t been on the best behavior- food wise. I haven’t fallen off the wagon, the wagons still going, its just that my foot is hanging out. (Translation, I had a cupcake and made Rice Krispies treats.) but ill explain tomorrow. But, my news- I have a huge job interview tomorrow. HUGE! Like when I decided that I wanted this as a career, this company was the one that made me want to do it. I have dreamed about working here since I was 16 and have never gotten an interview there before and I’m terrified, because I don’t want to lose this. I’ve gotten interviews at big companies before and I’ve always said to myself, it doesn’t matter if I don’t get the job- it’s an honor to interview here. But this time I can’t say that because this isn’t about honor- I genuinely am going to be heartbroken over this. Tears and all.

So, I’ve been trying on interview clothes and taking pics to see what i loo like and gawdd! I look horrendous- omg, now I remember why I hate full body pictures.

[thingsneliablogs]

Yes Progress! I lost something! And I weighed myself 3 times and got this number. How exciting. Omg, is it too much to hope by next weigh in I could be out of the 60's? This is prob gonna be the easiest pounds to lose, so now I've gotta step it up a little. Cutting out the white rice or easing out of it and maybe start adding some salads into the mix. Every once in a while of course, because I've done in the past already and when I try I change too fast, I crash and burn. In a few weeks I have this master plan of dragging my brother to Bollywood dance classes, mwahahahaha!

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My one this week.

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What I made did dinner! Teriyaki salmon- so good. And I used a smaller plate than normal. Graduating to brown rice soon. Made some extra for lunch as well.