journals and thoughts

Mood: wrapped in soft blankets, journaling and drinking a cup of hot chocolate, while listening to the storm outside.

[thoughtsofthunderstorms]

I haven’t much to post besides this flower arrangement I made for my desk. 

My mind has been more interested in home improvement than journaling recently: moving furniture, repainting furniture, organizing, etc. It’s been interesting learning the temperament of chalk paint and trying to fashion practicality and aesthetic together. I’ve been listening to my intuition and its voice is clear: it is time for a change. 

I used to have a big fear of change. Even now, I sometimes realize when I’m trying to hold onto who I was in the past rather than letting myself grow with grace. If anything, my own growth does not bother me, it is others’ perception of my growth that does. Why is it so difficult to feel comfortable within our own skin? Why is it so difficult to trust that we know what is best for ourselves? 

I hope everyone has a wonderful week :) 

Remember: you are resilient, you are beautiful, you are enough. 

[thoughtsofthunderstorms]

So much rain and yet no thunder... 

Still, beautiful dark skies create a lovely moody, mysterious atmosphere. Something about the combination of car lights and raindrops is very aesthetic, I can’t help but take a picture when the perfect chances occur.

I hope everyone has a lovely week. 

[thoughtsofthunderstorms]

Happy Spring Equinox! 

My goodness, it has been a while since I’ve been on here. If only studying and school could be as aesthetic as this gorgeous, calming image by freestocks on Unsplash. As hard as I try to keep a minimal yet beautiful aesthetic at my own desk, it immediately gets drowned out by anxiety, papers, and pressure to fill expectations. Does anyone else share the same problem?

In a way, it feels unfair that school must be so challenging and demanding. Learning is something beautiful, it is like watching flowers bloom and their roots take in water as we engulf the knowledge that we enjoy. How magical is it that today we can research nearly any topic, even the most niche subject, and it is likely someone will have learned and shared the same curiosities that we have? How satisfying to pull up a website, sit down with a book, or have a discussion with someone who holds the information to answer our questions? How amazing that when we learn something, more questions arise, forever keeping us curious and thinking.

School feels as though it has twisted this idea of learning into something unrecognizable. It demands you to learn, it shames you, it blames you, it shows you a letter as if that is all you’re worth. Depending on what teacher you have makes a world of difference, either they will sit beside you and teach or they’ll stand above you and lecture. I am lucky to have wonderful teachers currently; but I have experienced both.

This is just my perception of school, of course.

However, in case you feel the same and you need to hear this: you are worth more than a letter grade. You are more than a test; more than parroting information; more than their expectations. It is okay to not be interested in subjects you’re being taught—remember to indulge in your true passions, they will likely drive your decisions in life. If you’re feeling exhausted from stress and the weight others put on your shoulders—remember to rest: if you don’t keep yourself healthy, you cannot keep carrying yourself towards your goals. If you’re feeling like you’re falling behind in life or guilty for turning opportunity away—just wait. Everything will come with time and your intuition will tell you if it is right.

I am still learning to practice what I’m writing above. It is so much easier to say it than to believe it yourself, isn’t it? I recently turned down an opportunity because my gut told me it wasn’t for me. Although it should have been something I wanted, although it was something everyone said I should want, I wasn’t ready for it—yet. I realized, just because I turned it down, it does not mean everything was for nothing. I just wasn’t ready for this opportunity yet, which means maybe in the future I will return to similar opportunities. Setting aside what used to interest you isn’t quitting, it’s just gently setting aside familiar interests to let yourself explore and see what else is out there. We can come back to it anytime.

I hope you have a lovely day, evening, or night. You are resilient, you are lovely, you are enough.

Photograph by: freestocks on Unsplash

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A beautiful sunrise I recorded. 30 minutes in 12 seconds. 

Enjoy and have a wonderful day :)

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Sometimes the hardest thing to do is just enjoy the moment with our own eyes. 

Unsplash.com Photographer Credits:

Sunflower: Jayalekshman SJ

Butterfly: Karthik S R

Grasses in sunset: Ann Savchenko

Other:

Saying: thoughtsofthunderstorms

Autumnal paint sample card: Sherwin-Williams

[thoughtsofthunderstorms]

Sipping on the sweet nectar of spring to remind myself that, soon, I will have to leave this kingdom of the deceased.

Channeling my inner Persephone with a sweet treat of soda and grenadine to combat the dreary snow outside. I’ll admit, I love seeing posts about Persephone and Hades living a life of happiness while the other gods and goddesses quarrel.

I return after a short break to organize my thoughts now that school has started. I hope to be more active again.   

[thoughtsofthunderstorms]

In the dark of the night, in the light of the moon, through snow I walk upon stars.

[thoughtsofthunderstorms]

Hello again, I hope everyone is doing well and staying safe.

With all of this noise, distress, and chaos, my heart aches to escape to a dark forest and breathe in the silence. Let the peace fill every part of my lungs and hold my breath until it hurts, then let the exhale carry my fears and frustrations into the air.

I crave the smell of wet pine, cedar, and earth amidst cool air that flows down from mountain sides and through the boughs and the branches. Silence and darkness, a place where the forest hears your worries and holds your heart gently in its hands until you feel safe again. 

In the trees you may wander by yourself but will never be alone, surrounded by the complex webs that nature builds and weaves like a tapestry. So complex is a forest, above our heads and below our feet, we take for granted what we cannot see. Yet I crave the silence through which I wish to learn the lessons nature shares with those willing to listen.

    MATERIALS (these are not advertisements; I just want to the give the artists & creators the recognition they deserve):

·       “Silence is as deep as eternity” is part of a quote from Thomas Carlyle.

·       The foggy trees photograph is by Ivana Cajina on Unsplashed.com (they have so many amazingly beautiful photos! Their Instagram is instagram.com/von.co). The photograph provided a perfect pocket to hold my writing.

·       The elk photograph was taken in the late 1800s. I downloaded it from the New York Public Library’s digital collections which are free to download (I recommend visiting https://digitalcollections.nypl.org/ to see some very interesting photographs from history).

·       The labels, tag, and the black and white washi tape are from The Washi Tape Shop and so far I’m very happy with my purchase!

·       Butterflies/moths and flower washi tape I purchased from craft stores.

·       The clear sticker quote about fog is my own writing.

[thoughtsofthunderstorms]

Hello again,

Now that winter has settled in, it brings with it gray days with no sun. While the chill outside can be refreshing, I've always preferred summer's warmth and light (and thunderstorms, of course)! 

When I saw this cup at Hobby Lobby, I knew I had to get it. I love the design and the pop of color it brings. I have wanted a teacup-shaped mug for a while now: it makes me think of warm days in a peaceful, isolated cottage, nestled in the woods away from the chaos of the world. My flower garden blooming and ivy plants climbing up the walls, all swaying like the curtains as the breeze gently travels through the open windows. 

It’ll be months until spring returns with warm days, bird songs, and greenery flourishing. Until then, this mug will be a little piece of spring that I can hold in my hands as a reminder that warmth will return. 

[thoughtsofthunderstorms]

Here is one of the pages in my new junk journal. I used tea-dyed paper, a stock photograph from Google that you can insert into PowerPoint, and a ripped page from a nature book. The washi tapes I found at Michael’s. 

This is my favorite page so far, I love the simplicity and the warmth. It is a good reminder for me that the simple moments are beautiful and to look for the magical in the mundane. 

Have a good week, everyone! 

[thoughtsofthunderstorms]

The silence of winter days has the same energy as listening to a hauntingly beautiful song. Something about those moments stirs a fire in my heart, feeds a piece of my soul I didn’t know existed, and gifts me an elixir of inspiration that lasts only a short bout. It is easy to lose my way and become intoxicated with a warmth and a temporary new perspective of the world that lasts a lifetime. Lost to the snow and the sound, it is easy to wander, dance, and forget the earth that you walk upon. Returning home, with your feet on the ground, we carry those pieces with us that may ignite like fireflies some days. Those are the moments that remind me how beautiful life is.  

[thoughtsofthunderstorms]

Happy New Year to everyone! Welcome, 2021, we kindly ask you to give us time to catch our breaths and treat us with more kindness than last year. 

I have now started on my new journal and thought it would be fun to share my old ones. The top is the one I’ve just finished, you can see where I began adding a junk-journaling style towards the end that really gave it some bulk. The large notebook on the bottom contains 5 years of my journaling. I have been journaling for over a decade, but that notebook was the longest I’d committed to a single journal. However, as I began learning more through creators on Instagram, I decided it was time for a change! The middle, little booklet is something I whipped up quickly for September to December of 2019. 

It was so refreshing to step away from years of my past self and step into something new and explore who I am now. I believe, in a way, changing journals allowed me to grow and discover who I am, instead of rereading who I had been in the past. In the past I feared change. I feared leaving that large notebook before it was finished. However, to break loose from old shackles and memories felt freeing, I felt as if I could breathe a little easier, and smile a little bigger. I am learning to embrace change instead of fearing it and follow in the steps of those who taught me that allowing myself to start a new journal is just fine. 

A new journal, fresh pages, flat sheets of paper, the smell of the store it came from; the feeling of a new beginning in a new leg of your journey. I often wonder who will read these journals in the future. Years, decades, centuries from now people will be able to pick up and read our stories, decipher our drawings, and smile at our poems. I enjoy the intimate nature that journaling offers yourself, those who you allow to sneak a peak, and those who may one day hold our journeys in their hands and wonder what life was like. 

Some days it is easy to only see what is wrong in the world, but quiet moments such as this where I allow my mind to wander and daydream about endearing scenarios that may or may never come to light, remind me of the beauty and preciousness of who I am, who we are, and of our world. 

Welcome 2021, if you can spare some kindness, feel free to take a seat and stay a while. 

[thoughtsofthunderstorms]

An end to a year full of twists and turns we couldn’t have imagined in our lifetimes. I hope during this hectic time you were able to find some peace and rest with friends, family, or just on your own. I think it is important to find a moment of silence, if only for a moment, to be present and process what has occurred. My mind has been stuck in March this entire year, so I’m unsure how it is days from 2021!

This is my junk journal for next year. I made it from a cereal box following a tutorial from Johanna Clough on YouTube (not an advertisement, I just seriously recommend watching her videos if you're interested in junk journaling or just watching relaxing, creative videos)! I'm pretty happy with how this turned out. A previous one I made went through severe warping and bubbling because I used wrapping paper for the cover and thin cardboard. So, for this one I used fabric, which I love the added texture. As you can see, there is still a bit of bubbling, but I think it adds to the appearance. My theme for this one is vintage nature and it is filled with different vintage-looking papers. I don’t remember how many pages are in here, but I know it is over 50 including the fronts and backs of each page. I prefer to go chronologically in my journal, do you go chronologically or choose whatever page stands out to you? I do love the lace closure. It is a very simple journal, but I think gluing the lace and buttons on adds a bit of character. Also, I have tied the signatures into my book since I struggle with sewing them in by hand.

I have already started filling it out with a calendar, goals, and things I want to track. I have also added that I will be joining Yoga with Adriene's 30-day yoga journey "Breath" in January (again, not an advertisement, I just find her videos are amazing and feel like doing yoga with a friend. She always gives me the courage to keep going and the videos always seem to know the moments when I’ve reached my limit to remind me that it’s important not to force yourself into a pose). I cannot wait to recommit myself to yoga and have my body feel good again (Note to all that have put off yoga or other hobbies/activities, it’s okay! Every moment of every day is a new second to start again. This is also something I’m trying to learn). I am still thinking of a word to strive towards in this coming year. This year's word was Balance and, goodness, was my balance thrown off more than I thought it would be!

This year was difficult—really, really, difficult for everyone. As difficult as this year was for myself, I believe it taught me a lot of lessons I had been wanting, or needing, to learn. I am learning how to focus on the bright little moments that I usually took for granted. I am learning how to acknowledge my emotions and sit with them when I usually would have buried them and walked away. I am learning my emotions and feelings do not make me weak and that talking to someone about my troubles doesn’t make me a weaker person, but a stronger one, I believe. I am learning that while my perfectionism will toss my needs aside, it is more important to be there for myself when I need it the most (breaks, exercise, etc.). These lessons are hard for my mind to grasp every time they’re challenged, but I’m still learning and will be doing so for the rest of my life.

So, come midnight on January 1st, we will still have a virus present, school and work ahead, and a new world we need to adjust to—but for now I am sitting in this moment, thinking about my journal, and hoping to find some rest so my mind can recover from the rollercoaster of a year we’ve had. All other challenges will come with time, so for now I choose rest. I hope you can also find rest, peace, quiet, calm—something to give you a moment to recover your strength, build your courage, and remember that you are beautiful, you are enough, you are so much stronger than you think, and you will conquer life’s challenges that lie ahead.

Rest well and I hope to see you in my next post.

[thoughtsofthunderstorms]

Creativity takes courage.

                 -Henri  Matisse

Such a simple quote yet so powerful. To me, this quote means it takes courage to outwardly express yourself and your ideas in words, paints, music, photographs, or any other artistic medium; it takes courage to look inside and acknowledge the emotions that we tend to bury; it takes courage, and so much strength, to set aside that fear of failure and rejection; and it takes courage to allow your vulnerability to be seen by others. Every artist that has ever been and ever will be began with courage. Artists deserve more credit because they have the bravery, the strength, and the courage to create art so powerful they touch our souls and give life meaning.

[thoughtsofthunderstorms]

I find it is pure bliss to play with wax seals on a calm, snowy afternoon. The best part of wax seals is that there is no failing: the imperfections of each seal only make it more beautiful. Colors meld together and create a landscape of layers in patterns unique to each. There is no pressure and no consequences, just a playground of possibilities to freely explore and create. Sometimes the most unexpected colors can create the most wonderous design. The peace, the impatience of letting the seal cool, and the suspense of seeing what lies beneath the stamp; I never regret spending an afternoon playing with wax seals. 

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Maybe it’s just me, but there is something so deeply personal about a person’s handwriting. Our ability to put pen to paper seems to open a narrow channel to the soul that we don’t often see in this age of technology. It’s as unique to each individual as our fingerprints. Is the handwriting loose and free-flowing or is it clean and sharp? Is it small and tidy or is it closer to chicken scratch? Do words flow into one another or is each letter its own? Each detail a tiny peek into another’s personality: a beautiful expression of one’s self through words.

[thoughtsofthunderstorms]

Hello, 

New ideas, inspiration, a sense of fear and excitement in the chest. While anxiety would usually deter my ideas, today it cautiously proceeds with uncomfortable uncertainty.

I have recently picked up junk journaling after becoming obsessed with watching videos online. It warms my heart to see so many creators with so many styles supporting one another with good energy. Their strength has inspired me to (slowly) crawl out from my shell and share in the good energy. I’m excited to see where this takes me, even if it isn’t very far.

This is a junk journal page I did at the beginning of December (as you can see by the date). I really enjoy using fabric because it is so beautiful and adds wonderful texture to the page. I also added a small poem from an old book that I found. I was satisfied with how this turned out. The holiday season journaling is just too contagious for me not to try it myself!