Welcome to my place in the Internet to post my writing and drive my process. I will be posting Fiction, Nonfiction, Poetry, and Academic written pieces. These will not be perfect. I aim to show my drafting and revision process.
Soft yet haunting instrumental music- heavy in Violin
Original-1
A gust of wind came up from below the cliffs edge, only a toes length away. She didn’t dare get closer with the bus and boat ride having sapped her energy. A cup of tea with brown bread slathered in butter and jam and view of ocean. Dark clouds that bulged with rain loomed overhead and seemed to darken with each passing second. Her shoes were soaked the second she stepped outside and her sweater wasn’t far behind. The limestone, inches away from her left toe, crumbled.
Reverse and edits-2
The limestone crumbles. Her shoes are soaked the second she steps outside and her sweater isn’t far behind . Dark clouds that bulge with rain loom overhead and darken with each passing second. A cup of tea with brown bread slathered in butter and jam and view of ocean has not changed it. She doesn’t dare get closer with the bus and boat ride sapping her energy. A gust of wind comes up from below the cliffs edge.
A strand of hair brushes my jawline, again at the temple and along metal rim of my glasses. The trees shake in soundless wind. A gust slides across my face from the left. A shiver runs from my shoulders, up to my neck and darts down my spine. The sweater I am wearing seems to do nothing against the cold, yet; I know this is false. A hat and scarf would be perfect. I hate how they muffle the world though.
The trees all have a separate dance. The Palm Trees breathe from side to side with the wind ruffling the fronds. The Pine is tall and unmovable; the branches flowing as if performing an arabesque. The fledgling Oak is stocky, fidgeting its extensions while the base is seemly unshakable. Their dance becomes wild before ceasing, wind vanishing.
The silence reveals other sound, easily drowned by the wind. The students and professors walk side by side down the narrow past. Those closest to me walk forward while the others walk away. I suppose it could look different from their perspective. Their flat shoes scrape against fresh concrete. The heels make a resounding clack. The snap of heels is so satisfying. You can feel the confidence rising from each additional clack. The oddly terrifying feeling that they know I am coming, but they should know.
The rush of people has fallen away not to be replaced with the wind. The trees’ have a second act but it has not begun yet; I thought intermission was almost over. The peppy music played has similar tones to the footsteps along the path. The music has ended and the silence before Act 2 builds anticipation.
I feel oddly warm; I thought I would still feel cold with it being 65˚ out and sitting on a metal chair in the shade. The small ground plants move much like my hair, only some of its extensions move, and yet its entirety seems to move. It’s always the single or a few hairs that seems to bug me the most. It doesn't matter if I place it behind my ear or tuck it into my bun; a wind will always come from the perfect angle to dislodge it.
I wish I felt like Pine in the wind, standing strong, immovable, with limbs gliding around it serenely. In reality, I bet most people feel like the Palm. In a gentle wind they only sway from side to side and hair ruffling but always that feeling of uncertainty. The next wind could be strong enough to irrevocably bend the palm or even cause it to break.
The rushing becomes louder, intensifying. The second act has finally begun, the trees dance stronger and faster than in the first.
I stand up, my chair tipping precariously before I bend my knees. I place my right foot on the beige gravel. Let’s see if I can beat the wind home.
Huis clos est une pièce de théâtre écrite par Jean-Paul Sartre, il a été préformé pour la première fois à Paris en mai 1944. Elle se déroule dans l'enfer qui a décrit par un salon. Il y a trois personnages: Joseph Garcin, Inès Serrano, et Estelle Rigault qui sont tous portés à la salle par le garçon. La pièce les suit des yeux comme ils parlent à la fois de leur vie, et maintenant d'être mort. Sartre utilise une technique intéressante qui permet aux personnages de visualiser leur vie et comment il a continué sans eux si visions. Tous les personnages voient des choses différentes dans leurs visions et révèlent ce qu'ils se souciaient de son vivant et comment attaché à cette vie qu'ils sont.
Les visions de Joseph Garcin a contenu son collège de son bureau, Gomez. Gomez a travaillé avec Garcin à leur journal Il a vu Gomez parler de lui et il était essaie écouter a Gomez mais il était incapable le parce qu’Inèz et Estelle a parlé. « Vous pouvez le dire, pas un mot : » j’avais beau m’enfoncer les doigts dans les oreilles, vous me bavardiez dans la tête. Avez-vous me laisser, à présent ? Je n’ai pas affaire à vous » (49). Garcin a continué et dire « Je vous dis de me laisser. Il y a quelqu’un qui parle de moi au journal et je voudrais écouter » (49). Ces visions montrent que Garcin s’est soucie avec les opinions des autres personnages de lui. Garcin a voulu être connu comme un homme d'une grande moralité par les vivants et les morts. Il a inventé une histoire de sa vie ou il était courageux de refuser combattre mais on a découvert qu’il s’est enfui avant qu’il abattre.
De plus Garcin n’a pas cru le fait qu’il est mort. Il a dit qu’il a commencé à changer sa vie quand il est mort. « Et personnellement, je préférais rester seul : il faut que je mette ma vie en ordre et j’ai besoin de me recueillir » (25). Il a dit première à Inèz quand ils ont seul été mais il a soulevé a nouveau plus tard. Garcin a pensé que ce était approprié pour un homme d'une grande moralité à réfléchir sur sa vie lorsqu'il a mis dans l'enfer et il a changé l'histoire de sa vie, afin qu'il a été considéré défendre ses mœurs. Garcin a voulu être connu pour ses morales et un home qu’était droit mais qui est spécifique de lui, les autres personnages sont une autre histoire.
Les visions d’Inèz Serrano, d’un autre côté, étaient très différents des visions de Garcin. Elle a vu son appartement vide pour louer. Elle a vu un autre couple y habiter. Inèz a créé une vie ou elle était contente avec quoi elle a eu. Inèz a travaillé au bureau et habiter avec son cousin et sa femme, Florance. Apres son cousin s’est tué, Inèz et Florance étaient en couple. Qu’important de qui se passait dans sa vie, Inèz avait l’appartement pour revenir. Sur page 33 Inèz a dit «c’est la nuit. Ils ont mis les scelles sur la porte de ma chambre. Et ma chambre est vise dans le noir ». Inèz a construit une vie de médiocrité plaisant. Elle est reste sa sphère de société.
Inèz était honnête et dans certain cas brutalement honnête. Elle a incarné ce que cela signifie d’être un réaliste. Elle n’a pas vu le monde par les lunettes rose. Face à sa vie antérieure, elle était très pragmatique quand elle se l’est occupée. En parlant avec Garcin, Inèz a dit que sa vie était en ordre et elle n’a pas eu besoin de la faire attention. « Elle est en ordre, ma vie. Tout à faire en ordre. Elle s’est mise en ordre d’elle-même, là pas, je n’ai pas besoin de m’en préoccuper »(33). Inèz a compris qu’elle est morte. Il devrait passer avec sa vie. Inèz a vu son vieil appartement vide et il montre qu’elle s’est souciée d’avoir confort et compagnie.
Estelle est un personnage très intéressant et le dernier pour arriver en enfer les visions d’Estelle Rigault a eu son enterrement et Pierre a danse avec son amie. Le fil qui relie ces deux visions est Olga. A l’enterrement, Estelle a regardé Olga et comment elle s’est comportée. «Olga Jandet est très laide ce matin. Elle soutient ma sœur per les bras. Elle ne pleure pas à cause du rimmel et je dois qu’à sa place…C’était ma meilleure amie » (30). Estelle a commenté Olga ne pleure pas et comment c'est mieux parce qu'il a mis en désordre le visage. Il montre qu'Estelle s'est souciée sa haute position dans la société. Un autre exemple a été quand elle a décrit ses amis les Dubois-Symour. Elle a dit qu’ils n’ont pas travaillé et avoir un château dans le sud de France.
Dans la seconde vision, Estelle a vu Olga a dansé avec Pierre. Elle l'a regardé parler d'elle et Estelle n'était pas contente. "Elle lui a tout dit, Garcin: Roger le voyage en Suisse, l'enfant, elle lui a tout raconté" (69). C'était son grand secret pendent elle était en vie et Olga a dit à Pierre était horrible. C'était un secret qui pourrait ruiner sa réputation et la détruire comme une dame de la haute société. Des tous les personnages, Estelle a réagi le pire. Elle n'a pas pu croire qu'elle est morte. Quand Garcin leur a dit les morts, Estelle était horrifiée. Elle a répondu, "Oh! Cher monsieur, si seulement vous vouliez bien ne pas user de lots si crus" (31). Après elle a demandé qu'ils ont parlé un mot différent, "je propose qu'on nous appelle des absent" (31). Estelle n'a pas voulu penser d'elle comme morte. Estelle a aimé être une dame de la haute société et elle n'a pas voulu le lâcher.
Les visions qui donnent un aperçu de la vie des personnages et révèlent ce qu'ils se sont soucie de son vivant et comment ils ont surmonté au fait d'être mort. Joseph Garcin voit son collègue du journal, Gomez. Gomez parle de Garcin et Garcin essaie d'écouter ce qui est dit. Il devait être connaître comme un homme courageux et juste à la fois à la vie et le mort, donc il écoute dans sur la conversation de Gomez et invente l'histoire de sa vie aux deux filles de sorte qu'il reflète le mieux. Il n’est pas très équilibré d'être mort, mais se comporter de cette façon de montrer une fois de plus qu'il est un homme de juste. Inès Serrano, le second personnage à introduire, se distingue du reste de la distribution comme étant très cynique et sévère. En plus de cette séparation, Inez voit son ancien appartement nettoyé et à louer. Après cela, cependant, elle ne voit pas son ancienne vie à nouveau, plutôt, elle a laissé aller et évolué. Inez ne s’est pas souciée un toit sur la tête et la camaraderie. Enfin, Estelle Rigault voit une série de scène impliquant sa meilleure amie Olga. Dans la première, Olga assiste aux funérailles de Estelle et ne pleure pas et Estelle approuve comme il est inélégant. Dans la seconde, Olga a dansé avec le mari d'Estelle, Pierre, mais quand Olga lui a dit le secret d’Estelle, Estelle se moque d'elle. Estelle s’est souciée de son réputation comme une dame de la haute société qui dépend beaucoup évitant le scandale et l'apparence personnelle. En plus de cela, Estelle est la moins équilibré être mort. Elle a continué à dire les morts est un mot brut et veut utiliser absents. Globalement, Sartre donne les personnages visions qui montrent aperçu à la fois leur capacité à surmonter et ce qu'ils se sont soucies de son vivant.
Last edited on 4/6/15
Written for French 302 after reading Huis clos by Sartre- translated into English it means No exit. My title translates into The visions of life in death. This essay was written in French, not written in English before being translated into French.
In the Epigrams and Interludes of his book, Beyond Good and Evil, Friedrich Nietzsche writes, “In speaking about ‘truthfulness’, perhaps no one yet has been sufficiently truthful” (72). This paradox of a statement is the beginning of a concept that Nietzsche touches on throughout this book. The fact is that humanity, as a whole, is in a constantly lying. Nietzsche’s rhetoric use of inversion and repetition only furthers his idea into the concept that lying is a constant while drawing in the reader. People, as a group, lie both to each other and to themselves but it is societally expected. They anticipate for others to lie to them and so in turn, lie to each other. Denial is simply another form of lying; whether it is on purpose or accidental, people lie to themselves. Humanity now constantly uses these types of lying due to both their own choice and training by society and previous generation.
Nietzsche advances this argument by using inversion and repetition in tandem. The first half of this quote is turned on its head while keeping an element of repetition. Nietzsche uses words with similar meanings but turns the idea on its head by the end of the phrase. He draws attention to the oddity of the phrase and makes it impossible to continue without further considering the phrase. “The more abstract the truth you wish to teach us, the more you must entice our senses into learning it” (p.66). The repetition in this quote is clear to see with words such as teach and learn. The inversion, conversely, is not as easily discovered as it centers around teach and entice. The word teach comes with the connotation that what is being taught is true but the word entice doesn’t hold that implication. Entice has the idea that it will draw a person along no matter the extent of their willingness or of the idea’s truth. Nietzsche uses both inversion and repetition to draw the reader in with suspicion and confidence. The duality of these reactions should be off putting; however, Nietzsche utilizes this to convince the reader to be trusting with their wariness. Nietzsche continues to use these techniques while constructing his argument that humanity is filled with liars.
Lying takes many forms; people lie both to each other and to themselves. Lying to others, although considered immoral, is common and anticipated. It is not rare enough for people to disregard it as a possibility when talking to others. People are suspicious of lying; it is understood how universally wielded. “It is true that we lie with our mouth; but with the grimace* we make when we do so, we still end up telling the truth” (71). Grimace is this case translates to maul or literally muzzle (186). Nietzsche’s rhetoric technique of combining inversion and repetition is used here, completely in content. To begin understanding this quote, it is necessary to break it down into separate components before contemplating it as a whole. The first part sates people lie while speaking before it flips to say the actual action of moving their face while lying shows that they are is lying. Nietzsche uses repetitive words but places them in different contexts to create a different meaning. Simply put, Nietzsche states that people may lie with their mouth, but it is also their facial expressions that prove they are lying. Denial, whether purposeful or unintentional, is another form of lying. The most familiar form of denial is when it is conscious. Examples of this are when people repress memories, or deny facts that are harmful to their psyche. “ ‘I have done that,’ says my memory. I cannot have done that —says my pride and remains unshakeable. Finally—memory yields” (p.58). Nietzsche employs inversion and repetition within the internal dialogue. He uses almost the same phrase but negates it and completely changes the meaning with context creating a clash between memory and pride within the language connecting to the action. A person makes the choice to not believe what could wreck their view and throw their world into a tailspin. Denial is seen as a way to prevent further injuring oneself but it can be also seen as another form of lying. On the other hand, unintentional denial is another matter entirely. Denying something without an action, may seem similar to the previous form of denial. The main difference is how they are rooted to reality. The first type is surrounding actions and concrete ideas and the second, unconscious type is completely out of touch with reality. “What we do when dreaming, we also do when awake: we first dream up the person we are interacting with—and instantly forget that we have done so” (p. 67). Nietzsche creates confusion and confidence using repetition and inversion within the quote to blur the lines between dream and reality, and the line linking truth and lies. This type of denial takes the person completely out of reality and allows them to float along unaware of their new detachment from the ground. Denial, in general, is viewed as an unhealthy coping mechanism and as wrong as lying to others. It is seen as immoral but accepted as a fixture in society. Lying both to others and themselves is commonplace. It is viewed as wrong but it’s expected that a person will both practice and come into contact with those who practice them
Going even beyond the many ways people lie, Nietzsche also touches upon how people became so accustomed to lying through their actions and the previous generation. Nietzsche indicates that people are trained to act this way through society and choice. This concept is stated exceptionally well by Jean-Paul Sartre, “Existence Precedes Essence.” When a person is born into the world, they are a blank slate. They create themselves through actions and reflecting societal expectations. These two facets contribute to a cyclical logic that perpetuates humans constantly lying. Humans both make the choice and are trained to expect and liberally practice lying. “Human beings (complex, mendacious, artificial, impenetrable animals, and disturbing to other animals less because of their strength than because of their cunning and cleverness) invented the good conscience so that they could enjoy their souls by simplifying them; and all of morality is one long, bold falsification that enables us to take what pleasure we can in observing the soul” (p. 174). Nietzsche describes how humans came to falsify their souls, or take up lying with enthusiasm. He practices inversion and repetition through utilizing many words that have positive connotations such as enjoy and pleasure, but on the other hand he describes humans as mendacious, which is an adjective for untruthful or false. He uses positive words but then twists them with negative words such as mendacious, and falsification to change the meaning so that they no longer had a good connotation. The line between lies and truth is blurred and so are the moral implications. Although it is considered immoral to lie, its commonplace and anticipated, many people do not have a heavy conscience from the act of lying. Falsifying their souls, as Nietzsche calls it, is simply easier that being truthful; humanity made that choice and has been lying ever since. This transcends generations as people both makes the choice and also train the next generation. Nietzsche brings up the point that it is difficult to not reflect a person’s surroundings; humans mirror their environment in manner, diction, and attitude. “Anyone who fights with monsters should take care that he does not in the process become a monster. And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes back into you” (p. 68). Nietzsche turns this content on its head with repetition and inversion; both sections show that interaction affects both the person and object, whether that is becoming a monster or an abyss returning their gaze. Fighting the monster is a metaphor for facing an environment that a person deems wrong with aggression; while the Abyss is the same situation, a person interacts with it in a neutral manner. Both ambivalence and hostility do not stop an environment from affecting its habitants. Humanity came into a constant action of lying through both its choice to take up lying and the ability of society to condition the inhabitants to participate in the idea that lying expected and accepted.
People are in a constant action of lying to both others and to themselves. Lying to others and denial, both conscious and unconscious, are viewed as immoral but it is well-known and actively used. It is claimed that lying is wrong but with huge masses of people practicing it; this concept of immorality appears to be hypocrisy. People grow up learning that lying is wrong but also observing others constantly lying. They make a choice and are taught by the previous generation. Action and inhabitance contributes to perpetuating the fact that humanity is in a relentlessly filled with people lying. The real issue to address is how lying can be wrong when huge numbers of people lie constantly. There is no blanket statement that lying is either good or bad, that decision depends entirely on the context of an event. “We use our basic principles to tyrannize or justify or honor or scold or conceal our habits—two people with the same principles probably intend something basically different by them” (p. 60). Nietzsche’s inversion and repetition is clearly at work. Nietzsche uses a string of words that have a similar look and feel but in fact they are contrary. Tyrannize and justify are clear opposites but the next three are interesting. He uses two to negate honor, stopping the flow; Nietzsche not only turn the content on its head, he stops the flow of the sentence sharply, completely changing the tone while describing the two people. A person lying for their own personal gain can clearly be stated using lying immorally. However, a person without a selfish motive is a much more complicated quandary. It is still possible for a person to lie with the right intentions and still cause harm. With humanity now filled with liars, the clear line between when it is or is not immoral to lie has blurred. According to Nietzsche, society doesn’t exist in stark black and white, but rather it holds infinite shades of grey and peoples’ intentions are the only ways to make a choice on when lying is immoral.
Works Cited:
Nietzsche, Friedrich. Beyond Good and Evil. Trans. Marion Faber. New York: Oxford UP, 2008. Print.
Current form last edited on 4/2/15
Written during a class focusing on the different forms of rhetoric. Spoken aloud and presented at a Symposium for the honor class.
“If you are lucky enough to have lived in Paris as a young man, then wherever you go for the rest of your life, it stays with you, for Paris is a moveable feast.” ― Ernest Hemingway, A Moveable Feast
I think 90% of writers will agree that in their first drafts of their first pieces, they’d describe a character like “she had blonde hair and green eyes” and leave it at that. I’m guilty of it, I’ll admit. But why not have some great, specific descriptions that flesh out your characters and how others perceive them?!
A quick note about eyes: In all honesty, eye color isn’t always apparent. Eyes may look dark from a distance, and you only realize they’re a deep blue when you get closer. Don’t feel like you have to mention eye color right away. It can be something mentioned later, when your characters have a soulful heart to heart.
Btw, I threw this list together in about 10 minutes so I’m sure there are other things that could be added. Feel free to comment or message me, and I’ll add them to the master list.
Hair
Long
Short
Wavy
Curly
Frizzy
Straight
Choppy
Thick
Thin
Braided
Tied up
Loose
Wild
Face
Long
Narrow
Wide
Round
Oval
Eyes
Round
Narrow
Squinty
Deep-set
Small
Beady
Oval
Nose
Narrow
Pinched
Wide
Flat
Crooked
Hooked
Pointed
Large
Dainty
Cheeks
Rosy
Ashen
Ruddy
Freckled
Round
Gaunt
Pronounced (cheekbones)
Bronzed
Tanned
Dimpled
full
Chin
Sharp
Round
Cleft
Pointed
Jaw
Square
Round
Straight
Strong
Lips
Full
Plump
Thin
Pinched
Body (build, frame)
Slight
Willowy
Scrawny
Tall
Bulky
Average
Large
Stout
Curvy
Shapely
Straight
Bony
I also claimed stuff like this will help with characterization. I’ll give an example. For a body frame, “scrawny” and “willowy” mean kinda the same thing—someone with a thin, slight built. If your character is describing the girl they’ve had a crush on forever, they’d probably use a word like “slender” or “willowy,” because they’re fond of her. A longtime rival or enemy might stick to words with a negative connotation, like “scrawny” or “bony.” For someone they’ve just met, the terms will probably be more neutral. Consider how your narrator thinks of the person they’re describing, and how that’ll affect the words they use!
I’ll include some examples…?
Ignoring his warning, I stepped back towards Liam and the barely-contained Suni. She was pretty, now that I got a good look at her standing up. She was half a foot shorter than my own 5’6”, with shapely curves hinted at even with her loose clothing. Maybe a bit chubby by today’s toothpick thin standards, but more with muscle than fat. Strong cheekbones and full lips accented her long mahogany face, but it was her eyes that dominated her features. Sharp aqua eyes that were fixed on Kent. If looks could kill.
Kent was back at my side as the knight-armored man turned to face us. Although still young, he had to be at least ten years older than me, with a broad face and warm green topaz eyes staring down a surprisingly dainty nose. Deep, carrot-red hair framed his face. When he smiled, it was kind and genuine, and it dimpled his sun-kissed cheeks.
“Hey, girl,” she said, grinning in a way that showed she was trying to be in with the teen slang. She was blonde like my dad, but shorter and with a little more weight around her neck and cheeks, since she didn’t have to appear on national television all the time. There was also a sparkle to her eyes and an air of carelessness in her frazzled, tied back hair and the dimpled smile of her cheeks—features I’d never see from Dad (frazzled and smiling, I mean), who was always the perfect News Anchor Ethan Cresswell.
