my life, my say

[tigre-edi-rawr]

“When for them it was just a mistake, but for you it’s a trauma you have to live for the rest of your life.”

[tigre-edi-rawr]

tell me why 4:56 a.m. nagising ako bigla kasi napanaginipan nanaman kita like wtf is going in so fucking weird!

para pa akong lalagnatkn bigla grrr

[tigre-edi-rawr]

ending june with so much to be grateful for. especially the unexpected hiking with my daughter to visit a falls, funny experience but so sentimental.

[tigre-edi-rawr]

JOB OFFER SECURED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I saw my email count go up by one. At first I thought it wasn’t the job offer because the sender looked unfamiliar. But when I opened it, it was. I got the job offer.

I didn’t know how to react. I was about to cry, then laughing at myself, then I went to get my daughter and we started jumping together. She’s only one, she doesn’t understand why, but she laughed because we were jumping. That moment felt unreal. It felt like a dream come true.

This job has a story. Last year, when I was pregnant, the role opened but I stayed in my company because I needed the maternity benefits. After I gave birth, it opened again, I applied, but they paused the hiring. A year later, it opened again. And now it’s mine.

I feel so grateful. I believe now that when you fall, you get back up. All the suffering was preparing me for blessings that were already planned. Me getting this job, me being heard in the preliminary investigation of the case I filed, and now this weekend I’ll get to relax with my family at a swimming outing.

What a way to end June. Stressful, hectic, painful, psychologically challenging... BUT ALL WORTH IT.

[tigre-edi-rawr]

Really hoping to get the JO today. Fuck, this is nerve‑wrecking. I slept around 4 a.m. because my brain wouldn’t stop... kept thinking about when the email might come, if it’ll be good or bad, if I’ll finally know where I stand.

I just want the email. I just want to know if I’ll be offered the job or not. This waiting feels like torture. I want it to end. I want June to close with something good.

[tigre-edi-rawr]

The final interview is done. Now it’s just waiting. I don’t know what to do with myself in this in‑between... it’s like holding my breath without knowing when I’ll get to exhale.

I keep thinking how much I want June to end with something good. Just one piece of news that makes all the stress worth it. Something that feels like a win.

For now, it’s me, the silence, and the hope that the next message I get changes everything.

[tigre-edi-rawr]

June has been hell. I knew it would be hard, but I didn’t expect this kind of exhaustion. Affidavits everywhere... reading them, writing them, drowning in them. Lies from the accused staring back at me in black and white, forcing me to relive everything I’ve tried to bury. Every piece of evidence is like reopening wounds I thought had scarred over. And then hearing the accused speak, acting so clean, so innocent in front of people… it makes me want to scream. I swallow it down, but it eats at me. Nights have been sleepless, my mind replaying everything I wish I could forget.

I just want this to stop here. I don’t want court hearings, I don’t want more dragging of my soul through this mess. It’s too much. If my settlement proposal is accepted, maybe I can finally breathe. Maybe I can finally close the door on this nightmare.

But even in the middle of all this chaos tied to my past, I feel like life is testing me, shaping me for something bigger. I’m on the third stage of interviews for the job I’ve been chasing since last year. Two more steps, and maybe I’ll get the offer I’ve been dreaming of. I want it. I deserve it. I need it. And I’m holding on to that hope like it’s the only light left in this month.

[tigre-edi-rawr]

Due to all the abuses I endured and the on-going survival from its nightmares, I can't help but feel lost because I don't know how to be kind anymore and how to love. The world is a scary place and the more I live, the more I discover how cruel people are.

[tigre-edi-rawr]

I dreamt of you again, Anj. Even though I can’t recall your face anymore, you still felt familiar, and the dream brought me a sense of calm. We were outside a room when someone I’ve been avoiding appeared and asked me to come with him. Instead, I turned to you and asked if we could go somewhere together.

Work kept me busy, and though we planned to meet where you needed to buy something, it didn’t happen. I felt uneasy, but you sent me a message saying everything was fine. That reassurance stayed with me as I woke up.

I may no longer know who you are or how life has been for you, but being in that dream was comforting. I remember our college days, when you would stay longer just to be with me. Those moments were simple, yet they remain good memories.

[tigre-edi-rawr]

After a week of writing, I managed to finish my affidavit, which turned out to be more than 200 pages. I was surprised at how much I have been to, even recalling things I thought I had forgotten. I began to realize how much abuse I've been through. But It didn’t overwhelm me as much as I feared. I expected it to feel like reliving everything, and in some ways it did, but the pain wasn’t as heavy as I imagined.

I still feel nervous about meeting with a lawyer. The thought of being rejected or judged unsettles me. I don’t know what will happen, and it scares me. I can hardly believe I’ve come this far, but I truly hope this process will pass and finally feel like a genuine step forward.

I am incredibly proud of myself 😭

[tigre-edi-rawr]

Last October 2025, I began the process of filing a VAWC case against my former partner. With a referral from the City Social Welfare office, I secured a psychological evaluation at PGH, though it meant waiting four months. Those months were full of ups and downs, mostly survival. At times I questioned whether there was any point in pursuing the case, but most of the time I held on to the hope of justice... for myself and for my daughter.

February 10: When the day finally came, I traveled from Laguna to Pedro Gil before sunrise, only to spend the entire day waiting to meet a psychiatrist that will give me a quick introduction type of session then send me home. (tho he was super nice and gentle, i like him). To make matters more complicated, I discovered that I had been booked in the wrong department. PGH has both a psych OPD and a women’s desk, and I was mistakenly placed in the OPD. Thankfully, I was redirected to the women’s desk, but that meant waiting another two months for the proper appointment.

April 6: Today, after months of waiting and navigating the system, I finally completed the first step towards this movement. I OBTAINED MY PSYCHOLOGICAL EVALUATION with final diagnosis as follows; major depressive disorder with anxiety, moderate to severe with disclosure of psychological, emotional and neglect abuse by former partner.

Some might think it's strange to feel happiness upon receiving a final diagnosis. For me, it was not about having a stronger evidence for my case, but about finally being able to say with certainty that I am not insane. I am not imagining the abuse, I am not hallucinating. What I felt was real. That diagnosis gave me validation and support. It reminded me that what I have endured is not a figment of my mind, nor is it a definition of who I am. This is not my identity. This is simply a medical condition, and it does not define me. For the first time, I felt seen, understood, and reassured that my truth is real.

[tigre-edi-rawr]

Never in my life did I think I’d wear prescription glasses. I hate how they made my brain realize I don’t actually have clear vision anymore... because when I’m not wearing them, everything is blurry. But at the same time, it amazes me. How come before I had glasses, I thought I could see fine and didn’t notice my vision wasn’t clear? Then once I put them on, my brain instantly adjusted, recognizing what’s clear and what’s not. Like… amazing?!

[tigre-edi-rawr]

March has been a season of quiet miracles.

I started it with a happy heart, and I end it even happier. Life feels calmer now, softer, more peaceful. I no longer chase validation or spend time trying to make my life look beautiful for strangers online. The beauty is already here, in the quiet, in the real.

They say it takes a village to raise a child, and I am grateful to have mine with my parents and siblings. No vices, no false ties, no toxic people. Just truth, just love.

For so long I thought being alone meant my daughter would miss out, that a “broken” family was less. I see now how wrong I was. This life we’ve built together is whole, and it is the best gift I’ve received in years.

Almost a year single now, and I understand what solitude can do. It can be fertile ground. Alone, I have bloomed. If you told me three years ago that I would be here, steady, joyful, content, I would never have believed you. Yet here I am.

This month I celebrated my child’s first birthday, her christening, and my first year as a mother. I was promoted at work. I baked her cake myself, along with cookies and cupcakes, and they tasted sweet not just with sugar but with triumph.

I am silent, but I am living. I am whole, and I am enough. And March has reminded me that happiness is not borrowed, not performed. It is grown, nurtured, and lived.

[tigre-edi-rawr]

"It's okay if you don't clap for me because I've seen the teams you cheer for."

[tigre-edi-rawr]

my heart can't contain the excitement and sadness of knowing that my baby will turn one in two months. i can't seem to start the preparation for the party and baptism because it doesn't feel real yet, or maybe i don't want it to be real... my baby :(

[tigre-edi-rawr]

before and after 🔥

been busy lately because i want to upgrade my desk setup. fire!!! still need a lot of organizing to do.

[tigre-edi-rawr]

6-digit emergency savings for my baby ✊🏻🖤 so proud of myself!