This Is Totally Plural @this-is-totally-plural - Tumblr Blog

Hey so you know how certain alters just have a certain vibe? Like you can sorta sense when they’re close to the front? Do you think it’s possible for certain alters to almost make it feel like you’re being watched? I know it could be related to something else but I was just wondering

Sure, I can see that being a thing that happens. This system member just might have The Vibe of feeling watched! Even if not, it's understandable that someone around you might make you feel like you need to look over your shoulder - or perhaps they're even hypervigilant, or something similar. -Sidon 🌿 [Sprites☀️]

thesaltinstitute

[🐝 bee:] interesting to see someone else describe this because. pre-syscovery we would regularly feel "like I'm being watched" and it freaked us out really bad, we didn't really understand what was going on and developed some pretty Outlandish Explanations for the feeling ("posters are watching me" so we'd hide their eyes and it would... only somewhat help; "someone I know died and is watching me right now" because if we can't see it it has to be a ghost; "there's a hidden camera in the room"; stuff like that, because there was no rational explanation and it happened the most when we were physically alone so it couldn't be a Normal Being Watched)

and then, after syscovery we stopped feeling "like I'm being watched" on the reg and didn't think much of it for years / didn't really notice it had stopped. but sometime ago we connected the dots that the feeling we used to interpret as "being watched" is actually the exact same as "someone else in our us is hanging around and paying attention to what the current fronter(s) is(are) doing"!! we just didn't have any context for the feeling prior to figuring out we're several guys so we couldn't make sense of what it was!! but in retrospect it's really obvious lol (it's also stopped freaking us out because well. there's no threat in "hey that's my mate over there, hi!!" compared to "being watched by a mysterious entity with no clue where from" dhkfkf)

inseparabiles

There's a related thing that our therapist pointed out during a seemingly unrelated conversation about how we can't even in private do things that we wouldn't do when someone's watching, and will feel enormous shame and embarrassment over things that people might view as cringe or immoral even if nobody would ever find out, and how this "social" anxiety is making us perpetually tense and unable to relax because we're always performing to an invisible audience.

She, very pointedly, asked if we've considered that this could be because we are factually never alone - we are always being judged by the council of each other, always watching, always receiving signals of disapproval or judgement from the inside, always exposed to scrutiny, even in situations where nobody external is putting that stress on us.

The pressure of feeling like someone is watching, someone knows what we're doing and how much it actually means to us, is there all of the time for us.

(The unrelated conversation was about visiting a grave and feeling too embarrassed to sit by it and say what we'd come to say because the invisible audience would think it's cringe and embarrassing to do that and feel the way that we feel about it. And that is less about our system finding it to be that way, and more about the number of eyes that are perceiving it and saying that "if somebody saw this you'd be so cringe", which is the internal judgement on the act being performed. For context.)

thesaltinstitute

[🌌 Orion:] I was going to keep this to the tags because I thought maybe it's tangential but actually it isn't, and also I can't put images in tags -- I was very strongly reminded of this real-world occurrence that we straight-up wrote into a fic a little while ago:

like just.... yeah something about Being Witnessed Having An Experience that you really would prefer to sort out on your own but. There is the ever-present Invisible Audience to mind.

#responses

oursystemblog

Hi I’m a newly discovered system and its been causing me a little stress that I (the host?) don’t experience blackouts or full amnesia, but then I read some of your old posts about feeling like everything’s in grayscale and emotional amnesia and was like “:0 that’s like me!”

I was wondering if you would be okay describing what it feels like when someone else fronts? That’s something I’m trying figure out for myself and maybe hearing other people’s experiences would help ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

(Also all the comics are amazing keep up the good work 👍)

so the uhhh. so the person fronting never really feels like they "disappear" or get pushed away it just feels like they Change Into A Different Person . but we still Exist while not fronting but nobody remembers what that's like because w. yeah no i don't get the technicalities of how this works i'm not worrying about it too hard

#amnesia #switching #memories

Hey! I have a question, kind of.

So i suspect i could be part of a system but i have aphantasia and im more or less frontstuck, no one else switches and i cant communicate in our mind/s to the others.

I dont even know if they are "alters" or just "personalities i made up" but they seem to have their own thoughts and identities, even some that i never thought of.

Do you have any tips on extending communication to the others and/or being able to let go of the front?

Hello there! Congrats on discovering your system.

I know it can be hard to build communication at first, but I'd like to tell you to keep trying. Narrate to yourself internally or externally as much as you can and try to make the others in your head feel safe enough to come forwards.

Here's an article by Tanix (@tanix-dragon) regarding how to begin finding headmates.

Here is another post on fronting and switching, which may be useful for you to read.

Best of luck to you and your system!

-Ford 🌿 [Sprite☀️]

#anonymous #aphantasia #insystem communication #switching #fronting

So, I've been questioning if I'm a system for a few months now. A lot of the symptoms (if you want to call them that) kinda align with me but I saw somewhere those don't capture the full story/aren't the full experiences. So I'm asking here to see if you people can help me figure this out, even if it's just pointing me to a source or giving a suggestion. (:

So I barely remember my life. Anything that I do remember is ~10 seconds long max and is extremely blurry. Whenever to look back at my memories, it feels like I'm watching a movie. Kind alike this is what the character sees when they're looking at this waterfall or something like that. I remember feeling there in the moment, but whenever I look back it's like someone else was in my place. Like it's not me doing it but it is me, it's my body.

I hear voices as well, both internally and externally. The external ones are usually at night and aren't telling me to do bad things, it's usually muffled music in what I'm pretty sure is a restraunt or a small sound that couldn't have come from where I was. The internal ones feel like they're coming from the back of my mind and they're usually softer than my thoughts. I usually hear them when I'm quoting part of a vine in my head and the voice (sometimes voices) finish it.

I also have had random times where i couldn't control my facial expressions. These times always come with a red feeling. I've had other times where there's a green or pink feeling when I see some content. I don't think it's the normal personality changes when you're in different environments, but I could be wrong. Whenever I'm around someone who traumatized me I get a grey feeling and it sometimes gets hard to control my actions (which is usually walking away).

The only thing that's really different from other people experiences is the dissociation. From what I've read it's like uncontrollable spacing out, more than daydreaming. For me I never 'black out' or 'wake up' somewhere and I don't remember how I got there. The only time that happens is in the car, but I'm pretty sure that's normal. It usually feels like I'm looking at someone else that I don't know when I look in the mirror or feeling not true/not like me at random times. I know that I'm me and my body is me, but it sometimes doesn't seem like me.

The part below is more recent than the paragraph above, but I'm keeping it incase it helps with anything

I've recently been backing out as well. It happens whenever I'm sitting up on my phone or actively trying to sleep. Every time I don't remember anything and I always wake up feeling refreshed even though each black out is ~3 hours. Every time I've black out I've woken up sitting on the side of my bed scrolling through social media and on a post that I have no interest in or don't remember being on. Everything seems so blurry and I'm so confused whenever this happens and it's kinda scary.

Sorry that this was so long, I kinda needed to vent and hopefully gets some answers. Thanks for reading, I really appreciate it. (:

Hello there! No worries about the long post. Thank you for sending this in. So, for starters, just from everything you've described, it definitely sounds like you are plural, or at the very least are experiencing some kind of dissociation.

As for not remembering things, I'll link to this infographic regarding types of amnesia(link) made by Rin and Jade, which may be interesting or helpful for you to read. Hearing voices (internal and external) can be plurality, but it could also be psychosis, which I do know is commonly linked with plurality or at least comorbid. Here's a resource(link) about psychosis, specifically regarding auditory hallucinations.

Regarding not being in control of facial expressions, this can happen when someone is near front or in cofront and sort of "takes control" of the body (or at least part of it.) It's also incredibly common for people near front or cofronting to be associated with feelings or colors. Maybe try to keep track of what colors come when, and what feelings arise associated with those colors.

I think what you've described definitely counts as dissociation, and I'd like to leave you with a resource(link) regarding what dissociation is - not everyone who dissociates experiences total blackouts or full amnesia. It is just the act of feeling disconnected from yourself and your surroundings. You wrote, "For me I never 'black out' or 'wake up' somewhere and I don't remember how I got there. The only time that happens is in the car, but I'm pretty sure that's normal." This is in fact not normal! Some people may drive "on autopilot", but it is not normal to black out and not remember driving entirely.

Those black outs that you experience definitely sound like it could be someone else taking control of front, or even just losing time on your end. This happens regularly with dissociation and amnesia.

I hope this was helpful to read and you got some insight from this.

-Ford 🌿 [Sprite☀️]

#anonymous #dissociation #amnesia #disordered plurality

#anonymous

Not sure if we asked this, when we tried to, we got an error. If it went through anyway, sorry. Essentially, we're a system where the host only fairly recently realized that we *are* a system, and while we've made a lot of progress in communicating etc, one thing we have a problem with is figuring out an inner world/headspace/whatever names exist. This is probably made a lot more difficult because we have aphantasia. Do y'all have any advice on compensating for that in this context?

Hello there! Your ask did go through, at least this time. Congrats on figuring out your system, that's a big first step. Working on establishing your inner world can be tricky, especially when you have aphantasia. Let me see what resources I have to give you. Here's a pretty in depth post about headspace exploration done by Rain. It has some solid advice on it! From the offered resources at the bottom of that post^ there is also this post from the tulpa community about activating all 5 senses while exploring or meditating on their wonderland (a tulpamancer specific term that is essentially an inner world/headspace.) Another post from the tulpa community called the Do Not Disturb method suggests creating a room for your headmate and allowing them to have a "do not disturb" sign they can remove or put on their door whenever they're around/don't want to be bothered. (Should be said that this post is moreso about seeing if their tulpa is awake, but could be applicable in trying to build rooms and habits.)

This is a VERY in depth tulpa community post by Sophie in Wonderland regarding tips for building an inner world. Here is a tumblr post by Sophie in Wonderland which is a a masterlist of headspace creation tools.

This post recommends daydreaming, but again, unsure how helpful this might be with aphantasia. Here is a website post geared towards singlets on how to build a memory palace, but some of it might be a useful read to implement those methods to make a headspace.

I hope this information is somewhat helpful, or at least is a good starting point for you.

-Sidon 🌿[Sprite☀️]

#anonymous #tulpamancy #inner world #wonderland #aphantasia #headspace creation

is the blog still active?

Hi! Yes it is, though us and Flamesong have been busy (I’ll speak to us being busy, at least)

- Sonny^Sprites

hey uh, is it possible to remake a headspace? i didnt make mine on purpose it just sorta happened and i only had like 1 alter at the time now i have 5 and idk what to do since my headspace is literally a car :,)

Heya! It’s absolutely possible. People have remade or expanded their headspaces all the time. It does take some practice, focus, and actual mental work, but I’m sure with time you’ll be able to change or alter your headspace.

Here’s a master post made by a tumblr user that is both inclusive to all forms of plurality and could be beneficial to you in your journey: https://www.tumblr.com/sophieinwonderland/680232074264870912/all-the-resources-youll-need-to-build-your-own

Hope this helps!

— Jonah [Sprites ☀️]

#headspace #inner world #wonderland #headspace creation #anonymous #ask

Hey is this blog, like, alive?

It is! We just haven’t gotten any questions in awhile - except for this one. We answer as they come.

- Sprites

Hi idk if this is active but are you the one that wrote cultiples? If so I really want to tell my story as to what I experienced with draven.

We are not. You're looking for LB Lee, who can be contacted at [email protected]. They're not affiliated with this blog in any way.

I don't think they're still looking for stories to include in anything published, but you could still try emailing them just as a way to have your experiences heard. It's been a while since we read the cultiples books but I do recall some mention that they had stopped writing them for a reason and didn't intend to make a fourth compilation.

uniquely-plural

Please don’t use tulpamancy, it’s a closed religious practice /info. The correct term for western ‘tulpamancy’ is ‘thoughtforms’. Still totally valid but we shouldn’t be having ppl co opting terms for closed practices

This is the only ask we will be replying to about this topic. I haven't seen a single reputable source from the actual religion saying it is a closed practice, so we stand by the use of the term.

aster-fox

Tracking the Tulpa: Exploring the “Tibetan” Origins of a Contemporary Paranormal Idea

This research note shows that tulpamancy was a result of mutual cultural exchange. Peep the sources at the end; Alexandra David-Neel’s Magic and Mystery in Tibet details this cultural exchange and is cited several times. This is among several other sources.

TLDR; tulpamancy is not cultural appropriation.

#good info #/#tulpamancy #not an ask

unknought

reminder that if you’re questioning your gender, “what do I want?” and “what will make me happy?” tend to be much more useful questions than “what am I, really?”

#This goes for questioning plurality too!#There are no absolute boxes to fit into because it's fundamentally an internal experience; just like gender is.#So ''what way of thinking about myself is most useful to me'' is the real question.

watchtowersystem

Destroy validity as a concept. You don't need anyone's permission to exist the way you do, and anyone trying to convince you otherwise is either a cop, a bigot, or trying to sell you something.

Hey so I need help. I've been lying to my therapist about being singlet, and while my plurality isn't what makes me dysfunctional, the realities of it do affect my mental health and treatment (amnesia, amiright?). Do you have any advice on the decision to talk about it, how to tell him, and/or how to uh. talk around it?

Whether you tell him or not depends completely about your personal situation. There are ways to talk around it by just saying you have bad memory/similar things like that. However, that will likely open up a conversation about dissociative disorders later in therapy. If it feels worth it to come out and explain it to him, I believe you should. Depending on what kind of origin you have, you can tell him through terms he may understand (like a clinical DID model) but it's important that you make it clear that no matter your origins, you are here now and that's all that matters. It is also good to clarify that you being a system is not what you are in therapy for. Really make it clear that aspects of your plurality need worked on in therapy, not being a system as a whole. We recently came out to our therapist and those were some things we kept in mind. Go slow and be patient if you do. Singlets oftentimes have a hard time wrapping their brain around these things. - Freeze [Sprites]

#ask #anon #therapy

My sibling.

My sibling, I'll just call them Jupiter, Said a few days ago what their alters might be, and that they've been thinking they may be plural for a while. The day after that they were acting differently and said they don't know. The day after that they said acted a bit more different and said they they don't think they're plural anymore.

This seems exactly how my and my alter's struggle was with thinking if we/they/I am plural or not, but I don't know.

To add, Jupiter has been diagnosed has Bipolar, so that might be what the mood and personality shifts are.

Figuring out your identity at any stage can be difficult and confusing. The best advice we can give you is to give them space, give them support, and give them good resources. If they are plural, then great! If they find out they aren't, that's more than fine too! There is no shame in them exploring either way. Here's a good resource about general info, maybe it could help. Ultimately, they are the expert on them, above all else. Just you being there to talk to them is more helpful than you know, I'm sure.

Good luck to them and you.

- Adam P. [Sprite]

#ask #hex-system #advice

Hey, T here, like promised on the Discord server - gonna ask my stupid questions, yeah? So, I was just wondering, without going too deep into the functions of our own system, we've got a couple fronters who do most day to day business, some "middles" who do a bit of that but stay mostly in the inner world, and some folks who're pretty much hibernating unless a specific thing triggers them to front, right? So how's it like for a big system, like 50+ members? The same? Different? (1/2)

(2/2) Another question that popped up in a conversation is like, is it hard to keep track of everything when there's a lot of people around like that? Like, everyday life, relationships, all sorts of things with continuity in the external world. We're struggling with just a few people, managing life as a large system just seems overwhelming from this perspective. Thanks in advance. ;)

Hello! Thanks for the question. We (Sprites) will be answering this since we are polyfrag and have a large and complex system. It's honestly very similar to what you have described! We have people who enjoy fronting and like doing it often, people who come and go as they please between fronting and being internal, and people are almost ALWAYS internal. There isn't that much difference! For us specifically, we also have people who can get pulled closer to front due to triggers, etc! So not much difference at that front.

It's also not that different and we haven't had much trouble maintaining relationships or everyday lives! People find common things to do together, and we have very wonderful and understanding friends and partners. We are who we are and people who understand how we work will get to know us or they won't, it doesn't bother us! This is just our personal experience ofc, I don't know if this really answered your questions, but I hope this helped!

- Henry [Sprite]

#ask #pluralismajestatis

venom-system

Don’t diagnose your friend

I am concerned to see how many people post that they have diagnosed their friends with DID/OSDD so I wanted to warn you and explain few things.

OSDD/DID- this disorder is difficult to detect for many reasons.

one of these reasons is the defense of the host. You should not know that your are a system. Why?

OSDD / DID is a disorder that has its roots in childhood trauma. In fact, many people don’t know they’ve had a childhood trauma and shouldn’t know until they’re ready for it. Everyone reacts in their own way and sometimes when people are realizing that their childhood was not as wonderful as they thought, they are going through a breakdown. Some of them want to kill themselves even after long therapy process.

Don’t forget- DID/OSDD is not only about having alters. First of all, it shows that we experienced something that a child should never experiences.

Don’t diagnose your friends but of course educate them. Tell them about this disorder, tell them symptoms, discuss, explain, but do not diagnose.

If someone asks for details, because the symptoms seem strangely familiar to him, do not recommend YouTube videos, choose a reliable source of knowledge. I don’t think that everyone has to run to therapy as soon as they discover symptoms, some aren’t ready for it, but instead of watching videos, recommend them to read scientific articles, books.

The beginning is the most important. I encourage you to watch the video only when we get any outline of knowledge. Remember that the internet is a source of both lies and true information. for someone who does not know the subject it is difficult to distinguish one from the other.

We also make mistakes, we do not know everything, so do not take responsibility for the mental state of another person (unless you are a specialist), you do not know how this person will react and what you should do with it. I know you want to help, but sometimes patience and support have to be enough at the moment.

DID/OSDD is not a game for you and your friends. It is a serious disorder. Don’t forget about it. Stay safe.

- Cornell (primary protector)

this-is-totally-plural

Let me first say that it is true that people should not attempt to conclusively diagnose their friends with anything. As OP says, educate people, discuss with them, point them toward reliable sources if they suspect there's something there.

However, that being said, this post has some issues that we can't just let go.

1. OP's claim that "you should not know that you are a system"

To be perfectly blunt, that's bullshit. It's an opinion that OP has expressed before, such as near the end of [this post], and yet it is simply untrue. Why?

There is no 'should' with systems. No two plurals are going to function exactly alike, and that's a good thing! Even among specifically DID/OSDD systems, there is incredible variety in practically every aspect, including knowledge of themselves. Many do not even have a well-defined host to ‘defend’ in the first place.

Statements like this promote a dreadfully narrow view of systemhood, and (intentionally or not) gatekeep the plural community. By saying that systems should not know about themselves, OP creates a catch-22 where anyone questioning can be immediately shut down, specifically for thinking they might be plural.

2. The repeated claim that DID/OSDD are always caused by childhood trauma.

Also not true. Correlation does not equal causation. While yes, many disordered systems do have trauma from a young age, it is not a requirement. Literally, according to the DSM-V itself, trauma is not listed as a diagnostic criterion.

The only mention is that ‘and/or’ in part B, which is about the amnesia symptom only. It is independent of part A, which describes the actual plurality.

Now, trauma is mentioned as a possible cause a few pages later, which is likely where this opinion comes from. But still, according to the bible glorified insurance-billing tool itself, it is entirely possible for a system to have the amnesia and distress to count as DID without ever having trauma at all. And likewise, plenty of systems who have had significant childhood trauma nevertheless are nondisordered and do not exhibit DID/OSDD symptoms.

3. Not technically an issue with this post, but another statement that OP repeated without comment or qualification.

[This post], originally from pack-of-rats, is blatantly invalidating and exclusionary to tulpa systems. While that is a separate issue from the question of DID/OSDD and the diagnosis thereof, it certainly erodes my trust in OP as a reliable source. Why should we listen to someone who denies the existence of people we personally know?

To conclude, let me just reiterate my main points:

Self-diagnosis is valid and good. Armchair diagnosis of others is sketchy. However, a friend approaching you about an experience that you have which they think they might share, and you saying 'yeah that sounds similar, that might be a thing to look into' is not armchair diagnosis.

Disordered systems are not the only types of plurality, and they do not necessarily come about as a result of childhood trauma. Neither of these points is up for debate, as both are plainly evident from the literal definitions of the disorders.

I do not intend to attack OP, nor do I want others to. I merely intended to correct a few claims that I saw being passed around. Please don't get your information solely from tumblr, and yes that includes not solely from us either. The most reliable source is talking to a wide variety of systems, and learning via those experiences willingly shared about just how diverse this community is.

-- Quela ∈ Flamesong

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