This Nerd Is In Another Castle @thisnerdisinanothercastle - Tumblr Blog

11x04, Baby. Favourite Shots.

I lose my mind every time someone says Buffy didn’t love Spike because of the ending. She did. Joss Whedon literally said so. It just never got spread around the fandom the way it should have.

In the audio commentary for the finale (there’s an old 2008 transcript and the video is on YouTube at around 36:00), Joss explains:

So yeah. It’s canon. Buffy loved Spike.

For anyone who hasn’t seen it, I totally recommend reading (or listening to) the rest of the commentary, because he goes through the entire episode and actually gives some really interesting insight into Buffy and Spike.

sayyoume

"Because they did". Eventually spuffy, smg and jm were moving btvs forward

So I didn't drink enough water this morning for my blood test. The nurse had to get another nurse. She managed to get a tiny bit out of a vein in my HAND. But not enough, so I have to go back next week for another one.

Fuuuuck.

Got the rota for next week. I've been given 3 days off. In a row. I can't afford 3 days off. Why am I being given an extra day off. I can't afford it.

I'm guessing it might be because I did a double on sunday just gone. But I want the money. I can't afford it.

Just had a call from the mental health nurse to ask a few things before my appointment next week.

I think it went ok, not sure I ended up answering some questions correctly. Like I didn't mention my not feeling a sense of accomplishment, but a sense of relief.

But I did say a good chunk about me thinking I have cptsd, and that since being in my own home I do finally feel at peace. Or to a degree, but I'm still working on it. Like I still feel like I always have to be doing something, I'm not allowed to relax because I would always be told I'm lazy if I'm not doing anything.

I mentioned a few things that led to my break up. That I really struggle to regulate my emotions, my mind won't shut up, I constantly feel on high alert/hyper vigilant. I can't sleep. But I also didn't mention that otherwise I can feel relatively flat, it's like one extreme or the other.

So yeah I dunno. By the sounds of it I'm coming across as more anxious over depressed. As for the tests, I put high for anxiety. But erm yeah. We will see. I do also want to be like I think I have autism/ADHD/bpd/cptsd.

Bleh.

eldritchbauble

Genuinely one of the worst things about being raised by an abusive parent is that whatever anyone on the outside knows about is the tip of the iceberg. Even if they know, they don't know. They didn't live it. And whatever your parent did/does is like 100x worse than what they know about. Because even if you try to relay your experiences, there is still an ocean worth of shit that's slipped though the cracks and you can't even coherently remember it all to tell them. Even when you can remember, it's hard to put into words everything that's been done to you. It's an insanely isolating thing to go through. It's like you're the only one who's ever truly going to know what it's like to be you, even if other people relate and sympathize. Even moreso if you don't have any siblings who shared your childhood. It's just. Shit.

eldritchbauble

"Fuck you my child is completely fine" your kid starts crying every time someone makes them feel safe and cared about.

furiousgoldfish

parents will be like "We're good parents! We did our best!" while their child is alone in their room, terrified of footsteps, unable to conceptualize being loved by anyone.