are you telling me there's some kind of...dracula?

dan. m. 29. pro-kink pro-fucked up fiction but also pro-chill and fun fiction. stuff can be different, you guys currently reading stories of your life and others by ted chiang currently playing tomodachi life currently listening to the great divide by noah kahan MY MESSENGER IS BROKEN. SEND ME AN ASK INSTEAD

[anatheyma]

unfollowed someone for announcing "we will be pirating!" regarding the new harry potter hbo show, because no we won't be. even if you don't support that hag financially, i can't have a harry potter fan in my circles. fucks up my chakras.

[jewish-joy]

Last year, I befriended a Catholic seminarian. We've gotten to be pretty decent friends. Seeing as he was staying in town for the summer and I wasn't, I entrusted him with caring for my plant.

He did a wonderful job, but as he was returning my plant to my custody, he explained "I watered her every other day, I gave her new dirt, moved her into the sunshine, prayed the rosary-"

"What?"

He looked at me, confused. "Isn't she a plant you pray with?"

"No," I said slowly. "She's a prayer plant. That's the... colloquial name of the plant."

Upon seeing his stricken face, I realized something went wrong. Turns out, this entire time, he's been including my plant in on his prayers and leaving her near icons.

Listen, totally cool. My plant becoming Catholic is a great deal for her not dying over the summer. But now I must navigate this interfaith household. Keep me in your thoughts.

[your-dewey-decimal-number-is]

282 and 635.965

catholicism and houseplants

[robinstome]

there's no fucking way

[deadandwalking]

hey kitten. daddy needs to talk to you. your kink blog is great, but you are not highlighting the words correctly. kitten. stop highlighting. this is shit. did you seriously highlight that period. kitten.

[william-snekspeare]

This is so real

[pixellangel]

HOLD ON I HAVE A GIF FOR THIS

[pixellangel]

yes ive been waiting for my moment

[your-dewey-decimal-number-is]

595.768

weevils

[millionsknives]

[butt-rice]

i wish there was a way to say "you're right, but this is really ineffective and even counterproductive messaging to anyone who doesn't already agree with you" without sounding like an asshole

[patrickbatemanamericanpsycho]

When the group chat arguing and bro starts messaging you privately

[thomrainierskies]

there are a lot of reasons to cling to 'queer' as the preferred formal/academic umbrella term but absolutely one of them is the cringe of listening to audiobook readers laboriously spell out 2-S-L-G-B-T-Q-I-A-plus

[leonbutchkennedy]

[unofficial-sean]

Woooo! Wobbegong Wednesday! Look at her go! Swimming up your dashboard!

[sevensmallgummies]

please look at our favorite gif on the internet

such a gentle cat. it loves its pelleds

[thomrainierskies]

after playing phone tag for a week i connected with the lawn guy on monday and he said oh yeah i'll send you a quote and we can probably get it done tomorrow so he sent me a quote yesterday morning and i approved it and the page says "great, we'll be in touch to schedule!" and he hasn't texted me or emailed me or come by and now it's tomorrow and the lawn is really bad and i'm now in a fucking flare because of the smoke and the post office keeps stealing my packages and i have to start packing to move and i'm gonna get a fine for the lawn

[theoneofwhomisblue]

[blossposs]

[crispylilworm]

[theoneofwhomisblue]

[theoneofwhomisblue]

[requiem-on-water]

[ewaneneollav]

[sleepdeprivedsurgeon]

funniest thing to ever happen was when my boyfriend put on the first episode of columbo (which i'd never seen) but he wouldn't tell me what show it was he would only say "you'll get it when he shows up." but a fun fact about the first episode of columbo is that he doesn't show up for 32 minutes and when he does, he silently walks into the room with a cigar and does a little pose and goes "hi i'm columbo."