Gaylor Lyric Analysis: Eldest Daughter (repost)
[DISCLAIMER: This analysis does not necessarily reflect anything other than my own thoughts, interpretations and opinions. Art is subjective.]
Eldest Daughter opens with the line "everybody's so punk on the internet". One of the wonderful things about the internet is that it's given the queer community a space to find each other, find identity, and be visible with less risk of physical harm. Unfortunately, the relative anonymity offered by the internet has also emboldened queerphobes, who target the community with "trolling and memes", and by being "cutthroat in the comments" of posts about queer issues. It can be hard being queer on the internet, and trying desperately to thrive amidst the noise of "every single hot take" typed out by bigots. This whole verse could easily be describing that experience - a way for Taylor to signal to her queer fans that she gets it.
She tells us that she's "been afflicted by a terminal uniqueness". I remember being in the closet, and not feeling like I fit anywhere. I was too scared to join the community I wanted to be part of, and I never felt like I fully belonged with cishet folks. I felt alone and singular. I felt weird. My parents had always told me growing up that I was unique, but when I started realising how different I was, uniqueness began to feel like a curse. The fact she uses the word "terminal" tells us this isn't a uniqueness she enjoys or takes pride in. It's something that feels like a death sentence. Something that makes her feel alone.
In my Dear Reader analysis, I discussed my interpretation of Taylor feeling guilt that she isn't a perfect role model for her queer fans because she isn't officially out. The lyrics "I'm not a bad bitch / and this isn't savage / but I'm never gonna let you down / I'm never gonna leave you out" could be seen as a reassurance to queer fans of the fact she's still on their side, even if she hasn't been as vocal about it. She acknowledges that there are "so many traitors" and "smooth operators". If the song is read as a message to her queer fans, then this could then be acknowledging the fact that queer issues are frequently taken up superficially as a cause by performative allies simply trying to gain the cultural capital of seeming to care about a 'trendy' issue - an accusation frequently levelled at Taylor in recent years. "I'm never gonna break that vow / I'm never gonna leave you now" she reassures us.
At this point in the song, Taylor becomes nostalgic. To me this part of the song is about reconnecting with a first love (hinted at by the reference to lilacs later in the song - a flower associated with first love). I would have said it was just reminiscence, but she is addressing someone directly. She might be comparing a new love to a first love, but that doesn't quite work for me.
She looks back on her childhood, when she was happy and innocent. I think most queer people can relate to the feeling of looking back on their life and realising that there was a moment when they suddenly realized they were different, when they started to become aware of their own "terminal uniqueness", and for many of us the innocence and happiness of our childhoods are gradually replaced with fear. The specific moment when Taylor's innocence is lost in the context of this song is spelled out pretty clearly when she sings that "pretty soon I learned cautious discretion / when your first crush crushes something kind". To me this paints a picture of confessing forbidden (possibly queer) feelings to a crush and being rejected. Perhaps this is why she lied when she said she didn't believe in marriage: because she learned very early on that she could never have the love she wanted. It wasn't marriage as a whole she didn't believe in, but specifically traditional straight marriage.
We then get a repeat of the chorus, which now feels like it's shifted from being addressed to the fans and is now addressed to her first love, who she is imagining a reconnection and reconciliation with.
In this imagined reconciliation, Taylor and her first love "lie back" and are flooded with memories in a "beautiful time-lapse". Taylor remembers lilacs which, as I have already mentioned, are a symbol of first love (they're also purple, and purple flowers such as lavender and violets have historical associations with queer love). Taylor says that she never expected to find the "beautiful, beautiful life" that she quietly wished for. The line "when we were young" in this context definitely, in my opinion, rules out the song being addressed to a new love. Taylor and her romantic interest in this song have history together. This is further hinted at by the lyric "every youngest child felt / they were raised up in the wild / but now you're home".
