the fatherfucking king

ej | he/they | icon by @the-ross-winchester

[lakemojave]

You know that whatever character did those problematic things isn't like. Real, right?

[lakemojave]

You are aware that a fictional character is just a rhetorical construct designed to fulfill a narrative/thematic purpose right? That their actions are written by an author who wants to use them to explore complex ideas and moral gray areas within the safe confines of fiction right? That they aren't a real person who has killed real people right?

[attackjester]

how it genuinely feels to have someone who agrees with your somewhat niche stances on a character

[desolationlesbian]

met a woman today whose original real actual given-at-birth first name is "Vendetta." ma'am are you aware you are a videogame protagonist and/or a character in a skullduggery pleasant novel. real quick sorry to bother you miss but who exactly were your parents expecting you to avenge in their name

[desolationlesbian]

the worst part is I can't dare ask her that last question because then she might say something like "You don't remember, do you?" and pull out a katana and obviously I'm not stupid enough to take that risk

[anxietyproblem]

[oak23]

We forgot about it

[dickheaddutch]

[valilihapiirakka]

I once signed up to participate in a study on how depression affects memory, forgot I was meant to go do it, and when I emailed to apologise to the PhD student running it she basically told me that a) she was very used to this happening and b) the weird irony of her theories’ correctness making it very difficult to arrange proving them had by now gone from infuriating to hysterical

[plain-flavoured-english]

I went to the Grand Canyon when I was depressed and I literally forgot the whole thing. Like, the only reason I even know I was there is that I have photographs of myself standing in front of the Grand Canyon with dead eyes but i have absolutely no memory of it

People talk about depression like it’s just being sad all the time but straight up your brain stops working and sadness is just one of the many, many consequences of that

[miseria-fortes-viros]

man sometimes i really want to get back into welding but then i remember that the guys from the first course i took won’t be there and change my mind

[miseria-fortes-viros]

comprehensive list of things that happened to me in my welding course with The Guys:

- was the only one to get an A the first grading period. had to stop them from putting me on their shoulders

- became the official classroom mascot on account of i was the only girl. this meant i was an integral stop on any and all workshop tours. was referred to as “Our Lady Helena” on these occasions

- almost set myself on fire once bc my prof stood behind me watching me try a skill he’d just demonstrated and he shouted very suddenly very loudly. restarted my heart and asked WTF WAS THAT FOR JOHN and he called me a “goddamn wonder”. i almost got third degree burned over a compliment

- mentioned offhand ONE TIME that swords were cool. also mentioned my birthday offhand ONE TIME. one of The Guys remembered both instances and also happened to find a sword in a dumpster so he gave it to me for my birthday

- came in fifth in an arm wrestling competition

- french braided my hair in class bc i didn’t have time to do it beforehand. ended up with an audience of like 5+ guys trying to figure out how tf i was doing it

- told The Guys my college friends call me barbie. Mistake. suddenly had all 12 of them calling me Barbarian

- had some down time and made a silly little sculpture with some scraps. The Guys were endlessly intrigued by this and demanded to see some of my art school stuff. had a small crowd around my phone cheering loudly every time i swiped to a new picture

- accidentally mentioned the cafe i worked at. Mistake. several days later all 12 of them came in to bother me

- offered someone a haircut. Mistake. had to retract the offer bc suddenly Everyone wanted a haircut and it would Not Be Fair if i only did one

[gumy-shark]

sometimes my Beloved Mutuals will rb a post about a certain character archetype and i will have to physically restrain myself from saying “yeah you would say that wouldn’t you”

[gumy-shark]

jasper you don’t get to get away with this that easily.

new ask game: what’s the character archetype that makes you go “of course you would say that” when i post about it?

[wizard-council-bureaucrat]

Wizard Ritual to Appease The Bone Snake

[wizard-council-bureaucrat]

If you have not supplicated yourself to The Bone Snake today, do so now

If you do not bow to The Bone Snake now, The Bone Snake will force to you to be bowed forever

[fred-the-dinosaur]

i hate the bone snake

[wizard-council-bureaucrat]

The Bone Snake also hates you

.

.

.

unless☝️

[wizard-council-bureaucrat]

Everybody UP! Up UP! The bone snake calls!

[enigmaticpink]

I firmly believe what ever you’re obsessed with at 11/12 years old becomes a core part of who you are, regardless if you lose interest in it or not. Maybe some of you were lucky and were obsessed with warrior cats or smth, and if you’re real unlucky it was probably twilight.

[gaystation4]

[glowingghosty]

i don't say this very often so you can trust me when i say for the love of god please unmute

[foxofninetales]

Audio description: Very loud trilling purrring.

[comicgeekscomicgeek]

Very important kitty noises

[teaboot]

I think your cat is probably a dove

[dajo42]

no, mother... you should have read my supposed "school field trip" permission slip closer.... i foresaw your betrayal a mile away.... im afraid, mother, it is you who has been sold to one direction

[rainrein]

love it when a location is evil. when a location fucking sucks. when intrinsically it is so bad and evil that it literally is in the air . this kinda works if its only something special can you imagine a parking lot being evil oooooh every time you park into me i subtly adjust my lines so that you're always slightly tilted

[thckskulll]

[i-am-a-fish]

every time you make art of any kind, a stat that is not visible to the player goes up. also, this is the most important stat in the game

[ledogeishere]

does singing in the shower count as art

[i-am-a-fish]

does a strong as fuck ice mummy have ice powers

[the-quietestmela]

does writing fanfiction count as art

[i-am-a-fish]

don't make me say the mummy thing again

[dmcmercy]

I love that society has progressed to the point where the baseball scene has become The Twilight Reference to make instead of sparkling vampires

[greeniery]

i tried to make a venn diagram but my migraine is ironically too bad for me to have the brain power to take the time to fix the proportions and then i locked one of the text layers and got pissed off and gave up. but i kind of like it all fucked up like this

[conzoop]

If I killed someone I'd be so impossible to find online I'd be posting "Feels really good not being a killer and having never killed anyone ever"

[conzoop]

my "I havent killed anyone" post has a lot of people asking questions answered by aforementioned post

[memeuplift]

[mossspores]

life if comes fucks me