Rory's purgatory @thoughtless-psychonaut - Tumblr Blog

Being trans is so fun. The constant fear of predation I had as an AFAB when walking past men in public has been replaced with this terror that they perceive my queerness as subhuman and want to kill me :D

#transgender #transmasc #manosphere is hell ok earth #why do people talk to me about looksmaxxing now?

Smack dab in the intersection of struggle street and adversity avenue today :(

#why has this whole week felt like periodically waking up from a wet dream in the middle of surgery?#I'm feeling like the struggle bus and the whole ass caboose

the-muppet-joker

Vesicles at the neuromuscular junction: got anotha round of acetylcholine from da boss. motion in da right wrist, make it snappy

Receptors on muscle fiber: Prithee! Tell me what the Higher Conciousness commands of me! I will do whatever is ordained, but I wish to know the purpose of this divine act of motion!

Vesicles: we jackin off to the muppet show again

Receptors: Man what the hell

Castrated by life. Forced to lock in

Grandma said no to brunch with me next Sunday.

I will not perceive this as rejection from a maternal figure.

#mommy issues but it's every older woman in my life #it's the little things that humble you

Making a right on red when my friend is following me in their car. Yeah, you can follow me. But first, find me.

#Easter egg hunt but I'm the egg and there's no reward

Students coming to the advising office for help with their summer schedule but leaving with a detailed understanding of shrimp fucking is probably not what they came to a state college for, but they seem to be enjoying it.

#my npc former marine biologist coworker #she won't stop talking about her old job at the shrimp hatchery #shes so nice but so annoying

My evil boss decided my job wasn't torment enough, so she hired my coworker who speaks in nothing but NPC dialogue for the 8 whole hours I'm forced to work with her every day.

#she won't stop talking about her old job at the shrimp hatchery #my boss is an evil white woman #please shut the fuck up #shes so nice but so annoying

My 72 year old Republican grandma got diagnosed with cancer and now she uses therapy words.

#the worst person you know learned therapy words #repugnicans #republicans are domestic terrorists

The bigoted freaks,

Religious creeps,

With eyes that steal,

And words unheal,

The things that shan't be spoken,

Uncanny kindness,

And willful blindness,

Ignorant bliss,

Tasting reckless,

Tongues who lash arbitrary,

Rights and wrongs,

Love-filled songs,

Sung by the serpent,

Who dare not repent,

For blindfolding sins.

Pulled this from my old doc of poetry I wrote back in 2020. Gotta love religious bigotry. Like bro, that's not very Christ-like of you...

It's very strange to have such a strong affection for people who regularly forget you're in the room. I grew up with you. We share a last name. But you take family photos and leave me out of frame. You choose a four player game and don't even tell me to sit it out. It's just automatic for you now. You don't even think to invite me to events happening in my own home. I wonder when that became the case. What if it's always been that way.

Maybe it wouldn't hurt so bad if you guys would stop joking too. Four rounds of the Wii and I can't tell if I'm trying not to cry from laughter or loneliness. I'll keep smiling anyway. Maybe I'll just sit here on the floor and wait for you all to look down and remember I'm here.

When I was 13, I think I realized that no one in my family really liked me. They felt obligated to invite me to events and give me calls on my birthday, but otherwise, our interactions lacked the sort of warmth and familiarity I had seen them show to one another.

I wish I was wrong. "The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence" and such. But no, I'm realizing as an adult that I was right. I had every reason to feel out of place and insecure around my family. I will never fulfil their expectations of me. I simply can't.

#family trauma #holiday dread #thanksgiving dinner #black sheep

write-on-world

thoughtless-psychonaut

My countless warrior cats and lion king AUs...

raqualswonderfunblog

"I'm chronically ill. I'm okay, but I'm always sick."

"Oh, I hope you get better soon."

I won't get better. I know this makes you feel better today, but It's been 7 years of this. It's been 4 since I was diagnosed and started treatment. It's been less than 2 years since I started to adapt. I'm not better. I never will be. I know that's uncomfortable for you to hear. It's uncomfortable for me to live. I don't resent you. I'm glad you don't understand. I just wish I didn't feel like such a fool for not getting better when other people can.

#chronic illness #chronic fatigue #cancer #cancer patient #chrinic pain #chronically ill

Being chronically I'll is weird because I haven't always been this mediocre.

I've lost so many relationships through my grief for my body and health.

Now, on the other side with acceptance, I'm surrounded by people who only know me post diagnosis and post everything.

I wish you could have seen me before my chronic illness.

I wish you could've seen me before medication side effects.

I wish you could have seen me before constant fatigue.

I wish you could have seen me before addiction.

I wish you could have seen me before cravings.

I wish you could have seen me before, but you can't.

I just hope my pain is hidden and bearable for you. I know I'm hard to be around.

#chronic illness #chronic pain #chronic fatigue #cancer #addiction #addiction recovery #poetry #poems on tumblr

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Rory's purgatory