i want to admire the attitude of submission, but i want god’s anger more, want to rouse the old testament in me.
THOMAS MAEDA. 35. ex-purged. soldier & resident of idaho falls. written by lulu, they/them. about.
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@thomasmaeda
i want to admire the attitude of submission, but i want god’s anger more, want to rouse the old testament in me.
THOMAS MAEDA. 35. ex-purged. soldier & resident of idaho falls. written by lulu, they/them. about.
zaheer.
—
Zaheer scowled at Thomas’s less-than-understanding attitude. In a voice little louder than a grumble, he explained, “Because he shouldn’t want the anesthesia to begin with. He needs to learn to embrace his pain. It’s sinful even to want reprieve — you know this as well as I do.”
It wasn’t that he thought he could convert the people of Idaho Falls. He knew that they were well past redemption. But how could he ignore their behavior? It felt tantamount to abandoning his beliefs, his God. And whatever the other Virtues and the Oracle believed, he was not so far gone. He still loved God. He still loved them.
“Hmph.” He had to agree with Thomas; he didn’t think that the people in this town would be accepting of them anytime soon. But it wasn’t their acceptance he craved, so he didn’t let it bother him. Mostly. He got off the bed and to his feet, scratching at his beard as he considered the rest of that statement.
“And where else would we go, Thomas? I mean, what if…what if this is it?” He dropped his hand, where it clasped with his other one, fingers fidgeting restlessly. “What if everyone is just as strange and sinful as the people here? What if the Purged were the only sane people and we’ve —”
He shook his head. It was a fruitless train of thought. They couldn’t go back, either of them, thanks to him. Still, it kept him awake late into the night. “We should stockpile our supplies, at least. If we do decide to leave and face the unknown again, I would like to avoid freezing or starving to death, wouldn’t you?”
—
“Oh, you’re going to lecture me on what is and isn’t sinful?” If he sounds insulted, that’s because he is. “Typical Zaheer. Go ahead, lecture me. I know you’ve been waiting from the minute we got here to say something about something.” He doesn’t know that, actually. But this is how their conversations have gone since they were kids.
Zaheer says something snippy. Thomas says something snippy back. It usually escalates. Round-and-round they go. “They’ll die the way they do, without the Oracle to guide them.” He pauses. “Us, too, now.” It’s difficult for him to wrap his head around. They’ve cornered themselves. The Oracle won’t be going to get them, either, unless it’s to put them on a stake for sacrifice.
He’s not as ready as Zaheer is the love the sinner. He’d spent several years honing his skills just by hunting them. And he had. He had hunted them, the same way you did a deer with a bow and arrow. Sometimes, even, he’d lay a snare-trap for them the way you might for rabbits. They were no better than animals. He still sees that. He can see it now, in the dark circle forming beneath Zaheer’s eye.
And this is the place they’ve put themselves in? “You can’t think like that.” It’s a warning. Thomas steps back, out of the way of Zaheer. He takes the ice pack and sets it aside on a table with nothing else on it. If Zaheer needs it, he’ll grab it. “I think we’d have a better chance on our own than with most of the people here, even on the run. We could go further East.” That poses its own problems. “Or South.”
Zaheer’s right either way. They should stockpile. There’s still a sizable chance the weather’s going to turn on them, and their good luck will run out. “What do you think of the sin— the... people we’ve met so far? It’s been a few weeks. You’ve got to have thoughts.”
zaheer.
WITH: @thomasmaeda WHERE: Residence Inn Hotel WHEN: May 4th, 2033
As if being in this sinful place wasn’t humiliating enough, he and Thomas shared a room on the second floor of the hotel the residents called their base. Zaheer could not have even a moment in total, absolute privacy without Thomas lumbering in. And just then, he really wanted a moment in privacy. Still, when he heard footsteps, he sat up from where he’d been lying in bed. The ice pack he’d been holding over his face fell away to reveal a swiftly-forming black eye.
“It was an older gentleman,” he explained, though Thomas hadn’t asked. “One of those types who believes the Outbreak ended the world and everything is terrible now. I was extracting a bullet from his side — training accident, aren’t guns horrible? And he asks for anesthetic. And I told him that anesthetic is sinful, that he should consider the pain a blessing and use it to reflect on what he did to provoke God to inflict this pain on him.”
Zaheer huffed, frowning down at his ice pack, which he was now squeezing between his hands like a stress ball. “Perfectly good advice, no? And he…ugh. He called me Purged trash and said he wanted another doctor! Well, now I was awfully heated, so I said no wonder he’d been shot, that God must despise him for talking about his people like that. And then he punched me!”
He sighed. “And then I was asked to leave for the day. I can’t imagine why. You know, we don’t even have anesthetic!” The books he’d read had made him suspect that such a thing could be synthesized if he found the right plant…but even if he knew where to start, he wouldn’t dare go against God’s will so blatantly. Being free from pain was not a medical necessity, in his opinion. Easy for the doctor to say. “Have you fared better than me today?”
As the day comes to a close, Thomas takes the time to register how he’s feeling. Physically, there’s the ache of the body. He’s sore from carrying crates back and forth, particularly with how his shoulders are burning. After that had come training. While he’s able to use a gun, a pistol at least, it doesn’t sit right in his hands. It doesn’t hold itself properly to the curve of his palm the way a bow would.
He’d tried. Misfired, once, but hadn’t hit anyone (thank God, that’s the last thing they’d need right now) and had promptly decided afterwards that his day was done. So, tired and a little prickly, he’d started the trudge back to the hotel room he has to share with Zaheer. He doesn’t know why he thought it would be different. Of course they’d be stuck together. He doesn’t know of any other former Purged here, and the way people have been staring says enough to know that they’re not welcome.
In the time between digging Zaheer up, rescuing him, and running, he’d thought Zaheer had been quieter. He can’t recall the man ever being this chatty, but when he closes the door behind him the doctor is already talking. Thomas turns his head to look at him. “So you told a man who’d just been shot that he was sinful, and then told him that God hates him... and then you were surprised that he punched you?” It’s not that he disagrees with Zaheer’s sentiment. He does. “I’d have hit you for less, if I were a sinner. I’d hit you now, actually, but he beat me to it. You couldn’t just tell him we don’t have it from the start?”
Thomas scoffs and shucks his jacket off, tossing it to the side. Then, he crosses the room, and pries the ice-pack away from Zaheer’s hands. It’s melted, significantly, since it’s been used as a stress-ball. “Training went fine,” he lies. “I think they’re going to be giving us the ten-foot radius for a while, though.” He doesn’t dislike the idea, honestly. Better for everyone if they keep their distance. “I’d prefer it if we didn’t stay here long, though. These people are bizarre.”
Andrew Koji in Snake Eyes (2021) dir. Robert Schwentke