Bleeds Red

Give it another sunrise, another beginning. My writing blog, mostly

[thisfountainpen]

“Somehow I want more and less at the same time.”

— h.f.p. (Things I Won’t Say 17)

[thisfountainpen]

It’s the not knowing that gets me.

h.f.p (Things I’ll Never Say)

@thisfountainpen

[thisfountainpen]

“I don’t know why I overthink everything constantly questioning what everyone does or what everyone thinks so I can’t help but wonder if you’ve changed your mind about me I feel like it has to come someday because it always does and it’s the not knowing that gets me.”

— h.f.p.

[thisfountainpen]

Given the chance, I will ruin myself. I thrive on the self-destruction, the thrill of dismantling everything I love. In my head, no one ever loved me at all.

h.f.p (Why do I do this every time?)

@thisfountainpen

[thisfountainpen]

“The way I want you terrifies me.”

— h.f.p. (Things I Won’t Say 15)

[thisfountainpen]

I will self-destruct in the most dazzling of ways

h.f.p

@thisfountainpen

[thisfountainpen]

I am terrified by the way I could love you,

Scared of the way I already want you.

I have been so broken by the weight

Of all my previous heartbreaks,

I wonder how anyone could want me

I’m sure no one could love me.

So I want to run and hide

At least then I won’t be terrified

Because I know I’ll someday love you

But I don’t believe anyone could love me

h.f.p

@thisfountainpen

[thisfountainpen]

What if I’m too broken to be loved?

h.f.p

@thisfountainpen

[thisfountainpen]

You are the only one

Who could convince me

That I am good enough

That I am good at all.

You are the only one

I want to hear those words from

But you’re silent.

You say you’re no good

But I love you

So how can that be true?

Why would I love someone

Who is rotten to the core

When you say I am sweet honey?

How could I love you

If you were all thorns

And I, a rose without them?

h.f.p

[thisfountainpen]

I am far too much, and never nearly enough.

h.f.p (Things I’ll Never Say)

@thisfountainpen

I was gone for a while because everything was flat. But now I’m back on the fucking roller coaster and there’s a monster eating through my stomach that can’t be stopped.

[thisfountainpen]

I will self-destruct in the most dazzling of ways

h.f.p

@thisfountainpen

[thisfountainpen]

I am terrified by the way I could love you,

Scared of the way I already want you.

I have been so broken by the weight

Of all my previous heartbreaks,

I wonder how anyone could want me

I’m sure no one could love me.

So I want to run and hide

At least then I won’t be terrified

Because I know I’ll someday love you

But I don’t believe anyone could love me

h.f.p

@thisfountainpen

[thisfountainpen]

What if I’m too broken to be loved?

h.f.p

@thisfountainpen

[thisfountainpen]

You are the only one

Who could convince me

That I am good enough

That I am good at all.

You are the only one

I want to hear those words from

But you’re silent.

You say you’re no good

But I love you

So how can that be true?

Why would I love someone

Who is rotten to the core

When you say I am sweet honey?

How could I love you

If you were all thorns

And I, a rose without them?

h.f.p

[thisfountainpen]

Here I am again

After midnight, I should be asleep

But it’s been over a year

And I’m awake

Busy crying over you

h.f.p (I will always feel like I was the one to blame)

@thisfountainpen

[thisfountainpen]

“The way I want you terrifies me.”

— h.f.p. (Things I Won’t Say 15)

[thisfountainpen]

I am far too much, and never nearly enough.

h.f.p (Things I’ll Never Say)

@thisfountainpen

I was gone for a while because everything was flat. But now I’m back on the fucking roller coaster and there’s a monster eating through my stomach that can’t be stopped.