Human handed Fish

You don't get to know

[riblet1-blog]

[transgenderer]

When I say "godspeed" (I say it a lot) I like to imagine I'm a member of a futurism religion that worships velocity above all else. Like its the standard well-wishing in my culture. Speedliness is next to godliness. Someday we'll catch him! And the closer we get the more he loves us

[i-am-bic]

I really enjoy being aroace. It's great. However, there comes the time when I really want something for nonsexual reasons (see above) and that makes it so much more embarassing. I just have this nonsexual, nonromantic fixation of something I want to do with people. And I have to live with that

[fridgebride]

[millenianthemums]

it’s interesting to me how villains kinda become easier to defend the more exaggeratedly evil they are. like if a character, say, blows up planets all willy-nilly and tortures people in incomprehensible ways just for fun, just commits horrors on an unimaginable scale with no remorse, there’s basically no human being who could ever exist on that level so it’s easy to be like yay wahoo i love evil! but if a character is a realistic, down-to-earth bad person in a way people can comprehend and compare to their own experiences? well you might just start wanting to tear their liver out with your teeth. if you’re me.

[beyondthisdarkhouse]

When I was in therapist school one of my profs said, "A lot of trauma needs 10 or 20 years before it's really ready to be worked through. Maybe longer." And at the time I was like: Oh Shit. I planned to be over my trauma and all better by the time I graduated!

Anyway, that was 10 or 20 years ago and jesus fuck, she was right.

[star-anise]

A brief explanation:

One of the most popular theories of trauma says there are three steps.

Escape the trauma and find safety.

Process the trauma.

Consolidate the trauma.

Sometimes this can be a relatively quick process. If you get into a car accident while turning left in a busy city street, you might get trauma symptoms that cause feelings of fear and anxiety when you're driving your car, or travelling by car through a busy city.

"Finding safety" would mean learning to handle your anxiety and fearfulness by re-training your body to seek calm, even when reminded of the trauma. This might include things like breathing or muscle relaxation exercises that actually affect an anxious brain and help you stay centred, as well as slow exposure to situations that are stressful and traumatic so you learn to tolerate them again.

"Processing the trauma" means to look back at what happened that has given you significant psychological symptoms, and re-process those memories and the lessons you took from them so they are less damaging or hurtful. That might be revisiting your memories of the accident until they aren't so painful to think about, or it might be working to be more comfortable with driving again.

"Consolidating the trauma" means that when you've settled those memories, you take your new, healthier understanding of yourself forward into your life. That might make you a more cautious driver, or cause you to be more mindful and value every moment because you've seen how quickly your life can change. It is what you make of it.

When you try to do these steps out of order, that's more of a problem. If you want to dive straight into revisiting your memories of something that happened, but you have no defense against the panic attacks and nightmares that remembering causes you, you're not safe, not so far as your brain thinks. Your brain experiences raw memories of trauma as though it were still happening all around you. You can end up even more traumatized than before, so that even seeing a picture of a car makes you feel like you're back on that street waiting to turn left.

If a trauma is particularly old, complex, or strong, it can take a long, long time before you actually feel safe enough to go back into the memories that haunt you most. That's especially true if you're still in a situation that feels threatening, like if it's your job to drive around downtown. Or in other situations, if your abusive parent is still alive and in your life, or if you're still a member of the group or club you were abused in.

Even with our best therapies, like EMDR and DBT, it can still take years to reach that place of safety. Like my prof said, sometimes it's a decade. Sometimes more. I'm almost 40, and this week I finally felt safe enough to open up a file of memories that happened when I was 4. But until you reach that place, it's really hard to unpack the trauma and look at more complicated questions like, "Are the assumptions I made back when that happened accurate or useful?" or "Is it beneficial to me to keep being afraid of this kind of situation in the future?"

[i-am-bic]

I really enjoy being aroace. It's great. However, there comes the time when I really want something for nonsexual reasons (see above) and that makes it so much more embarassing. I just have this nonsexual, nonromantic fixation of something I want to do with people. And I have to live with that

[nat-20s]

I feel like some characters are aroace in that they simply don't have any romantic or sexual attraction/interest and some characters are aroace and have unlocked Intimacy 2: Much Weirder boogaloo

[nat-20s]

devastating: you want to crawl into this person's ribcage and it's not even a Sex Thing

[macbethz]

Many should take note of this

[boombox-fuckboy]

How many audio drama podcasts have you listened to?

0-2

3-5

6-10

11-20

21-35

36-60

61-110

111-200

201-350

351-500

501+

Remaining time: 5 days 13 hours

[worldwright]

@normalbroadcast

[duckdotcom]

when you use love as an ingredient it's really important to use a contrasting flavor like hate or malice to cut the monotony of the dish and balance the profile so it doesn't overpower the palate

[arodabi]

Sometimes i feel like younger queer kids are getting a bit to bold with openly talking to people they don’t know In The Context Of:

More than once i have had a younger/same age queer person come up to me in public settings and say something about “finding other gays” or clearly clocking me as nonbinary and I’m like :)))))))) hey buddy I’m here with my conservative parents can you fucking not out me :))))))))

Just say you like my outfit or hair and move on, fuck even tell me you like my shoelaces. Don’t call me gay and limp your wrist at me when you don’t even know me? Especially when there’s a bunch of ppl around?

[the-gayest-tuba]

i was out with my ex once when three *very* young queer kids, like thirteen years old, came up to us and asked us “are you guys, you know…” and did the limp wrist thing at us. one of them loudly exclaimed that it was so cool to meet other queer people in real life. this was in public in an unbelievably conservative area - we didn’t even feel safe holding hands because we were surrounded by Mormons. we got lucky that day, but I’m begging y’all to remember that the world doesn’t work like the internet. other queers are real fuckin people. don’t do this shit. OP is right; tell me you like my jacket, or my patches, or the rainbow spokes on my wheelchair, but don’t out either of us!

[life-on-the-spectrum]

This used to be standard operating procedure not even ten years ago: NEVER OUT OTHER QUEERS, even if they’re supposedly already out. Never assume that it’s okay to let third parties know that so-and-so is queer. Ever. You never know when you’ve found the one uncle with the heart condition that they can’t bear to risk telling, or the one neighbor who’s just threatening enough that they don’t mention it around, or even the grandma that they haven’t gotten around to mentioning it to yet. You might have just ruined a very important milestone for someone, or you could have put them at actual risk of harm.

Also… stop freaking assuming. If you don’t see a pride flag on them, please don’t just assume. You can’t tell ANYTHING about a person’s gender or partner preferences by what they’re wearing on any given day, what their hair looks like, or whether or not they’re using makeup. You legit cannot, and you look like a jerk when you try.

[nemesis-is-my-middle-name]

i am stronger than the email because i am pure of heart

[annabelle--cane]

there came a moment in my youth when I was preparing to #lie to someone and was stressing out about them not believing it and getting mad at me because I knew I was going to look shifty the whole time, but then it occurred to me that I knew all my tells because they were things that momentarily made my anxiety go down (turning my body away from them a little, looking at the floor, using excessive filler words, over-explaining, etc.), and since I could feel what they all were I could just. not do them. and suddenly it felt like I had stopped existing as a single unified being with my feelings and body inherently interconnected and instead was able to use my body like a very sophisticated tool that responds to precise instructions and only does what I actively tell it to. which made me very good at lying and garnered me a few student acting awards, but also led to some other problems of various natures further down the line. alas.

[littledeviantsworld-deactivated]

Did you ever just feel so lucky for knowing someone you met online? Like.. I was one click away from not following you. I was one second away from never even knowing of your existence.I would never have been this happy!!!...

[vulturevanity]

I think we need to kill the sentiment that people lose their right to personhood once they do something bad enough

[vulturevanity]

I don't know who needs to hear this but you need to stop dehumanising people even if those people are "abusers" or "creeps" because you need to understand that you are not immune to doing something equally as bad

Abusers and creeps are not some species of especially heinous animal or alien or monster wearing the face of a human. They're people. And you NEED to drill it into your head that they are people because you NEED to remember that people are capable of doingn heinous shit. And you are a person. And your loved ones are people.

By emotionally classifying people who have done heinous things as subhuman filth incapable of thinking and feeling and acting just like you and me, and by using that emotional dehumanization as a reason to deny those people any compassion or support on a systemic level, you risk becoming blind to abuse/violence perpetrated by someone close to you or even yourself. Because if "abusers don't deserve rights", then you won't ever want to admit or accept that you or a loved one is perpetrating abuse, and that makes stopping the abuse or preventing further abuse much harder. This is how you end up excuaing abusive behaviour on the grounds that, since you don't see someone as a disgusting subhuman pile of garbage therefore they can't possibly be An Abuser, Trademark

[vulturevanity]

And here'a the even harder pill to swallow: since the world isn't split into "abusers" and "good people", in the same way you or someone you love can inflict abuse/violence on others, the people who HAVE inflicted abuse/violence on others can, in fact, change and become better people

There is no bottomless chasm of moral uncleanliness that someone can run off and fall into and get stuck in forever. People can do better. Yes, even those people. You HAVE to accept this. Otherwise not only is there no motivation for anyone to try and do better (which is when people become stuck in a cycle of violence and abuse they don't want to escape), but your idea of a perfect justice system doesn't look any different from Literal Christian Hell. And I HOPE you understand that Literal Christian Hell is, to put it very lightly, not a good justice system.

[stella-draws-things]