It's only love

Name: Ikari Shinji (碇 シンジ) Birthdate: June 6, 2001 NERV Designation: Third Child Continuity: Post Third Impact; Good End Magic!Anon Status: N/A

[child03]

hey so since me and tabrisnolonger are going to be starting over and revisiting the relationship between his kaworu and my shinji i think it’s appropriate to announce that i’m going to be doing some housekeeping on both my shinji blogs, which may include deleting some old (dropped) threads. also, since this blog is getting a reboot, it seems like the best time to announce that from now on i will be playing shinji (including thirdpilotshinji) as an afab (assigned female at birth) trans boy. if you have a problem with my decision i suggest you unfollow me. 

[thirdpilotshinji]

okay i'll get on and actually reply to threads tomorrow. i'm too tired to make much sense right now. 

[thirdpilotshinji]

sorry to pop in unannounced like this but i've been away for a few weeks for mental health reasons and now that i'm somewhat more functional i'd really like to start rping again regularly. 

all that being said: it's really no secret at this point that my mental health is very fragile. i'm open about it, i've posted about it before. it would be really, really helpful if everyone who frequently posts ooc about serious social issues could use the tag #ooc social justice so that i can blacklist it with tumblr savior and not have to worry about seeing things that upset me as soon as i log into my rp blogs. i really don't think this is too much to ask.

overall, it would make rp a far more pleasant and less stressful experience for me and be far more conducive to my active participation. thanks.

[guardianrei]

ok hey now that I’ve calmed down. everyone. please. can we decide on some kind of tag to use for ooc social justice-related posts. please. I’ve asked multiple times in the past and this is really serious because every time this sort of thing comes to my dash I’m not prepared for it and I end up anywhere between general upset and full panic attack

if I’m gonna keep coming around I need to have some way of avoiding these things that keep ending up on my rp dashes. unless y’all would rather I just leave, in which case tell me so

[thirdpilotshinji]

this is a really really good point and i'd like to stress it because i need this too. i turned to rp specifically to get away temporarily from all the shitty things i have to deal with offline, so like, can we all agree on a tag to blacklist so that those who don't want to don't have to see those kinds of posts on our rp dashes? 

i'd like to add that we've both asked about this more than once and nothing has been done about it. at this point it's kind of inconsiderate. 

[thirdpilotshinji]

hedgehog-in-dilemma replied to your post:*

I’m pretty sure they’ve been gone about this long before.

yeah so i'm trying not to make a mountain out of a molehill or anything, because i know stuff like this happens sometimes, (i know i've been gone for weeks without saying anything at times) idk i'm trying not to worry too much but i'm a person who's prone to worrying about pretty much everything.

[thirdpilotshinji]

*

[thirdpilotshinji]

OOC

Um, so, life update I guess...

#mental illness talk under the readmore

I've been feeling really bad for a wide array of reasons lately, mostly having to do with school, so I've decided to withdraw for the remainder of the semester on the advice of a mental health clinician I met with yesterday. I might be starting short term talk therapy in a couple of weeks and after I consult with my doctor and a psychiatrist I might be put on a low dosage of a mood stabilizer to help cope with my anxiety and depression symptoms. 

I'm really really glad this is finally happening because I've been so anxious for the past year and a half, especially acutely in the past few weeks, and before this I've never been able to access proper support. Maybe now I finally won't be so exhausted and irritable and scared all the time. With the time I'm getting off from school I might finally be able to start doing the things I've wanted to do but never had the time for, like learning to play the cello. I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. 

[thirdpilotshinji]

sorry to everyone else for the sudden angry ooc posts. i just cannot and will not tolerate those attitudes on my rp dash. i see enough of those things on my personal blog and i come here to get away from them. i have to draw the fucking line somewhere.

[reshinji-deactivated20141130]

YEAH WELL FUCK YOU TOO

YOU AND I BOTH KNOW EXACTLY HOW BADLY TRANS PEOPLE HAVE IT IN THIS PLANET

THEY’RE TREATED LIKE SHIT

NO ONE’S DENYING THAT

HELL I’M NOT DENYING THAT

I WAS AGREEING WITH THE RAPE JOKE THING GODDAMMIT

GO ON AND UNFOLLOW ME I DON’T GIVE TWO SHITS I WILL POST ALL THE POLITICAL SHIT I PLEASE ON MY BLOG

[thirdpilotshinji]

OH MY GOD FUCK OFF

IF YOU DON'T CALL OUT THE TRANSMISOGYNY IN THAT POST YOU ARE COMPLICIT IN IT AND, FRANKLY, YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT BY NOW. 

[thirdpilotshinji]

OOC

I'm fucking enraged.

Jared Padalecki makes a tweet joking referring to Justin Bieber as a “she” and like half of tumblr explodes calling him a horrible person because he “Misgendered” someone and it’s “offensive to trans people”

Meanwhile I have not seen anyone contest the constant stream of rape jokes against Justin Bieber. 

Tumblr and its priorities 

Loving the scare quotes. 

In what way was it appropriate for you, a cis man, to reblog this post. YOU FOLLOW THE PERSONAL BLOGS OF TRANS PEOPLE. YOU KNOW GODDAMN WELL THAT MISGENDERING IS A HUGE FUCKING DEAL. YOU KNOW THAT TRANS PEOPLE ARE RAPED AND MURDERED FOR "NOT PASSING WELL ENOUGH." AND YOU STILL HAVE THE GALL TO REBLOG THIS PIECE OF TRASH POST ON YOUR RP BLOG (WHICH, BY THE WAY, IS NOT THE PLACE FOR YOUR SHITTY POLITICAL OPINIONS).

You are not an ally. 

I am done with you. Unfollow me, unfollow my personal. 

[thirdpilotshinji]

[nagisa-kaworu]

"Love is not something that need be stifled nor regretted. Its existence in itself is its own blessing." For a moment his gaze, his words, have grown distant with the heaviness of years far too innumerable for his young form. Red eyes shift once more to focus on the here and the now, upon the boy in front of his eyes. "At least I have always thought so. Even with the pain such will bring."

"I have loved you from the start. You have always been special to me from the very first time that we met and will always continue to be so." A slight pause. But he can not promise what it is that the other boy may seek. Their paths diverged many months ago. "… I simply wish for your happiness in this matter."

And your safety. But he will not bring such concerns that continue to haunt him into the light of this pleasant day. After all, this is what Ikari Shinji must deal with so many times over in his interactions with Nagisa Kaworu.

"Your existence brings me happiness, Shinji-kun. That is the greatest gift that can be given to me."

[thirdpilotshinji]

Shinji's cheeks flush pink, and he releases Kaworu's hand, then moves forward, wrapping his arms tightly around him. He presses his face into the other boy's shoulder, giving him a gentle squeeze as he does so.

"You are so precious to me," he whispers, barely audibly. "I wish I could spend every day with you, like this." 

Knowing Kaworu loves him is a double-edged sword. Even as his heart swells it feels fit to break. A lump forms in his throat, and his eyes begin to sting. He very carefully avoids looking up into the other boy's face. Today of all days, he doesn't want Kaworu to have to watch him cry. 

His voice breaks.

"You deserve all the happiness in the world." 

[thirdpilotshinji]

hedgehog-in-dilemma replied to your post:i’m feeling really gay tonight i don’t know what’s...

you don’t need a reason to be happy. gay it up

i'm so gay. i'm fuckign g,ay as hell. literally and figuratively

[miraretahana]

Visit Original Link

이루마 | Shining Smile

[thirdpilotshinji]

i'm feeling really gay tonight i don't know what's going on

[thirdpilotshinji]

[nagisa-kaworu]

Beneath the other boy’s touch, pale fingers shift and curl, until their hands are interlocked together.

"Me, is it?" The answer is taken unflinchingly. After all, parts of the melody had already revealed such to him. "Music is a form of communication. While lovely, sometimes your words — lilin words — are not enough to convey one’s true emotions. That is perhaps why I have loved this art the best above all."

A slight pause. Rue is allowed to light touch his voice.

"Although I do not know how much of a song title can be divested from my name."

He lifts his hand away from the other boy’s shoulder, taking Shinji-kun’s hand with it in its withdrawal. A gentle squeeze is given, their fingers still entwined as their linked hands now lay between them.

"There is nothing to apologize for. Not from your end."

[thirdpilotshinji]

He exhales a breath he didn't know he was holding as Kaworu takes his hand. As he breathes, he feels that familiar weight in his chest, as if his heart has swollen to twice its original size.

"I don't even know what I'm apologizing for anymore. I just feel like I should. Like these feelings are probably a hindrance to you, and it might be better if I tried to stifle them."

Head still bowed, he squeezes the other boy's hand in return.

"But the truth is, I love you more every day than I did the day before... the way I never thought I would, and you deserve to know how important you are to me."

[thirdpilotshinji]

[nagisa-kaworu]

His smile widens at the first note, as he turns fully towards the other boy, every fiber of his being in attention. "Compose?" he echoes, pale brows slightly rising with the single word uttered. The gift of music had been somewhat expected, yet not however Shinji-kun being its sole source.

Impossible as it may first had seemed, his anticipation waxes even further. He is not disappointed.

A soft sweet sound, poignant in the wistfulness that threads through it. Midway through the melody he allows his eyes to drift shut, for the notes to gently buoy him along in the current that they run.

It seems that yearning will forever be his calling. Yet as the final chords reverberate through the air, he is thankful for counterpoint of happiness that had been inexorably woven in as well.

Red eyes open once more to find the other boy blushing in his stillness. He reaches forward and allows his hand to rest, lightly and safely upon the shoulder of the other.

"It reflects your heart, Shinji-kun. It is beautiful." A slight pause. The warmth within his eyes suffuses his entire pose as he leans closer.  "As to a name… what is the first thing that comes to mind when you think of it?"

[thirdpilotshinji]

"W-well..." he blushes even more brightly, his hand coming up to gently touch the pale one that rests on his shoulder. "You do." The answer leaves his mouth before his mind has a chance to stop him. "It's really easy to compose when I think about you. It's the only way I can express all the things I can't seem to put into words."

Shinji falls silent abruptly. 

"I'm sorry..." he whispers, gaze fixed to his own knees.

[thirdpilotshinji]

but who was kaworu?