Inner thoughts and feelings

Hi, welcome at my personal blog. XOXO ~~ 

[itsm00nlite]

shit hurts so bad.

[trifoliate-undergrowth]

I should have known that just moving away from my parents wouldn’t instantly fix everything, it was a necessary but not ultimate step. Now that I’m where I am I realize that for a long time survival was shaping myself to fit expectations, not questioning; that more recently I have been finding the place where I draw the line and digging in my heels and fighting back and questioning and refusing to believe and tearing down the walls built around me. But then I’m standing alone and there are no sharp dividing lines, there’s no straight and narrow path to follow, no lines to orient myself inside of, no walls to guide my direction; I’m in a wide open grassy field with the blue sky above me and I’m terrified by my smallness and by the vastness of the space around me. I am more self-aware and self-actualized than I have ever been before in my life and yet I’m realizing that I still don’t know who I am. I only just got here and now where do I go? I’ve burned every bridge I’ve come to because they weren’t for me, so what does that leave me? Theoretically there are more out there but here I am at the moment just standing in shock that I am allowed to be out here in the wind. And the voice given to me when I was young is telling me that this uncertainty is repentance and that I should turn back, but I know there’s nothing for me back there and that I’d do it again in a moment. I even know that I’ll be better off soon, that I just have to get through the shock of suddenly being free, but that’s in the future and it doesn’t feel real. 

[mood-swings-and-roundabouts]

It's getting bad again.

[thoughtstookmyokdays]

I just wanna say if your reading this I’m proud of you for making it through the holidays ❤️

I know it is a tough time for people.

[dasstreben]

I can't look at myself in the mirror without seeing a stranger

[vomm-deactivated20210621]

That moment where you can't get out of bed because you lost control of your body

But your alarm is so annoying

But you can't move your arms

[11jc1sjdqkwcncwqd-deactivated20]

There's something kinda weird about being out of your body, cause you're not experiencing it, you're just looking at it like "Man, that sucks, dude.", but that's you.

[artfest]

[tormentingblues]

i am just so...out of touch with reality

[tor-rentials-deactivated2022020]

When you’ve been abused especially chronically emotionally abused, every time you talk about something bad happening to you or anyone hurting you, or if ever something strange or hard to believe happens to you and you share it, you’re terrified and you scan what you’ve said for anything people might think is a reason to doubt you. You may overexplain giving lots of details and if you don’t you regret it and panic internally. You may avoid eye contact bc you’re scared they’re judging you and you have problems w eye contact when under pressure from abuse in general, or you may overcompensate and hold eye contact too long. You may stutter, you may shut down, you may mix up facts or have difficulty forming words right and explaining yourself out of anxiety or dissociation. PLEASE be patient with people like this and give them the benefit of the doubt. They have already been through enough.

[republicdragon]

my childhood and teenage years stolen from me and all that’s left is someone who is bitter, angry at the world, resentful, and a shell of who she once was. i remember so little from those years because it’s all repressed memories filled with trauma and abuse i don’t want to relive.

[s-k-3-l-l-y]

I feel so fucking crippled with these feelings that I can’t shake. They get stronger by the moment. I want to scream, cry, break shit and sit in silence all at once. Someone please fucking save me from myself. I’m suffocating. I’m shaking. I’m overwhelmed. God dammit....

[bpdohwhatajoy]

I want to wake up and my whole life just have been a bad dream. I want all of this behind me; so far removed it’s like it never happened.

[trice2599]

Are you really open or do you emotionally distance yourself from your trauma and over share so people think you’re being open and use this so you never have to talk about how you actually feel and how these situations affect you?

[1010ll]

[annoyinglydelicategalaxy-deacti]

Or not wearing a seatbelt when riding in a car.

[liminalrot]

F A L S E - for @ooreo