Well, it’s been a minute since I’ve sat down and taken the time to write a new post. To be honest, I’m not sure how many people actually read these blogs... but if no one does at least I’ve gotten these things off of my chest.
So any of you who may have known me in my personal life for any point in time probably know that I have been heavily involved in the world of fighting human trafficking in the state of North Carolina. Those of use who do this type of thing like to call it “The Movement.” By definition a movement is: “a group of people working together to advance their shared political, social, or artistic ideas” which I think describes what we are all aiming for-to eradicate human trafficking in our area and serve those who have been effected by this heinous crime.
Within the movement, we’ve got some amazing people and organizations with beautiful plans, dreams, hopes, and even actions working for one common good. I have been one of these people and organizations for such a long time and until recently, it was something that I devoted a large chunk of my time towards. So you may ask yourself, why hasn’t this been an area of focus recently? Has human trafficking been eradicated? Do we have all the answers and resources needed to serve those who have been effected? No. Nope. In my dreams. To be honest, we are nowhere close to that right now!
So why did I step away?
I was burned out.
You see, I’ve been involved in this moment for what will be 6 years in October. In those six years I have maintained a job, completed high school, survived undergrad, faced more than a few heartbreaks and life changing moments, and graduated with my Masters Degree while only being 22 years old as of August 2016. I have made the movement a huge part of my life for the better portion of those 6 years to the point where I needed to step back and reevaluate my feelings on it because in all honesty, I didn't love it anymore.
After speaking at numerous churches, community events, even press conferences, I never felt like I was making a difference and felt like I was speaking empty words. Even after an amazing partnership I left feeling more empty than I came because I gave so much of myself and was returned feeling like I was speaking to a vacant building, clogged ears, and even losing some lifelong friends via being blocked on social media (real cool, I know).
I cannot tell you how many nights I sat in my empty apartment, in tears feeling like God had gotten all of this wrong and I misheard what He was saying to me all those years ago and this was all a mistake. How many days I scroll through my Facebook and my heart breaks because of a photo or status I see from someone I fought so hard to reach out to but I seemed to have no influence. The number of times I questioned why I chose to study social work because I wasn't cut out for it and I was crazy for thinking it was something I should do. I got to the point where I became inactive with my own workings within the movement and sat on the sidelines watching what everyone else was doing.
Then it all came rushing back.
One Saturday morning on our usual Chickfila breakfast, my mom and I decided to go inside rather than use the drive-thru like we always do so we did. As I was gathering our food I heard a voice say to me “Autumn? Hey Autumn!” and I must admit, at first I wasn't sure who this woman was trying to talk to me. Then it clicked when she said her name, this was someone who had seen me all through high school, undergrad, and beyond and the work I had been doing. We got to talking and I was asked to speak at a training for school guidance counselors regarding human trafficking, to which I agreed (reluctantly as it had been a while). Can I just tell you how glad I am that I said yes to that opportunity?
When I was walking into the building where the training was being held, I felt a bit out of my element as I wasn’t sure this was somewhere I belonged. I mean I hadn’t done this type of event in a while, what was I going to say? But as soon as the other speakers began talking, I felt a wave of relief, like I was home.
Now this isn't a blog to brag about myself, but rather one to encourage you to continue pushing through and never doubt God’s plan for you. When I was 16 I felt God put the weight of the issue that is human trafficking on my heart and from that moment I haven’t been able to escape it, even when I thought I was done for! I know that walking into that Chick-fil-a was not an accident, but rather God giving me a slight nudge saying “Hey, you remember when you used to do this and thought it was a mistake? Let me show you!” and I cannot say thank you enough for that. My friends, don’t give up on the burdens of your heart, they are there for a reason and God knowns what He is doing, even when you don’t. He doesn’t have to let us in on His plans, thats why we are called to have faith, because He knows so much more than we could ever imagine and at times it may require getting a little uncomfortable but remember, nothing ever grows out of comfort.
