Today it reoccurred to me just how impossibly messy, wonderful, devastating, sublime, challenging, fascinating, and frustrating life is. Being human is no easy bucket of gumbo. And self-actualization? It’s a gift, a privilege granted to we simple-slash-complicated homo sapiens (as far as we know…let’s not discount the endless possibilities of multiple universes, etc ;) )
Some days, I just live and do what I’m supposed to do, typically with a goal or endgame in mind, even if just subconsciously. I work, pay bills, email and organize my plans to finish school, and so it goes.
I do this both as a being striving to reach my “dream” of becoming a teacher – which, don’t misunderstand, is a worthy ambition – but also as a cog in a machine which has sadly been conditioned to live life in a step by step formula: go to school to learn so that I can get a job so I can work everyday so that I can make money so that I can provide for my needs and/or wants so that I can continue doing this over and over again until someday, maybe (if I haven’t contracted a zombie disease or other health issue) I can retire and finally REALLY live….you know, when my bones are frail and my hair is gray and my eyesight is on the run.
And I do hope that I can be a teacher, I really do. But in all actuality, this is my “designated dream” because my deepest desires and passions are not guaranteed. Because, see, I enjoy learning for the sake of learning. I don’t want an “endgame,” at least not the kind you think of when it comes to composing a life plan. My endgame looks a bit different.
And man oh man, do I wish I had just a few ounces more bravery to jump into the wild with no plan, no concern of money or insurance or transportation. Boy oh boy do I wish I had the ability to bypass legalities, paperwork, and documentation so that I could just up and leave and explore. Because if it were really up to me?
My ambition, my “dream job” would be to forever absorb and learn and grow and further my self-actualization….to dive off the trite Disney World teacups into the Great Unknown. Some days, I am completely thunderheartstruck by the sheer amount of “entity” I may be missing out on.
I want MOOOORE. Not more stuff, not more money. I want more of the world, I want ALL of it on a platter. I want to swim with dolphins and jump out of airplanes and be an extra in a Sundance film and paint abstract colorful images of elephants – babies and mothers, holding trunks with each other of course – and learn French and Italian and meditate in countries I don’t know how to pronounce.
I want to do handstands on ocean coastlines and journal while sitting on emerald hills in Ireland, I want to write a book, maybe even a series and I want to share it with people, despite fear of rejection. I want to replace my coffee addiction with a green tea addiction. I want to eat the realest most authentic foreign foods, I want experience everyone’s specialty and meet individuals I never before imagined myself making acquaintance with. I want to master the ukulele and be taught to wood-carve, and be a speaker of a TED talk (why the hell not?) and run 10 miles and collapse on the sand in awe of myself.
And who knows, maybe someday after all of this, I’ll settle down. But why slow down now when I have the world at my fingertips and the energy and drive to do it all! So many of my peers are having kids and starting families – which is it’s own beautiful livelihood. But never before have we had so much time at our disposal. We are living longer, and pushing off having a family into your 30’s is a completely valid and reasonable thing to choose. I’m don’t want to wait until I am 60 to take it all in.
But one of my biggest fears is that of being stagnant. STUCK. I get frustrated if I go a year without trying out at least three new hobbies. You think I’m joking? I’m definitely not. DJing, roller derby, pinup modeling, belly dancing, teaching myself piano, attempting to kill it at beatboxing…
Don’t ever let someone tell you that you can’t do it – can’t accomplish or grow or do what you are passionate about. Don’t ever let someone tell you your dreams are too big, your goals are unreachable, your energy and restlessness aren’t realistic. Because I’ve seen people do it, I see it all the time. I see them conquer and travel and live. So don’t tell me I can’t do it when others are doing it every day. Someone once introduced me to a faaabulous comic-meets-inspirational-quotes internet hub called Zen Pencils. I would like to post one of their strips now which includes a quote by Amy Pohler (my favorite woman on the planet that I have not met yet).
Loving Big, Living Loud, Dreaming Colorful Part I: Self-Actualization Today it reoccurred to me just how impossibly messy, wonderful, devastating, sublime, challenging, fascinating, and frustrating life is.
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