Run
I've been bugging the shit out of partners at my firm for a rotation in the DC office for 6 - 8 months now. Its where all the important people are, interpreting new laws, setting firm positions, talking to legislators about policy -- essentially you get sent to the DC office for 2-3 years to cut your teeth with the best in the industry. These are the guys/gals that get tapped to come into government as advisors, help draft new laws, and then come back to the firm to make a boat load of cash advising businesses on how to navigate the new laws.
I didn't think it was really going to happen and, well, now I've got 3 interviews scheduled. I've always felt a bit of imposter syndrome. I nearly dropped out of high school, only started college for the financial aid checks, and never expected to graduate. But I did, got the job I was running around telling everyone I was going to get (including my mother in law; we still laugh about how if a guy like me back then showed up at my door to ask for my daughter's hand I'd pull out my shotgun). Fast forward, I'm 30 and I still walk around my neighborhood thinking, "how TF did I even get here?" And now this new opportunity.
What's really strange about it all is that I can't embrace any of it - I've tried. None of it means anything. Its like I could care less because it feels fake, like I don't deserve it or I'm already several magnitudes over what should have been my max. I've been thinking a lot about this lately and have come to the realization that what I'm looking for is (oddly enough) a breaking point. I'm not talented or "special" and I'm definitely never the smartest person in the room and never have been. I do work hard though and that has carried me a very long distance from where I started. I should be grateful or even happy about how my life has turned out but instead I'm constantly looking over my shoulder expecting "them" (idk?) to realize one day that I don't actually belong there and rip it all away. I feel like I need to push as far as I can to get as close to the top of the building as possible before security catches me and sends me back down to the ground level.













